There wasn’t a moment in my life when I didn’t feel the cold breath of the grim reaper patiently waiting to take my life. Maybe it’s just that I don’t remember the time before my diagnosis.
Even now.
A new world should mean a new life, but my predicament is awfully similar.
I know I will die if I do nothing, and even what I do to not die is almost the same to my routine for the past 10 years.
I act.
Roland is not me.
He’s a character from a game… or so the story goes.
I know who he is, and what he does, moreover, with a part of his memories, I can dissect his personality to the finest details.
My official occupation is a streamer. I wasn’t particularly good at entertaining the audience though. I was a role-play streamer. Fallen Paradise allowed me to transform the game into a play of sorts. Talking to NPCs as if they were real people, that was my whole thing as a streamer. And people loved it.
Never have I thought that would be my profession, honestly, I didn’t think I would live to be 22 let alone 35… Nevermind that, I actually started steaming just because I needed money and didn’t want to stop gaming. My family gave me advice on that from time to time, but Eldest Brother was the one who taught me how to act, he even said I have talent…
I disagree.
He was just insane in his teachings… be it acting or not…
I never even wanted to learn acting, he forced me to.
While smoking out the window, he addressed me when we were alone.
“Your condition is getting better.”
“Yeah.”
I thought it was just temporary, so I wasn’t particularly happy.
“*Puff* How do you feel?”
“I’m fine.”
“Was the training hard?”
“No.”
“Does it still hurt?”
“No.”
“Fox bothered you lately?”
“No.”
“*Puff* So he stopped when I asked him to?”
“Yes.”
“I see.”
“...”
He finished his cigarette before turning to me.
“5 out of 5, kid, that’s a new record.”
“?”
“You lied 5 times in a row, that’s a new record.”
“I didn’t lie.”
“You blink twice right after lying, youngest.”
…Do I still do that?
And how could he tell that I was lying even when he wasn’t looking at me?
“I’ll teach you how to lie.”
“Why would I need that?”
“To fool the others.”
“?”
“Your brothers and sisters.”
“Why would I need that?”
“Because even a fool can tell you’re not improving.”
“...”
“Do you want to see them sad?”
“No.”
“That’s 6 to 1… If you don’t want others to worry about you, you need to pretend to be good. No need to do that with me though, I can see through you.”
“...”
“Do you know how I can describe you?”
“No.”
“A cracked window. It does its job, and from outside, you can’t even tell… but those inside can tell well enough… and it’s fucking annoying, you know?”
“...”
“Don’t worry, we’ll get some nail polish to fix you up… Actually… We’ll need a lot of it.”
He smiled.
One thing I came to know about him from his teachings is that we’re the same.
We could not smile naturally.
But he showed me how to fake a smile.
How to fake it well enough to even fool yourself.
.
.
.
Roland is an easy character to play.
No family that could notice anything, and he didn’t even have friends for me to fool.
But there was one small thing that made it hard.
This damn fool’s behavior.
“Cien! Please wait!”
Here I was. Catching up to a woman and her friends.
“Oh! Cien, stop, I’m curious how he’ll embarrass himself after 2 months.”
Catherine, one of the passengers on the Cien bus.
Daughter of a Count.
It pales in comparison to Cien who is from a Duke’s family, but Catherine’s family is a famous merchant family that managed to buy nobility some generations ago.
It’s a rare case, so she, along with her family, is treated quite highly.
“Why bother?”
Surprisingly that wasn’t Cien, but Vera.
Vera is from an Archbishop’s family.
A nasty fellow that one.
Position wise, she is even higher than Cien, but that alone can’t get her good grades.
“He won’t stop pestering me if I don’t. Be quick.”
She finally turned to me.
Even looking at her beautiful face… made my head scream in pain.
But I won’t let the seed control me.
I fell on one knee and presented a bouquet of red roses from behind my back.
“Please accept this, Cien. Your favorite flowers.”
Memory of this body told me that those are her favorites… but I know it’s not.
“Ha~, again with this nonsense.”
She took a step in my direction.
*Slap*
All the flowers flew into the air and flopped onto the ground.
*Gasp*
We were just outside the Academy building, her gang wasn’t the only ones here.
A commotion soon started.
“That’s it. Nothing will change Roland. If you want to make a fool out of yourself, continue, but I won’t let you slow me down. Hmph!”
She turned around and left, Christine giggling, while Vera maintained a solemn expression.
I was inwardly relieved.
Although I knew that her actions were justified and as a player I saw this scene many times, and just as many times I cheered for her… but being in this position myself is a bit disgruntling.
This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.
I made sure to look very hurt on the outside.
This is my life now.
I needed to do this sort of stuff every day, and the worst part… this is just the half of it.
.
.
I was in the cafeteria.
Even though lessons haven’t started yet, the cafeteria for students was already working in full swing.
My second target was here.
She ate at the exact same time here everyday.
And I had to continue Roland’s routine.
I rushed to my target, who was already in line for food.
One thing Roland’s good at.
He’s known as a lunatic of the Academy.
People say that “If you mess with Roland, he’ll beat you up and start courting your girlfriend”.
While Roland had a very weak personality, he wasn’t weak physically, being ranked 3rd in his year, he could beat most 3rd or even 4th year students.
And he’s done it many times. And especially, he brutally beat those who tried to court Cien or Lilian.
That was quite an annoying thing for players. After all, the two of them were the only “heroines” of the game.
...Speaking of players… There is one in this world. He… or should I say she, is quite perplexing.
It’s one thing that she is weak, but a whole other that she isn’t even here.
That means she is a complete newbie.
Oh well, I already completed my plan for this playthrough with the thought that the player isn’t present, so it doesn’t matter.
“Your order?”
“The same as her.”
The main reason for “courting” Lilian in the cafeteria is this.
I took my order and followed Lilian.
She didn’t even bat an eye, because she was so used to it.
I sat with her, there was nobody else at this table.
…Wow, this is so much easier when Roland isn’t bothering you… I mean… I am him but…
Ah, who cares.
“Lilian, wait.”
She didn’t really acknowledge me, it was her “strategy” on dealing with me… or with anyone else really.
That’s why she’s always alone.
She cares about nothing but her grades… though even that is questionable.
But there is one thing you can do to get her attention.
While she was grabbing her utensils… I quickly switched our plates.
She momentarily furrowed her brows and stared at me angrily.
“Hehe, you looked at me”
I smiled widely.
For some reason, when this girl’s expression changed, my headache intensified.
Fortunately, she soon went back to her usual expressionless face.
Lilian simply continued eating.
One of Lilian's strong points was her extreme perception.
She knew I didn’t meddle with the food whatsoever.
I also started eating, matching her pace.
“I missed this cafeteria on vacation, the food here is just so good.”
That’s a lie, it’s mediocre at best.
“What should I tell you about? Ah, right, my vacation.”
This is another routine of Roland’s.
“I didn’t do much, mainly train.”
Telling stories to a wall, this is what he did every day.
“I am not yet strong enough to beat you or Cien yet, but I’m sure I’ll surprise you during our sparring lessons!”
That’s a lie. Cien is manageable, this bastard is actually hiding his strength. Something even a whole community didn’t figure out…
“I did some odd jobs to make some money, mainly helping with construction.”
…though I can’t beat her.
“Oh! Have you heard the story about the scorpion and the frog? An old lady told it to me when I was helping her out.”
I can’t help but tell the stories from my previous world to her, as I don’t really know any from this one.
“It goes like this, one time a scorpion needed to…”
…and I can’t think of any other ones when looking at her.
.
.
We finished our meal just in time for me to finish the story.
“Did you like the food, Lilian?”
She quickened her steps and tried to leave as soon as possible.
I didn’t try to chase after her.
This is how it always goes.
It didn’t bother me much, as it was even helpful in a way.
Instead, I took a bunch of herbs from my pocket.
I hurried to push them down my throat.
…Awful taste.
What’s even worse is that it’s not enough to act as an antidote for the poison, but it’s fine.
Hah…
If I transmigrated a year later, it would be too late for our poor Lilian.
Her story is quite pitiful, and unlike Cien, she dies if the player does nothing.
A slow acting poison… It’s impossible to taste it or even feel its effects… until it’s too late.
Fortunately, if I eat some herbs after each such meal, I won’t feel the weakening effect of the poison… I’ll only die after 2 years of taking it regularly…
Finding the antidote is hard, but not impossible… so I must do this to save Lilian.
.
.
.
After painstakingly experiencing that humiliation for almost the whole day, I needed to relax, so I went to the only place that may bring me solace.
The orphanage is a place full of children, and while I am not the biggest fan of interacting with them, the innocence that they possess is almost unheard of for this world.
Although, children here are clearly mischievous, even among themselves.
Like that girl… Janice, I think…
She's clearly playing around with Michael Junior.
…It's a popular name in this world, isn't it?
Poor MJ doesn't like it… but little does he know that she does that because she likes h-
“Hello.”
“Eek!”
*Thump* *Crash*
I don't think I ever let out such a childish scream in my entire live…s.
Oh God…
“Oh Goodness! I’m so sorry! I shouldn't have scared you like that. Please, let me help you!”
It's… Ophelia.
She… she is real.
Her lush green hair. Her amber eyes with a hue of dark tone in them. Her gorgeous yet imposing body that can overshadow even a man's…
Everything that I saw on the screen… She's real.
“...will you help?”
“Huh? Ah! Yes, I mean, yes ma'am!”
Way to make a first impression Michael.
…Damnit, I need to make it right.
“Excuse me, who are you?”
The steps, right, I need to follow them, nothing new, just remember the script.
“It's Ophelia, right, can you spare me a moment? Sister won't scold you, I promise.”
…But you might.
The script will need some changes due to it being the second year though.
I’ve never done it this way…
…She’s smiling, but…
It's her judgemental smile… indiscernible from her regular one, but I could tell.
Did I do something wrong, or is she just probing me?
We went out, the sun was already setting.
I couldn't help but observe her.
Her steps were firm, but uneven, though she tried hiding it.
Her boots were covered in dirt, and not the one from the streets. It must be her garden.
Yes, her hands as well, aside from blemishes from swinging a sword, there's also small cuts, must be from working with flowers.
…This is not something I tend to do.
My ability allows me to, but I never use it like this…
Why do I-
“Are you listening?”
“No, sorry, I was thinking about something.”
First rule is to be truthful.
“Ha~, whatever… Who are you?”
The script won’t work, but the rules will.
“M… Roland. My name is Roland.”
It's hard to act as Roland in front of her.
Focus Michael.
“Right, I knew that, that's not what I meant.”
“...What did you mean then?”
“Why are you here, who sent you and… you better not be eyeing the children.”
I got a chill down my spine, but my expression didn't change. Everything was still fine.
“...”
I didn't answer.
As to not break the first rule.
I’m here for you.
.
We could see the children from here, they were behind the glass, playing with the worn out toys.
…Should I take upon myself a role again?
“You-!”
I suppose I should… but…
“The children here are happy.”
The expression on her face told me her patience was running thin.
“What do you want?”
She outright took an offensive stance, ready to take me down.
“I once wanted all the children in the world to be like them.”
I don’t want to play pretend with her.
“?”
She is the only thing reminding me of the old days.
“That was but a mere dream of a child… give him a bit of power and he starts thinking big.”
That was a story long forgotten.
“The world soon proved that… power is very subjective.”
But it was the truth.
“And instead of bringing happiness to children… I nearly got everyone killed.”
I do not want to throw away my family.
“...”
And she is the only one I can treat like family.
For this world is cursed.
“After separating from my family, I lived in delusion for a while. Though, I wasn't alone.”
Why am I telling her this much?
We just met.
She’s not someone I’m supposed to know.
“Now, even they left.”
Yet, I do.
Even if she may not be the same as in my memories.
As long as she could become that person…
“So I returned to my dream. Be it on a smaller scale.”
I will fuel this small dream of mine.
.
“How… old are you…”
“...19”
Not everything can be the truth, forgive me.
“...You weren't sent by anyone?”
“I told you my entire life, but you still don't believe me? That makes me sad.”
I feel a bit heartbroken… but for some reason liberated.
“I… erm… Do you not find it weird to tell it to a stranger?”
You are not a stranger.
I smiled at her.
“That’s funny coming from a stranger who was ready to kill me if I were to lie, no?”
“That… *Cough* I can get a bit… overprotective.”
“That's a good trait, just so you know.”
…
Second rule.
Try everything in order to make her fall in love with me.
“Your nonchalant expression makes me feel embarrassed…”
“I guess that makes us even.”
I shrugged and she soon chuckled.
“You sure are unique, Roland.”
“I'm glad it's not suspicious anymore.”
“Don't get ahead of yourself, you are still under probation.”
“...Does volunteering come with an internship these days?”
“Pfft, you joke well for a kid!”
The trick is to not be one.
“It's getting late. But I am glad to finally meet you.”
“Finally?”
“Haha, the children couldn't stop talking about you.”
“Ah, Janice can't stop blabbering no matter how much I teach her. That's not how a lady should behave!”
You? Teaching etiquette? A knight who got kicked out due to misbehavior and insubordination?
That’s something new.
I smiled yet again.
“I hope to see you soon, Ophelia.”
We have a whole life ahead of us.
“Sure you do, and don't you dare chicken out… it's hard to find good help around here.”
“...I will be back.”
For you.
.
.
.
There is a third rule.
But that one… that one is just for me.
