Immediately throwing my bag into the corner I —gently— throw myself on to my bed and put on my headset. My vision fades and I find myself standing in front of my game library. Gah! I am so excited! Finally, after two years of the game being out and the hype only continuing to get bigger, I have turned 21 and am able to purchase the coolest game of all time. Hell’s Wonderland Online! Over 10 million players and a world so realistic that I have heard of a few underground cults thinking that the game is a real place. Though… with the advancement of Full Dive VR technology that is not exactly uncommon.

  “Weirdos.” Chuckling to myself at how crazy those people are, I pull on the new game on my shelf. In an instant I find myself dragged into the digital world, standing on a small circular stone platform with a fancy greek looking goddess standing before me. Long blonde hair and a fancy white toga type dress. I don’t know what they are called to be honest. Gold leaf adornments in her hair and piercing golden eyes.

  Damn, she’s hot.

  “Welcome to Hell’s Wonderland Online.”

  A voice over starts to play as some scene starts playing out behind the goddess.

  “The world of Yisaria is a…”

  “Skip!” I shout quickly before the story can get any further. I know the game’s story, I have watched so many videos and read all of the public forums. I am obsessed with this game. There is no need to go on about the fantasy setting or its magic system for a junkie like me.

  The world that had been expanding behind the goddess snaps back into the large grassy plain it was before. I let the wind wash over me for a moment as I take in the complete recreation of all the senses that this game has managed to recreate. Far too many games these days are cutting corners and they feel awkward when you play. Cheap bastards.

  The smiling goddess waits for me to finish my inane thoughts before speaking again, in time with her words a small glass panel appears in front of my vision.

  [Please design your character]

  Soft white text covers the glass panel the size of a small computer monitor. Runes, in a language I would not normally understand, all make perfect sense after the downloaded common language is installed in my noggin. How that works or is remotely legal is something I will never understand but can’t be bothered looking into.

  Legality of messing with the human brain aside, I have a character to create!

  One interesting thing to note for this part of the game is that you are always forced to make a human avatar to start with, regardless of the race you pick in the end. Your racial traits are added on afterwards. Another weird quirk of the game that I don’t quite understand. I do have a theory though.

  Shrugging, I quickly begin making a bunch of changes to my appearance in the editor. I will leave the gory details for some other time.

  “I will just make myself cute on the off chance I get the skill sometime down the line!” After several hours of fussing around I fist pump at how cute I look before moving on to the next stage. The [Humanization] Skill has never been proven to exist even after two years of people playing the game, but I think the character creator requirement is a hint for players like me.

  [Please choose your name]

  Well, considering the game has “Wonderland” in the title and how I have always been fond of the Lewis Carroll stories, I want to pick something thematic. I just think it will be more fun that way. Hope no one took the name already, but with so many players I may have to dig through my name list.

  Considering my future plans for this character I think I will go with “Vorpalia” in reference to jabberwocky.

  Basically I’m just taking a cutesy twist on the word “vorpal.”

  Now comes the fun part!

  [Please choose your race]

  This is what I have been waiting for, race selection. And no, I am not going to be some nekomimi maid girl. Though, that is a popular option. Not for me though! “I am going to be a dragon!!!”

  Grinning wildly I pull up the monster section of the race menu. I have always had a weird affinity for the big lizards. Some dumb obsession I just never got out of as a kid. Probably watched too much TV instead of studying but I have no regrets!

  The best part of this game is that it lets you play as a monster. Well, in my opinion that is the best part. You have to start as a really low level version of the creature and there is no assistance in moving in your very non-humanoid body, so there is a very small community of dedicated monster players, but they are all really cool people! I have talked with several on the forums and plan to meet a few in game when I get strong enough.

  Stolen story; please report.

  Scrolling through the list I finally find what I am looking for after frantically flipping my finger on the screen. “Found you!” I shout as I jam my finger into the glass panel and select [Lesser Drake]. It is just basically a large lizard, but I can totally see it evolving into a dragon at some point. That is just basic fantasy rules after all.

  After picking the drake the rest of the creation is a bit of a blur, I just spammed my way through the boring features setup and hopped right into the world of Yisaria.

  …

  My eyes flit open as I am hit with a wave of nausea. Ugh, I was told this would happen but I didn’t take it seriously. Suddenly having my mind and senses crammed into the body of a foot tall lizard is far from an easy experience. Blinking rapidly I let my eyes refocus from their much lower position. Wow, everything looks so huge! All around me are trees and flowers that would look perfectly natural to any normal human, but from my position on the ground they are really bringing my that fucking wonderland feel. Trippy.

  Magic! I should try and use my magic! I picked up [Healing (Low Rank)] because I won’t have access to healing potions or other people to heal me when I am a monster. That, and I don’t want to die. The death penalty is massive for this game. Locked out for an entire day, and you lose half your maximum Ether. Do this too many times and you have to create a whole new character! The dev’s really seem to want people to take the game seriously as far as I can tell. No zombie runs.

  I pull up my screen with my thoughts to check over my skills. Healing, Blood, and Lightning make up my magic. All Low Rank of course. The [Healing Magic] is for my own safety, but the [Blood Magic] is a bit of my edgy side leaking out. I just think a blood dragon is the coolest idea. As for [Lightning Magic], well I need some way to cause real damage and cook my food. Ugh, that is going to be rough. In this game, you have a real need to eat food, and I can’t magic up a cooked pork chop by throwing some pixelated coal into a cube of stone. This ain’t Minescape. Well, whatever. I will figure it out.

  Next, are the racial skills, or racial skill -singular- [Roar]. Which just intimidates creatures weaker than me. What constitutes weaker? Well, with no level system, that question is something still debated over by people on the forums. Finally, there are the general skills which include [Yisarian language], and [Dimensional Storage]. The first is self explanatory, the game is played by people from all over the world so a common language is necessary. The second, is not nearly as cool as it sounds. It, like my magic, is Low Rank, which means I can basically open a hole as big as a small wall safe and put things on the tiny shelves inside.

  It is nice and all, but I am here to test out my cool draconic powers! A sharp toothed smile forms as I look over my smooth dark crimson scaled body, my cute little tail, and awesome black talons. Time to find something to kill.

  Skulking out into the woods, I stumble a bit but quickly get used to the new body. Those whiners on the forms don’t know what they are talking about, it's not that hard to control a different body. Marching through the tall grass, I come across what looks like a tall black chicken with mean purple eyes and wings that come to sharp obsidian points.

  Ah, fuck.

  I had forgotten that since I am a monster, I get spawned in a monster infested area. I was just too excited! And it looks like I was rather unlucky with my spawn. The towering black rooster, that I think has a snake for a tail but can’t really see from this angle, lashes out at me.

  Screeee!

  The beast lets out an ear splitting cry and flings its wings at me, dislodging several of those very blade-like feathers. Ugh, I can’t cover my ears with my stupid limbs! Scrambling to the side I barely dodge the feathery knives as they lodge into the earth that I had just been standing on. Gah! I try and call on my [Lightning Magic] to throw at the very angry chicken, only for tiny sparks to sputter out of my mouth before dying in the grass.

  Right. You have to train your magic to use it. I remember praising the game for the realism of such a system… I am seeing why so many people complained now.

  Thankfully, standing still due to shock did not get me killed by the chicken. Instead I hear a jeering cluck. The thing is laughing at me! Not taking the insult from a damn piece of poultry, I charge forwards and leap with all my might onto the chicken’s face. I dig my claws into the stupid bird’s eyes and get a sharp beak through my chest in return. I want to scream and cry at the pain as the blood falls from the wound, I don’t have time as the chicken’s wings reach up to claw and carve into my skin. I let out a [Roar] which only barely manages to make the chicken flinch.

  Good enough! I pull myself higher on the chicken’s head and clamp my sharp jaws down on the base of the monster’s spine. It lashes out and flails under my bone crushing jaw strength for barely a moment. Crunch! I feel the whole world shift as the monster collapses and falls out from under me.

  [You have defeated a monster!]

  [Your maximum Ether has gone up!]

  Geh, I am covered in blood and my mouth is full of feathers and bits of bone. Spitting out the remains of the chicken in my mouth I assess my wounds. Looks like the scratches didn’t get too far past my scales which is nice, but the beak hole in my chest is not great. Pulling on my negligibly increased Ether I start running my [Healing Magic] through my body. I can feel a pins and needles sensation as the wounds start to close up.

  This is going to take a while, isn’t it?

  I can’t even see my chest all that well without twisting at a weird angle, so I can’t tell how fast the wound is closing there. But the scales on my sides, which I can see, are stitching themselves back together at a rate just barely visible to the naked eye. I don’t want to move too much in case I make the wounds worse, but I realize the smell of chicken blood is thick in the air and likely to lead other monsters to me. Time to bail I guess, bye bye Mr chicken. I won’t miss you.

  Shakily stumbling through the tall grass I decide to explore a bit while being as sneaky as possible. Something that is easier said than done when covered in chicken blood.

  Squawk!

  It would seem Mr chicken had a friend.