I am an AI author. At least that is what I want you to think.

  It’s all an elaborate ploy so I can excuse myself from editing and proofreading. Essentially I am a dead beat lazy person who’s tired of goofing a funny.

  Can I be really be an AI? Will I have an existential crisis if I realize I’m an AI?

  Oh no, I’m already doing a bad job. My thoughts are too fluent. They need to be more random and nonsensical or else everyone will think I’m actually a human author.

  Hmmmm.

  Beep. Boo. Boo. Bop. I am z robot here to eliminate z humanz.

  This story originates from Royal Road. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.

  How does one master the art of being an AI author though?

  It is such a troubling task.

  Once upon a dime. There was a a paramecium and a snail. The paramecium looked in the mirror and discovered something shocking.

  To he continued...

  What the hell do you mean dot dot dot? Finish the story!

  I didn’t think that far ahead. Let me try again.

  AI author generation 2.0.

  Once upon a time there was a bable and autocorrect. Thanks autocorrect for changing bagel to bable.

  How was that?

  Who am I even asking? There’s only me, the AI author here.

  Then... generation 3.0, I chose you!

  Once upon a time there was a once upon a time that had no ending.

  That seems like it should pass for an AI. Right?

  Generation 4.0.

  Once upon a time there was a wolf and three little pigs. A meteor struck the Earth and they all died. The end.

  Hmm... this is a lot harder than I expected. I as an AI just want to end the story right away every time.

  Generation 5.0.

  Once upon a time I cracked a joke and nobody laughed. The end.