Slowly I awaken, keeping my eyes shut in hopes of keeping the throb of a headache from worsening. I attempt to bring my hands up to my face, stopping as I feel the weight of my arms and soreness in my body brings the memory of my awakening back. I just let my arms go limp as I start panicking hybrid that’s what I am, a deep need to scream starts to well up and right before it comes the feeling disperses. I open my eyes, flinching at the light inside the tent, once my eyes adjust enough to squint I notice Elder Devlik sitting across from me in his firebearer form holding his cane watching me.
“Akken, it seems you have realized your fate but tradition requires me to inform you” he looks at me with sad eyes shaken his head, “you have awoken your other halves like so many before you, you are a hybrid, though it pains everyone greatly you are to be exiled after seven days for the safety of you and everyone else in The Bellowing Thunder tribe.”
I just stare forward not answering trying to not break down into tears but I am failing. Soon they begin falling along with a whimper I think but I don’t recognize the sound as mine as they continue to come out. It feels like hours as I lay there and cry. Elder Devlik remains silent as he stays with me. Thoughts of past lessons come to mind as I let all my emotions out.
My teacher Linse talked about awakening during my last few lessons with her. “Awakening can be scary in the weeks coming up and after it, getting your life changed is a difficult thing but in time you’ll feel better than you ever did while sealed…” these memories do little to comfort me as more come, “Hybrid’s are dangerous they don’t just have one other half they have two and both sides have different instincts which can war against each other and your firebearer instincts causing them to be more unstable than normal shifters after awakening, but because of their stronger and warring souls our shamans can’t contain them like other shifters. Even if one of you awakens as a hybrid you’ll always be my student…”
Eventually I have no more tears left to shed and I slowly sit up, my aching body protesting the movements. I take in my body as I sit up. My entire body is covered in thick brown fur. I am so large my fingers end in large sharp claws and I almost raise my hands to touch my face but I need to focus. With a long shaky breath I get ready to face the next step of my life.
“What are the next steps Elder Devlik, what do I need to do before my exile?” I say trying to keep my voice from shaking.
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Elder Devlik stayed silent for a moment before standing, “First we need to get used to your body then prepare for your five years in exile, many of our fellow tribemates will come to you with advice, on the dawn of the seventh day we’ll perform the ritual of exile that is what comes next for you.” Elder Devlik motions for me to join him.
I nod my head as I force myself up through the pain, then I take a tentative step forward grimacing from the pain but I push forward. Eventually I make my way out of the tent, covering my eyes with my new hands having to avoid my new snout, the camp both smells the same and different as do the sights. I choke back another sod as I try not to think about how much the tribe will change in my five years in exile.
Seven days passed quicker than I thought it would. So much of my time was spent just listening to adults in the tribe so much advice none of it made sense, it was all about accepting all parts of myself and not fighting my new halfs none of it stuck. I kept focusing on my complete form, a mix of a bear and elk. Everything was so much smaller, nothing was the right size anymore.
My parents were always there. My mother was always trying to make sure that I was comfortable and calm. I don’t think I've been hugged as much in the last fifteen years. My father was there but he never really said anything. I don't blame him. I couldn't say anything either to anyone but he was always there. He also made sure that I had a pack ready with everything that i need i’m not sure when he did it because he was always with me when i was awake. But despite that I now stand on the edge of camp looking at them and Elder Devlik.
I turn away and I take a step away, my entire week was a preparation for this: the advice, the equipment, the totem that was made for me. The only thing that ties a hybrid to the tribe is a totem that will burn when I die, the last thing I will leave with my tribe for five years. I keep walking, not turning back even if Elder Devlik’s magic is keeping my other halves calm, it won't last forever. The forest feels cold even under all my new fur. Every step feels heavier than the last as I keep going away from the only home I've ever known.
After hours of walking I stop as the feeling of a dam breaking rushes through me and a growl starts rising at the back of my throat as the feelings of my two other parts are released. The bear demands that I rage that I return and force them to accept me and that I carve out my place among them. The elk huffs in indifference and speaks of making my own herd after being chased away. In the confusion of different emotions compared to my own i yell out in frustration and anger and most of all confusion. I throw my arms onto the nearest tree, both bear and elk yelling to mark my territory with what might have been a sob. I do so. My pack rustling as I do so in an annoying tone to me or maybe the bear I didn't know but I threw it to the ground in anger. The contents shoot out and something smacks my nose. As I look down in anger I see what it is, a small bone carved with the story of the first shifter, my favorite story that I made my parents tell me everyday for years. Looking down at it emotions welled up in the totality of my being as I screamed out in sadness not as the firebearer, or the bear, or the elk but as me Akken.
