Steeling my resolve, I adjusted Gus in my arms and slipped the headband on.
A non-imaginary voice in my head was asking what seemed like a very important question. This had to be a joke of some sort, right? "Sure." I said. All smooth-like.
The world faded away and my puppy and I were suddenly floating in a white fog. I held him close and stroked his chocolate colored fur.
My heart skipped a beat. “What? Please set the difficulty to very possible. Maybe set it to easy?”
“Seriously? Who is authorized? Can I please speak to the person in charge?” My raised voice was swallowed by the fog and when I got no immediate response I held Gus a little tighter. He licked my face and started wagging the stump of his tail. I had just rescued Gus from the animal shelter a few days before and I had no idea of his background or why someone had removed his tail, but it didn’t stop him from looking completely adorable when he was happy.
Well, that was ominous and terrifying.
A stone room materialized around me, my clothes suddenly being replaced by an itchy gray robe. It felt a bit like a prison cell except there was a set of spiral stairs ascending into the ceiling. Also, in addition to the puppy in my arms—who seemed abnormally heavy all of a sudden—I was holding a large scalpel in my right hand, much larger and sturdier-looking than the exacto-knives I used when making model cars.
Besides me and Gus, the only other thing to survive the transition into the challenge was the bright blue bracelet the little mouse-alien had given me. Or rather, the bracelet may have survived. It was on my wrist one moment and gone the next. I don’t think it slipped off. It just, faded into my skin.
I stumbled forward as Gus leapt from my grasp and started running around the room, sniffing the floor tiles and the walls and yipping happily, not phased at all to have been transported into some crazy simulation.
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I felt weak and uncoordinated. I'd always been scrawny, but this was something else. I ignored the voice in my head telling me that I should confront the shock I was feeling at my decision to put on the bracelet and headband, and focused on my new body. As I did, a screen popped up in the corner of my vision:
????????????????????
?? Strength: 2
?? Dexterity: 1
??? Constitution: 4
?? Intelligence: 9
?? Wisdom: 10
?? Charisma: 3
?? Luck: 1
????????????????????
Yes! Stats like from a good old role-playing game. K, this was pretty cool. I’d played enough VR games that as long as I pretended that’s what this was I could keep from totally freaking out. The fact that this new body actually felt real was concerning… but I was just going to pretend that I was using a super advanced VR rig.
In those games, a 10 would normally be average for a human. So… why were my stats so low? No wonder Gus felt so heavy. Wait, seriously? A 1 in dexterity? I glanced at the extremely sharp-looking scalpel in my hand and slowly started crouching down to set it on the floor. However, with my focus on the scalpel my stats disappeared and another screen appeared.
????????????????????
?? A Grey Robe (equipped)
?? A Scalpel (equipped)
????????????????????
Oh, cool. I had an inventory. I wasn't sure how to unequip the scalpel, but it only took a thought and the scalpel disappeared from my hand. It was still listed in my inventory, but was no longer “equipped”. With a thought I "equipped" it again and it appeared in my hand. I unequipped the scalpel, for my personal safety, and then unequipped the Grey Robe—and found myself standing in a pair of thick, itchy, grey wool underpants. Blood rushed to my face and I quickly re-equipped the Grey Robe and glanced around the small room looking for hidden cameras and suddenly wondering how my progress through this challenge was being monitored.
A very odd minimap appeared in the corner of my vision, along with some text:
??????????????????????????????
|------|
|.....d|
|..@...|
|....<.|
|......|
|------|
??????????????????????????????
????????????????????
It is written in the Book of Hermes: After the Creation, the cruel god Moloch stole the most powerful of all the artifacts of the gods, the Amulet of Yendor, and hid it in the dark cavities of the Dungeons of Doom. You, a newly trained Healer, have been heralded from birth as the instrument of Hermes. You are destined to recover the Amulet for your deity, or die in the attempt. Your hour of destiny has come. For the sake of us all: Go bravely with Hermes!
????????????????????
Awesome, this felt more and more like an old school video game. It looked like the minimap showed the room I was in, but with a little letter "d" that represented Gus as he ran around, an "at" symbol representing me and a "less than" symbol that looked like it represented the staircase up.
But, how come there weren't any doors or ways out of the room? Was I supposed to type out instructions? I looked around for something to type with, swiped through the air a bunch of times where the message was, and even poked the message with my scalpel—but nothing happened. I focused on the message, willing it to disappear, and it vanished.
Cool. Time to explore the dungeon. "Come on, Gus" I called out. Some text popped up along the bottom of my vision.
Would you like to name your puppy Gus?
“Yes! His name is Gus AwesomePants."
Your puppy has been named Gus AwesomePants
"Thank you very much."
I needed to descend to the lowest level of the dungeon and retrieve the amulet of Yendor to integrate “The System” with Earth. This would supposedly keep Earth from being destroyed. I was definitely going to ignore the implications of this being impossible to beat and the whole world’s fate resting on my shoulders thing. That seemed too random and too much like something from a b-rated movie to be real anyway, right?
I didn’t see any way to back out now, and I’d always been good at video games and performing under pressure, so I felt pretty good about at least putting up a good showing for Rose and the rest of the world.
I made a quick loop around the room to make sure I wasn’t missing anything and then started up the stairs, Gus right on my heels.
You do not yet have the Amulet of Yendor. Are you sure you would like to exit?
Well, dang.
