“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”

  Our starting point was way too fucking high. I could see triangular harvest fields, clusters of small and large houses, even a couple of castles.

  It took us only a few seconds to reach terminal velocity. The wind turned into a solid wall slamming into my chest, making it hard to breathe.

  In the face of imminent death, my brain began to overclock—just like it had when I avoided turning into road paste during my bike crash.

  I turned toward Nelson, spotted the bag with the HP potions, and summoned my inner flying squirrel.

  He was still flailing his limbs, mouth wide open, screaming—until his [Mental Resilience] kicked in.

  He pondered for a couple of seconds, staring at the ground, then turned to me and made an explosion gesture, grinning wildly.

  ‘Clever bastard.’

  I gestured for a potion as I got closer. Nelson pulled out two, nearly tossed one, but stopped himself before screwing up.

  I took mine, gulped it down, and prayed to Helena.

  ‘I'll do the possible. The impossible’s on you, Helena. Don’t let your toy break before the tutorial!’

  The forest was rushing up to meet us. I clenched everything that was clenchable.

  ‘I’ve got instant death immunity. I won’t die… maybe.’

  I tried to trust the skill I’d been given, but it wasn’t easy when I was about to turn into tenderized meat.

  Our landing point was a camp below, where two presumed humans in peasant clothing were lounging. They looked up—curious, morbidly amused—then stood and began chatting excitedly while pointing at us.

  ‘Do I look like a fucking attraction?!’

  I was baffled that those fucks were treating my imminent death like a spectacle.

  They grew more excited as we got closer to the ground, the girl bounced on the spot.

  They grew more excited as we got closer to the ground; the girl even bounced on the spot.

  “Hexabitch sucks dick!” Nelson screamed just before hitting the ground, triggering his explosion curse.

  The spectators—who were practically clapping in excitement—were instantly tenderized and yeeted into the woods by the blast. I thought I was far enough from the epicenter, but miscalculated. A muffled “fuck you, Nelson” was all I could get out before the bang swallowed me.

  The blast deleted most of my HP and sent me ragdolling through twigs, bushes, and one unfortunate bunny before crashing into a shallow pond.

  “I thank you, Goddess Helena, for your wonderful blessing that won’t let me die…” I tried to stand, but only managed to trigger pain in every fucking part of me. “…while suffering enough to wish for it!”

  I drowned my pained moans in angry grunts.

  The potion kept healing me, snapping my bones back into place and mending torn flesh.

  “This is utter bullshit!” I sobbed through gritted teeth. The debris in the water made everything sting even more.

  “Jesus Christ, what a shit start.”

  I stood up and ran a mental body scan: fully healed, T-shirt gone—vanished somewhere during the landing.

  I traced back the ragdolling path. The bunny I thought had turned into red paste was apparently unharmed.

  “This makes no fucking sense,” I muttered bitterly, staring at the contrast between the intact bunny and the broken twigs and smashed bushes.

  No matter—I had to find Nelson and make sure he didn’t stumble on a tiny pebble and die post-landing.

  I followed the ragdolling path and soon found him sitting on the grass.

  His clothing had ceased to exist after the explosion. The potion had stopped the bleeding and topped off his HP, but the bloodstains remained.

  “You look like a perverted psycho ready for post-mortem coitus.”

  Nelson was unresponsive, staring at the corpses.

  A slender girl with sickly pale skin lay twisted nearby. I couldn’t tell if she’d been pretty—her face was caved in. Her light brown hair was smeared with chunks of flesh and brain from a shattered skull. The young man had several holes in his chest and one in his cheek. His face—framed by a moustache that had just begun to sprout—was frozen in amusement. His skin had never seen the sun, and his stick-thin body told me he’d never done a day of labor.

  “Frank… I—I killed those kids.”

  Nelson stared at the mauled corpses, completely at a loss.

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  “I thought my first kill would be some shitty bandits. Not stupid kids… Fuuck—why didn’t they get away?”

  He inhaled deeply and covered his face.

  ‘Damn it, it’s too early for a breakdown.’

  I couldn’t blame Nelson. I needed to demonize these dead idiots before he cracked.

  “We don’t know shit, Nelson. They could’ve been cannibals, slavers, demons in disguise—or worse, elves,” I said while inspecting the bodies.

  I dug my hands where their pockets should have been. There were some uneven silver coins in the pants.

  I spotted a satchel under the young man and unceremoniously turned him over. The satchel was damaged, but inside was an intact waterskin and a small diary—with a graphite pencil.

  I checked the last written pages of the diary. The edges were stained with fresh blood.

  “They were here to see us splat. These fuckers were cheering for us to die horribly.”

  Nelson was still in shock. Why wasn’t [Mental Resilience] kicking in?

  “You did the same thing watching gore videos, hypocrite.”

  He spoke without energy, still half-absent.

  “Yeah. Nothing teaches you what not to do like a video of a lobotomite dying from it. Like those imbeciles—don’t start close to an unknown variable.”

  I kept reading the diary. The handwriting was complete shit, barely readable.

  “According to this, the place is called Falling Man Forest.”

  Nelson stayed silent, staring into the void.

  ‘Banter back, damn it.’

  “Oh, this little fuck eloped with the girl. She seemed to be his slave, and his father didn’t approve of her. Disgraceful son. No better than a criminal,” I said, spitting on his face.

  “Give him a rest. He’s dead.”

  “I won’t respect in death someone I didn’t respect in life.”

  I pulled the pants off the corpse. He wouldn’t need them anymore, and they’d fit Nelson nicely.

  Getting fed up with my lack of a serious response, he snapped.

  “Why are you taking this so lightly, Frank?! I just ended these kids’ lives!”

  “Are you going to cry over some random deaths? Did you think we’d never cause collateral damage?”

  I tossed the pants into Nelson’s face.

  “They were in the wrong place at the wrong time. Too bad.”

  I stared daggers at the dead fucks for zapping my friend’s sanity stat with their deaths.

  “Or rather—they were right where they wanted to be. If they hadn’t pulled this shitty escapade, they’d still be around—breathing and fucking.”

  “You talk like you never screwed your parents over with teen bullshit,” Nelson barked.

  “A disappointment knows a disappointment, my sensitive bitch friend.”

  “Frank, just shut the fu—”

  Nelson froze. [Mental Resilience] had kicked in.

  His face shifted from anger and guilt to mild discomfort. His chest didn’t hurt anymore when he looked at the corpses; the desperate need to fix it was gone.

  “Seriously? This was that hard to deal with?” I raised an eyebrow.

  “Of course it was. You’re the weird one for being calm.”

  “Only one of us can panic at a time.”

  “Still following that old rule,” he chuckled hollowly.

  “Put those on. Or are you planning to do a naked playthrough?”

  “Well, I could flaunt my 20 cm hyper weapon to the Isekai dicklets and ladies!”

  He forced himself to joke again, burying the murky feeling of having his emotions forcibly shut off.

  “Just shut up.”

  I turned my attention back to the corpses and drifted into thought.

  “What, thinking of desecrating the bodies?”

  “Kinda? I was thinking I could offer their souls to Lady Helena.”

  Nelson short-circuited. “That’s—”

  “I wonder what boons I’ll get. Come on, help me with my missionary work.” I grabbed the girl’s corpse and yanked her out of her abstract-art pose.

  Nelson, remembering the dreadful condition Helena had tied to his skill, immediately jumped to help—no matter how wrong it felt. Everything paled in comparison to the threat of becoming a dicklet. He grabbed the guy’s ankles and started dragging him like a sack of potatoes.

  “You seem awfully used to this, Frank.”

  He watched the boy’s body leak fluids, leaving a crimson trail, his face twisted in disgust.

  “During the years I disappeared after college, I worked for a mortician for a couple of months.”

  “Why so short? Were you humping expired cuties?” Nelson joked.

  “No. The owner’s daughter wanted some dick. She was uglier than a kick in the balls and smelled worse than a hobo corpse.”

  I straightened her broken radius, dirtying my hands with blood and bone marrow.

  “She told her dad I was desecrating women’s bodies after I refused her advances.”

  “Was it true?”

  “No. There wasn’t a single ice queen pretty enough to cross that line.”

  We arranged the bodies as close as we could to a coffin position.

  “That should do,” I told Nelson.

  He wiped his hand on the grass.

  Then I knelt in front of them, opened my arms, and raised them toward the sky.

  ‘Sorry, Dad. I’ll borrow your praying model… and corrupt it a bit.’

  I felt a twinge of guilt and imagined my father manifesting behind me with a wet rope in hand, ready to beat me into stop not being a heretic.

  “Oh Helena! Goddess of Death and Rebirth! Here are two sinful souls who met an untimely demise—consequence of their dishonorable actions! I pray to you: take them with you, cleanse their souls, and return them to the cycle!”

  I waited for fifteen seconds. Nothing happened.

  “Nothing is happening” Said Nelson, holding his mocking laughter

  “Should I try even louder? Yell until my throat rips—”

  My train of thought was interrupted by a Liar Goddess giggle

  ‘Hehehe~!’

  ‘Sorry, Dad. I’ll borrow your preaching model… and corrupt it a bit.’

  I felt a twinge of guilt and imagined my father manifesting behind me with a wet rope in hand, ready to beat me into not being a heretic.

  “Oh Helena! Goddess of Death and Rebirth! Here are two sinful souls who met an untimely demise—consequences of their dishonorable actions! I pray to you: take them with you, cleanse their souls, and return them to the cycle!”

  I waited for fifteen seconds.

  Nothing happened.

  “Nothing is happening,” said Nelson, barely holding back his mocking laughter.

  ‘Should I try even louder? Yell until my throat rips—’

  My train of thought was interrupted by a liar Goddess’s giggle.

  ‘Hehehe~!’