The next scene played out in the same fashion as a cinematic video game cutscene.

  That is, if video game cutscenes were entirely obscured by leaves. And if the edges of said cutscenes were blurred not by visual effects, but by fingers, mostly leather-gloved but one sweaty, keeping a tight hold on the sides viewer’s face.

  Not far off, the leaves rustled loudly as 1st’s voice called out, “Petey? Petey, was that you?”

  Instantly, a husky Scottish voice that sounded absolutely nothing like Lucifer's came in reply. “Wasn’t me.” A pair of leather-gloved fingers pinched Lucifer on his bony spine as if to hiss, “Look what you’ve done!”

  But rather than panic, or look around for the eavesdroppers a few feet away, 1st let out a delighted laugh. “Oh, Petey, you’re hilarious, darling. You remind me so much of my dear 2nd.”

  The laugh wasn't reciprocated. “Have you got it?”

  1st paused before replying, “I had it.”

  "Petey" sighed heavily.

  “But Pete, darling, won't you consider the circumstances? It’s that blasted 60th, I’m certain that she’s been rummaging around in the evidence locker.”

  A bag was zipped up. “Not my business, lady. No Certificate,” Lucifer’s ears perked up, “no deal. Got it?”

  “Peter, don't be brash.”

  The rest of the interaction, which was predominantly 1st attempting to convince that Petey fellow to reconsider, was drowned out by the racing thoughts in Lucifer’s mind.

  That can't be my Certificate, can it? Does 1st know that I'm...? And what about 60th? But then, Lucifer thought back to their interactions. Outside of the courtroom, on the stairs, in her quarters… She didn't seem to treat him any differently. Lucifer grimaced; he couldn’t help but respect it. She’s a Jill of all trades. A conniving opportunist, an expert instigator, and an excellent actress.

  But then, isn’t 1st as well?

  Before Lucifer knew it, the cutscene was over and the enemies he’d forgotten for a moment were reactivated, dragging him backwards again. He resisted all the way, but nothing deterred his kidnappers. Until he heard a door open behind him.

  Lucifer was haphazardly yanked up a short flight of stairs and into a dark house of sorts. All Lucifer could see was the door before him creaking closed, shutting out the last bit of late morning light. “Alright, where do we put him?”

  It was a soft male voice that Lucifer couldn’t recognize, coming from a far corner of the room.

  “Doesn’t matter,” a woman sighed. Another unrecognizable voice, hers was sharp and commanding. Lucifer assumed she was the ringleader. “This won’t take long.”

  The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation.

  And just like that, Lucifer was dropped like a bad habit.

  He instantly went to stand, but met a very firm hand, waiting just above his chest. “Just a minute,” it was the man’s voice again. Oddly enough, there was something in that gentle timbre that forced Lucifer’s wildly beating heart to calm down. “We mean you no harm.”

  “Yet.”

  Some people off to the other side of the room snickered.

  “Now, now, be nice, everyone,” the ringleader said. Lucifer could hear a grin in her voice. “We don’t want to scare our new friend, do we?”

  “No, ma’am,” they chorused.

  She let the silence settle in before replying, “Now, friend, I get the sense that you’ve bitten off a bit more than you can chew these past few days. Isn’t that right?”

  Well? Lucifer considered it. Generally speaking, yes. After all, the only reason he came up that damned flight of stairs was to fill out a Reincarnation Request, get an expedited signature, and move on with his life. He had no interest in The Bugaboo Bay, its politics, or shenanigans.

  “Mm,” the woman replied, as though he’d said it aloud. “Would you like our help?”

  Realization hit Lucifer harder than the hand currently planted on his sternum.

  More angels!

  He braced himself for the New Task notification. But, to his surprise, it never came.

  Perhaps they aren’t angels?

  The hand on his chest disappeared for a second, before returning as an inquiring finger tap. “…You there, bud?”

  Lucifer cleared his throat. “May I ask what your help requires and entails?”

  A light tinkering of laughter came from the woman. “You’re learning quickly, aren’t you, friend?”

  Lucifer nodded. Then quickly remembered they were in the darkness. He went to reply, but the woman carried on in the meantime.

  “If you can get us cold hard evidence…” Something cold and hard was pressed into Lucifer’s slack hand. He cautiously brought his other hand up to feel it with both. His thumb swirled over a glass lens. “Of the woman you call 1st’s misconduct, we can be… of service in your upcoming trial.”

  Lucifer rolled his eyes.

  “I felt that, friend.”

  He rolled his eyes internally this time. Because he had absolutely no intention of being in The Bugaboo Bay by the time his trial started. Frankly, if he could finish the angels’ tasks that night, he wouldn’t be around for breakfast time the following morning.

  “While I appreciate your offer, I’m not in need of legal assistance.” Hesitantly, Lucifer sat up and held the object out for someone to take. It was snapped up in a second. Lucifer waited one moment before trying to stand again. This time, no one stopped him. The room remained silent as he padded forward, arms outstretched for the door.

  And just as Lucifer was slipping out of the mysterious home in the woods, he heard the woman say, “Don’t worry. He’ll be back.”

  …

  I will not, Lucifer vowed to himself as he headed toward the mansion.

  Lucifer made an attempt at checking in with 1st, 60th, or anyone for that matter, but the security guards posted outside stonewalled him.

  “No matter,” Lucifer muttered to himself, heading back to The Big House. “No matter at all.”

  He walked in just in time to trail a crowd of pantsuiters heading down to the basement-kitchen. With his mind plotting out the rest of his evening, he made quick work of his meal prep assignment, finishing up before Elio even bothered to show up.

  He collected his 2.1HP, followed the herd up to 2nd’s mystery meal, then quietly slipped away to his room.

  Lucifer checked the closet, searching for his towel and wash cloth. He found the items as well as a freshly washed pantsuit with a note attached.

  Found this in the laundry room. It’s not stolen or anything; just an extra.

  Take it as a thank you for not ratting me out.

  -Elio

  And take it Lucifer did. He took his time in the showers, flushing all of the grime and glitter he’d accumulated down the drain, then returned to his room. He chewed thoughtfully on the second helping of twigs he’d graciously accepted from 2nd. He flipped his OS on and watched as the golden and violet footsteps overlapped, dipping beneath the door to his room.

  And with his mind steeled for action, Lucifer waited.

  my head canon, Petey sounds like Shrek and looks like