I didn't blame it. If I could scrub that scene from existence, I would too.
Unfortunately, it was now permanently tattooed on my soul.
The System’s blue neon text still glitched in the air: [NEW HOST CONFIRMED].
Every time it flickered, it made a buzzing sound like an angry fly with a drinking problem.
"Okay... breathe," I muttered to myself. "It’s just a minor cosmic error. Nothing to panic about."
That’s when the real problem started.
A platform rose from the swampy ground — sleek, metallic, humming with power — carrying something wrapped in worn cloth.
Something... calling to me.
Now, I've made a lot of stupid decisions in my life.
Eating questionable street food.
Betting my last coin on a turtle race.
Dating someone who thought knives were a love language.
Walking towards that platform?
Definitely top five.
The closer I got, the more the object vibrated with a raw, dangerous energy.
It practically screamed, "Pick me up, idiot!"
"Well," I said, grinning. "Don’t mind if I do."
I yanked off the cloth — and there it was.
A katana.
Simple. Elegant. Ominous.
The blade shimmered with a black light, if that made any sense at all.
It felt like looking into a cosmic joke — the kind of weapon that would laugh if it cut your own arm off by accident.
I picked it up anyway, because self-preservation has never been my strong suit.
[You have acquired: "??? Katana of Endless Hunger."]
[Warning: Sentient Weapon Detected.]
A soft voice purred in my mind.
"Ohhh, you're delicious~."
I dropped the sword immediately.
It landed point-down, sticking into the mud like an accusing finger.
"What the hell?!" I yelped, stepping back.
The katana vibrated, like it was laughing at me.
"You're mine now," it said, voice dripping with amusement. "Congratulations, Chosen One."
I glared at it. "No refunds?"
"None," the katana chirped.
Great.
Fantastic.
My only weapon was a sarcastic murder blade.
But hey, at least I wasn't dead... yet.
If you find this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the infringement.
I didn't have much time to whine about it.
The swamp trembled underfoot.
Something BIG was coming.
I could hear the sloshing — a giant, thundering mass, moving faster than anything that fat had the right to.
From the treeline, a colossal King Slime burst into view, shaking the earth with every hop.
It jiggled like a nightmare made of jello.
[WARNING: BOSS MONSTER DETECTED.]
[LV.45 KING SLIME — "GLUTTON OF THE ABYSS"]
[Recommended Strategy: Cry, probably.]
"Awesome," I deadpanned.
"A boss fight. Right after getting stuck with the Walmart brand cursed katana."
The King Slime roared, a sound like a thousand wet towels being slapped together.
The katana buzzed eagerly in my hand.
"Feed me," it whispered.
"You first," I hissed back.
No backup. No fancy skills.
Just me, a talking sword, and a creature big enough to turn me into street pizza.
Perfect.
I bolted sideways, dodging a massive splash attack that turned half the clearing into boiling acid.
The air filled with a stink so foul it could've legally been considered a war crime.
"Okay, strategy time," I gasped, weaving between acidic puddles.
"Step one: Don't die."
The katana hummed impatiently.
"Stab it. Stab it lots."
"Wow, thanks for the genius advice," I snapped. "Why didn’t I think of that?"
The King Slime lunged.
I ducked.
It narrowly missed me, smashing into a nearby boulder with enough force to turn it into gravel.
[Passive Skill Unlocked: Dumb Luck Lv.1]
I blinked.
"...Not gonna lie. Feels insulting."
The katana giggled in my head.
"Focus, meatbag!"
I sprinted toward the slime, zig-zagging to avoid its furious splashes.
Its body rippled and reshaped — dozens of slime tentacles bursting out to grab me.
One wrapped around my leg.
"Crap!"
It yanked — hard — and flung me toward its gaping maw.
Instinct took over.
I twisted midair, slashing desperately.
The katana sliced through the slime like butter.
Black energy rippled outward, causing the King Slime to shriek.
A piece of its core was exposed — a glowing purple gem at its center.
THERE!
I hit the ground in a painful roll, mud filling my mouth and nose, but I didn't stop.
I launched myself forward again, aiming for the core.
Tentacles tried to grab me.
Acid rained down around me.
The King Slime bellowed, trying to crush me with its bulk.
I grinned like a maniac.
"Come on, you overgrown booger!"
I plunged the katana straight into the core.
The reaction was immediate.
The King Slime convulsed violently.
Purple energy exploded outward, knocking me flat on my ass.
When the light faded, only a massive puddle of inert goo remained.
Steam rose from it like the world's worst soup.
I lay there, panting, coated head-to-toe in slime.
[Boss Defeated!]
[Level Up!]
[New Skills Acquired!]
-
[Slime Affinity Lv.1]
-
[Goo Sprint Lv.1]
-
[Sticky Escape Lv.1]
I blinked.
"These... these are terrible skills."
Slime affinity?! What was I gonna do, befriend them?
Sticky escape?! How was that heroic?! It sounded like a discount magician move!
The katana chuckled smugly.
"You're welcome."
I groaned.
Still lying there, I noticed something else.
A figure approaching through the mist.
Small. Hooded.
Moving carefully, like they expected the swamp to eat them.
I squinted.
A girl?
Her aura was strange — twisted.
The System pinged softly:
[New Character Detected: Cursed Healer — "Aira."]
[Warning: Touching her may result in accidental death.]
...Fantastic.
Exactly what I needed.
A healer who could kill me with a hug.
"Hey," I croaked, raising a slime-coated hand. "You lost too, or just here to laugh at me?"
She paused, staring at me.
Then — and I swear I’m not making this up — she burst out laughing.
Loud, bright, musical laughter.
As if the sight of me, a man drowning in goo talking to a sword, was the funniest thing she’d ever seen.
Honestly?
I respected it.
I groaned, flopping back into the mud.
"Fine," I muttered. "Laugh it up, Fate. I’m ready for whatever you throw at me next."
Because deep down, I already knew:
This was just the beginning.