The sleek black driverless car soon took Sam to the Boise airport and from there, it took three hours to make it to Texas. Aviation hadn’t dramatically changed in the past hundred years for regular commercial air flights, so it was just a routine process of scanners, x-rays, terrorist screening, infiltrator screening, and luggage checking. Unfortunately he’d forgotten that he couldn’t take suntan lotion with him and had the local TSA official take it away along with a small Swiss Army knife he’d gotten as a kid. Not thinking while he packed cost him some time. There was zero chance he’d be able to get it shipped into space with him, so he had to let it go.

  Loki had gone into the cargo hold and was furious about it, but little could be done. It seemed even his grandfather couldn’t override airport bureaucracy. Sam couldn’t focus on much of anything, because for three hours Loki kept complaining about the carrier and conditions in the hold. Apparently it was freezing cold in there and he wouldn’t let Sam forget it.

  From there it was a short shuttle ride to the Austin spaceport. The spaceport was very similar to the airport, with the major difference being the aircraft themselves. They were sleek, smaller than a commercial airliner, and all of them could take off like a rocket. Each one looked like an oversized X-15 he’d read about on the internet.

  Boarding was even worse for a spaceflight. There he had the battery of his shaving kit confiscated, along with a few other items. There was a bigger problem however.

  The overweight, balding space-TSA agent angrily scowling at him.

  “I’m not allowing a prohibited animal onboard this spaceflight,” Said the second manager Sam had managed to speak to.

  “Look at the card, run the card.” Sam said again.

  “I don’t give a damn what the card says, that’s not a new species, I know that’s a Blue. That’s on the prohibited species list. You think celebrities and rich kids haven’t tried to smuggle up their favorite gene-freak up to the colonies before? I am not going to let you take one of those abominable things into space!” His ham-sized fist struck the counter, causing his jowls to jiggle.

  “This isn’t smuggling, and you don’t have any idea what you’re messing with.”

  “Shut the hell up. I’ve already scheduled it for termination. You bring a prohibited species, we purge it. Those are the rules.”

  “You’re going to kill him?!?” Sam exclaimed.

  He quickly got out his cell and fired off a message to his grandfather.

  “Grandpa, these airport bastards said they’re going to kill Loki. Help!”

  Mentally, he found he could connect with Loki, who was still just a room over.

  “They’re going to what? Oh no, they’ve got a needle!” The cat shouted at him.

  “Open the cage and wreck them,” Sam said simply. He sighed, figuring his grandfather could either sort this out or not.

  Then he slowed time and punched the airport official in the face. The man couldn’t even react to the speed his fist snapped out at him, connecting with a meaty thunk. He started to let out a slow, belated, shout for “Security!” as his head whipped back, but fell to the ground unconscious before the word even finished. The first manager, a demure younger woman, flinched and shied back, pressing a red button below the desk.

  From the back room Sam heard a hideous screech and howl, followed by Loki bounding through the door a moment later. One of the yellow-vested officials came out, holding a hand over his eye. “I need medical attention!” he screamed.

  Security began to stream into the room. There were a lot of people with a lot of guns, and even with slowed time Sam wasn’t sure he could stop that many of them. Given their hulking forms, many of them were more heavily augmented than the government agents at the fair.

  “Hold everything!” A man came in shouting. “Stand down! Stand down! You dumb fucks, stand the fuck down!”

  He was dressed a lot like the men in black that Sam had met at the Idaho fair, but he wore a badge with a blue-green sphere surrounded by thirteen stars.

  “This is a Space Intelligence Agency matter! Put your guns down! I said put your goddamn gun down, or I’ll drop you myself!”

  The security officers moved back, and Loki jumped into Sam’s arms, shivering.

  “They were going to kill me!”

  “It’s alright, it’ll be fine now.”

  “Are you Sam Wharton and Loki?” The tall sandy haired agent spoke.

  “Yes, I am. This psychopath,” He said, pointing a thumb with his one free hand at the semi-conscious flight manager “Was trying to kill Loki.”

  “I’m agent David Romano, SIA. Everyone, this is a SIA matter! Go back to what you were doing.”

  Reluctantly, the security agents filtered out of the room, though not without shooting Sam some mean glares.

  The manager barely managed to pick himself up off the floor.

  “He assaulted me! How dare you-”

  “Run the card.”

  “I said run the fucking card you stupid son of a bitch!”

  "Why I never-"

  The fat, balding flight manager huffed his way to his feet and slid the card into the terminal.

  “What does it say?”

  “I don’t care-”

  “I said WHAT DOES IT FUCKING SAY YOU STUPID FAT BALD FUCK?”

  “You don’t have to be so rude-”

  “Tell me what the goddamn card says or I swear I’m going to punch you myself.”

  “It says… registered SIA test animal, carried by a protected person of interest.”

  “That cat is worth more than half this fucking spaceport, and the person carrying it is worth even more! You almost put one down and got the other shot. Get ready to pack your shit, because I swear you’re not going to have a job by the end of the day. By the time I get done with your boss you’ll be lucky to get fired. If you’re not, you’ll head to a SIA black site as a suspected saboteur.”

  “I didn’t know!” The sweating man protested, holding his fractured jaw as he spoke through clenched teeth.

  “No, you didn’t know. Because you didn’t run the card, you fucking moron. You’ve got one job. One FUCKING job! You run the info, you put people on space-planes. You do not FUCK with SIA assets, do you understand me? Now fuck off.”

  The man looked crestfallen.

  “Serves him right,” Loki said.

  “You two okay?” Agent Romano asked.

  “We’re okay. Just a bit shaken up.”

  “You did the right thing by pinging your grandfather. Damn he works fast.”

  “You don’t sound like a Texan.” Sam said.

  “Yeah, I’m from Boston. They assigned me to this shithole airport playing babysitter for the space TSA on account of my foul mouth. You’re lucky I was in my office, I was about to go take a piss. If I was mid-stream, you would not be standing here, because I would not have stopped.”

  “I… uh… sure.” Sam said.

  “I like him!” Loki shouted. “He saved my life!”

  “Alright, those pricks screwed your cover, so follow me.”

  “Where are we going?” Sam asked.

  “What are you deaf? The pisser. Then I’m shoving your ass on the first rocket out of here.”

  True to his word, the man kept them waiting outside the airport restroom for a few minutes, then quickly moved them past the lines to the Lost Star boarding port.

  “You see these two?” Agent Romano pointed at them. “Put them on this flight, first fucking class.”

  “Sir, one of them is a cat. Regulations-”

  “Did I fucking stutter? Put these two in first fucking class, including the cat! If I say you give him fancy fucking feast up there, you give him first class fancy fucking feast. Capiche?”

  “But the straps won’t even fit him!”

  “Then put his carrier in the goddamn straps! I don’t care! You’re the flight crew, these are SIA assets, now do it and fuck off!”

  “Okay sir. I’ll… let the flight crew know.”

  “Good, good. Nice people in Texas. You know I love ya. If your superiors give me any shit I'll wreck them, so pass that on too. Alright, you two have a safe flight.”

  “You must be really good at your job if they put up with you.” Sam said. “I mean thanks but… dang.”

  “I’m a goddamned god at my job. That’s why you’re still alive. Now go on, fly off, enjoy your time in space. Send your grandpa my regards.”

  “Yay! Another god!”

  “He’s not actually a god, Loki.” Sam said via the link.

  “Alright, thanks again for saving us.”

  “Yeah yeah, I get the feeling this ain’t gonna be the last time. You look like you’re gonna be work, and I don’t wanna see you, so fuck off.”

  Sam waived and moved onto the plane. He got some odd looks from the other passengers, but didn’t bother worrying about it. For now he just had to catch his breath.

  “Can we watch a movie this time? I’m not stuck in the cargo hold, I wanna watch a movie!”

  “Just give me a minute, alright? We almost died, jeeze.”

  “No way! I'm enjoying being alive!”

  “Let’s just play the quiet game for a few minutes, alright? Whoever is quiet the longest wins.”

  “That’s boring. No way! Talking talkingtalkingtalktalktalktalk!”

  The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.

  “Aaaaagh!” Sam held his head in his hands.

  “All passengers, standby for flight.”

  “Sir,” A flight attendant came up, “I’ve gotten special instructions. You’ll have to put your cat in the carrier for takeoff and hook dock.”

  “Gladly,” Sam said. Loki gave him a look of betrayal, before Sam slowed time, grabbed him by the scruff and shoved him in the carrier.

  “I’m innocent! I don’t belong in jail! Let me out!”

  “I’ll let you watch a movie once we take off if you stop whining, alright?”

  “Ugh, fine. You’re no fun.”

  The aircraft soon lifted off the ground, and it was a flight like any other at first. Sam couldn’t help but be excited though.

  “We’re finally gonna make it to space, buddy,” He said.

  “What’s so special about it?” Loki asked.

  “All of the space colonies have giant railguns on them. They fire huge balls of metal called Tungsten really fast. Once that happens the Earth is gonna be gone.”

  With that the rocket kicked on, and the aircraft began rapidly accelerating towards space.

  “What about the old lady?”

  “She’s… well. Maybe that’s why she let herself get old. So she won’t have to live to see when it happens. I’ve always thought that might be the case.”

  “That’s sad. When I steal my family back from heaven, do you think she’ll mind if I steal her back too? I like her steaks.”

  “I’m not sure that’s how it works,” Said Sam, melancholy.

  “I’m a god! There’s nothing I can’t do.”

  “Okay, she made a mistake when she gave you that name.”

  “Nuh-uh!”

  “You’re not even named after the mythological Loki. I know for a fact that grandma is obsessed with old superhero films. She’s always watching them. Man, am I sick of those things.”

  “So I’m a superhero too?”

  “You know you might actually be able to pull off. Superkitty! You got a mystery super-soldier serum and everything.”

  “Yay! You can be my sidekick!”

  “You know what? There is one superhero series I like. One that’s from my time, you know? Not those old ones grandma likes.”

  “Let’s watch it!”

  “As soon as we’re in space we’ll do it. It’s gonna be a long flight.”

  “How do we get up there?” Loki asked.

  Sam pointed out of the window.

  “You see that thing in the distance?”

  “The ball on a string?” Loki swiped an arm out of the carrier like he could actually hit the massive, distant structure.

  “That’s… you know what, yeah, that’s not a bad description. That’s a skyhook. We’re flying to the edge of the atmosphere-”

  “What’s an atmosphere?”

  “Uh, it’s the point where the air stops. Didn’t grandpa teach you that in school?”

  “Oh. I didn’t pay attention during that part.”

  “Ah, I guess he didn't bother with grades... so yeah. so we’re going up to where the air stops, then we’re going to have the… ball on a string hook to the ship. Then it’s gonna swing us right up into space. It’ll throw us just like an old human weapon called a sling. That’s why it’s called a skyhook.”

  “Why isn’t it falling?”

  “It’s half in space. Half of it wants to fall, half of it doesn’t. It just spins instead. They keep ion drives, rockets and stuff on them to keep them from falling all the way. I had to do a report on it once.”

  “That sounds hard. I wouldn’t want to make it. Humans always want to do a lot of work.”

  “Yeah, the first one was expensive as hell. Nearly ruined what was left of the economy, back when they first made it. They had to cut a lot of important stuff to zero for years. Grandma told me they used to have something called Social Security that looked after old people, and that’s gone now. They swapped it out for making rejuv almost free and shoved the rest into the space program. After that first one though, the rest were not so expensive. We caught some meteors and started mining the moon for stuff, so now we’ve got like five of them. They’ve all got bombs on them in case the Machine Emperor tries to use them when they fly over Eurasia.”

  "Wait, they could blow us up? I just survived almost dying!"

  "They probably won't."

  "Probably?"

  A loud, masculine voice came over the loudspeakers.

  “THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SPEAKING. ATTENTION ALL PASSENGERS: STANDBY FOR HOOK ATTACHMENT. YOU WILL EXPERIENCE SOME TURBULENCE.”

  There was a powerful feeling like a great weight as the rocket-engines turned on and both of them were suddenly subjected to several G’s of force. The aircraft flew towards the spinning skyhook, and a thud and mechanical click rocked the entire craft. Several people seemed startled, Sam and Loki being two of them. The Jets on the aircraft went cold, and suddenly the everpresent engine sound was gone.

  “THE MAGNETIC HOOK IS ATTACHED. ENJOY YOUR JOURNEY INTO SPACE.”

  There was a heart-stopping lurching sensation as Sam felt himself pressed into his seat.

  “What’s happening?” Loki asked, half panicked.

  “We’re being lifted into space! Look out the window.”

  They could see the curvature of the Earth as they rapidly began to ascend to the skies. It was a beautiful shining blue-green jewel, with clouds far below them.

  “It’s pretty.”

  “Take a good look. That’s where everyone who ever lived was at until not long ago. Every single person, every president and dictator, everyone. Every kitty cat ever born. Only a few of us ever get to leave it.”

  “Can we see the Machine Emperor’s house from here?”

  “Not yet,” Sam said. “Once we get a little higher, we will. He's from the big white landmass at the bottom of the planet.”

  Inwardly, he was looking forward to it as much as the cat. He made sure to record and relay the view in the white void so he could return to this moment in the future.

  They slowly watched in silence as they moved further and further away from the Earth. There was another thudding click.

  “STANDBY FOR DECOUPLING.”

  “I guess I did get him to play the quiet game after all,” Sam mused to himself.

  “REMAIN IN YOUR SEATS WITH YOUR SEATBELTS FASTENED AND LOCKED. INITIATING SPIN TO CREATE 1G GRAVITY.”

  True to his word as soon as they started moving away from the planet below Sam started looking through the in-flight movie catalogue. It didn’t take long to find what he was looking for.

  Cirque du Humanity 7: No More Clowning Around!

  “I don’t want to watch the seventh movie, find the first one!” Loki whined.

  “Fine. I haven’t seen that one yet, but there’ll be plenty of time on this flight to catch up on all of them.”

  It only took a moment to pull up the first movie in the series. It depicted a flamboyant clown giving a bow as stylized Machine Emperor warframes exploded in the background.

  The film was about a French American ex-circus performer turned refugee that came to the United States and enlisted in the Space Intelligence Agency. He would be faced with the machinations of incompetent leaders responsible for losses against the Emperor and was always out of his depth, but his bungling incompetence would somehow foil the infiltrators' plans again and again. It was an action-comedy full of high flying tricks, maneuvers and some incredibly fast-paced fight scenes. Even with the ability to slow time and truly enjoy it, he was amazed by the level of technical skill on display.

  The character was only ever called “Le Clown”, but the actor playing him supposedly never used stunt doubles, relying only on his augments for the scenes. They were especially famous for using almost no cuts between takes, leading the films to feel like a single, continuous camera shot from start to finish. The actor was supposedly a lot like the character - Francois DeGausse was himself a former circus performer and refugee.

  Sam could understand how previous generations had hated clowns, considering some of the old movies his grandmother had shown him. Particularly the creepy alien invader clowns or the terrorist clowns fighting vigilantes.

  Le Clown certainly borrowed from them, but his films were a celebration of humanity against a cold, unfeeling machine. It was always the human feelings and emotions that won the day, along with a good bit of very human chaos. In many ways modern humanity had turned the chaotic tricksters of yesteryear against their robotic enemy, at least on the silver screen. Over time he recruited many other incompetents, rejects, and downtrodden losers into his troupe of clowns, eventually forming the Clown Intelligence Agency. This of course led to the actual CIA being a secondary antagonist, angry that their good name was being ruined by clowns. It helped that the actual CIA was not well regarded, since they dropped the ball with the Machine Emperor’s first appearance and the slow conquest of the planet.

  What interested Sam most was the action. In the white void he decided to practice and see what he could pull off. The tricks, flips, and maneuvers were beyond what an unaugmented human body could do in many cases, even with slowed time. Still, he felt that with a little work he could copy a good few.

  “Whatcha doin?” Loki said, slowing time and joining him in the void.

  “Trying to copy the movie. It’s harder than it looks.”

  “That’s easy! Here! Watch!”

  Loki lept into the air, executing a triple flip before landing on his front paws, spinning, and pushing off into a double flip before swiping at the air with his paws.

  “Being a cat is cheating! Do you hear me?” Sam yelled. “Cheating!”

  “You won’t say that when we fight the big metal bugs again!”

  “Warframes are not something we are going to fight. One of them broke my ribs last time! I’m still healing from that and it barely even paid attention to me.”

  “I don’t care, I’m gonna flip around it like the clown.”

  “Did you miss the giant plasma guns it has? It’ll shoot you out of the sky! This isn’t the movies!”

  “Wanna find out?” Loki asked.

  “What?”

  “We recorded that fight between the old predator and metal bug! Let’s see if we can flip around it!”

  “This… I… huh. You know what, sure. There’s some kind of AI in here. Uh… System? Can you make a simulated warframe?”

  “Warframe simulation possible.” A gender-neutral voice cut through the void.

  “Bring it!”

  “Warframe simulation started.”

  “Yaaaay! I’m gonna fli-apgh!”

  Loki’s words were cut off as the tail of the giant centipede-like warframe immediately crushed him. Sam was barely aware as a plasma blast from its back incinerated him as well.

  “Simulated fight failed. Resetting.”

  “It’s not like the movies,” Loki said. “That hurt.”

  Sam shivered. “Computer! Set simulated pain settings to 10%! I’m not fighting that thing at 100%. Think before you set the sim, Loki!”

  “I’m sorry. That hurt a lot.”

  “Yeah,” Sam said, remembering the split-second sensation of his skin frying. “It did.”

  “Hey, I’ve got an idea. Ayy-eye! Make a simulation of Le Clown! Base it on the films.”

  The thin, lanky profile of the character appeared in front of them. His mismatched colorful pied-clothing and jangling jester’s hat all perfectly fit the character. His long nose and thin face were a perfect match for the actor.

  “What, you want to see a clown die? Fine. AI, have Le Clown fight the Warframe. Leave us out of it!”

  Even as the movie slowly played out in the real world, they got to watch a more accurate simulation in their virtual world.

  Le Clown did far better than Sam expected as he flipped, flopped, and jangled his way around the war frame.

  “He’s actually surviving.” Sam said in awe.

  “Wow! See! I said copying him worked!”

  The colorful figure continued ducking, weaving, and dodging around the frame, his augments clearly pushed to the limit. Plasma shots missed, tails jumped over, and myriad blade arms avoided. All the while, he traded back fire with his iconic POW Pistol. Each shot blasted away a large chunk of metal.

  “He’s gonna win!” Loki shouted.

  “He might actually…” Sam started, but he noticed something. His grandfather’s fight was faster, harder, and more complex than this, and he still almost lost. He had to pull a trick and drop a fair attraction on it to win.

  “I’ve learned and adapted.” The frame stated, and the clown's face showed a moment of terror as a pincer snapped out and wrapped around him.

  He was bisected in an instant. His augmented body tried to crawl away, only for the tail to crush him. A volley of plasma fire followed it, rendering the mush to charred carbon.

  The warframe stared at them with malevolence.

  “System, remove that thing. And clean up the mess. This is giving me the creeps.”

  “Affirmative,” The voice said.

  “I still wanna learn.”

  “Let’s try King next.”

  A shout came out through the void.

  “No simulating me!” his grandfather’s voice rang out.

  “Get your own fighting skills! You can’t handle my talents yet anyway. This is a pre-recorded message. ”

  “Damn.”

  Loki continued flipping, and Sam occasionally joined him. In the real world the movies continued to play. Some of the joy had gone out of it though. After seeing Le Clown bisected and crawling on the floor, he didn’t feel like he’d ever enjoy the films the same way again. In the films he could defeat hundreds of warframes, but that didn’t seem to match up to simulated reality.

  In the real world he looked out of the window at the rapidly shrinking Earth. Though it still loomed in the distance, he could see Eurasia now.

  There were billions of warframes down there, and far worse. They’d already flown very, very far away from the Earth, but he felt like the further they got the better.