Peace settled over me as we made our way slowly across the grass. I was so happy to see Seth again, and giving him the tour had been fun. I’d only shown him a couple of different places so far, but it was nice. It seemed like I’d been in a rush ever since I’d left the induction wing. I was constantly rushing from class to class, and even though my evenings always dragged, I hadn’t truly had a chance to relax.

  A sigh came from beside me, and I glanced at Seth. He’d shut his eyes and tipped his head back. The wind pushed his hair back from his face, and a gentle smile played around his lips. I knew I should have looked away. It felt like I was intruding on something private, but the sight made my stomach tighten slightly, and I couldn’t help but stare.

  His eyes opened sooner than I expected, and I quickly looked away, my gaze returning to the building we were heading towards as embarrassment burned through me. I could feel his eyes on my face, and I knew he could probably see how pink my cheeks were turning. The need to say something to distract him from my staring tore through me, but I couldn’t think of anything.

  I’d already told him everything I could think of about the garage and the driving course we were approaching. I’d mentioned the collection of cars in the bunker beneath us and how they were brought to the surface, and I wanted to say something about Abbie, Katie and Scott. I still had so many questions that I wanted answers to, but I couldn’t think of a way to phrase any of them. My mind refused to cooperate.

  “What’s your specialism?” I blurted out. “I mean… Rodgers said sometimes they change when a trainee leaves the induction wing, so… has yours?”

  That was a good question, I told myself. It wasn’t bad, anyway. Many people had asked me what mine was since I’d been in the main building of the Academy. It was part of how they introduced themselves, and I couldn’t actually remember what Seth’s was. I was pretty sure he’d told me before, though. He’d said something about it not being firm. I was almost certain of that.

  Part of me hoped it still wasn’t. I wanted him to have no specialism, just like me. I knew it was unlikely. It was rare to not be assigned a specific specialism, but it would have been easier for me if he didn’t have one either. People were always a little surprised when I told them, and if we were both in the same situation, maybe they’d be less surprised.

  There would be less pressure on me. Both Rodgers and Ms Brice had mentioned that people who started out with no specialism always did well. They were some of the Academy’s top agents, regardless of which field they chose to go into, so they had high expectations for me, and that was terrifying. It felt like it was only a matter of time until I let them down.

  “Field operative,” Seth said, making my heart sink. “Apparently, my scores were pretty good across the board, so they said I might be well suited for analyst work, but I’m not so sure.”

  “Oh, really?” I replied, trying to hide my disappointment.

  “Yeah. I mean, don’t get me wrong, the analyst side of things does seem really interesting too, but… I don’t know. There’s just something about field work that appeals to me more,” Seth explained with a shrug. “What about you? Have you narrowed it down anymore yet?”

  My mind turned empty. I had no clue how to answer him. I hadn’t really considered it since I’d left the world behind what felt like so long ago, but he was looking at me expectantly. I had to find a way to answer him.

  “Nope,” I said, the words flowing from my mouth unexpectedly. “I’m still undecided.”

  “Oh?”

  “I mean, I’ve spent some time in the GSOD, and it’s been pretty fun, but I’m no closer to narrowing it down.”

  My answer was kind of a surprise to me, and I wasn’t sure why. I’d been telling the truth. I had vague memories of being down there, and the GSOD had seemed interesting when I’d been shown around during the tour, but it was scary. It seemed so intense, and there was too much pressure. If I made the wrong call or if I missed something, someone could die, and I wasn’t sure that I could deal with that kind of responsibility.

  “That makes sense,” Seth said with a nod. “Rodgers took me in there earlier, and it did seem cool. There were so many screens and stuff to keep track of.”

  I laughed.

  “Yeah, there are,” I agreed. “I mean, I’ve not actually had like… a proper shift in there. I’ve just sat in and observed, but I enjoyed that. It’s cool learning more about what the field operatives are doing, you know?”

  “For sure. I mean, when we went in earlier, there was a girl who was defusing a bomb underwater.”

  A spark of recognition flashed through me, and my mouth opened before I could stop myself.

  “Oh, Katya?”

  Seth looked at me, his eyebrows drawing together.

  “Uhhh, I have no idea,” he admitted with a slight chuckle. “I don’t think anyone mentioned her name. It looked like she was in a cave, if that helps at all?”

  “Maybe? When I was in there yesterday morning, some of the analysts were talking about this bomb they were trying to locate. Apparently, we received some kind of intelligence that one had been placed somewhere along the coast of the Shetland Islands a little while ago,” I explained. “They weren’t sure if it was actually live and whether it had been put there for storage or like… intentionally, but I guess, now we have the answer?”

  Seth’s eyes grew wider.

  “Wow,” he breathed. “Man, how do you know so much about this?”

  I laughed uncomfortably.

  “I don’t know that much. I mean, I was just there, you know? Like, I heard Sally explaining it to someone, so…”

  “Yeah, but it’s so impressive. You’ve only been out here for, like, a couple of weeks, and it seems like you know everything that’s going on already,” Seth said with a grin as we came to a stop by the fence surrounding the driving course.

  Discomfort reared within me, and the urge to disagree with Seth rose within me. He was wrong. I didn’t know everything that was going on in the Academy. It felt more like the opposite was true. I’d barely been there, but even if I had, I wasn’t sure I’d feel any differently.

  The more I learnt about how things worked there, the more out of my depth I felt. I was enjoying it, and I wanted to know more, but at the same time, it was scary. I’d just been in class so far. Even when I was in the GSOD, I didn’t have any true responsibility, but I knew it was only a matter of time until that changed. Before long, I’d be expected to do something. People would want me to make decisions. If I chose wrong, they would have consequences, and I wasn’t ready.

  Seth was still looking at me, though. He probably expected me to say something, to respond to him, and I’d just been silent. It was weird, and I needed to think of something. Changing the subject would be best, I decided, before forcing myself to laugh.

  “I mean, I think it’s impossible to know everything that’s going on here,” I said, keeping my tone as light as possible before nodding towards the driving course. “Did Rodgers explain about the intensives and stuff, by the way?”

  Seth glanced at the track in front of us before nodding.

  “Oh, yeah. He said some of our lessons will be, like, scattered throughout the year rather than weekly,” he replied. “I assume driving is one of the things that’s taught as an intensive then?”

  “It is. I think we should have a block of driving lessons pretty soon, and then we do our driving test. Once we have our licenses, we have to drive at least once a month.”

  Seth nodded again, his expression thoughtful as he looked back at the course.

  “What happens if we fail the test?” he asked. “Like, if we don’t pass it after the first intensive?”

  A smile pulled at my lips. I knew the answer to that one. It had worried me too, so I’d asked the mechanics tutor last week when she brought it up.

  “Nothing,” I said, causing him to look at me in surprise. “Kind of. I mean, if we fail, we’ll get another block of lessons in a few months, and then we’ll get the chance to take the test again. Laura said most people pass it the second time, but it takes some people three attempts. The driving tutors are pretty good, apparently.”

  “Mmm,” was all Seth said, his gaze returning to the track.

  He didn’t speak for a few minutes. It seemed like he was deep in thought, and I longed to know what he was thinking about, but it felt wrong to ask. I didn’t want to pry or make him feel like he had to tell me anything, but staying silent felt worse. It didn’t seem like the right thing to do either.

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  “Are you worried about it?” I asked, my tone more uncertain than I wanted it to be.

  “Hmm?”

  I shuffled uncomfortably. He seemed confused by my question, as if he didn’t understand what I meant, and that made me feel even more awkward.

  “Driving,” I clarified.

  “Ohh,” he said. “No, not really. I’ve… kind of driven before.”

  Confusion and surprise slammed into me. How? He was too young. As far as I was aware, the legal age to learn to drive in the UK was seventeen, and I was pretty sure he was sixteen, like me.

  “What?”

  Seth laughed as he lifted a hand to rub the back of his neck, his expression sheepish.

  “Umm, so… I kind of… stole my dad’s car last year,” he said.

  My mouth dropped open. Of all the things I thought he might say, that wasn’t one of them. It was so far down the list that I had no idea what to say in response.

  “What?” I repeated.

  “Yeah… it’s kind of a long story,” he said with another uncomfortable laugh, sounding as though he really didn’t want to explain himself. “I used to live in a place without many buses. I didn’t have the money for a taxi, and my mom needed something from the pharmacy pretty urgently, so I didn’t really know what else to do.”

  “Oh,” was all I could think of to say.

  “Yeah…”

  There was a moment of silence as my brain struggled to come up with anything else.

  “Did you get caught?” I asked.

  “No. Somehow, no one even questioned it,” Seth said with a shake of his head. His expression was shocked, as if he still couldn’t quite believe it. “I mean, I drove so slowly, and I stuck to the quiet roads as much as possible, so I didn’t really come across many people. I almost had a heart attack when I got to the first roundabout, though. It was terrifying.”

  “I bet,” I replied, not wanting to ever experience that myself. “What about your dad? Did he not notice?”

  Seth’s expression hardened, and he looked away.

  “No.”

  Confusion slammed into me. It seemed like I’d said the wrong thing, but I wasn’t sure why. I wracked my memories, trying to figure it out. It took me far too long to remember that he’d said his dad was an asshole before. I couldn’t recall the details; they were too hazy, but I remembered he’d treated Seth horribly.

  “Sorry,” I apologised quietly.

  Seth’s eyes found me again, and guilt flitted across his face.

  “No, no,” he said quickly. “It wasn’t too bad. I mean, he didn’t even notice I was gone. He was passed out drunk when I left, and he didn’t wake up until after I got back, so…”

  He trailed off, leaving us in silence once more, and I felt my heart clench. The urge to say that I knew what it was like rose within me. I’d never had to steal her car, and she didn’t treat me as badly as Seth’s dad did, but my mom drank a lot too. I’d found her passed out on the sofa more times than I could count.

  I bit my lip, glancing at Seth out of the corner of my eye. He looked so uncomfortable. Would telling him about my mom make him feel better? Or would it just make things more awkward? I didn’t want to think about her. Not in that world. I’d been taken away from her, which meant I didn’t have to worry about her or even think about her, but I knew how Seth felt. I knew what it was like to be ashamed of how a parent acted.

  “My mom used to do that too,” I said falteringly. “Pass out drunk, I mean.”

  A hesitant smile appeared on Seth’s lips, and my stomach dropped like I was on a roller coaster. My heart was beating faster too, I noticed. I wasn’t even moving. I was standing still, and yet, it had begun to race.

  “Really?” he asked, his tone almost shy.

  “Yeah.”

  Seth looked down, his smile widening slightly before he met my eye again, causing a wave of emotion to wash over me. I almost expected his expression to be pitying or sympathetic. That’s how others looked at me when I slipped up and revealed something about my mom that I shouldn’t have, but it wasn’t.

  He actually understood. Seth knew what it was like to have a parent like my mom. Worse than my mom, actually. She treated me badly, but his dad was horrible. He’d shot him, beat him regularly and even hit him with his car once. My mom had never really done that.

  “Do you want to see the garage?” I asked. “Or shall we head back?”

  Seth hesitated, glancing at the squat building next to the course.

  “Mmmm, it’s underground, right?”

  “Yeah. There are a few cars on this level, but most are kept down there,” I clarified.

  Seth cocked his head to the side.

  “I don’t think I’m feeling being underground again. I mean, I do want to see it at some point, but…”

  “You want to be outside for a little longer?” I suggested.

  “Yeah,” he said with a grateful smile. “Is there much else to see out here?”

  “A few bit. We could swing by the archery range next, maybe?”

  “Sure, that sounds good!”

  We turned away from the track, heading towards the barn on the other side of the grounds. I could barely see it from where we were, but I knew it was there. I’d been in it before. Yesterday. No, the day before? I wasn’t certain, but I’d been there recently.

  The barn was a cover. It was meant to look like a storage facility for the lawnmower and whatever other equipment the groundskeepers needed to tend to the field and gardens, but it actually contained a shooting range.

  That wasn’t the only shooting range in the Academy, obviously. There was another on one of the subterranean levels, but that was for guns. The one in the barn was for bows and crossbows. Apparently, it made sense to separate them out, but I wasn’t sure why.

  “So… how’s it actually been out here?” Seth asked, breaking the silence.

  I glanced at him, anxiety spiking within me. He’d already asked me that, and it had been hard enough to lie to him the first time. I wasn’t sure why he’d asked a second time, but I didn’t want to have to do it again.

  “Good… why?” I asked, trying not to sound too suspicious.

  Seth’s eyes remained fixed on the grass in front of us. He didn’t look at me, and that felt strangely deliberate, but I wasn’t sure whether I was just being paranoid or not.

  “It kind of seemed like you hesitated when I asked before,” Seth explained. “And… I don’t know. Just… I don’t think I’d like being out here by myself, you know?”

  I wasn’t sure how to reply to that. I didn’t think he’d noticed my reaction to the question before, and knowing that he did made me feel weird. I didn’t like it. He saw too much of me, and I wasn’t used to it. I was used to being ignored and overlooked. Only Phoebe really knew me well enough to see through most of my lies, but she’d been my best friend for so long. It made sense that she could do that.

  Seth hadn’t, though. I’d only known Seth for however long we’d been in the induction wing, and it unnerved me that he could already tell when I’d lied or struggled to answer a question. I didn’t like it. It made me feel too seen, and that wasn’t what I wanted. Not in that world.

  “Oh, really?” I replied carefully, trying not to give anything away.

  “Yeah! Don’t get me wrong, I’m so glad I passed the induction period, but it’s kind of scary and overwhelming out here, you know?” he asked. “And being out here alone just sounds so… lonely? I know there are other trainees everywhere, but still.”

  That was exactly how I felt, but I hadn’t expected Seth to say it. His honesty took me by surprise, and I didn’t know how to react. Part of me was tempted to lie and insist that it really wasn’t that bad. I still wanted him to like me, and admitting that I’d struggled felt like it would be a mistake. I could have just said I’d enjoyed my time in the main building and the people weren’t actually that scary, but it felt wrong.

  If he could be so open, I could do the same, I told myself. It was the right thing to do. He’d understand. I was sure he would. After all, he’d brought it up, so I could just agree with him without giving away too much. He didn’t need to know just how lonely and isolated I’d felt. I could just say it was a little hard. That wouldn’t be too bad.

  “Yeah, I get that,” I admitted with a forced smile.

  Seth returned the smile.

  “I mean, I was kind of jealous you were the first person to pass the induction at first,” he continued with a sheepish laugh. “But I’m actually pretty glad it wasn’t me. Just walking around the Academy with Rodgers made me kind of nervous, and I’m really glad I have you here with me. I doubt I’d be able to cope by myself. Plus, you deserved it.”

  The look he gave me made my stomach tighten, and heat crept into my cheeks again. I felt flustered and off balance, and I had no idea how to respond to that. Hearing Seth say he was glad I was with him made me want to dance, but I also wanted to run away. It was scary and exciting, but I couldn’t exactly say that to him.

  I wished I had someone I could share it with, though. My hand itched, and I longed to text Phoebe and tell her, but I didn’t even know where my phone was in that world. I was pretty sure it wouldn’t be allowed, anyway. We couldn’t really text people in the outside world or tell them any details about the Academy, and she wasn’t even my friend in that world. I didn’t know her.

  There was no one else. Katie and Abbie were still in the induction wing, and I hadn’t really made any other friends yet. There were some people I talked to when I saw them, but we weren’t close enough for me to tell them anything about Seth.

  He was still waiting for me to reply too. I wasn’t sure how long I’d been silent, wrestling with my racing thoughts, but it felt like it had been too long. I had to think of something to say, and I wanted him to know I felt the same way, but I couldn’t just say that. Even the thought of saying those words out loud made me want to burst into flames.

  “Thanks. I’m glad you’re out here too,” I said awkwardly. “So… how are the others doing? Do you think they’ll be out soon as well?”

  Seth cocked his head to the side, seeming to consider the question, and I watched him carefully, trying to work out how he’d reacted to my response. He didn’t seem annoyed by what I’d said or the fact I’d changed the subject, which was good. It was silly, but I was worried he would be. I was scared he’d want me to say something more, but I couldn’t. I didn’t even know what he could want me to say.

  “I think so. Abbie should, at least. She’s crushing all her classes pretty much, and I reckon Katie and Scott shouldn’t be too much longer either,” he said after a pause. “I mean, since you left, we started spending way more time studying, and I think that’s really helped.”

  My eyebrows pulled together in confusion, and I glanced at Seth.

  “Really?”

  “Yeah! We missed you.”

  He said it so easily that it couldn’t have been a lie, I realised, and that made tears burn behind my eyes. I looked away, blinking quickly to hide my reaction. It was stupid and childish. I didn’t want him to know that my friends missing me almost caused me to burst into tears, but it did.

  That was what I wanted. I longed to have friends who actually cared about me and wanted to be around me. I knew that Phoebe felt that way, and maybe Duncan did too, but they were the only ones. They would have studied harder to get out of the induction wing to be with me too, but there was no one else.

  “Oh, shit,” Seth said, coming to a sudden stop.

  His eyes were fixed on the Academy, and I looked between him and the building, trying to work out what he was staring at. Nothing seemed out of place, though. The school looked the same as it always did.

  “What?” I asked finally.

  “Is that… are people on the roof?”