Eventually, I came to a stop, exhausted beyond belief and feeling as if I could collapse into a heap at any moment, despite only having run for ten or so minutes. Yet, despite such exhaustion, I still wished to keep running. To keep moving and forget what I realised back in class, about all I would miss and never experience. Because I knew, I knew that I was only a step away from breaking down, from falling down and never getting back up.

  I looked around at the many buildings surrounding me, having run so much as to wind up in the town centre. A multitude of stores and shops were crammed side by side, people swarming in and out of them like ants in an ant hill. The scent of ten different kinds of food from all over the world drifted through the air. The rich greasy smell of doner kebabs and burgers, the overpowering smell of spices from Indian and Chinese food, food that would usually leave me a drooling mess but today made me feel sick to my stomach.

  The sound of joyous laughter seemed to surround me. Everywhere I looked, people were chatting, laughing and having fun without a care in the world. A young boy with an ice cream cone and a look of pure rapture on his face as he absolutely devoured it in relish. What seemed to be a middle-aged couple incessantly bickering with each other, the air of fondness between them almost palpable. Even a group of teenagers around my age sat outside one of the many chicken shops in sight, the sound of laughter and yelling able to be easily heard.

  Witnessing all this, seeing so many people simply living their lives without a single worry in the world, I instantly became overcome by an uncontrollable wave of irritation and anger. Emotions that led to me slamming my fist into the brick wall of the boutique store next to me, the slowly healing skin easily tearing itself apart once again. Fresh droplets of blood quickly began to cascade down the bumps and swells of the purple bruising already found upon it. A growl escaped my throat from the excruciating pain that bloomed within as I closed my eyes, a feeling I was starting to grow accustomed to. Yet far too soon, the pain receded, leaving me once again alone with my emotions and thoughts.

  I opened my eyes to the sea of spectators, all looking in a mixture of confusion and wariness, clearly questioning my mental sanity and whether or not I was on any drugs. I ignored them and continued walking as if I hadn’t just punched a brick wall like a maniac mere seconds ago. Eventually, realising nothing more was about to happen, the number of eyes following me seemed to dwindle before I was once again just another faceless stranger, minuscule in comparison to the massive sea of people around me.

  My stomach suddenly rumbled a terrifying quake, loud enough that I was sure the people around me had heard it as well. Without warning a ravenous hunger descended upon me that almost left me crippled. With everything that had happened, I seemed to have forgotten about my growing hunger these past days. At least I had, until now. Knowing that there was a cheap cafe not far from where I was, one that I had been to numerous times before, I quickly increased my pace and all but dashed towards it. Not caring about the people I shoved past on the way.

  The moment I entered through the doors, the bell on top releasing a high-pitched ring as I did so, I was hit by a powerful aroma of food that, unlike before, made my mouth water in anticipation. Easily, I found a booth near the far corner to sit at as the cafe was virtually empty, with only a couple of older people and couples sporadically spread across. Likely due to it being a Wednesday morning and most people either being at work or at school.

  “What’d ya doing ‘ere kid? Shouldn’t ya be at school or somethin’?” a voice suddenly said from my side in disapproval. No sooner had I sat down and got my bearings was I beseeched by a familiar, aged face.

  I had known Eileen for several years, having gotten familiar with her due to the amount of times I had visited the cafe. Eileen looked to be in her late seventies, standing at a minuscule height of barely five feet with pure wispy white hair reaching just above her shoulders and a pair of clouded grey eyes. If you only looked at her appearance you would be forgiven for thinking she was a sweet old lady, instead of the crass, prone-to-anger woman she truly was.

  “Did ya not hear me, squirt? I said, what the hell are ya doing ‘ere?”

  Quickly snapping out of my thoughts, something I realised I had been doing more and more these days, I turned towards her. “What does it look like? I was hoping to get something to eat. I'm starving.”

  Seeing that I wasn’t going to give her a proper answer Eileen simply grumbled something unflattering under her breath. “Fine, like I care anyway. What ya havin’?”

  “Just a hamburger and fries. Oh, and a cup of water too.“ I replied, ordering the same thing I got every other time before.

  “Sure. Gonna be about ten minutes.”

  And with that Eileen left, heading to the back to give the chefs my order and beginning one of the most painful ten minutes of my life as my hunger continued to gnaw at me. A particularly impressive feat when you take into account how shit I had felt the day before. Finally, after what felt closer to thirty minutes later, Eileen came back to the booth before unceremoniously dumping the plate onto the table and leaving without a word, not even giving me a chance to say my thanks.

  However, when I smelt the heavenly fragrance coming from the burger and fries all such thoughts went away, my entire attention dedicated to the food in front of me. It was as if I was in a trance. A trance I only awoke from a couple of minutes later to a bareboned plate with nought a crumb in sight and the delicious taste of both grease and meat on the tip of my tongue.

  As I sat there, no longer on the edge of starvation and now able to think a bit clearer, I thought about what I should do. I knew the sensible thing would be to go back to school, especially with how I had left, but as such a thought crossed my mind I realised I truly couldn’t care less. After all, what was the point of going back to school when I had no future, and no chance to use any of the skills or knowledge I would end up learning? I would only waste the few precious moments I still had left. So instead, I thought about what I truly wanted to do, not what I should do but what I wanted to do. The decision was a simple one as my thoughts soon turned to the arcade Sam and I always used to go not far from here.

  Thinking about Sam I realised he was probably extremely confused about my abrupt exit so I quickly sent him a text, telling him I was alright and that I just felt a bit ill again. I knew he wouldn’t believe me for even a second but that was the magical thing about phones, he wasn’t here to grill me for the truth.

  With my mind made up on where to go next, I paid for my meal, to which Eileen gave a grumbled thanks before I headed to the arcades. Despite everything that was going on, a sense of excitement filled me as I thought about shutting my brain off for a couple of hours and just having some fun.

  The moment I entered the arcades I was assaulted by a symphony of bright, flashing lights and loud, high-pitched sounds. Yet instead of feeling annoyed or uncomfortable, I was filled with anticipation. I raced ahead to where I knew all my favourite machines were, allowing myself to get swept away in a frenzied and excited state in which I forgot about everything else. Quickly time began to pass by in a blur, with hours feeling more like minutes. All the while I bore a smile that seemed almost a permanent fixture upon my face, switching from game to game whenever I fancied.

  After what must have been a couple of hours, finally finished with the basketball machine I had just been on for the last ten minutes, I started walking around, looking for something new to catch my eyes. My eyes wandered wildly from side to side, focused on the rows of machines around me and not in front. Of course, this led to me falling backwards on my ass after colliding with what felt like another human. Something that was confirmed when a resounding fuck was heard from in front.

  I quickly stood back up, wincing in pain as a shooting pain was felt along my lower back. When I looked in front I saw a teenager around my age also coming to a stand, his movements sluggish and clearly not in the best of moods if his scowl was anything to go by. He had long, greasy brown hair that seemed to fray and frizz at the very tips along with an array of every kind of piercing possible. Piercings on his lips, eyebrows, ears, and nose; it would have been easier to describe where there weren't any piercings.

  “What the fuck man, watch where you’re going.” the stranger grumbled angrily, rubbing his ass as he did so.

  “I’m sorry about that, that’s my bad. You alright?” I asked awkwardly.

  The stranger proceeded to release a deep sigh as he gazed at me, the annoyance and anger he had disappearing as quickly as it appeared.“Yeah, I'm fine, maybe a little sore but don’t fret about it man, all good.”

  “Thanks, I appreciate that. Think I was just distracted by all these machines, you know with all these lights and sounds it's kind of hard to focus on anything else.”

  That seemed to earn a chuckle out of the stranger as he replied “Yeah, I get what you're saying, if they were any louder I think my eardrums would burst.” To which I chuckled back.

  With that, assuming the conversation between us had come to an end, I prepared to turn back around and continue adventuring around the maze-like arcade. However, just before I could do so, the teenager in front asked a question I was not expecting.

  “So, hey man, I was wondering, are you here by yourself or with your mates?”

  “By myself, why?” I replied, my confusion clearly evident.

  “Ah, same. I was just wondering - if you were free - if you’d like to hang out. There's a few machines I want to have a go on but you need two people for them and none of my mates could be bothered to come.” His tone held a tinge of annoyance upon reference to his absentee friends.

  Immediately I went to decline, already coming up with a half-assed excuse. But before I did, I truly thought about it and realised that such an idea didn’t sound too bad, offering the perfect chance to be away from myself and my own thoughts and to hang out with someone else. Someone who knew nothing about me or my personal history, not my school life, my personal life, nothing.

  And so with that thought, I came to a decision. “Yeah, that sounds like fun, what do you have in mind?”

  The stranger’s face lit up upon my agreement. “Awesome! There’s this two-player shooter game around the corner I played before that's sick. You down?”

  Finding his joyous attitude infectious I found my own face lighting up in a smile.“Yeah, sure. Lead the way”

  Hearing my reply the stranger turned around, seeming about to head off to wherever this machine he wanted us to play. That was before however he did an immediate turn around, facing back towards me.“Oh, my name's Clark by the way, nice to meet you.” He said, putting his arm out while doing so. One I quickly met with my own.

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  “Adam. Nice to meet you too.”

  After our small introduction, Clark proceeded towards the arcade game he mentioned previously, chatting away with me with a never-ending stream of topics and thoughts. It truly shocked me how easy it was to talk with Clark, with us chatting away as if we had been friends for months, if not years, prior. Of course, I wasn't arrogant enough to believe that it was in any way due to me. I knew I was about as socially adept as a rock. It was all due to Clark and his charismatic and friendly demeanour.

  The only person I had ever had as much fun hanging out with, as I was with Clark, was Sam. A comparison that wasn’t entirely fair since I had known Sam almost all my life. And so overall I had a blast, with the day proceeding to pass even quicker than before. Quickly, from morning to noon then from noon to evening, we played what must have been every machine available in the arcade. Before, sadly, it came time that I had to leave and go back home, remembering how I still needed to go shopping for food beforehand.

  “Hey Clark, this has been fun but I need to leave. It’s getting pretty late and I still have a few things to do before getting back home.” I said reluctantly, not wanting to actually go.

  “Really? Ah man, I didn’t realise how late it was, time really flew by huh? Well, it was nice meeting you Adam, I had a blast. Maybe I’ll see you around.” He replied nonchalantly, clearly not feeling as bummed about our parting as I did with him instantly turning around and preparing to leave.

  Seeing this, I understood I suddenly had a choice. I could either say nothing else and leave, most likely never seeing Clark again for the rest of my shortened life. Or for once I could be proactive, not afraid to put myself out there and be confident just like how I was when I was younger. I don’t know whether it was due to the fight or the life-changing news I had just received, but I realised that I wanted to change. To no longer be the scared loser I had become. And so I came to a decision.

  “It was nice meeting you too,” I said, pumping myself up for what I was about to say.

  “And hey, I was just wondering, if you would be down to, maybe hang out again another time?”

  After I spoke, cringing at the awkward way I asked, I stood still in apprehension, waiting for his reply, doing my best to hide the nervousness I felt. Luckily for me, however, I didn’t have to wait long.

  “Yeah man I would like that, here let me give you my number, drop us a message or something when you’re free and want to hang out again.”

  The tension encompassing every muscle and nerve in my body seemed to release all at once, allowing me to let out a small sigh of relief which I instantly hid. Doing my best to mirror Clark’s attitude, I acted as nonchalantly as possible as he gave me his number, tampering down on the excitement I felt. It was only when I gave him one last wave and made my way out of the arcade, back onto the high street of the town centre that I let out a massive grin which stretched from ear to ear.

  As I began walking away, heading towards the supermarket and letting the softly setting sun's warmth rest against my face, I thought how great today turned out to be, having gotten both Helen’s and Clark’s numbers and all but doubling the number of contacts I possessed. While I went and did the shopping, I did so with a spring in my step that I hadn’t seen in what must have been months; back when Sam and I had found forty pounds in a dropped wallet and proceeded to gorge ourselves on fast food and beer. A decision we promptly regretted the next morning.

  I soon finished shopping, the orange clouds now a dark purple as the sun was all but hidden. The air once warm was replaced with a bitter chill that made my bones shiver. I began walking home with the two bags of groceries in my left hand, my right having swelled and bruised even further throughout the day from my overzealous punch from before. To such an extent that even the slightest strain caused an excruciating amount of pain. Yet any thoughts about my hand instantly disappeared the moment I got back home and saw the unexpected guest waiting for me.

  There Sam stood, leaning against the old brick wall to the side of my house with a constipated expression on his face and looking entirely out of place.

  “Hey Sam, what's going on?” I asked, approaching him with no small amount of confusion.

  “What's going on!” he sputtered. “Where to start! First, you walk into the classroom with fists more purple than pale that I know weren’t caused by the fight yesterday. You then lied to me about what actually happened at the hospital! And then, most importantly, the moment class starts you look like you’re about to have a panic attack and storm out of the classroom as if you were getting chased by a ghost!“ I winced slightly as his voice increased in volume throughout his tirade until by the end it more closely resembled a roar.

  “What makes you think that I lied about what happened at the hospital?” I asked, purposefully ignoring everything else he mentioned. I truly had forgotten how observant Sam was at times.

  “Who do you think you're talking to? I’ve known you all my life. You don’t think I know all about your little habits when you attempt to lie? The lack of eye contact, and how you purposefully try to act nonchalant. I swear at this point I doubt you could ever slip a lie past me!”

  I stood there flabbergasted, wondering when my best friend had transformed into bloody detective Sherlock Holmes.

  “Is that you Sam? You haven't been possessed by a ghost have you?” I joked in a vain attempt to lower the tension that was steadily boiling, an attempt that Sam seemed to completely disregard.

  “Stop joking!” He screamed, the veins along his neck pulsing wildly and his eyes narrowed sternly in anger. If he hadn’t managed to wake up everyone around us before then he definitely had now. “You always do this. Stop messing around for once and tell me what happened yesterday at the hospital?”

  Seeing that no matter what I did I found myself unable to distract Sam, I found myself at a crossroads. I could do one of two things, either think of another lie, a risky choice when Sam had just proclaimed to be a living lie detector. Or I could simply tell him the truth, tell him about my disease and what it entails.

  A part of me wanted it to continue being a secret, to keep it hidden away, to only have it in the back of my mind and never out in the open. Because I knew the moment it was out there, it would feel so much more real. However, another part of me, a larger part, needed to let it out, to finally talk to someone about it, someone I trusted. And so I came to a decision.

  I took a slow deep breath, calming my now erratic nerves as I thought about the best way to tell Sam the truth. I wondered if I should tell him the whole story and ease into what happened or just be blunt and tell him what the doctor had said to me. I was unable to come to a decision, spending what must have been close to a minute warring between the two options. Which apparently Sam thought was a bit too long.

  “Well!” he screamed, finally out of patience. “Just tell me already for god's sake!”

  “I’m dying.”

  Instantly the atmosphere was encompassed by silence with it seeming like the world had come to a standstill. The cold wind that had leisurely drifted passed came to a grinding halt and the chirping of crickets and the squawking of birds that had been ever-present all evening came to an abrupt end. Sam stood there, mouth agape, no doubt trying to process what it was I actually said and whether I was serious. It was only a while later in the disconcerting silence that he looked back towards me, staring at me with those same piercing black eyes of his with an intensity I had never seen. No doubt looking for any of those supposed signs I showed whenever I lied. Signs that weren’t currently present and that left him to look at me with an expression of disbelief, sadness and anger all mixed together.

  “How?” he whispered, all strength lost from his voice, replaced with a voice that sounded so brittle it seemed out of place coming from Sam.

  I explained to Sam everything that had happened the day before at the hospital. About my disease, how long the doctor thought I had left and, most importantly, how there was no cure. As I talked Sam just stood there, quiet and unmoving, reminding me of the way he was back when we were children. Once I finished retelling we both just stood there again in silence, although for two different reasons. Sam was probably still trying to come to grips with all he was told, something I was still trying to do even a day later. I on the other hand was silent due to the wave of relief that washed over me. Relief in having someone else know, someone who I could trust and talk to about it, instead of bottling it all up like I originally planned.

  Feeling the oppressive atmosphere surrounding us and seeing Sam still just standing there, looking as gormless as possible, I tried my best, which admittedly wasn’t much, to lighten the mood. “Hey man, it’s not only negative, there are some positives to this situation as well. I mean, it’s not like I have to worry about my grades anymore.”

  My poor attempt at a joke however seemed to only have had the opposite effect on Sam as his anger, which had subsided into the background since the revelation, sprung back to the forefront with a force to be reckoned with.

  “Are you insane! How are you alright with this and making jokes about it? This isn’t a game!” He once again screamed, his voice now hoarse and scratched from the amount of yelling.

  “Do you really think that's true? That I’m alright? That I don’t understand what this really means?” I asked him calmly, unbothered by the anger he showed. “Sam, I’m the furthest thing from being alright. Ever since I heard the news I feel like I’m constantly one step away from completely breaking down into pieces. I’m fucking petrified Sam. I’m scared and I have no idea what to do.” I whispered back, doing my best to hold back the tears and emotions that were threatening to come out, emotions that would undoubtedly leave me an emotional wreck.

  I must have cut quite the sorry sight at that moment as within seconds Sam went and closed the already small distance between us and enveloped me in his embrace with a bone-crushing hug. I didn’t know what it was, whether the atmosphere, the relief, or the exhaustion, all I knew was I soon burst into tears. The sound, while quieter than the screams once heard, still seemed to overpower any noise in the vicinity and echoed out through the neighbourhood, making me thank my lucky stars there was no one around to witness my embarrassing display.

  We must have held that position for over five minutes until the chokes and gasps I released were closer to whimpers than the wails they previously were. Throughout it all Sam said not a word, merely resting a hand on my back as he stayed a silent supportive presence, something I was beyond thankful for.

  The moment I felt that I finally had some semblance of control over my emotions I released my desperate grasp from Sam and stood back up. To say I was drained would be an understatement, I felt as if I hadn’t slept for days on end with even the thought of a nice cosy bed enough to make me almost pass out on my feet. However, I couldn’t have been happier. All the emotions I had tried so hard to bottle up, my anger and sadness, my stresses and fears, they had all finally disappeared; at least for the moment.

  “Thanks for that. I guess I really needed it.” I sheepishly muttered, feeling a bit too embarrassed to look Sam in the eyes.

  “No problem mate. If you ever need anything just know that I’m always here for you." He replied without an ounce of mockery, with only warmth and sympathy able to be found in his voice.

  My eyes started to glisten once more after hearing that, with it taking my full control to not burst into tears yet again. To try and get rid of the sombre tone that still enveloped us, I decided to tell him about what happened with Helen. Something I hadn’t been able to do before I had all but sprinted out of the classroom that morning.

  “In brighter news, guess who talked to Helen today and got her number,” I said smugly, enjoying the look of shock that passed across Sam's face. A look of shock that funnily was only slightly less than what he showed when he heard about me dying.

  Seeing that I clearly no longer wanted to talk about my situation, at least at the moment, Sam played along with my obvious effort in switching topics. “Well, since you’re literally incapable of talking to Helen without combusting into flames, it must have been me.” He joked, “It’s strange though. I can’t quite remember getting her number though.”

  “Shut up dumbass.” I laughed as I slapped him on the shoulder, my hand making contact with the wet stains I left from my outburst.

  There was a brief lull in the conversation, a lull that brought to my attention again how bone-shatteringly tired I was. A thought which made me release a loud yawn more in line with a lion's roar. “Well, I need to go to sleep man. I’m dead tired. Is it alright if I tell you what happened with Helen tomorrow?”

  Funnily, Sam seemed almost indignant about having to wait for the gossip on how I got Helen’s number but seemed understanding of my need for rest. “Fine. But you better tell me first thing tomorrow” He sulked.

  “Sure man, will do.”

  Just as I passed him and was now at the front doorstep of my home, Sam spoke once more from behind me. “Adam, if you ever need anything, anything at all, just know that I’m here for you and always will be.” He said, his face deathly serious.

  Yet again, I felt myself becoming emotional as I wondered how lucky I was to have such a caring best friend and brother. “I know. Thanks, Sam, seriously. I’ll see you tomorrow.” I choked out.

  “See you tomorrow, mate.” And with that, he turned around, walking back down the street to where he lived as I opened the front door to my home. Two bags of groceries still held in my left hand and a relaxed smile on my face as I did so, thinking to myself that today truly turned out to be an alright day in the end.