I gasped for air, struggling to open my eyes. Something was holding me down. Through the haze, I could make out Robin, MJ, and Morgan.
Where was I?
I tried looking around, but couldn’t move my head.
A voice buzzed my ear. “You need to relax.”
I tried to reply—nothing came out.
A blob ran out of the room, returning with two more blobs.
“Hey.”
I couldn’t tell where the voice came from.
“Hey, Riley.”
It was close, but unrecognizable.
A hand intertwined with mine. I immediately knew it was Robin. Their touch makes me feel warm.
“It’s the heated blankets, stupid.”
I tried to reply, but no voice came.
“It’s only been three days,” one of the new blobs said. “Brain damage is minimal.”
“When can I take him home?” Robin asked.
The doctor scratched his chin. “I can’t give an answer until we assess the damage and—”
Wait!
Was I in a hospital?
What the fuck happened?
I started thrashing, trying to scream. Hands held me down while a blob injected something into a tube on my arm.
“This will make talking easier.”
How? I thought.
Darkness.
“Okay, idiot. Can you see me now.”
I blinked, trying to make sense of my surroundings.
“This.” I said—and could talk! “This is Isle de Tigré.”
“Close.”
“You’re the beagle from my treatment trip! Am I on drugs?”
“No. I’m Tony. Your spirit guide.”
“You… live in my head?”
“This,” Tony gestured around. “is the collective unconscious. Everything and everyone lives here, all at once. Time isn’t a straight line here.”
“So, why am I here?”
“You need help. I can provide some of it.”
“How?”
“Do you enjoy blacking out and causing car accidents?”
“Not really.”
“Do you want to stop over analyzing every social interaction with your friends and partner?”
“Yes.”
Tony flashed a toothy grin. “Go to therapy when we’re done.”
“Haha. Can you really help my blackouts?”
“Right after we take care of the whole dea—”
“CLEAR!”
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I gasped for breath, eyes snapping open before I fell back onto the bed. Voices filled the room.
“You gave him too much!”
“How’s that helping, Bev?"
“What’s happening?!” MJ screamed.
“Get her out of here!”
“I’m not fucking leaving!”
“Neither of us are!”
Good ol’ MJ and Rob—
“Hey Riley, your heart's beating again.”
“What’s going on, Tony?”
“You’re dying.”
“I’m dying?!”
“Sure are. Don’t worry. I’m eighty percent sure you’ll survive and be back to normal. I’m a spirit guide. I know these things.”
“And the other twenty percent?”
“Who knows. Paralysis. Amputation. Brain damage. Death. That twenty percent is unpredictable.”
“What’s the doctor saying?”
“Currently? He’s telling MJ and Robin to get the fuck out before he calls security.”
“MJ is gonna fuck them up.”
“Hopefully you’ll get to see it.”
Tony turned to vapor and flew straight into my forehead.
“That… that was strange,” I said.
“I know, right? Pretty cool sensation. Anyway, I don’t see anything wrong in here aside from a small concussion. I think you’ll be okay… unless—” I could feel Tony moving inside me. “There’s a lot of trauma to your kidneys, liver, and bladder.”
“That was my cancer.”
“I don’t think your cancer punctured your kidney. That’s bad man. Real bad. Like Black Keys live bad. We might have to swap those percentages.”
“So, I’m gonna die?”
“Good chance. But hey, at least I’m here. Wanna see my tennis ball?”
A ball appeared humming with blue energy.
“I don’t want to die.” Tears rolled down my cheeks, turning to crystal as they fell. “I—I just learned how to be human damnit!”
“Oh, don’t worry so much. You’re not dead yet—and it’s been three days! You’re usually dead within a couple hours when your kidney gets pierced.”
I wiped away the crystals. “I—I can’t die, Tony. What can I do?”
“Throw my fucking tennis ball.”
I looked at the beagle, the ball, and the beagle again before shrugging and picking it up. Sparks danced across the surface—it was feeding off me.
“Stop teasing, Riley. Throw it!” Tony spun in circles, energy streaming off his fur.
I channeled all my fear, anxiety, and frustration into the ball, wound up, then launched it. It vanished over the horizon. Tony bolted after it, tongue and ears flapping trails of blue light behind them.
Alone, I sat on the ground. The urge to cry had vanished. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.
I saw MJ, Robin, and the others at The Rubber Duck—drinking beer, laughing, playing some dumb game Morgan made up to defeat Alison Alistair. Robin and I left, went home—wait, our home? That felt right.
We cuddled on the couch playing Fallout: New Vegas; taking turns falling asleep on each other’s shoulders.
Then suddenly—a giant party. We’re dressed in tuxedos and dresses. Josh, Garrett, River, and Morgan are all there.
“You sure you’re ready for this lil’ bro?”
I nodded.
“It’s been a long time coming,” Josh said.
Morgan agreed. “Can’t believe how long it took.”
“Seems like yesterday we were getting married.” River said, grabbing Morgan’s hand.
“Partner alert!” Garrett shouted.
I peeked out the door—it was a blur. It had to be Robin right?
“Hey Josh, is Robin—”
A tongue ran up my cheek.
“That was a good throw!” Tony sat in front of me, tail wagging. “You should play fetch professionally. Feel any better?”
“Oddly, I do.”
“Let’s see.” Tony leapt into my body. “Yep, this spot here.” A tingle in my head. “Not as technicolor as before. And, over here.” My leg twitched. “Ah, perfect.”
Tony stepped out, sitting in front of me again. “Time to be real, Riley. I can’t cure you. They’re not a side-effect of treatment—they’re a side-effect of you.”
Tony sat.
I stared.
“Think about your blackouts—especially the more recent ones.”
“I was at the store hanging out with my friends. I was at the Duck with Robin, MJ, and the others. On my way to work, wondering if Robin and I should move in together.”
“What do those all have in common?”
“Robin.”
“And?”
“… friends. People who love me.”
“And every time you spiral into a blackout?”
“I’m wondering about the whys and what ifs.”
“Obsessing—but close.”
“I’m running out of time, Riley. Just remember: you love people, people love you. Take some time to love and accept yourself. You're a pretty cool dude. That was the best fetch I ever had”
“What do you mean out of—”
~
Whew.
I bet none of you were expecting the best character in the story to be Tony the Beagle.
This was a really heavy chapter—doctors, dogs, tennis balls, defibrillators, meditation.
Who was the bride?
Will Tony ever get to play fetch again?
An important but expensive stop for our hero’s journey.
What happens next?
The River and Friends Series - River and the Bug, The Adventures of Alison Alistair, and The Reaper Wears a Scarf. Please check them out!
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