For Devon.

  I love you most<3

  “There cometh a wicked dawn in heaven

  When even kings of kings shall fall at the hands of unclean spirits.

  Behold, there is another.”

  Part One

  Peace

  One

  Nicolas' eyes flew open as his ears filled with the deafening scream of a car horn.

  He jumped backward, breaking out of his thoughts as the small car flew past with a threatening, powerful wind that sent his hair blowing across his brows.

  Hey, watch it, dude! He thought to himself, though he knew it was partially his own fault for blindly walking out onto the road without thinking.

  He had been so deeply lost in his head that he hadn't even bothered to check before stepping into the crosswalk, almost walking right out into a car taking the free right turn on red rule too seriously.

  He had been thinking about one emotion in particular, one that seemed to follow Nicolas Starwood wherever he went, like a reflection: Like a curse holding his soul hostage and demanding an unpayable ransom.

  Nicolas continued across the crosswalk, stepping further and further from the library, which was today's choice of hiding.

  It had rained earlier that day, so the gray and silver sidewalk had become littered with puddles of rainwater, and the ground had become wet with a thin coat of glossy rain, making the asphalt look almost like a mirror that cast Nicolas’ reflection across the sidewalk: A lonely seventeen-year-old; who's brown hair blew in the July wind, the baby-blue T-shirt he wore for longer than he cared to admit, and his pale, ivory skin.

  Nicolas wasn’t always lonely. Back before high school, he actually had a friend, but he hadn’t seen Ash since they switched to homeschooling, and even though they still texted each other, that never really felt the same to him. Nicolas wasn’t upset at them for moving away though; if you only heard the things people were saying about them, you would feel the same. And because the school didn’t do anything about the bullying, Ash eventually managed to convince their parents to let them move to Seattle, to live with some family up there.

  Nicolas didn’t notice the large, deep puddle ahead until it was too late. One of his black and white sneakers hit the surface with a small splash, sending a ripple shattering through the reflection of Portland, Oregon.

  And now my socks are wet, he thought with frustration, taking a large step out of the puddle before shaking drops of water off his shoe.

  He continued forward, his socks now wet and uncomfortable in his sneakers.

  He wondered to himself why he still stayed with his dad, since he was turning eighteen in almost a month, so it wasn’t like anyone could really stop him from doing whatever he wanted, right?

  But despite how much he hated ‘home’, he did have one reason for going back: But that reason usually wasn't home when Nicolas got off school.

  Once he came to the next crosswalk, Nicolas pushed the button on the pole and waited for the crosswalk light to change. Then, he looked both ways before crossing, wanting to play things as safe as he could after almost being turned into a Go-Fund-Me page.

  Once on the other side of the street, he continued walking for about an hour before reaching the apartment building where he lived for the past five years, although to Nicolas, it had felt like a lifetime.

  He took the stairs, in an attempt to stall for as long as he could; even though it felt like trying to climb the Great Pyramid, and even though he lived on the fifth story.

  Once he reached floor five, he entered the hallway and continued to room 502.

  Nicolas took a deep breath, questioned why he was still there, then pressed through the door.

  The hot, alcohol-filled air hit Nicolas like a bus as he closed the door behind him, stepping over the empty glasses of beer that lay scattered across the floor. A bag of ordinary potato chips was spilled on the couch, but thankfully, the place was empty.

  Nicolas stepped over more empty bottles, making his way toward his room, which didn’t look nearly as awful.

  Once inside, he dropped his backpack onto the floor, leaning it against the wall where he always put it.

  The place was quiet; which wasn’t something Nicolas could say very often. He fell backward onto his bed, drawing in a long, relaxed breath.

  This bubble- I better make the most of it.

  Normally, on a weekend, Nicolas’ dad and friends would be over, getting drunk and forgetting that Nicolas existed, which was alright with him. What wasn’t alright, was the noise.

  Nicolas closed his eyes, allowing his mind to wander, when a sudden knock on the door made Nicolas jump, startled. But thankfully, the voice on the other side wasn't his dad's.

  "Hey buddy, are you there?" Sam asked from the other side of my bedroom door. When did he get home? Nicolas never remembered hearing the front door open. He pulled out his phone to check the time.

  4:35 P.M.

  Shouldn’t he be at work?

  "Yeah, I’m here," Nicolas replied. "Come in!"

  The door squealed as it creaked open, and his brother stepped into the room. Sam was quite tall, had darker hair, and was one of the coolest people Nicolas knew; although that didn’t say a lot, since Nicolas didn’t know many people.

  “What’s up?” Sam asked him, stepping over a pile of dirty laundry that Nicolas hadn’t bothered doing yet.

  “Nothing really,” he admitted. “I don’t exactly have anyone to hang out with, you know.”

  “You got me, don’t ya?” Sam smiled.

  “Don’t you have work, though?”

  “Nope, management let us off for the week, with it being July 4th and all.”

  Sam usually worked late shifts, so he and Nicolas could only talk for a few minutes a day, since Nicolas didn’t get out of school until three-o-clock, and Sam left for work at four usually.

  “Anyway, I was wondering if you wanted to spend a few hours at the beach while we still have some daylight,” Sam asked.

  It felt like a spark of pure joy lit up inside Nicolas. Getting away from this dump? Absolutely. “Sounds like a great idea.”

  “Awesome; I’ll be waiting in the living room when you’re ready,” Sam said as he turned back to the doorway.

  “Alright!” Nicolas called out as he disappeared.

  ***

  Nicolas always liked car rides. The calming vibrations as the wheels bounced along the road, the barely audible hum quenched by the sounds of wind hitting the car on all sides; it was calming, like it could make him go to sleep in an instant if he wanted to.

  This car ride was no different. The low, relaxed buzz of the car's gasoline engine roared around them, having the same effect a lullaby might have on a baby.

  The car turned right, stopping at a stop sign before turning into Route 26.

  “So, how was your day?” Sam asked as he pressed a circular button in the middle of the dashboard. The radio came to life, though it was quiet since the volume was turned down to only 5%. It was playing what sounded like an old song, if Nicolas had to guess, maybe from the 80s.

  “It was alright,” Nicolas replied, answering Sam’s question. This was a lie, and Sam, whose name was actually Samuel, seemed to know this somehow.

  If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. Please report it.

  “Are you sure?” He asked, and just like that, Nicolas caved.

  He never really believed the whole, “men aren’t supposed to cry” thing. In fact, Nicolas liked crying. He cried when he learned that his only friend, Ash, was moving to Seattle: He cried when his dad yelled at him, he cried when his mother died: Nicolas didn’t like being sad, but the tears seemed to always ease the pain somehow.

  But despite this, Nicolas still didn’t like crying in front of people. He didn’t like the looks people gave him, or the constant ‘Are you okay?’s that people always asked when he cried.

  “Just tired of being alone,” he confessed at last.

  “You’re not,” Sam replied. He continued looking forward, staring at the highway in front of them while he drove. “You’ve got me.”

  “How do you make friends?” Nicolas asked him. He’d never actually met any of Sam's friends, but he knew Sam had them.

  “Well, various places I guess,” Sam answered after a while, placing his right hand on Nicolas’ shoulder. “Just keep pushing forward, keep talking to new people, and before you know it, you’ll find friends who you can open up to and be yourself around.”

  But he had found someone he could open up to. And he was a cool, older brother named Sam, and Nicolas didn’t know what he’d ever do without him.

  “I’m just glad you’re here. You don’t know how much I need you.”

  “You don’t need me. All I do is try to make you see yourself for who you are. What you really need is to love yourself.”

  That sounds like a lot of work.

  Sam reached toward the middle console and pressed a different button, switching the music from pointless radio songs to Sam’s playlist.

  Nicolas wasn’t a fan of Sam’s music tastes, which consisted mostly of Kesha and Avril Lavigne, but he was glad to move away from his own feelings.

  His mood had lightened a pretty good bit by the time the car turned into the parking lot of where the beach was. All the spaces nearer to the beach were taken up, so Sam parked in the back.

  “It’ll just be a little longer of a walk, that’s all,” He said as he twisted the key, turning the car off.

  They got out of the car, and the burning air seemed to hit Nicolas like he’d stepped into a microwave. The sun was beating down so hot, that within just a few seconds, he could feel the heat drawing sweat from his skin. He wasn’t sweating, at least not yet- but he could feel it; the way you can feel tears starting to rise, even before they come out.

  Nicolas moved around the car, and toward the back, where they’d put their towels.

  He’d changed into his swim clothes back at the house, so thankfully, he didn’t need to worry about changing in the suffocating, brick changing room. He pulled on the handle, and the heavy, scorching-hot door lifted, and Nicolas grabbed his towel, while Sam grabbed the other towel, before closing the door and locking the car with the button on his key. Then, they began walking through the countless amounts of parked cars that reflected the yellow sunlight into Nicolas’ eyes like lasers.

  Once they made it to the sidewalk area, they followed that, turning left.

  The only way into the beach was by walking directly through the store. It didn’t have doors, and the sidewalk went right through it, before shifting into a boardwalk.

  He wished they could come to the beach more often, but Nicolas was getting closer and closer to college, and Sam had a full-time job, and since the beach was an hour and a half drive from Portland, it wasn’t often that they had the time.

  Nicolas and Sam continued along the sidewalk until they came to the Beach Shop.

  “Can we look through here real quick?” Nicolas asked.

  “Why not.”

  The shop was filled mostly with the same things it always had. Overpriced swim gear, nameplates in the shape of surfboards, glass bottles of seashells (which Nicolas thought was a little redundant), and a concrete floor covered in sand. Still, Nicolas always enjoyed looking around nonetheless.

  As usual, nothing in the store seemed to be any different. It was exactly how it was the last time he’d come here.

  However, Nicolas was looking at something different. Even though he didn’t intend to buy anything, there was something he took interest in. Or at least, someone.

  It was a boy about his age by the looks of it, maybe a tad bit older. He was taller than Nicolas, which didn’t say much since Nicolas was 5’5, but still, he was tall. His hair was light brown, and he wore black and blue colored swim trunks, with no shirt. A pair of Beats headphones were wrapped around his head, turned just barely so that one of his ears was visible.

  His eyes pointed toward Nicolas, and Nicolas darted his own eyes away as a wave of slight panic washed over him.

  He turned his eyes to the merchandise in the shop, pretending to be overly fascinated by a turtle made of seashells that had been glued together.

  When he thought it was safe to look, Nicolas carefully took another peak.

  If this were a romance, he would’ve found the boy still looking at him, they’d talk, fall in love, and live happily ever after. But if Nicolas had learned anything from stories, it was that happily ever after was just another part of the story. Another fictional piece that never happens in real life.

  When Nicolas looked up from the strange-looking turtle, the boy wasn’t looking at him. Instead, he waited behind someone else, maybe his sister, while she handed something to the man behind the register.

  The strange, panicked feeling seemed to slowly disappear, and his heart was starting to slow back down to normal as the boy began heading out of the store.

  Nicolas wished he could talk to people like he talked to himself at night. However, every time he had attempted to talk to people, his heart would begin to speed up, and the world would feel as though it were spinning beneath his feet.

  “Ready to go?” Sam’s voice from behind Nicolas made him jump, turning around and gasping like he was just caught committing a crime.

  “Um- y-yeah,” he stuttered guiltily.

  Nicolas followed Sam outside the shop without buying anything, the memory of the cute, shirtless boy deciding to stick around for a moment.

  “So, feel like talking about that guy you were staring at?” Sam asked Nicolas after they’d walked down the boardwalk a little ways.

  “I wasn’t staring!” He defended himself. Nicolas had only made a few peaks, surely not enough for Sam to have noticed. But then again, Sam noticed things like that, a lot more than people realized. It was how he’d first found out about Nicolas’ interest in guys in the first place.

  Sam was always like that.

  “Sure you weren't,” Sam said sarcastically, his eyebrows bouncing a few times to make the sarcasm even more obvious. Then seriously, he added; “Why didn't you talk to him?”

  “I don't know, I just didn't, I guess.”

  The truth was, Nicolas did know why. Talking to guys always scared him. At least, ever since an encounter with this guy from school, named Kane.

  “Maybe we'll see him at the beach,” Sam said as they continued.

  “Maybe.” Though I'll still be too scared to talk to him then, either.

  Nicolas discovered a while back that awkwardness seemed to follow him wherever a cute boy was, which was yet another reason he never talked to guys.

  The boardwalk turned right slightly, before ending a few feet later, fading into sand as it reached the beach. A yellow flag waved on a pole beside a big sign with information about what the different colored flags meant.

  Green meant the ocean was calm, yellow meant hazardous conditions, which to Nicolas, usually just meant ‘big waves’, red, meaning riptides, which were pretty dangerous,

  purple meaning 'stinging marine life', which was almost always jellyfish, and a double red flag meant the beach was closed.

  The yellow flag seemed to be the most common, because nearly every time he’d been to the beach, there had been a yellow flag.

  When they made it to the rocky coast, Sam dropped his towel onto the flat surface of one of the rocks. Nicolas followed, the stone feeling warm from the summer heat as his fingers touched it.

  "I'll be around," Sam told him as he sprayed himself with sunblock. Then, seriously, he added, “Try making a friend, Nick.”

  “I'll try,” Nicolas promised, knowing he would do no such thing.

  "Alright!" He replied, giving Nicolas a thumbs-up before turning around and walking down the beach. Nicolas turned toward the horizon, looking out toward the long, rock islands as the sun in front of him blinded his eyes with a painful, warm fire.

  Try making a friend, Nick.

  He stepped out into the water, making his way toward one of the large rocks poking out of the surface. The rocks were stacked on top of each other in a line, like a giant wall, just barely above the surface.

  Carefully, he continued along them, stepping from rock to rock, being careful to avoid the slippery ones. Most of them were large enough that they didn't move when Nicolas stepped on them, but a few of them rocked slightly under his weight.

  He continued until the water was so deep, that most of the rocks were completely underwater. Nicolas stepped on a particularly wet one and almost slipped on the seaweed and barnacle-covered stone. The sun was beating down so hot that Nicolas was sure he’d have a sunburn before long, even with the layer of sunblock on his back.

  There was a buzz from an airplane somewhere above, and when Nicolas glanced up at the sky, he had to squint his eyes against the blinding summer star in order to see it.

  It was a small plane, pulling a long banner behind it. It took a moment for Nicolas to find out that it was just an advertisement for life insurance, but once his curiosity had been quenched, Nicolas continued along the rocks.

  Even on the beach, you can’t get away from all the millionaires trying to take more money from people, Nicolas thought with an eye-roll no one would ever see.

  Nicolas took in a deep inhale, then jumped into the water, which felt ice-cold against his burning skin.

  ***

  Nicolas sat on one of the rocks, with his feet submerged in the water below him, watching the sun dip under the horizon, turning the water golden with sunlight.

  “I wish we could stay here,” Nicolas mumbled, half to himself.

  “I do too,” Sam replied from beside him. Nicolas didn’t want to go back to the house. He never wanted to go back. He just wanted to stay here, where things were calm. Where things were okay.

  “I never want to go back,” he mumbled again, this time quieter.

  “Hm?”

  “Nothing,” Nicolas said, turning his head away.

  “Look,” Sam started, and Nicolas could already tell this was going to be one of Sam’s long motivational monologues. “You can’t run from your problems forever, Nicolas. Someday, you’re going to have to learn to face them; find out what’s causing the problems in the first place, and put a stop to that, instead. Life’s never perfect for anyone.”

  Sure seems perfect to some people.

  “Think of it like a book, or a TV series,” Sam continued. “Sure, it may suck at times, and sometimes it makes you want to just close the book, or turn the television off. But it always gets better if you stick with it, and you’ll never know what’s truly in store if you give up before your prologue is over.”

  Yeah, but aren’t there always bad books, or bad movies? Movies that just turn out to be a huge waste of time? Nicolas didn’t say this. He said nothing. Instead, he just stared out at the golden horizon, trying to keep himself from letting any more tears slip out, the light sparkling along the corners of his teary eyes.

  Nicolas never understood why Sam talked to him. No one else seemed to like him, or ask how he was, but Sam did.

  Sam cares.

  “What if it doesn’t?” Nicolas asked at last. “What if it never gets better, and I continue telling myself it will until I die, just as lonely as ever?”

  “Well then,” Sam put his hand on Nicolas’ shoulder. “Then you get to say ‘I told you so’ in heaven.”

  Nicolas laughed, a small, quick laugh that was almost no more than a smile. Then, Sam added; “What do you say about getting something to eat somewhere?”

  Nicolas wiped his eyes with his saltwater-covered hand, smiling. “Sounds good to me.”