So, onwards! To whatever fresh chaos waited in the bushes.
The gnark was less than happy when I recovered my sword from its bent fingers. Its verbal abuse was almost Romanian in quality.
“Shit human. Cruel human. Lying, thieving human. Crystal will not forget this. Crystal will make human cry and beg. Human will rue the day—”
“Yes, yes, you Gollum-wannabe.” I raised both my sword and Crystal’s big whacking stick in what I hoped was a threatening pose. It worked and the creature squirmed. “I need to find some yellow berry bush. Do that for me and I’ll give you your stick back, and we can both be on our way.” I made a poking gesture with my sword. “You attacked me. Yes? I have half a mind to cut your nose off.”
Okay, I wasn’t going to attack the cringing creature, no matter how balefully it stared at me, but it didn’t need to know that. I just wanted to get rid of the hallucinations before night came. And that was a shudder-worthy thought on its own, to be caught out in the forest while still dealing with my overactive imagination. Being haunted by a xenomorph or a predator was not how I wanted to face the dark.
“I kill you,” Crystal growled. “I kill you dead.”
It squeaked when I took a step towards it.
I made my voice into a low growl, sounding like a cross between a constipated dog and a chain smoker. “Do you know where to find the berries or not? I’m in no mood for more of your shit, gremlin.”
It did not have the intended effect.
“Crystal not gremlin! Crystal proud gnark princess, human filth.”It waggled a long, gnarled finger at me. “Whole army of proud gnark warriors ready to cut you down. Human will rue the day—”
I tried not to laugh. I really did. The thing was treacherous enough without being ridiculous, and it did have a way of nullifying my only offensive skill. But…
It took me about three minutes before I could get any coherent words out past the giggling. It’s damn hard to keep threatening a gnark while you’re constantly trying not to choke on laughter.
“A princess, eh?” I stifled another snort, not aided at all by my imagination providing a sparkling tiara atop Crystal’s head. “Is Your Highness going to do as I asked? If not, I’ll be on my way.”
I didn’t really need to deal with this shit and, armed again, didn’t think Tusk or Crystal were much of a danger to me. Tusk looked old and decrepit, which was at odds with how I’d seen him earlier. Maybe that had been a hallucination? Whatever vim he’d shown had likely been just the adrenaline of the moment, but now that I was studying him in proper light the creature seemed more skin than muscle and bone. It barely had any claws, and I think another kick to the muzzle would’ve left him toothless.
And Crystal was barely worth any more consideration, now that I was on my feet and towered over her. She was intelligent, in the strictest sense of the word, so I wasn’t going to hurt her if I didn’t need to. Since I’d now had a chance to cool down and evaluate the situation, I didn’t see a reason to be cruel or continue the scuffle.
Crystal’s eyes narrowed. “What human give for berries?” she asked, voice low. “Crystal trade berries for sword.”
“Klaus no trade sword,” I answered. “I’ll give you back your stick?”
“You give pack,” she countered.
I laughed. She had cheek for days.
“I’m giving you your stick, one whack at a time.” If she was going to be obstinate, I was going to be a jerk. Tit for tat.
That, at least, got Crystal to shut up and consider.
“Food?” she asked dubiously.
“I can trade you some pickles,” I said. There was a jar that I’d dug into and was willing to part with if it helped me get rid of the spores.
“Give pickles,” Crystal demanded.
“Give berries.”
“Pickles!”
“Berries first.”
Cheek nothing. The fucker had gall! Her eyes drew into slits and the nostrils on her enormous nose flared out as if she was getting ready to start shit again. Well, I’d had enough.
Before she drew breath to continue the pointless negotiation, I cut her off, “Suit yourself.”
And with that, I turned and began walking away. I had little daylight left so I wasn’t going to waste it on arguing with a discount Gollum and her pet naked rat. At least I got a good stick out of the whole ordeal.
Rustling steps followed me. I turned and held the sword out, its tip a centimetre away from Crystal’s beaky nose.
“Leave me alone,” I warned. “You’ve caused me enough trouble already.” The bruises on my face and neck hurt and I expected I’d look like a car crash victim the next day.
“Human, follow,” Crystal said without preamble. “I give you berries. You give pickles. Deal?”
As if to seal the offer, she extended her gnarled hand past the sword’s blade and offered me what I think was supposed to be a leering smile. It’s what I would’ve imagined cresting wicked witch’s face when luring in kids to eat them.
I did not shake her hand.
“How’d you stop me earlier?” I asked instead. I wasn’t about to follow the thing without understanding how it had kept pace with the surge, or how it had stopped me so easily.
“Crystal trade secret for food,” she answered. “More food. More secret. Yes, yes. Good trade for stinky human.”
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That, coming from something smelling like a rotting toadstool.
“No trade,” I warned and waggled the stick. “I need my food. Don’t know where to get more.”
“Trade shelter tonight for food.” She wasn’t going to let up and this latest offer was the most suspicious of them all.
KLAUS: Eklil, sorry to bother you again.
EKLIL EHREEN-SEN: Did you find the berries?
KLAUS: No. Found someone that can take me to the berries.
KLAUS: Does the name “Crystal” mean anything to you?
EKLIL EHREEN-SEN: Unfortunately, yes. Have you encountered her?
KLAUS: Unfortunately, yes. She’s offering to trade me for berries. Wants food.
EKLIL EHREEN-SEN: So she’s tried to rob you and failed, I take it?
KLAUS: Yep.
EKLIL EHREEN-SEN: Don’t eat anything she offers. Otherwise, she’s harmless. If very annoying.
“Human?” Crystal crooned and shuffled closer, turning her offered hand into a grab for the stick.
I whacked her over the fingers. “Mitts to yourself,” I warned. “I’m just making sure you’re not more trouble than you’re worth. Eklil says you’re safe.”
The name drop had the effect I was hoping for. Crystal narrowed her eyes as she stuck the mangled fingers in her mouth, sucking them noisily.
“Shtinky ‘uman fwiend wi’h shtinky wabbit?” she gurgled.
“I’d drop the insults if I were you. Eklil’s my friend. Don’t speak ill of him.”
Tusk snuffled closer and pressed the side of his head against the gnark’s hip, letting out a low bark. He, at least, was tired of the whole charade and my heart went out to the old beast. It was looking about and rumbling low, as if worried something might spring at us from the bushes.
EKLIL EHREEN-SEN: If she threatens you with an army of her kind, just know there are none. Crystal is an outcast of her tribe. Treat her kindly if you can.
KLAUS: Understood. Thanks, Eklil.
EKLIL EHREEN-SEN: Send me the description of what she offers you. There aren’t many other plants she could trick you with, but it pays to be safe. I’ve work to attend to but will keep an eye on this.
“Lead the way,” I said.
“Need my stick,” Crystal said. “Old bones. Bad knees. Show kindness to an old crone.”
“Yeah, no.” I gestured with the stick. “Get walking.”
“Stinky, cruel human.”
Eternity let out a puff of smoke on my shoulder, speaking up for the first time. “I believe your odour is quite neutral,” it said. “Hers is not.”
I chuckled as Crystal and Tusk moved out in front of me. “As if you could tell. Since when does hard light smell anything?”
“I have access to plenty of your personal identifiers, scent included. You do not stink. Yet. The unique saliva the shamblers produce has cleansing properties.”
The last thing I ever wanted to think about was the whole experience with the giant mushroom guys. I shuddered at the memory of those rubbery teeth rubbing against my skin.
"Let’s never speak of those again, shall we?”
“If you wish.” Eternity flew up and over our heads, providing a cone of light.
Eternity had information I did not, if I interpreted the words correctly. What it said about the shambler saliva was framed as fact, not observation or guess. I jotted down the information as more weird shit about the interface. Of course, I could’ve just been interpreting stuff, but it still paid to keep track of this stuff.
It took little time and a short walk to notice the light was dimming. Shadows lengthened and darkened, the space between trees slowly grew impenetrable, and a chilly wind picked up and rustled the leaves. The forest grew steadily unfriendlier.
On the less terrible side, I could still see quite well even as gloom gathered and even away from Eternity’s light.
“Hmm, expected the stats to take longer to work,” I said, squinting at the sky. “I’m seeing better due to the new stats, right?”
“Yes,” Eternity answered. “Your particular human variety is quite weak at base stats, so your early growth appears to be quite rapid.”
Went into the file. Didn’t pick at the thread as I didn’t want to somehow lose sight of the rags-dressed Crystal. As it got dark, it was growing harder to watch her.
Areestra had passed beyond the horizon and I was now spying shards of the night sky through the canopy.
“What trade for lizard?” Crystal called from up ahead, poking her head through some thin-leaved bush. “Give you good rabbit pelt for it. Only slightly chewed by Tusk. His teeth not goon now. No damage. Almost fresh pelt.”
Were I a different kind of bastard, I would’ve happily agreed to any trade, grab the goods, and then summon Eternity to me once I was well and truly clear of Crystal. The thought crossed my mind.
But I doubted Eternity would’ve appreciated the ruse.
“Not mine to trade away,” I said. “You can ask it nicely to stay with you if you want.”
"Lizard!” Crystal crowed. “Crystal’s got pretty, shiny cage for you. And tasty bugs.”
Eternity sneezed out a spark and rose higher in the air, away from the gnark’s grubby hands. It still held the light shining ahead.
With the spores still running rampant in my head, I did my best to ignore whatever hints of movement popped in my peripheral vision, the same way I was ignoring Scrat reaching long fingers for me now and again. Were I to look sideways, I’d either see nothing—and possibly lose sight of Crystal—or get a face full of angry imagination figment and piss myself.
Crystal stopped suddenly and sniffed loudly at the air. She raised a hand and halted our little procession.
“What’s happening?” I asked.
“Shush, human,” Crystal hissed.
She swung down her grubby pack against a tree, climbed up it to open its top, then clanked and clanged until she produced a short stick with a knob on the end. It was covered by a leaf packing.
An acrid smell filled the air when she bit off the covering. A snap of her fingers and thick, black smoke accompanied the stench. The top of the stick burst into fire, sputtering and spitting as it roared to life with a sizzle.
The brush around us immediately rustled, the collective sound of a lot feet running away. I spun in place, sword out, but only saw trembling leaves and swaying branches. Whatever had been tracking us had dispersed.
My heart thundered in my ears with the sudden commotion. I turned my eyes on Crystal, and found her writing runes in the air, same as Ielup had on that night. They were all floating above Tusk as the gnark mumbled and grunted while she worked.
“What are you doing?” I asked, raising the sword and mentally preparing myself for a fight. I was already considering my left arm for a shield.
“Shush, stupid human,” Crystal hissed.
Before I spouted off a complaint, she nodded and snapped her fingers again. The runes turned to liquid light and dripped onto Tusk. And the old molerat grew. His fangs thickened and lengthened, and fresh ones pushed out bloodily from his gums. His body inflated, skin stretched taut over bulging muscles, the ridge of his back growing pronounced. It looked like something the dungeon bear might’ve run from.
“Good, Tusk,” Crystal cooed as she stroked the thick ridge of his brow. “Go. Lead.”
I tensed for the fight, expecting treachery. But the gnark just waved me forward, picking up the pace as Tusk took forward point. His head was bowed low as he sniffed at the ground and growled.
Cold sweat dripped down my back as I followed, muscles rigid with fear. “What’s happe—”
“Hush, human!” Crystal hissed, voice barely above a whisper. “Dangerous place. Dangerous parts. No food. You food. You smell of food.”
“Yeah.” I lowered my voice to her level. “Everything I’ve met today wanted a taste.”
I couldn’t trust my eyes in the gloom. While Eternity’s light and the shifting torch revealed enough of our narrow surroundings, my imagination kept filling the dark with shifting, slithering shapes.
Or maybe it wasn’t my imagination. With everything Oresstria had already thrown at me, would it really have been that much of a stretch to expect something out of Geiger’s imagination too?
“Human.” Crystal slowed the pace and raised the torch as high as she could, swinging it in a slow arc. Tusk grumbled and let out a crawling growl.
“Yes?” My knuckles turned white with how hard I gripped sword and stick. My breathing caught in my throat. “What?”
The gnark turned a wide eye towards me, black pupil reduced to a pinprick of black. “Run.”
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