Ren stood at the edge of the forest, eyes narrowed, gripping his sword like he knew what he was doing. He didn’t.
“So, find the slime. Stab the slime. Don’t die. Easy.”
> System Online: “Statistically speaking, you are 72% more likely to die by slime than anything else today. Congratulations.”
“Why would you even tell me that?”
> “Motivation.”
He marched into the woods like a man on a mission—except he immediately tripped on a root, face-planted into a bush, and got poked in the eye by a branch.
> “Nature: 1. Ren: 0.”
Wiping leaves from his hair and pride from his face, Ren pushed forward until he saw it: a big, green blob wobbling peacefully under a tree, minding its own business.
“That’s the enemy?” he whispered. “It’s… kind of cute.”
The slime jiggled.
“Never mind. I hate it.”
He readied his sword and charged. "HYAAAAAH—"
The slime dodged.
Ren did not.
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He faceplanted. Again.
> “You are now officially at war with gravity.”
Ren scrambled to his feet, red-faced, sword in hand. He swung wildly. The slime bounced, mocked him with a gurgle, then flopped on his head like a living hat.
“AAAAAGH GET IT OFF—”
> New Title Unlocked: Slime Whisperer.
Effect: You are very popular among gelatinous organisms. Unintentionally.
He flailed until he body-slammed a tree, crushing the slime and knocking it off. A splash of goo sprayed across his face.
“Tastes like expired Jell-O!”
He spat, wiped his face, and stared as the slime split into two smaller ones.
“…Why?!”
> “Some slimes split when damaged. Did you miss the biology class in the tutorial?”
“There WAS no tutorial!”
> “Excuses. Excuses.”
Ren screamed like a man who had just found out his enemy multiplied like gremlins in water. He grabbed a stick and baseball-batted one into a rock.
It exploded. Goo everywhere. Ren stood victorious.
Then the ding came.
> SLIME DEFEATED
XP Gained: 75
LEVEL UP! Ren – Level 3
REWARD UNLOCKED: Jelly bean (red) (Upgrade your attack stat have a low percent chance to get an attack skill)
The rusty blade in his hand shimmered, glowed faintly, and transformed into a sword that actually looked like it might hurt someone. Maybe. On a good day.
Ren looked at it, then at the last mini-slime. “Time for round two, jelly boy.”
The slime squeaked.
He stabbed. It popped.
Silence.
“…I win!”
> “A true warrior. Slayer of puddles.”
Ren, now covered in goo and smelling like expired sushi, marched back to the guild feeling like a legend.
Back at the Guild…
The moment he walked in, a few adventurers clapped.
“I see he survived the door this time,” one whispered.
“Barely,” another muttered.
Becka, the receptionist, looked up. “Hey, Slime Guy. Didn’t die. Impressive.”
“I leveled up,” Ren said proudly, chest puffed out.
> “Also tripped, got eaten, cried a little—should I list everything?”
Becka handed him a towel. “You’re dripping. Anyway, want another quest?”
“Sure,” he said, still puffed up. “I’m ready for anything.”
She raised an eyebrow and handed him a scroll.
Ren read the title:
“URGENT QUEST – Missing Royal Duck: ‘Sir Flappers the Third.’ May Bite. Very Smart.”
“…You’ve got to be kidding me.”
Becka grinned. “Big reward. Count’s daughter lost it in the marketplace. It escaped. Pecks people. Wears a little red cape.”
“Why would a duck wear a—never mind. I’m in.”
> New Quest Accepted: “Find Sir Flappers the Third – The Duck of Destiny.”
Reward: 300 Gold, 1 Rare Item, and eternal shame.
Becka leaned over the desk. “Word of advice? Don’t look it in the eye. It knows.”
Ren looked down at the scroll, then back at her.
“Does it actually… bite?”
“Oh yeah. Took off an old man’s eyebrow yesterday.”
“…Perfect.”
> “This is your legacy now. Not dragon-slaying. Not world-saving. Duck-wrangling.”
“I’m gonna be a legend.”
> “Sure. Of comedy shows.”
Ren sighed, adjusted his sword, and turned to walk out.
The door hit him on the way out.
Again.
