Twas the night before Smirkmas, when all through the house

  Not an expression was stirring, not even a grin

  The stockings were hung by the chimney with care

  In hopes that St Smirk would soon be there

  The children were nestled all snug with their electronics in their beds

  Wile visions of legalized weed and bad singers danced in their heads

  And mamma in her dominatrix gear, and I in my gimp suit

  Had just settled in for a long BDSM moot

  When outside arose such a clatter

  Mamma begrudgingly unbound me so I could see what was the matter

  Away to my phone I flew like a flash

  Opened the security camera app to spy what was out

  This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.

  The streetlights highlighted new fallen snow

  Gave lustre to a drunken wastrel as he peed below

  When what to my wondering cameras did appear

  But a carload of high dude bros did step clear

  With the cockiest expressions so smug and uncaring

  I knew at that moment that it was St Smirk they were bearing

  More rapid than the eye could follow

  Was the dude bros’ sorrow

  Smirk Claus whistled and shouted as he flayed the bros open

  All the while they giggled as they were broken

  Now Smile now Grin now Frown and Sneer

  On Grimace on Scowl on Glare and Leer

  To the top of the porch to the top of the wall

  Now dash away dash away all

  The other expressions fled leaving Smirk in a mood

  Open this smirked door I don’t want to brood

  Through the front door St Smirkolas came with a bound

  Smirk was dressed all in in fur, from foot to crown

  And Smirk’s clothes were all tarnished with blood and skin

  A sack of smirks did Smirk flung from their back

  Smirk looked like a peddler just opening their pack

  Smirk’s eyes- how smug they were Smirk’s dimples how conceited

  Smirks cheeks were heated most likely from because they felt cheated

  The other expressions had fled leaving Smirk for dead

  But not one to be deterred Smirk smoked a bowl

  When the munches hit St Smirkolas raided the fridge and ate a casserole

  After blowing up the bathroom Smirk asked about our sex life

  Smug St Smirk then smirked my wife followed by smirking our kids

  Smirk smirked me last and left me with 15 quids

  Out the door lightning-fast Smirk spank into their sleigh at long last

  Opening a beer Smirk gave a whistle

  The other expressions returned quick as a missile

  And away they all flew as if being chased by an official

  But I heard Smirk exclaim as they drove out of sight

  Happy Smirkmas to all and to all a smirk night!