Lecture Transcript Regarding Nymphs, Dryads, & Unicorns by Master of Historical Divination Salvatore Devalance

  [recording begins]

  …Ignored by most, except theologians and thaumaturgists, there exists a whole vast web of celestial bureaucracy reaching all the way from the gods in their heaven, down to us on earth- supposedly.

  [scattered laughter]

  Beneath the gods are the demi-gods, often called the seraphim, each with a minor domain under their over-god’s greater purview. Next comes the angelic host, who act as the intermediaries, crossing between heaven and earth. Those who receive this direct celestial communion from above are the saints, nymphs, dryads, and unicorns.

  Saints, also called bodhisattvas, are simply men or women of such spiritual enlightenment deemed sufficient to be worthy of this divine contact. And not our subject today.

  Since no one has ever actually recorded scientific evidence of an angel, seraphim, or saint, there’s a tremendous amount of waffling and debate as to their exact names, jurisdictions… or even what they actually do.

  [general laughter]

  By contrast, nymphs and dryads are very real. And there is now mounting evidence of the existence of unicorns, although they are almost certainly extinct today. Modern sightings generally fall along the line of crypto-zoology, not genuinely rigorous occultism.

  Nymphs and dryads, collectively referred to as ‘muses’ in Orphian texts, are the naturally occurring, sentient manifestations of healthy wilderness. They were once driven nearly into extinction. Not by deliberate killing, which is nearly impossible, but through encroachment on the natural areas which sustain them. Unmanaged land development erases the natural order with an artificial order, and thus also erases the muse from existence.

  Modern forest and water management utilizes sustainable logging and fishing practices to protect the remaining nymph and dryad populations. Many government public works projects, which arose by economic necessity during the depression, focused on protecting wilderness areas for wildlife repopulation and hominine recreation.

  By working with elder nymphs and dryads, geomancers designed unobtrusive nature trails, allowing visitors to observe them and supporting the emerging of neonate muses. While their population reached critically low levels during the industrial revolution, since the end of the global wars and the depression, numbers have risen steadily- though they still remain endangered today.

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  Muses have no true form; they are manifestations of an ecosystem. An aquatic environment produces a nymph; a terrestrial environment produces a dryad.

  Dryads are most commonly associated with forests and jungles; however, they do rarely occur in other climates. Open environments tend to be dry, life within them typically gravitates towards whatever water is present- lakes, rivers, oases, etc. Thus, the greater impetus towards forming a nymph there. Yet, dryads have been discovered in remote high desert conditions.

  The physical manifestation of a nymph or dryad exists only because the muse wishes it to, thus it is impossible to find a muse unless it shows itself to you. They will not appear if-

  [general murmuring]

  -Yes, gentlemen, the actual photographs of nymphs in the slideshow will not feature those modest fig leaves artists were compelled to add to their depictions by religious censors. You’ll just need to control yourselves.

  [general laughter]

  -They will not appear when large groups of people are present. If they become accustomed to visitors, for instance, as the resident of a state park, they may appear to groups of up to approximately ten people. It depends on how quiet you are. Totally wild nymphs or dryads never appear to more than one or two persons at a time.

  The form a muse takes may be human, elven, or any other living creature, but the manifestation is always female. They also form a grotto somewhere within their environment, where they commune more intimately with any visitors who please them.

  [general murmuring]

  This communion is more than a sexual liaison- although as a life affirming act, copulation is often involved. As a living expression of the natural universe, the muse opens themselves completely to the subject. The resulting unification is extremely pleasurable for the one who experiences it.

  [murmuring]

  But the baser minded among you should remember that the body of the nymph is not real.

  One is, in essence, making love to a river.

  [general laughter]

  There, I see that cartoon has cooled you all off.

  Muses are extremely intelligent, but their thought patterns and psychology are totally alien to any hominine form. As a result, communication is extremely difficult, despite the muse’s ability to supersede any linguistic barrier. Speaking with them requires a skill like animal whispering, but even then, an animal at least exists in a single real body- a similarity to use, which the nymph lacks.

  The last of those traditionally said to represent the celestial bureaucracy on our mortal sphere, is the unicorn. A reliable example of a living specimen has never been found. Most supposed remains are actually chimeras, created by accident, then later confused for unicorns. Or deliberate forgeries.

  Readers of my history on the Dame de Loix will recall the amusing, but probably ahistorical, example of the young Vero along with either her mother, or her brother, or her father… accounts differ-

  [mild laughter]

  -exposing a false unicorn, which a charlatan was trying to sell to an Imperial senator. There’s no proof it really happened, and is probably just a very old joke, but it shows the notion of swindlers falsifying unicorn evidence goes back a very long time, if nothing else.

  Incidentally, I’m currently gathering research material for a sequel to that book. Ahem.

  [general crowd noise]

  Recent excavations, however, [further crowd noise] have discovered evidence of a previously unknown equestrian species. They have been conclusively dated to before 100,000 years pre-Imperial Era. You can see in these pictures a recent find, which shows-

  [a scream] [two gunshots in rapid succession]

  [general confusion] [a third gunshot]

  [more shouting and chaos]

  [recording ends]

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