Malus Story 2. Agamennone the Love CounselorIt was evening, around 20:30 when a knocking sound, coming from the front door, was heard at Agamennone's pce. The young man, who was reading random mathematical facts on the internet in the kitchen and he dressed with a red shirt, yellow pants and green shoes. He stood up and went to the door. He opened it. A woman dressed in a comfy yet sexy outfit greeted him with a seductive smile.

  "Are we ready, Agamennone?"

  Agamennone frowned.

  "Don't you have more... normal clothes, Elena?"

  She ughed.

  "These are my normal clothes. You, on the other hand, why are you dressed as a traffic light?"

  "Because i can."

  "So do i."

  As the two young people were speaking, another man came into the room.

  "Hi Elena, are you there to pick Agamennone up?"

  The woman looked at him, then she nodded.

  "Yeah. He promised he would have listened to my rants tonight."

  "Ok then. Have fun."

  The man winked at the youngsters. Elena ughed again, while Agamennone frowned. From the couch another voice was heard, with a confident and insulting tone.

  "He won't because he's a virgin loser."

  "Still better than a second-hand loser."

  Agamennone replied with even more arrogance.

  "Bye dad."

  "Goodbye."

  The couple left the house. As soon as they left, the young man on the couch, who was pying an FPS game on a game console connected to a big TV. He was pying poorly.

  "I can't understand! If i had a bitch like her buzzing around me i'd have already fucked her senselessly."

  The other man sighed.

  "I have two sons that, together, can't make a normal man. You, Aurelio, literally fawn over every girl you meet-"

  "I ONLY FUCK BEAUTIFUL GIRLS!"

  "I wonder how did you manage to keep a girlfriend..."

  "BECAUSE I AM A MAN WITH AN UPPERCASE M!"

  "You wish..."

  The architect whispered.

  "HUH?"

  "Nothing... Your brother, instead... I think he'll die as a virgin..."

  "So true!"

  The older man left the room, going towards his study room. He was nervous and was still mumbling.

  "Your houses are equally cking foundations..."

  Aurelio continued pying the game in the living room.

  Agamennone and Elena crossed the small garden owned by Agamennone's family to reach the girl's car. She soon picked the car's keys from her pocket, smiling seductively.

  "You know, I usually keep them in another pce..."

  The young man stared at her, silently.

  "I'll stop, ok. However, i'll drive, so don't compin about my driving style like you usually do. What was that song you put st time? 'We'll all die together'?"

  "It's 'We will all go together when we go'1By Tom Lehrer. And it was fitting."

  The two people got in the car. They put their seatbelts and then Elena started to drive. She was quite fast while driving but she wasn't overtly reckless.

  "So... You know that i came only because you said you were offering me food? And who's stupid enough to refuse free food..."

  Agamennone opened the car window. He was looking at the road in front of him, precisely the side of it.

  "Oh... I know..."

  Elena's tone was full of btant sarcasm.

  "I'll take you to a pce with delicious drinks and snacks."

  The boy did not reply immediately.

  "What's your problem with... your... nth boyfriend? Why do you need me?"

  "Nth boyfriend? i haven't had so many boyfriends..."

  "Well... Boyfriend may be a loose term... But i'm sure the number of your boyfriend in function of time, expressed in months, is strictly greater than busy beaver..."

  Elena was confused.

  "Busy beaver? Is that a cartoon show?"

  "Busy beaver is a function of the number of steps a Turing machine with n operational states needs to execute to get the result with most outputs before halting. Such function only applies to programs that eventually halts and have no risks to get into endless loops."2The definition may not be accurate despite trying to get things right from wikipedia.

  The girl sighed, while scratching her head.

  "I understood nothing. Get it short and simple..."

  Agamennone gnced at her with half-lidded eyes.

  "It's a function that grows reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaally fast. Extreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeemely fast."

  The man tried to be as obnoxious as possible while exping his intent.

  "Ah... Well, you're wrong. I'm not that promiscuous..."

  The girl jokingly pouted, before returning quite serious.

  "I'll tell you when we arrive. But it's mostly about things that makes me think our retionship might be over."

  "... Retionship..."

  Agamennone made air quotes with his hands.

  "Don't split hairs... It's still a retionship, isn't it?"

  "What kind of retionship, friends with benefits? acquaintances with benefits? With benefits?"

  The girl ughed.

  "I'm not one to bel my retionships. Still... It's mostly sexual stuff, you're right. If you're interested, i can tell you one or two of my experiences."

  Elena teased Agamennone with no effect. He replied with a cold side gnce.

  "I care not!"

  With a smirk, Elena continued with her endeavour.

  "I can tell you a secret or two about how women works..."

  "I need not!"

  The girl's expression was mischievous

  "Tomorrow Hels Verona will win."

  "IT WILL NOT!"

  Elena ughed as Agamennone lost his composure.

  "Hehehe... I won..."

  Agamennone rolled his eyes.

  "Do you want to turn the radio on?"

  "No."

  The two young people were sitting at a round table made of aluminum outside a pub. A waiter soon approached the newly arrived couple. The girl was sitting in a rexed but still polite pose while Agamennone was reclined forward and put his head on the table with his arms under it.

  "Are you ready to order?"

  "Oh yes, I'd like a beer-"

  Elena noticed her companion staring at her with an annoyed look.

  "A non-alcoholic beer..."

  "And you sir?"

  The waiter turned towards the young man.

  "Pineapple and strawberry juice."

  "Your order will be ready soon."

  The waiter left the table after taking the order.

  "Now that we're alone, Let's talk about business. Since you're a kind of ex-boyfriend to me, i wanted your opinion about my boyfriend's behaviour."

  "I'm not your ex-boyfriend. I'VE NEVER BEEN YOUR BOYFRIEND TO BEGIN WITH!"

  Some of the other clients turned towards the pair, confused and curious about the sudden outburst of a now standing up Agamennone.

  "Dear me... You should really learn to calm down your sudden outbursts... I didn't mean to insult you."

  "You should know that i'm noone's boyfriend."

  The girl sighed.

  "Returning to our problems... I wanted your opinion about my current partner. I always told him i didn't want to commit, at least for now, but that i also valued loyalty, at least on a friendship basis. I think he's just using me as a wallet."

  "Ugh... Your retionships are as weird as always. You're telling me you don't want to be his sugar mommy but only his friend with benefits?"

  Elena blushed, diverting her gaze.

  "... Kinda... For some reason you're always better than me to describe my retionships."

  "That's because i'm no part of your retionship. That makes things easier..."

  "Probably..."

  The girl picked her phone from her pocket, handing it to her friend after unlocking it.

  "I'll show you our chat, at least our recent exchange of messages. I'm sure you're not interested in the hottest messages we usually exchange, don't you?"

  The man rolled his eyes, then he took the phone and started to read the messages, until he found out the messages he found relevant.

  *Sorry babe, but i have to ask you to lend me some money. I overspent this month and i need some money to pay the car tax.*

  *This is the third time you're asking me for money, i'm starting to be annoyed by your ck of self-restraint. Also, i'm sure you already asked me money to pay the car tax. And you pay that tax once a year.*

  *Car tax? I meant car inspection...*

  *Fine, i'll lend you some money. But if i find out that you're lying i'll ask your parents to give my money back.*

  *I'm not lying, babe. There's no need to put my parents in our discussion.*

  *I'm telling you not that it's better for you not to lie to me. Forewarned is forearmed.*

  *Understood babe. You seem tense... Next time i'll see you i'll py with your boobs, ok.*

  *I'm not in the mood for such things.*

  Agamennone returned the phone. Elena put it on the table.

  "You... Declining a proposal to py with your boobs... Are you feeling well?"

  Elena puffed, with a frown on her face

  "Do you really think i only think about sex?"

  The man blinked, surprised. That reaction made the girl smirk.

  "I wasn't offended... Not that much, at least."

  The girl then put her hands on her own boobs, almost starting to grope herself with a warm smile on her face.

  "And i can always py with my boobs by myself, so it's not big deal..."

  Agamennone blushed slightly, then he pouted, trying to compose himself.

  "Returning to our discussion. Have you verified if he was telling the truth? I can't really say anything from a bunch of messages."

  "Obviously... Do you think i'm also stupid other than a nympho? You hurt me..."

  The girl's tone was a teasing one, despite her words. Agamennone didn't react.

  "The same trick doesn't work twice with me. Tell me. Don't digress."

  "The car inspection was done st year, so this year he didn't have to do it. So i was thinking about leaving him. Lying to me to get money is a very suspicious behaviour. I'm quite generous but continuous requests to borrow money raise my guard, especially when the real reason is hidden. I mean... I don't mind lending some money if my boyfriend has real issues but.. Then he would't have lied to me..."

  "Or he would have lied by minimizing things... Still, i think you're doing the right thing, money issues and lies together are always going to degenarate into a mess. Why did you want my opinion though? You seemed convinced of your choice already."

  "You know... A part of me was hoping things could be adjusted. You're diplomatic person and could have helped me to build a potential bridge."

  Agamennone eyes widened.

  "Huh? I'm not that diplomatic... Diolomacy is not one of my strengths, not that i have strengths to begin with..."

  The girl replied with a warm tone.

  "Don't say that... You have good qualities, despite what you say about yourself."

  "W-well... You're right, you should leave him."

  Agamennone abruptly changed subject, quite awkwardly.

  "I'm gd you thought the same thing as me. I'm really relieved, actually..."

  The boy smirked.

  "You know, i also think you should give me your credit card credentials..."

  "You really are a vulture, huh?"

  The girl used a teasing tone.

  "If i have to be a scavenger animal, i'd like to be a vulture bee."

  "Huh?"

  "A carnivorous bee that eats rotting corpses."

  The woman was shocked.

  "Do such things really exists?"

  "They do indeed..."

  At that moment, the waiter arrived at the table.

  "Here's the non alcoholic beer... And the pinapple and strawberry juice."

  The waiter put the drinks in front of the respective client, who raised their hand to help the waiter with remembering the ownership of the drinks. As the waiter left, Elena soon took a big sip of her beer, then she removed the foam form her mouth with a napkin. Agamennone, instead, straightened himself up and started to drink his juice with a straw.

  "Ah... It's refreshing... Sadly is not the real deal..."

  "You know, there's no funny game over song if we die. We are not searching materials for musical videos in an unknown dimension after all..."

  Agamennone looked at the girl with half-lidded eyes. Elena replied with a confused expression.

  "I can't... really catch up with your weird references, you know..."

  The two of them continued to drink for a couple of seconds.

  "So... When are you going to tell the good news to your now former boyfriend?"

  "Such things should be told in person, so i'll arrange a date with him where i'll confront him and take the final decision."

  The girl's tone was a serious one, while the man's one was quite detached.

  "Do you need help to ask your money back?"

  "I don't think so, his parents seem reasonable enough... But i'll tell you after such meeting happens."

  Elena picked her phone from the table. She sent a message to her current boyfriend:

  *Dear, i'd like to meet with you as soon as possible. I'd like to ask you a couple of question. Face to face. I hope you don't bail out...*

  The young man, instead, picked up his own phone from his own pocket.

  'Inter-Atanta is starting soon...'