Gera prodded at the campfire in front of her as she let the sounds of nature distract her from the thoughts she so often struggled to keep at bay during the night. Pakin and her had traveled the whole day and made camp near the road. The land surrounding the road was covered in dense, short thickets, spotted with mini clearings where previous travelers had made their rest. They picked one such clearing, and Gera walked Pakin through the basics of setting up a roadside camp.

  Now, alone under the stars, Gera reached for her cigarette carton before stopping herself and shaking her head.

  You already smoked your one for the day. She chastised herself.

  She didn’t smoke for the buzz, just the warm feeling of smoke filling her chest. It helped soothe her when the memories sent chills down her spine and stole the life from her body.

  She decided that moving would be better than sitting, so she rose from her spot by the fire. She walked far enough away from the campsite that she wouldn’t disturb Pakin, but still close enough to keep an eye on him. She pulled a kunai from her pouch and settled into a low stance, emulating a crouching scorpion ready to lance out with her stinger.

  The air whistled as she thrust forward with her kunai, then again as she swept to the side. She flowed through all the movements of the Snapping Thunder Kata, letting herself get lost in the feeling of her blood pumping and her body moving. She liked practicing Snapping Thunder when she was feeling down; the aggressive movements and area of control focus let her vent her frustrations through violent motion.

  Presently, what frustrated her was her inadequacy as a teacher. Her attempt at tough love had come off as sadistic and cruel instead of pragmatic. The look on his face when they’d finished sparring broke her heart. She didn’t know what to do, though. He needed to learn how to fight properly, especially since he seemed to struggle to follow through on his attacks.

  It was easy to tell when he was pulling his strikes; the boy was incredibly soft-hearted, and his face always cringed slightly before he made contact. She’d punished him for his hesitation, which ended up being every time he went for one of the openings she’d left him. It was made all the more frustrating because Pakin had comforted her about the whole ordeal. It seemed cruel to force such a sweet child to learn to become a shinobi.

  She tried to remind herself that Pakin had agreed to come along and that he knew what kind of things shinobi went through. However, the doubt crept in again. Then why are you pushing him so hard? He doesn’t have to graduate top of this class. He would do just fine as a pencil pushing Genin after his mandatory service, plus his body practically cripples him. Knowing that, you still want him to compete with the geniuses and prodigies?

  She’d torn herself apart like this a dozen times since she’d started teaching Pakin. Most of the problem was that she didn’t even know why she was pushing him so hard half the time. Maybe it was that spark she’d seen that night in Fuwayama. He’d spoken about how he’d died, and something about him had seemed so tired in that moment. A type of exhaustion she was intimately familiar with.

  Maybe it was how he’d looked during their first run. Gera had meant it to be a kind of lesson in how painful training could be. Scare him into taking it seriously, really considering if he wanted to be a shinobi, that kind of thing. Instead, she’d been astounded as Pakin kept running long after his little body should’ve given out. He’d astounded her again and again throughout their time together. Showing diligence and persistence during training that would put some adult shinobi to shame.

  Something about it made her want to see how far he could go. He wasn’t an unseen prodigy, at least, as far as jutsu goes. He wasn’t motivated by revenge, or ambition, or anything like that. He just seemed so curious, so hungry, to experience everything she threw at him. Taijutsu forms, weapons usage, hand seal practice, all of it! He trained like he was trying to understand every nuance of what she taught him.

  As she thought, she continued through the Kata over and over, until a presence appeared to her senses. Even though it didn’t seem hostile, it was far too close to the tent for her to be comfortable. As she moved through one of her strikes, she let the kunai in her hand fly out towards the presence in the brush.

  She heard the distinctive tink of a kunai being deflected, as a familiar voice called out, “That’s not a very nice way to greet your friends.”

  A lanky teenager with light skin and blonde hair emerged from a gap in the brush, his purple eyes glowing in the campfire light. He wore the typical Kumo shinobi garb of a black long-sleeve shirt with a white flak jacket covering his midsection and left breast.

  Gera shushed him and pointed towards the tent, her eyes practically screaming, 'Shut up!’ Kouki, for his part, had the decency to look apologetic. He always was too quick to try and banter, it pissed her off to no end when they had missions together.

  She beckoned with her hand and led him closer to the road, so they could converse without disturbing her sleeping student. Once they were out of earshot, Gera fixed Kouki with a glare but quickly realized something was off and asked, “Where’s your kid? There’s no way you already dropped them off at the village.”

  Just like Gera, Kouki was a graduate of the Polisher program and, like her, had been asked to return home and find a kid to bring back with them. For most alumni, it was just an excuse to see family again, but she and Kouki were different. They were part of the first class to come out of the program, and they all frequently did their best to help whenever the program director asked. So, it was curious to see him here alone.

  This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.

  Kouki let out an exasperated sigh, kicked a loose rock on the road, and said, “I didn’t. I sent her home.”

  “Oh, sorry.” Of course. She jumped the gun and hurt his feelings, classic Gera.

  “Don’t be.” He waved her concerns off and said, “I thought a lot, about what you said before we left. That you wanted to make sure the kid you picked really knew what they were choosing by becoming a shinobi. I didn’t understand why you made such a big deal out of it. Then, when I met Rin, it clicked .”

  He put his hands in his pockets and looked up at the sky. He was silent for a few moments, then continued, “It was like, here’s this kid and she thinks I’m this invincible super guy, but she doesn’t know about all the people I killed. About the mission where a dozen villagers died, cause I was a second too slow getting info to my CO. About the types of things I’ve seen, on battlefields, in shady brothels, in back alleys.” He looked at Gera now, and said, “It’s not the same as experiencing it, but I owed it to her, to make sure she knew what it meant to be a shinobi. So, I sat her down and told her about our mission from a couple of years ago. You know, the one in Hot Water.”

  Gera grimaced. “Yeah. I remember that one.” How could she forget? It was the first time she’d killed someone in their sleep. An efficient, quick assassination. She’d had nightmares of knives reaching for her own neck for weeks after.

  “Yeah. I told Rin all about it. How those people we killed weren’t evil bandits or missing-nin. They were just enemy soldiers, who’d done their jobs too well and found out something they shouldn’t have. It really scared her, and after a day she asked me to take her home.” He let out a rueful laugh. “It was so sad. She was crying and apologizing and everything.”

  Kouki seemed to stand a little taller and said, almost in a whisper, “I’m glad she went home.”

  Gera let the silence hang between them for a few seconds. Kouki, clearly processing something, and Gera, growing more and more unsure if she’d been making the right decisions with Pakin.

  “So, how's your kid?”

  “Huh, oh he’s good.” Kouki’s question snapped Gera out of her spiral, and she realized her response wasn’t quite right.

  “He’s amazing actually, kid’s so smart he pisses me off. You know, I was giving him prep lessons for some of the classes he’ll take at the academy. He picked that shit up so quick, I ran out of material to teach him! I had to start giving him teaching him about squad tactics, infiltration dogma, and other shit he won’t even see till he’s a chunin.” Before Gera knew it, Kouki was laughing, and she was practically gushing over her student.

  She told Kouki all about the schedule she’d set up for Pakin and how much he practiced at night when he thought she was out on a mission. The whole time Kouki asked questions, offered advice about Pakin’s training, and laughed at her precocious student. By the time she’d finished telling him about their recent sparring session, though, she was back to feeling terrible about how she’d beaten him so badly.

  “Wow.” Kouki looked back at the tent where Pakin slept and said, “He must really want to be a shinobi.”

  “I guess so, but that isn’t his ultimate goal. I caught him swearing a promise to his childhood best friend before we left, something about exploring the world with her. It was really cute.” Gera hadn’t asked Pakin about it. She figured it’d be too embarrassing for the young lad.

  “What? No, no, no, that kid definitely wants to be a shinobi. Why else would he put up with the type of training you’re putting him through, especially the new stuff you have planned?”

  “Shit, I guess I really have been too hard on him.”

  Maybe it is time to let up. God, it’s gonna suck walking back all that shit I said. Gera should’ve known she was doing too much. Poor kid was chronically ill just a year ago. Now she was putting him through hell, for what? My own ego, I guess.

  “Woah, woah, woah!” Kouki pumped his hands, palm out, towards Gera and said, “I don’t think you’re being too tough on him, Gera. In fact, I think it’s really awesome that you’re going so far to make sure he has a good start to his shinobi career. I meant, the type of training you’re putting him through, sounds like the type of shit my clan friends did to prep for the Academy when they were young.”

  “Maybe, but they’ve got private tutors, extra resources, hiden jutsu, shit like that. I’m just kicking his ass everyday.” Gera was getting kind of frustrated with Kouki. What was he getting at?

  “Yeah, but most of the shit they do is basic training. The kind you have Pakin doing.” Kouki jerked a thumb backwards towards the tent and said, “Plus, you said that kid’s smart as a whip, so he probably understands that he’s on a harsh schedule. If he knows that and puts in extra effort afterwards, he probably knows it’ll all be worth it once he becomes a shinobi. So, if he knows it’s tough, knows it’s to become a good shinobi, and does it anyway. He must really want to be a good shinobi, right?” Then Kouki shrugged, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

  Gera realized she’d forgotten what Pakin had told her just this morning. He told her the training was painful and exhausting, but he also enjoyed learning from her. He’d said, “I know being a shinobi is hard, but I feel like after all this training I can do it.”

  I need to listen to my student better. She thought, as tears welled in the corner of her eyes.

  “Woah, are you crying?” Kouki looked genuinely amazed at her display of emotion.

  “No! Shut Up!” Gera yelled as she rushed up to Kouki and punched him square in the chest.

  The poor boy flew end over end away from the road, only stopping after five consecutive flips, at which point he released a long and tortured groan.

  Gera covered her mouth in surprise as she realized how loud the impact was when she’d hit Kouki!

  “Wha happun?” Pakin poked his head out of the tent, awoken by the sudden crash outside.

  “Nothing Pakin!” She shouted to him. “Go back to bed.”

  Pakin looked in her direction with bleary eyes, then gave a very sloppy salute followed by a, “Yes, Gera sensei,” before popping back into the tent.

  Gera chuckled, feeling much lighter than before, as she walked toward the furrow Kouki’s face had made in the ground.