Amy woke up with arms wrapped around her and sobs echoing in her ear.

  She woke up. Huh. She winced at a twinge of pain from her chest and craned her neck. Lia had practically landed on top of Amy, arms wrapped tight around her neck, face buried in Amy’s shirt and sobs wracking her. She was babbling incoherently, any words lost in her choked cries. What had happened? The last thing she remembered was—

  A wave of nausea washed over her and she shoved Lia away, twisting her head to the side as she retched. A wheezing breath dragged into her lungs, then she heaved out the dinner she’d shared with Lia last night...or last week. Last week? Why did she think that? She heaved again, trying to ignore the mewling whimpers behind her and figure out what was going on in her head.

  She remembered...what? Loud noises, explosions, screams and blood. A nightmare, one she’d never seen with her own eyes but… Behemoth. That red, cyclopean eye turning its attention her way. The image faded quickly and Amy was left blinking away tears. What? Her chest was tight and she clutched at it, trying to calm down.

  “Amy.” Lia’s voice was plaintive, small. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

  “Lia,” she croaked, coughed, then spat into the mess she’d made on the floor. Wiping her mouth, she pulled herself up. “Wh…” Amy shook her head as Lia rolled onto her side, resting her head in the crook of Amy’s neck.

  “I’m sorry,” Lia groaned. “I failed, I’m sorry, I promised I—” She hiccuped and cut herself off. Amy dragged her fingers through Lia’s hair.

  “It’s okay,” she murmured. “I forgive you Lia.” Whatever it was, it was the least she could do.

  “No,” Lia moaned. “I died I—” She sniffled and gripped Amy’s shirt. “I couldn’t save you.”

  Amy died.

  She gasped and gripped her chest, just above where Lia’s hand rested. It felt like her lungs were filling, like she was drowning on dry land. Amy coughed violently, hand over her mouth. She pulled it away and saw red, letting out a muffled scream. She blinked and panted, staring at her clean hand. Freckly, dry skin, why did she feel sore all over?

  “You remember,” Lia whispered. What did she remember? “I’m sorry Amy.”

  “I don’t…” Amy trailed off, staring blankly. “I don’t know what I remember,” she admitted.

  Lia told her. Behemoth attacking India, destroying the field hospital. Amy didn’t remember it, but her body reacted, muscles tensed, adrenaline made her heart pound. And it wasn’t the first time Lia had fought and died either. Amy didn’t remember those either but...there was a niggling sense of deja vu that wouldn’t leave her alone.

  “I lost you again,” Lia breathed, almost too quiet to hear. “I can’t, I can’t Amy.”

  “Can’t what?”

  “We—” She sniffed. “Fuck, you don’t remember. You never remember and… I do though.”

  “You’re talking about...us.” She nodded her head against Amy’s neck. “Did we, no of course we did.” No way she’d be reacting like this otherwise. Amy’s gaze drifted down and she grimaced at the puddle of vomit on the floor. “This...is it always like this?”

  “Yeah,” Lia croaked. “Nn— not lately because of, um, you. But it’s never good and this was…” She took a shuddering breath and Amy gently stroked her hair.

  “I’m sorry, that’s...fuck,” Amy whispered. There were no words. “I’m here though I… I’m here.” She whimpered and clutched Amy tighter.

  “Thank you.”

  They laid there silently. Lia’s phone buzzed and buzzed for a while, but she ignored it so Amy did too. Sometimes Lia cried, mostly she lay practically catatonic. Amy brought her hand up and took Lia’s, finding she could actually feel her. It startled her, but she just put it out of her mind as best she could. Didn’t need to see the ugly synapses that just thinking about made her brain itch.

  “So...us?” Amy asked hesitantly after a long, long while.

  “We don’t have to,” Lia said quickly, making Amy’s heart thump painfully. “We never have to. I know I’m not Victoria, I never will be. You...you don’t have to.” She sniffled and her tearful eyes met Amy’s as she stretched up. “But I want… I’m sorry.”

  Their lips met. It wasn’t Amy’s first kiss, that belonged to the awkward twit Teddy Bering who Victoria had convinced her to go on a second date with. It was the first time someone had kissed her and she didn’t want to curl up and die though. It was stiff, sudden, a little bit weird, and...familiar. Amy’s hand came up and brushed Lia’s cheek, drawing a small squeak from the smaller girl.

  “Sorry,” Lia panted as she broke the kiss. Her face was flushed deep red, the most colour Amy had ever seen on her. “I’m sorry Amy I—”

  “Do you mean it?” Amy whispered, getting a whimper and a nod from Lia.

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  They came together again. Lia clutched desperately at Amy’s shirt, and she could feel the other girls’ tears wetting her own cheeks. Lia’s entire body was tense, Amy could see it. Frantic, that was the best way Amy could describe her. She breathed like she was having a panic attack, she was having a panic attack; Amy could see the flood of hormones washing through her system...and more.

  Lia stopped suddenly, pulling away, body rigid. Her breath came in short, sharp gasps, jolting her shoulders each time. Her face was red, her eyes redder as if she hadn’t slept in days. She was a mess, tears still trailing down her cheeks, snot streaking under her nose. Lia had often complained she wasn’t much to look at, and sometimes Amy agreed. But she couldn’t look away.

  “Fuck,” Lia sobbed and swore, wiping away some of the mess on her face. “Can’t fucking do anything right, can’t even…” She took a shuddering breath and shut her eyes.

  “Uh,” Amy managed.

  “Sorry Amy,” she said miserably, slumping against the back of the couch. “I’m just...just shit.”

  “You’re not,” Amy said quickly, sitting up and shifting closer to Lia. She licked her lips, eyes flicking from Lia to the floor and back. “I um, do you...like me?” What an idiot, asinine question, and the look Lia gave her said it loudly.

  “Yeah,” Lia said flatly. “I thought that was obvious. But you—”

  “It’s okay,” she interrupted, swallowing against a growing lump in her throat. “I just...I thought…” Lia’s hand brushed her arm and Amy leaned into the touch. “You really mean it.”

  She’d told her before. Or not exactly, Amy couldn’t really remember, but this sounded familiar on some level she couldn’t consciously grasp. Maybe deep down she always knew Lia had felt like this, maybe that was why her eyes wouldn’t leave the Ward’s lips, or why when she took Lia’s hand her mouth dried up.

  Did she like Lia like that? Amy licked her lips again and shivered; stupid question. It didn’t feel right, Lia knew the worst parts about her, knew about who Amy loved. She even said it, she fucking apologized for it like she was the bad guy. Why? Lia was a hero, Lia was her hero as stupid as it was to say. Didn’t she get that? Amy grasped her hand, entwining their fingers.

  “Can… Do you want to be...together?” Amy asked hesitantly.

  “Yes,” Lia whispered, like she was confessing to an awful crime. “But I… I’ve lost three weeks with you Amy, I lost you. I don’t know how… I don’t know if I can do that again.” Amy slipped her arm around Lia’s back, drawing a shuddering sigh.

  “I’m sorry,” she said. “I wish I had an answer for you. I...I want this Lia, I want—” She swallowed the ‘you’. “I don’t remember, and I’m sorry, sorry you do. But you came back Lia, you’re here with me.”

  “But not with you.”

  “Don’t know about that, considering...” Amy couldn’t help the sarcastic edge in her voice. “I don’t know what it’s like Lia, not...not really.” She suppressed a cough as her chest stung suddenly. “But I know whenever you come back, I’ll be here, wanting you here. Til the end.” Lia sniffed and let out a half-sob, half-laugh.

  “Every time,” she croaked. “Every time you go right for my heart.” She turned and wrapped her arms around Amy, face pressed into the crook of her neck. “Thank you.”

  “I didn’t do anything,” Amy murmured, fingers idly playing with Lia’s hair. “Can’t even remember, not really. All I did was throw up and let you kiss me.” Lia snorted.

  “Well when you put it like that…” She sighed and Amy shivered at the warm breath on her neck. “I’ll clean it just...just another minute.”

  “You don’t have to.”

  “I will,” Lia said firmly. “Wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t…” She trailed off and her grip on Amy tightened.

  “Okay.” Lia’s phone buzzed against Amy’s leg. “Um, should you…?”

  “God dammit,” she swore, pulling away from Amy and answering the call. “What? Yes I fucking know Dennis, good night.” She hung it up, then stared at the screen for a moment, worry etched on every line in her face. She pressed a few buttons, then put the phone to her ear. “Vista? Yeah, no I heard. Are you okay? No nothing happened just...had a feeling. No? Okay, have a good night.” Lia sighed and stuffed the phone back in her pocket. “Sorry.”

  “What was that about?” Amy asked.

  “Skitter’s dead, that’s what Dennis was calling about.”

  “She’s—” Amy blinked. Skitter was what?

  “Dead, yes, believe me I am intensely aware.” Lia took a deep breath and ran her fingers through her hair. “Sorry. Um, Vista...she had a nightmare last time, a nightmare about Behemoth, and I think it was my fault. Like...like this.” She caught the faint scent of sulphur, then swallowed and nodded.

  “Okay,” Amy said, still trying to grasp the fact that the worst warlord in Brockton Bay had somehow been killed despite a phalanx of heroes taking her to the Birdcage. “So...uh…”

  “Can I stay here tonight?” The question came out in a rush of breath. Lia was looking anywhere but at her, face beet red. “Sorry, I know it’s coming out of nowhere and we haven’t even talked about us and—”

  “Sure,” Amy cut her off, flinching as Lia’s head snapped to look at her. “I mean...it’s okay, if you want.”

  Lia stared at her silently for a moment, then gave a sharp nod and practically leaped off the couch. Amy watched her stride to the bathroom, returning a moment later with a couple towels. She started scrubbing the floor, and Amy took the hint, going to the bathroom and scrubbing the sour taste of sick from her tongue. Couldn’t believe Lia had kissed her like that…

  Couldn’t believe any of this. Amy stared in the mirror, the fluorescent light making her brown eyes glisten darkly. She tried to recall anything Lia told her about. Familiar as it all sounded, and for all the sense it made, she simply couldn’t. It felt real, the sickening tightness in her chest, but it wasn’t and never had been. Not for Amy anyway.

  Lia was done by the time she returned, now curled into a ball on the couch. She caught sight of Amy and sat up suddenly, swiping an arm at her face. Had she been crying? Amy sat next to her, and a moment later Lia’s head was resting on her chest.

  “So um,” Amy began after a moment of sitting there quietly, listening to her own heart racing. “What uh, what do you want to do?” Lia sighed and rolled so Amy could see her face.

  “Watch something?” she asked hoarsely, not meeting Amy’s eyes.

  “Yeah sure.”

  Amy fumbled for the remote and turned on the TV. Lia sighed as the channels changed one by one, shifting herself into a slightly more comfortable position. Amy continued flicking through channels, a frown growing on her face. Nothing, nothing, crap, trash, news, porn, nothing. Ugh. She muted the TV with a frustrated sigh.

  “Hey Lia what—”

  She stopped when she saw Lia. She’d fallen asleep, a slight snore the only noise coming from her. Amy found a smile worming its way onto her lips and gently brushed Lia’s hair behind her ear. It drew a gentle whimper, and Lia pressed herself closer to Amy. She shook her head, smiling, and wrapped her arms around Lia’s back. Amy shut her eyes and drifted off to the slow, matched beating of their hearts.