The plan was reckless and likely to get us both in a lot of trouble, but I wasn't going to go to Partridge Island to confront my past without being properly armed. I knew my handgun would only do so much, and all the training weapons I had access to were blunted.

  Kas had explained to me that the Bonding Ceremony was supposed to be between a Master and a Chosen. I asked what distinction that made, but she said she didn't understand the magic; it was very old and had always been done that way.

  I pulled the keycard out of my pocket and frowned. I felt bad for pickpocketing Vance, especially after he had agreed to help me on the mission, but he and his crew were the only ones I knew who had access to The Vault, besides Lancelot. I didn't want to continue to kick that hornet's nest anymore than I had.

  I stared up at the huge steel door with the round metal vault wheel. It was thick and probably very heavy. Kas had explained that it led to an extradimensional space that was shared with all other Order bases around the world. I wasn't sure how it worked or what it would do to my body if I entered, but I was willing to take the risk.

  Kas popped back around the corner, crossbow held low and loaded with what she had called 'knockout darts'.

  "Coast is clear, let's go." She whispered. I scanned Vance's card and the door beeped. The metal wheel spun on its own and the door opened just enough for us to squeeze inside. Kas led the way, and I followed in behind her.

  I was astounded by the sheer volume of the space. It was like what I imagined an Amazon warehouse to look like. Shelves stacked high with boxes went up into the impossibly high ceiling. There were crates, boxes, metal containers and tubes full of all kinds of magical Artifacts. A few were on display, in glass cases, with plaques that honored fallen Chosen. Some of them were empty, which seemed sad.

  My placed my hand on a glass case that had the little staff thing that doctor's used as their symbol; the twin winged snakes on a rod. The little bronze plaque said it had belonged to Serena Kokinos. I raised an eyebrow, going over it a second time.

  "John, come on. We don't have much time." Kas said, moving towards a large pentagram like indent in the floor. I walked towards her, pointing back at the case.

  "I think I knew her sister and her kid." I told her. "Used to be neighbours of mine when I lived further North of Toronto."

  "Focus please." She hissed back.

  I looked down at the ground below my feet. The pentagram marking was massive and took up a good chunk of the floor. It looked like it was a giant overlay of many symbols of different faiths and cultures.

  Kas quickly scattered some candles around the circle and lit them, before kneeling on the ground, just outside of the final ring of the pentagram.

  "Stand in the center and clear your mind." She instructed. I did as I was told. I watched as she pulled a small knife and drew blood from her palm. When she placed her palm on the circle, it began to glow, her blood igniting ancient runes in a bluish-green hue.

  I did as she instructed me earlier, and drew my pocket knife across my own palm and knelt to touch the middle of the circle. The inner runes also lit up until the glowing and our blood met somewhere in between. I was fascinated by the magic that was coming to life before my eyes. They kept telling me about magic, talking about it like it was real, but I had yet to see any true displays of the stuff. Now here I was, watching blood ignite old markings on the ground before me. I smiled with a bit of child-like wonder. This feeling grew as I began to float into the air, softly, just about the ground.

  "Remember John, clear your mind. When you feel something reaching out or making a connection, focus in on it." Kas told me.

  I closed my eyes and tried to zero out everything else. I focused on a small flicker of light in my mind and beckoned it closer. It felt warm and familiar, like it had always been there. Floating just above the ground left me feeling like I was resting on top of a wave, staring up at the muted sun in my mind. The light thrummed with energy, moving from a tiny spark to something larger.

  It reminded me of a day on the beach, resting on the water, with the warm sun beating down. In my mind, I could hear the lapping of waves against sand. I felt comfort in this moment, like it should have been a memory, but I couldn't actually recall any days at the beach. I imagine Diane and I had taken the kids at least once. I tried to conjure them there, in my mind, but they appeared to me, blank and faceless, out of focus.

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  The more I strained to focus on their faces, to bring that memory to the front of my mind, the more the light dimmed. The kids were playing in the sand and I could here the cheerful noise of laughter, but it was generic, like a track played during a sitcom. My wife sat in a beach chair, assumedly, looking out at me, floating in the water.

  The light dimmed again, turning back to only a spark. Darkness pulled in around the scope of the scene, the sky darkening like a thunderstorm. The waves lapped harder, rocking my back and forth, beginning to toss me viciously. I called out to my wife, but her name didn't cross my lips. A grunting sound left my mouth instead.

  A wave rushed over my head, submerging me for a moment. Everything was dark until I surfaced, kicking my legs urgently. When I came back up, my wife and kids were gone. In the water, bobbing up and down in front of me, was a grey bulbous shape, moving with the waves. As another wave crashed over me, I desperately tried to stay afloat. The grey shape moved closer, and I could see what it actually was.

  The Guilt.

  It had found me in this moment, in this happy memory of my family. I watched as its face opened in a wicked, toothy grin; its lamprey-like teeth shifting like tiny buzzsaws. I panicked, trying to swim away, but it was like being stuck in a nightmare; I gained no distance no matter how hard I kicked. I watched in horror as many grey tendrils rose out of the water, reaching towards me.

  Thunder rumbled in the sky above me, as the waves became more rapid. It sounded like they were calling my name, each crack a sharp 'John'. I looked back down from the dark sky and The Guilt had closed the distance. It sat in the roiling water, bobbing in front of me; its crooked smile of razor teeth chittered, as it tilted its head to regard me.

  I froze in place, unable to speak or fight back. I couldn't move to get away. I noticed my vision hadn't blurred and my ears weren't ringing and it made the horror all the worse to behold. I could see it clearly now as it gripped my shoulders, shaking me. Its tentacles reached out, probing at my body. I could feel the warmth of its breath mixed with the sensation of cold from its touch.

  And then we were both underwater, sinking into the black. I could see the little bit of light trickle away as I was dragged into the depths with that horrible creature. I wanted to scream, but I couldn't even breathe. It just kept shaking me. Even under the water, I could here the thunder strikes calling my name.

  A sudden pain in my arms brought my vision back down, to The Guilt. Its tentacles had taken on a flat, sharp appearance, like a Philips-head screwdriver. They dug into my arms first, sliding against my skin until they found purchase and dug underneath. I wanted to scream in pain, but I was scared of drowning. That was when I noticed I was no longer underwater. I was just floating in darkness, constricted, and breathless.

  I winced as another tentacle wrapped around leg. I felt it undulating and pulsing as it writhed up to my thigh before wedging itself inside me. Looking at The Guilt, its expression hadn't changed; its head still cocked to the side, its teeth chittering together. Seeing it so close, so clearly, was unnerving. It was not quite the grey formless mass I had thought. Its bulbous head had the indentations of a skull; a browline, eye sockets, ear holes. But it looked like someone had stretched a thin, wet layer of skin over it, with only a hole for its vicious mouth that extended way too far.

  Its emaciated body showed a human anatomy, it had pale lumps where nipples might have been, and I could see its ribcage under its tight flesh. The hands that clutched my shoulders had nailbeds, but no actual fingernails.

  All of its tentacles protruding from its back, were slowly and painfully finding their way inside my body, worming their way deeper into my flesh, pulling that lamprey mouth closer to my face. I squirmed and thrashed against it, but it was no use. Its hands had sunk into my shoulders; I could feel its fingers working their way, just under my skin, into my back, in some weird facsimile of a lover's embrace.

  I screamed. I screamed in fear that this horrid abomination was inside my body. I screamed in anger that this thing had taken my family and plagued my life. It was deep and primal, filled with hatred. As if to mock me, The Guilt tilted its head all the way back, unhinging its grotesque jaw, and screeched back.

  And then it lunged for my face.

  I came to, screaming. Kas was shaking my shoulders and calling my name. I looked up at her with wide, terrified eyes.

  "Did it work?" I asked breathlessly.

  "I don't think so." She said, sighing heavily, like she had been holding her breath. "But on the plus side, I saw your monster."

  I looked at her, shocked. I sat up from where I was laying on the ground in the middle of the pentagram circle. The candles had all blown out. Nothing glowed anymore except the flourescent lights.

  "You saw it?" I asked. Kas nodded slowly. Her hair was a mess and her expression was wild.

  "I saw it all right. I watched that thing walk right into the circle, and then right inside of you. Whatever the fuck that was, it was horrifying. I've never seen anything quite like it. Like some kind of Lovecraftian monstrosity." She told me.

  I felt vindicated that someone else had seen The Guilt. It was nice to know I wasn't crazy. I felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders, before I realized that it had opened the door for more questions and even worse scenarios. I clutched at myself, feeling for wounds where The Guilt had entered my body. If what had happened in my head, had actually happened out here, then that meant...

  "I gotta get it out of me." I stared at Kas, unable to find any wounds or entry points on my body.

  "I agree. But first, we need to get out of here. We have to meet up with the others and get to Partridge Island." She offered her hand to help me up. I stood and looked around at the boxes and bins of ancient Artifacts. I would still be without a weapon, I thought, cursing my luck.