Mandy emerged from the Mandy Tent. Her hair was up in its twin pigtails and her round face beamed at me. I frowned; the garment she’d made for herself used less cloth than the last one. It was a short dress, sort of; I’m not up on fashion of any sort, so I don’t know the terms.

  I could see more thigh, maybe some cleavage, and the new dress left her belly exposed. That soft tummy had a fascinating short horizontal line of navel. With iron resolve, I resolutely went for eye contact.

  I considered apologizing for the lack of usable cloth in the dress, but I also knew that there was a ton of the stuff in that tent. I wanted to be a good host, and wondered what had gone wrong; she shouldn’t have had to make something skimpy. I’d get this right sooner or later.

  I heard a rustle in the bushes behind me. I was being hunted.

  “Oh, Mandy’s here,” I said loudly. “I sure hope nothing happens to me.”

  Schmendrick shouted “Strike Now!” In Cazador, and her whole pack flickered into visibility. They swarmed around my feet, climbing on my back as I carefully fell to my knees. I lay face down on the beach, groaning theatrically. Schmendrick hopped up and down between my shoulder blades. “Gotcha Owen!” she yelled in inglés. “Deaaaaad MEAT!”

  “I’m defeated and slain,” I said into the sand. “In case that wasn’t clear.”

  Mandy’s laughter was…well, it was just great. “Who’s that Pokémon?” She shouted.

  “I’m Schmendrick,” said Schmendrick, sounding confused. She barked orders to her pack, words in Cazador to the effect of keep practicing for a fight. Schmendrick herself waited for Cassie, who ran from the forest looking out-of-breath. The rest of the Hunt disappeared into the jungle to annoy Gary, by the sound of it.

  Beautiful Mandy. Big brown eyes, round cheeks, the smile, my God. She knelt to pet Schmendrick (cleavage! cleavage!) “He feeling better, Schmendrick?”

  “Only when you’re here,” Schmendrick said, tolerating the cold petting. “Been grumpy other times. Cassie, please carry me, I’m tired from pretending to kill Owen.”

  Cassie approached shyly. “Hi, Mandy.”

  Mandy hugged the taller girl around the armful of Schmendrick. “You remember me?”

  “Definitely, Doc bragged about some kind of lockdown, and how you wouldn’t be able to get in anymore. But I do remember you trashing the cafeteria tent and throwing that freeze-dried meat food all over the place.”

  “I keep it classy at all times.” They chit-chatted. As if none of this was weird, or life-or-death. Gossip about who was brand new, who was still around in an earlier iteration. Pretty dark, in retrospect.

  The Observatory interior had gone from steampunk garden to steampunk hydroponics park. Numerous chutes and transparent pipes curved and spiraled all around the tall ceiling, and the sun filtering through them caused the stone floor to dance with refracted sunlight. Water wheels of varying sizes, some adorned with flowers or even decorated with the occasional resting Big Smart Bee, spun at varying levels of speed.

  Flowers and vines overflowed everywhere, and Gardeners zipped from spot to spot with their newfangled Maker Propeller Boxes. The Radio played something upbeat and old-sounding, a silly song about three little fishies in an itty bitty pool. It was like a small town in three dimensions, which I suppose it had become.

  Gary came in through a window at high speed and shut off his Propeller. All of us: Mandy, Gary, Schmendrick and Art Deco were gathered around the Radio. It’s vines seethed with activity, waves of blooming flowers, waves of them in solid colors. Its speaker glowed a warm fiery yellow.

  I cleared my throat. “Guys, I got us into a fight.”

  “You are a fool!”

  “I’m aware, Gary, thank you.” I filled everyone in on the intentions of Doctor Harrigan, about how he wanted Sean’s soul. “I’m not sure I could have avoided this.”

  “Nonsense!” shouted Gary. “You will simply relinquish the ghost to this man! More humans will come to destroy our crops!”

  “They’d do that anyway, dude. This is overdue. Nobody ever escapes from Harrigan, and I don’t think he’d be able to handle us operating on our own without trying to put a stop to it. I still don’t know why.”

  “Then this island man with the soul must die,” Gary said. “Painfully, as an example to other humans. Stretch his living entrails across the sea, festoon them with venemous molluscs and electricity-producing carnivorous bacteria.”

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  “Gross. Not everyone is in this fight voluntarily. We have to protect ourselves, and we need to protect his people too.”

  “You are a fool! Undine, murderer from the depths, explain to Owen that he is a fool!”

  Mandy had that look she got when she came here, like she was in the middle of the most wondrous toy store. She met my eyes. “Huh? Sorry, I missed some of that.”

  “Gary wants you to tell me I’m dumb.”

  “You got into a slapfight with Harrigan, and you want to keep your people safe, and his attacking army safe.”

  “I really do.”

  “Gary, Owen is dumb,” she said, grinning.

  “Witness the triumph of wisdom over madness!” crowed Gary.

  Art Deco glyphed something; his soul flickering and blazing with dozens of grids and topographical concentric curves. The Radio translated.

  “Proposal: Implementation of direct bilateral interface protocols. Suggested methodology includes:

  Phase 1: Establishment of diplomatically-sanctioned parameters

  Phase 2: Development of mutual non-aggression behaviors

  Phase 3: Kill and eat the enemy.”

  I conveyed a response as best as I could with my skin markings and glyph-poses. And in English, for the rest: “That’s a solid plan, Art, but it feels like bad faith. If we can negotiate with them, and they agree to our terms, why do they need to be eaten?”

  Art responded: “Updated plan, Phase 3: Kill and eat the enemy for pleasurable flavor and rich nutrients for the soil.”

  Gary said: “The nightmare crustacean horror speaks with wisdom beyond his lowly station.”

  “We know not to go to that place with the human people,” Schmendrick said. “We stay away.”

  I hadn’t told her about the meal cooking over the campfire. About another version of me, eating that meal. “Schmendrick, do you think los Cazadores could handle humans, if they came here?”

  “We would make it quick when we could, but yes.” She leaned into Cassie petting her. “Painless kills, because Owen worries about hurting people. No venomous molluscs.”

  “That’s nice of you, sweetie.”

  Mandy’s jaw dropped, and I saw her mouthing the word “sweetie” as if it were the punchline to a secret joke.

  “And you,” I said to Gary. “If you were in trouble, and an enemy demanded that you be sent away as a prisoner, we’d all fight to stop it. You know that, Gary?”

  “You are a fool!” But he wasn’t disagreeing with me, exactly. “Incompetent!”

  “You got that right, man. Here’s my proposal: I need to do something about this. It’s a Human matter, in the end, but what Harrigan is doing causes other Powers to come here, huge ones that Mandy’s been fighting. Do I have that right?”

  She nodded, looking a little nervous with everyone watching her. Unexpected. “Things are here, in this world. Big big things. Harrigan’s island is turning into a kind of bug zapper light, drawing crazy jerks and their machines or whatever into this archipelago.”

  “And you’re the killing zap,” I said.

  She reddened a little, looked away. I’d forgotten she was embarrassed about being considered heroic. So very, very fine, this girl.

  “How much longer do you think you can do it?”

  “I don’t know. Civilizations in this area are constantly in danger from what Harrigan’s got going on. Eventually I’ll lose a fight big time.”

  She’d die, is what she was telling me. Well that wasn’t gonna fly, friends and neighbors. I knew I’d paused. My face, I knew, was blank again.

  She raised her chin, looking at me, that smugness returning. “It won’t happen yet,” she said. “But all we can do is all we can do. Eventually they’ll reach the Mainland, and things will get really bad.”

  “Are you in, then, Mandy the Undine?”

  “I thought that was clear, Owen the Steward. But only if Schmendrick says it’s okay.”

  “I will allow this,” Schmendrick said regally. “The Hunt will also murder this man. Continue petting me.”

  Cassie looked from me to Mandy, back to me. She smirked, whispered something into one of Schmendrick’s big triangular ears. The little alien looked confused.

  “Cassie, you’re the closest thing we have to a Human ambassador from Harrigan’s camp. What do you think?”

  She just nodded. Here eyes were huge. She petted Schmendrick, who flipped her long head around to inspect her, to lick her face.

  “Gary?”

  “Kill.” He spun in place slowly, something I recognized as a gesture of heavy thinking in Gardeners. “Kill. We must protect the crops. And Gardeners. And the Bees.” He paused. “And the rest of you.”

  I produced the declaration of war the Big Smart Bee delegation had given me. Passed it around. “Bees are in. What do you think, Radio?” I asked.

  An orchestral blast of horror movie music. “The Radio appreciated being asked. It had never been asked by any other Stewards, not during the thousands of years since its construction, certainly not since the Big Broadcast.”

  That was a very leading statement, but I tried to keep focus on the topic at hand. “Should I relinquish Sean to his dad? Should we just let Harrigan alone, making peace with him?”

  “No. And now, Kay Kyser and his Kollege of Musical Knowledge.” It began playing a song that included the words Praise the Lord and Pass the Ammunition.

  “Okay, then.” I said. “Let’s talk about how to do this.”

  Three Little Fishies by Kay Kaiser and his Kollege of Musical Knowledge

  Praise the Lord and Pass the Ammunition by Kay Kaiser and his Kollege of Musical Knowledge