I stood in the doorway and looked around. Behind the couch. Under the desk. Behind the door. In the closet across the room. The fire escape. All places people could conceal themselves. Sightlines from the window were blocked by the building next door. Corners were clear, upper and lower.
“Why don’t you come in and have a seat, Ms. Robins.” The woman said. Her chair looked comfortable but modern. No place to hide a weapon in it. She was also dressed in a way that made it unlikely she had a holster hidden anywhere. “May I call you Ashley?”
“Thank you, and yes; I suppose.” I sat on the chaise lounge across from her, pretending I had a choice. On the way, I checked the shadow of the door and desk and got a different angle on the window. Still no sightlines.
*Scratch scratch* went the pen. I flicked my eyes to her and she held eye contact. Alright, message received.
“Your body language says you don’t want to be here.”
“True, I guess. Who ever likes this kind of thing?” I asked.
*Scratch scratch*
“No one, really. Our society tells us that we can’t allow ourselves to be vulnerable.”
“Especially as a Secret Service Agent.”
“Maybe. But we aren’t talking about that right now.” *scratch scratch*
“Isn’t that why I’m here?”
“If not that, why would you be here?” *scratch*
“All I know is that I can’t go back unless you sign off on my mental state.”
“Ah, the bureaucracy game. We are all beholden to it, but that’s not a game we need to play here in this moment.”
“You’re confusing me.”
“Did you go to the doctor after the incident?”
“Are you calling it the incident as a professional term?” I bantered.
“I just didn't wish to be insensitive about it. Indulge me if you would please.”
“Yes, I went to the doctor. Got scanned and tested up one side and down the other.” I grumped.
“Did they share their test results with you?”
“They explained what they saw.”
*Scratch scratch*
“If the whole point of the exercise was to get you cleared for duty, they could have just submitted the results to your bosses and left you out of it.” The shrink said. She was still scratching the pen on the pad of paper. What was she writing anyway?
“And what did you learn from it all?”
“That I’m fine.” I huffed, still irritated at the doctors.
“I might believe you if you said that with more conviction, but that’s not it.” *Scratch scratch* “You suspected that going in. What did you find out during all the examinations that you didn't know before all this started? Think hard, there's going to be something. There always is.”
*Scratch scratch*
*Scratch*
*Scratch scratch*
“That my Primary is exponentially better than the finest medical care provider I have ever met.”
*And there it is.”
*Scratch scratch*
“There what is?”
“You're ready to talk about it now.” she said.
I realized she was right.
“Hey, uh…”
“Claudia, pleased to meet you.”
“Am I that transparent?” I felt embarrassed.
“No.” She comforted me. “I am just experienced and your situation is not unique.” I smiled to myself about that.
She put the pen in a loop of her organizer and flipped it closed.
“Have you been sleeping OK? Dreams?”
“As well as anyone in my profession does I guess. No unusual dreams.” I said after thinking about it.
“Taking any sleep aids?”
“Melatonin.”
“Relationship? Seeing anyone regularly?”
“Yes. Well, off and on. Our careers keep us too focused for anything serious.” Hmm.
“Your inside face is coming out again. Not happy with that?” Claudia didn’t move to pick up the pad again.
“Something for me to think about, I guess.”
Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.
“How about non-work friends? How is your social support network?”
“I feel like you're a dentist asking me if I floss.”
“Room for improvement. We all have things we struggle with.”
“If it's any consolation I call my mother every week.”
“I’m sure she’s thrilled. Are you ready to rip the Band-Aid off?”
“What?” I scrambled.
“Can you tell me how you felt, in the moment?”
“I don't remember feeling much. When the first shot hit, everything went kinda grey. She was still up, but looked about as surprised as I was. I ran to her, but it felt like I was floating. I was still about twenty feet away when the second shot hit. It knocked her head to the side like she had been in the head with a bat.”
I took a breath.
”She was out before she even hit the ground. I grabbed her arm and tried to pull her out of the street, but all I could think was that there wasn’t enough blood. Then the third bullet hit me. I didn’t even know I was wounded at first. I thought the vest stopped it. I kept pulling, but we just weren’t getting anywhere. The whole time I had racing through my brain that she was dead and there wasn’t enough blood.”
Claudia handed me a tissue.
“What? Thanks?” I was crying. When did I start crying?
“Confront that trauma and start the healing process!” Claudia said with a fist pump.
“I… yeah.” She pointed the wastebasket out to me and handed me the box of tissues with the other hand.
“So the the ro… ah, reinforcements arrived and blocked the fourth shot. One of them was holding me and I don’t remember letting go of K… my Primary's arm. There was a huge room and a metal table and I don’t remember anything else.”
Claudia let me sit and compose myself without interrupting.
“What I said about the fourth bullet wasn’t real for me in that I don’t remember it. Someone said something later. But it was almost certainly aimed at me. I couldn’t bring myself to ask how close I came.”
“Knowing that; feeling that like you do in this moment: can you tell me that you would do it all again? Do it again where maybe this next time help isn’t on the way?”
“Yes.” I said it with conviction. I really felt it this time. “Because she’s worth it. She’s studied, and trained, and even suffered so much in order to do good things where ever she goes that you can’t not want to stand beside her. But secondly because this is too big now. People are too invested. Help will never not be on the way.”
Claudia and I chatted a while longer and I agreed that I should make future appointments, over the phone if my job kept me out of state.
Afterwards I called Melanie.
“Hey Mely, they cleared me this afternoon. Once they do some paperwork I can go back to work!”
“Fuck.”
What?
“Pardon?”
“Ashley, I can’t do this any more.”
“Now I am really confused.”
“You told me you were coming back for an evaluation after being involved in a shooting incident and I had an honest to God anxiety attack. Then, even though it was selfish I was happy because I thought maybe you would finally get out of the field and out of danger. Then I found out from Steve this morning… Steve! He tells me that you were the one who got shot! Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because I know how stressed you get and I am not hurt.”
And I know that if I told you I was hurt, you might have a heart attack. God I suck at relationships.
“I never thought I would say this, but I need to find a girlfriend with a less exciting life.”
Still on the back foot here. Regroup.
“Are you going to say anything?”
“I don’t know what to say.”
“Please take care of yourself, Ashley. I don't want Steve to tell me you died.” *Click*
Fuck indeed.
I stared at my phone, willing it to change its mind. It started back, indifferent to my wishes.
Clearly the only solution to this problem was a fabulous dress and a quiet bar that smelled of oak and cigars. That is where Mia and my boss William found me.
“Ms. Dlamini, William; I would say it’s a pleasure, but the two of you together tracking me down in a bar has me concerned.”
“It’s still a pleasure, Agent Robins. Although I honestly feel under-dressed.”
I looked her over in her power suit and skirt. Nope. Never. Those stilettos were doing rude things to me.
“You could walk in here in a racoon onesie and everyone would be dying to know where you shop.” I countered. Where did that come from? Luckily my boss saved me.
“It is a concerning situation, but not concerning for you directly. At least, not yet. May we join you?” I waved them both to a chair.
“What do you mean?” I asked, nursing my scotch.
“Our friends domestically as well as… further out are busy formulating a response to… incidents. But those incidents have consequences." said William.
“Ominous.”
“I am not in on the talks, but the president isn’t going to appreciate having to respond to a future incident should it be more public. But if he doesn’t respond, then he looks weak. Politics.” William shrugged.
“We anticipate that Kos-Api will lose secret service protection at some point. The date hasn’t been finalized.” added Mia. “What we are concerned about now is an alternative.”
“And you interrupted me while I was waterboarding my sorrows in a bar why?”
“I have a need for someone who knows what they are doing to put together a security company for me to hire.” explained Mia. “My firm can handle the paperwork. We have until the president pulls the plug to get it done.”
“Are you firing me, William?”
William pulled a paper out of his inside pocket and slid it across the table. Unfolding it, I saw that it was an itinerary for a flight back to Great Lakes. Whew.
“Ass.”
“I would be thrilled to have you in any capacity, Robins, but your assignment’s days are numbered and anywhere you go from here is going to feel like a punishment. I don’t want to hold you back.” William was apparently full of shrugs today.
“Our neighbors are providing technical support, and apparently a lot of it. They say it will take about a month to get you equipped if you are keen. In order to not screw up your clearances we will not be employing you until you leave the Secret Service. If you could send me a resume so I can feed the filing cabinet I would appreciate it.” instructed Mia.
I threw back the rest of my scotch.
“Who’s paying for this? Because unless it is the US government then it is going to fuck with my clearances.”
Mia turned to William.
“Mr. Ross, I hear you are looking for a specialist to treat your Sudden Onset Old Man Ears. Any luck there?”
“What?”
She turned back to me with a sly grin.
“Kos-Api will be paying the firm for protection out of her own pay, at a discounted rate that will remain undisclosed. In a completely unrelated series of events our neighbors will be employing the firm to test some prototype equipment, subject to extensive NDAs.” Her smug was roiling off of her in waves.
“Are you fucking for real right now?”
“Of course. My firm will be on retainer.”
“Well, I will be off.” William joked, standing. “I have an appointment to check on for this hearing problem.” He sauntered off with a wave.
Mia flagged down the waiter.
“I’m still on California time, but I can spare some if you would like to get back to the water boarding?” she said with that same sly grin. “My ride home isn’t due for some hours yet.”
“Yes!” I exclaimed and held up two fingers to the waiter. “I am sure I almost had them cracked, but it’s always best to have help for this sort of thing.”
“Oh, I know some techniques to get a subject to sing like a bird.” assured Mia.
