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To say Lewis was sweating rivers would be inaccurate. Every creak and settling noise caused the young Hob to lurch and look over his shoulder before going back to attempting to pick the lock on the chest in front of him. He hadn’t been happy when the Dean had instructed him to try and “obtain” the magical item the chemist had. Lewis actually quite liked the man, and he’d been trying to sell it to the guild anyway for gods sake! It was beneath the dignity of the Adventurers Guild to engage in something so petty as theft.
But the Dean had him over a barrel. Lewis had taken a liking to a handful of shiny baubles he’d picked up on a delve and decided to “accidently” leave them out of the guild paperwork. It’d been a sparse haul anyway, and it wasn’t like they were going to be missed. Except they had been, and now the Dean was holding the threat of expulsion over his head to get Lewis to do this for him.
So Lewis had had no choice but to wedge himself into a cupboard in the adjoining room and burn manacoins for almost two hours to monitor what was going on during the assessment. He’d then tailed the chemist all the way to Swiftly’s where Lewis had witnessed the hand off. Now here he was committing common theft for a man he knew would hang him out to dry if Lewis got caught.
“Gods damn the Dean. This is not what I got into adventuring to do,” he muttered to himself.
“Well that’s good to know. I’d hate for you to enjoy breaking in.”
Lewis spun around, or at least he tried to. He only managed to jump to his feet before a powerful double kick sent him sprawling over the chest. He tried to scramble off, but was pushed back down onto the rough wooden surface by his attacker.
“Please don’t hurt me,” he whined, wriggling to no avail.
“I won't. I’m inclined to give you a little leeway since you seem to be doing this against your will. You’re still doing it though, so don’t expect much.” The pressure on his back increased as his assailant leaned down to look at him. “Lewis Lightfoot,” the voice lost its growl, becoming horribly familiar to him. “I know your mother taught you better than this.”
“Sorry Uncle Paul.”
The weight on his back was released and Lewis was allowed to stand up. He turned and looked into the disapproving face of his mothers elder brother. Jail time no longer seemed so bad when weighed against the wrath of his mother. “Could you not tell her about this?” He pleaded.
“And have her mad at me? Not on your life. There are somethings in life you just have to be a man about and face.”
“But-”
“No buts. Now you’re going to tell me how you got caught up in all this,” here Paul gestured between his nephew and the chest he’d been trying to open. “And I swear by all the gods if I even think you’re lying to me I’ll turn you over to your mother directly and the authorities will never find your body.”
Fear lent speed, if not clarity to Lewis’s story, but his uncle was able to keep up regardless. When it was done, Paul sent the boy home, then went to have a word with the Dean.
<><><>
Joe had known what Moira’s answer was going to be before he’d asked the question, but that didn't mean he wasn’t over the moon to get a yes. They had unfortunately not done it in such a way as to be "accidentally" seen by anyone important enough to comp their meal. In the end Moira had to pay for it.
“I’ll pay you back,” Joe had promised.
This had earned him a lusty wink and a purred, “oh don’t worry, you will,” from his blacksmith lover.
They walked home hand in hand, enjoying the warmer evening air of a late spring. I’m going to have to look into marriage customs. Joe thought as he alternated between looking at the early evening stars and looking at his lover. It’d be one thing for a lifelong bachelor to not know anything, but I doubt a widower would be allowed to be quite that clueless.
Moira glanced at him while he was admiring how the streetlights made her hair glow. She smiled when she realized, if not what he was thinking, then at least where he was looking.
“Whatcha thinking about?” she asked, swinging their hands back and forth.
“I was just thinking about how nice your hair looks,” Joe answered honestly. He saw no reason to lie, and by the way Moira’s smile ticked up around the edges he knew the complement was appreciated. “What do you think about a summer wedding?” he asked, making Moira laugh out loud.
“A bit eager are you? Whatever happened to letting the bride to be plan things?”
Oh well that answers my question. Joe shrugged, “I felt bad about leaving it all up to Mary the first time. Plus I like planning.”
“Well if you really have your heart set on something, then let me know ok?” Moria gave Joe’s hand a little squeeze. “But do realize that I’ve never gotten to do this, and I also have things I’ve always wanted.” Joe nodded, and the two shared one more kiss before going up the stairs to two thirds of their little family.
<><><>
Arlowe was there bright and early the next morning with Crystal and half a dozen serious looking figures in tow. One particularly burly man, who if Joe wasn’t mistaken had a good amount of hillgiant in his blood, had a metal lockbox shackled to his arm.
Arlowe gave Joe a friendly wave. “Good morning! I didn’t think you’d mind us showing up a little early in the morning to get this done.”
“Not at all,” Joe glanced at Gretta who took over setting out glass bowls for Joe so he could slip away. Sliding his way out onto the street, Joe came to stand by Arlowe. Before anyone could stop her, Crystal leaned out of Arlowe’s arms and latched onto Joe. Behind the minotaur Joe could see the other guild representatives tense, some even putting hands to weapons as casually as armed individuals can be.
“Papi!”
“Hey baby girl, can you stay with Uncle Arlowe for just a little longer? Papi needs to keep his hands free.” Joe tried to push the recalcitrant little cub back as gently as he could. Crystal resisted at first, but eventually relented and allowed Arlowe to hold her once more. With the core beast cub back in Arlowe’s possession, the other representatives relaxed. If Arlowe was aware of their actions at all, he made no indication of it.
“Well,” Arlowe said, hiking Crystal up a bit onto his hip, “shall we get this exchange done?”
The trip between Fairchild’s and Swiftly’s wasn’t very long, which was good as their little group drew the eyes of every pedestrian on the walk over. The general store wasn’t opened yet when they arrived, so Joe knocked as politely as anyone trying to get in early to a store.
“Wait,” asked one of the guild reps, a human woman who had a spear slung over her shoulder, “ you kept them at Swiftly’s?”
“Well did you think to look here?” Joe asked. The rep shrugged, unable to debate the point.
Paul didn’t seem entirely surprised by the group of armed people standing outside his door and simply ushered the lot in before any opportunistic shoppers could slip in as well.
The group looked more than a little awkward standing around waiting for Paul to come back. Joe was sure he saw a few of the reps, the big guy included, covertly browsing the bins while they waited. Thankfully it didn’t take too long for Paul to come back.
The energy in the room changed in an instant as Paul removed the glasses from their bag and passed them to Joe. Joe, not entirely sure why Paul had given them to him, passed them on to Arlowe. The minotaur held them up to his eyes and glanced around, apparently testing them. When he was satisfied, he nodded toward the big man shackled to the strongbox. Another member, a female styra of significantly smaller stature but looking no less deadly, fished a key out of her shirt and turned to unlock the box.
“The guild would like to purchase the identification glasses from you.” Arlowe said in a formal tone. “We have accepted your terms of exchange for the core beast cub here after known as ‘Crystal’.” He accepted a document from the styra that she’d extracted from the strong box. “In addition to the exchange, we agree to the non-monitary terms of anonymity for yourself and your dependents.” Arlowe pointed to a clause about halfway down the second page.
Joe read through it and nodded, once again thankful for the lack of legalese used by the Adventurers Guild. Joe looked up just in time to see Paul give Arlowe an expectant look. Joe turned to Arlowe who was nodding to whatever unspoken comment Paule had made.
“In addition to the discussed terms, the guild assessor identified additional value in the appraised item.” Joe didn’t understand exactly what that meant, but he got the gist of it when Arlowe motioned the styra forward and she deposited a rather heavy looking bag on the counter. She passed Joe a receipt while Arlowe continued. “That’s the final breakdown of the appraised value, minus the value of the concessions made.”
Joe ran an eye down the column of figures. He was annoyed, but not surprised, to see they’d assigned a monetary value to the anonymity clause. Even with that however, the total at the bottom was staggering. That looks really close to how much I lost in the fire. Joe thought to himself. He looked over the top of the receipt to Paul, who was smiling far too innocently to not know more than he was letting on.
“So I just sign at the end here?” Joe asked after having taken a moment to read through the contract.
“Just there please, the other lines are for the guild rep,” Arlowe pointed to himself, “as well as two witnesses."
“I’ll be one of those.” Paul interjected.
“Then we’ll have stuart be the other,” Arlowe said. The half giant, presumably Stuart, straightened up from where he’d been examining a bin full of aphlettes.
“Well I don’t see anything in here that I disagree with.” Joe said. He couldn’t help but notice the gold staple holding the pages together. I wonder how that works with the ones signing on behalf of the guild. How do I know they’ve violated the contract? Joe signed, followed by Paul, then Arlowe. Stuart took longer, the pen little bigger than a toothpick in the burly man’s hands.
Once the first copy was signed, a second was removed from the strongbox. Joe was allowed to examine it to verify it was identical, then all four signed again. The first copy went into the strongbox, while the second stayed with Joe. The glasses followed the contract into the box, which was then locked again by the styra woman and the guild reps filed out.
“I’m glad this is all done.” Arlowe said as he passed Crystal to Joe. “Don’t forget what I said, Tex would be really sad if he didn’t get to see Crystal again.”
“Yeah, we won't be strangers,” Joe reassured him with a smile. “Can you say goodbye to Uncle Arlowe, Crystal?”
The little core beast waved to Arlowe as he left, giving a barely audible “buhby” that the minotaur likely didn’t hear.
With the departure of the guild reps an expectant quiet filld the shop. Joe let out a long sign and sat on the stool, which did not appreciate the experience. “Well, that’s done.” he sighed.
“Hopefully that’s the last bit of excitement we see for awhile.” Paule said, eyeing the sack of money on his counter. “Can you do me a favor though Joe?” Paul gave the bag a poke, causing it to tip over with an expensive sounding tinkle. “Put this in a bank account and not under your gods damned mattress again."
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Joe winced. “Yeah, I’ll go do that right now.”
“That would be for the best, but here.” Paul rummaged under the counter, coming up with a familiar looking basket. He drew a few coins out of the bag, then placed it inside the basket, covering it over with a checkered cloth and some assorted fruits. “Now it doesn’t look like you’re carrying around your life savings.”
“You’re one suspicious hob Paul.” Joe remarked as he accepted the disguised cash.
“It’s how I got to retirement. Don’t forget to bring the basket back later.”
Joe wasn’t sure how long setting up an account would take, so he dropped Crystal off with Moira before heading back out with his fruit basket.
<><><>
Whether there had actually been an opening, or JOe’s large sack of cash managed to wedge him in, Joe wasn’t sure. Regardless, after only a short wait Joe was ushered through a door disguised as part of the wall and down a hall no less richly decorated for being hidden. Wonder if the door’s hidden to keep people from wandering down here and bothering the bankers. Gods know I wish I had something like that, or at least a pit trap at my cubicle door.
Joe’s guide was one of the stoic lobby guards who led the way in silence. This suited Joe just fine as his morning had started far too early for his liking and he was in no mood to talk. Instead Joe took the time to just relax and enjoy the opulent decor of the hidden space. Man I wish my old bank looked half as good as this does instead of being a corporate hellscape. The only ones who got digs this nice were the investment…bankers… Joe suddenly had a bad feeling about where he was being led to.
The oily smile on the human bankers face did nothing in the way of comforting him. “Mr.Alderbright,” the man said, standing and extending a pale hand to Joe, “so nice to meet you.”
Joe took his outstretched hand and gave it a perfunctory shake before they sat down. “Nice to meet you as well.” Fuck this, I do not have time for the shakedown. “Am I to assume you’re looking to have me invest the money I brought in?”
“Ah we have a sharp one-”
“I’m going to stop you right there.” Joe interrupted. “Right now I’m not looking to do investments. I just want to open an account. I’ve got a wedding coming up and I want to keep the funds available.”
“A wedding you say?” Joe saw the man make a note without seeming to look down at the paper in front of him. While Joe had never been one of those bankers, he’d worked around enough sleazy ladder climbers to know the type. He resolved to say as little as possible. “Who’s getting married?” the man asked.
“That’s not really important to opening an account.” Joe countered, watching as the man’s faux smile fossilized on his lips. “While I’d love to sit and chat, I really don’t have a lot of time right now. I just need a place to store my money.”
“Well, if all you need is a place to store your funds, there’s always the good old mattress.” The man’s joking tone did little to hide the irritation bubbling below it. “But if you wnat to make your money grow-”
“I can take it somewhere else.” Joe interrupted. A part of him felt bad for playing that particular card, but he’d had to run damage control on enough accounts jeopardized by coworkers like this guy he didn’t feel too bad.
There was a flicker of irritation in the man’s eyes. It was small, not enough that most would have noticed. Joe however, had been expecting it and wasn’t at all surprised to see it. “Well, if that’s all you need for now,” the man said, his tone decidedly cooler than it had been a moment before.
“It is.”
“Then we have a few different accounts to choose from.”
Joe sat and patiently waited through the sales pitch for the various accounts. It seems monthly service fees were another universal constant in the multiverse, Joe grumped to himself as he listened.
The account tiers were actually pretty straight forward. The lowest, and cheapest, being little more than a note in their ledger. The actual coinage disappearing, likely added to a great big pile the bank used for loans. The next few tiers provided increasingly large storage boxes where coinage and other valuables could be kept away from prying eyes. The man assured Joe that he would have the only key, but Joe didn’t believe that for an instant.
The one thing that had actually surprised Joe was the fact they only offered checkbooks to their wealthiest clients, and even then only on request. Everyone else was expected to withdraw funds, at another fee, if they wanted to use their own money.
Geeze, and I thought my old bank was bad. Joe picked a medium sized box and was handed a numbered key. After depositing the majority of his funds, he headed off to his little family.
<><><>
The next few weeks passed by in a pleasant blurr. With his shop under construction and Crystal back in her proper place Joe felt at peace once again. MOira and he had decided to hold the wedding in the front of JOe’s finished shop. Not only would it be symbolic of a fresh start, it would be cheaper than renting some other space. Joe kept the replacement displays and stock back behind the counter to maximize the space for seating. To further hide it, the Meadowbrooks provided some foxed, but still nice looking curtains to drape from the balcony above. The rest of the decor was a mix of draped cloth and flower garlands purchased from Paul and hung by Paule.
Catering arrangements were taken care of by Merrie Carrie, who refused payment herself, but hadn’t noticed when Joe slipped a purse to Becky. Moira’s parents even made the trip so her father could walk her down the aisle. The pair had also collaborated on a massive stained glass chandelier that replaced the serviceable, but far plainer, wooden one.
Moira and Joe had agreed on simple outfits, neither wanting to invest the time and money into anything destined to be worn once. Joe settled on a clean tunic of pale blue color and bright brass beltbuckle, while Moira wore a white sundress accented by a garland of little white flowers and red berries worn like a feather boa. Joe thought she looked like some sort of nature spirit. He did his best to burn the image into his memory, wishing they had a camera.
It was a simple ceremony presided over by, of all people, Cha’Takal. The energetic little Kobold apparently had gotten the appropriate licenses on a whim some years back and never used them.
“Friends, family both by blood and by choice,” the little kobold squeaked, doing his best to make his voice carry in the large room. “We are gathered here today to join before the gods these two most loving individuals.” Cha’Takal’s crest puffed as he got into the spirit of the moment. “While he has not been with us long, I have the pleasure of saying I have known Joe since the very first day he came to our little city. And, while many others have opened their homes and their hearts to him since, we were the first.”
Joe wasn’t entirely sure what the little kobold was tyring to say, but he seemed to be meaning it as a compliment so Joe took it as one. Cha’Takal did a little hop to place himself closer to Moira and held a tiny hand out to her, as if presenting the blacksmith to the town she grew up in. “Not long after his arrival his heart was captured by our beautiful blacksmith, the delightful and loving Moira, who more than any other made his new town feel like home. Moira, I apologise."
This got a quirked eyebrow that completely went over the kobolds head. Cha’Takal was so on a roll at this point he was likely under it. “Although we have lived in this town for years, it took Joe’s arrival for us to really learn about you. He would often talk about you at our weekly meals, and it was obvious from how frequently he did that he held a deep and everlasting fondness for you.”
Both Joe and Moira blushed, getting an amused chuckle from the crowd. Joe glanced out at them. He didn’t know every one of them personally, but their faces comprised the tapestry of his day to day life. He’d passed them all as they went about their own business for the better part of half a year now, nodding and smiling or stopping for a quick chat. Some he’d grown quite close to, like Merrie Carrie or the Meadowbrooks. Even Paule and his brother had managed to squeeze themselves into the space to attend, taking up the entire back row just on their own. Cha’s right, this place really has become my home. Joe thought with a smile.
As his eyes roved over the assembly they fell on a rather frazzled looking Mi’Takal three rows back with the hatchlings. The little ones were being distracted with thick oat biscuits that were rapidly thinning by the second. The hatchlings mother was making a desperate “wrap it up” gesture at her oblivious husband.
Joe cleared his throat when Cha’Takal paused for a moment to take a breath. When he was sure he had the kobolds attention he inclined his head towards Mi’Takal. This generated another round of subdued laughter from those who’d spotted the little kobolds desperate hand gestures.
Now aware of the situation, Cha’Takal reined in his speech and got to the point. “Moira, Joe, if you would take each other’s hands.”
The two humans did, with Cha’Takl resting his own atop theirs. “Joe,” he said, turning to the chemist, “repeat after me;
Though the road is long and winding,
Though our feet grow old and sore,
I will never have another,
Until we are no more.
Though life is hard and fragile,
Though our way is dark and blind,
We will walk this road together,
Until the end we find.
I will lay beside you always,
Your hand held in my own,
I promise you my darling,
You’ll never be alone.
But should I go before you,
Should I become your past,
Then find yourself another,
Until we meet at last.
It wasn’t like the wedding vows Joe had said with Mary, although the sentiment was the same. The difference actually made it easier on him, despite the fact he still teared up while he looked into his lover’s eyes. By the time he finished his vows his throat had tightened with emeotion, leaving the last few lines to come out a little crackly. Joe could tell by the quirking of Moira’s lips that his struggle hadn’t gone unnoticed.
“Moira,” Cha’takal turned toward the blacksmith, who blinked rapidly trying to compose herself.
If anything, she did worse than Joe. her voice almost immediately squeaking which caused her to blush and stammer more. Joe gave her hand a reassuring squeeze, helping her to get through the last few lines.
Cha’Takal, emotional little kobold that he was, produced a handkerchief from inside his tunic and dabbed at his own moist eyes. “It is always heartwarming to see two people so deeply in love. I need a moment myself.” The kobold finished with his handkerchief, then used it to fan himself like a fainting prima donna. “Alright,” Cha’Takal cleared his throat. ”The rings if you please?" Joe fished them out of his moneypouch and handed them off to Cha’Takal.
“By the gods above,” Cha’Takal held both rings up as far as his little arms could go. “By the earth below.” he bent as low as he could without falling off the counter. “By the friends and family with us today,” he held out the rings to the crowd who all nodded solemnly as if they were agreeing to something. “I now pronounce you wife and husband, may you love and cherish each other for as long as you both shall live.” Cha’Takal separated the rings one in each hand and placed them in Moira and Joe’s outstretched palms.
Joe placed his on Moira’s finger before MOira repeated the gesture with her own ring. The band acted like it was made of elastic, stretching and thinning to accommodate joe’s finger, before hardening again and holding its new shape. The two of them leaned in for a kiss as the crowd cheered and threw confetti on the newly minted couple.
<>Epilog<>
Sarah stood outside her Papa’s shop, travel bag still slung over one shoulder. Coming home always felt like being able to breathe for the first time in ages. She so rarely had enough paid vacation time or disposable funds to make the trip worth taking. It was always nice when she could get back here.
The bell over the door tinkled in the same old familiar way as she went inside. The gentle noise attracting the attention of her little sister behind the counter.
“Sarah!”
“Hey Crystal, where’s Papa?”
Crystal dropped the book she’d been reading and vaulted the counter, not even bothering to use the gate flap. “Off getting Mama flowers. You know how he is.” The short woman hit Sarah at a run, knocking her older sister back a pace or two in her headlong charge.
Sarah staggered, but retained her balance enough to return her sister's hug. Despite being a full head and a half taller than even her Papa, Sarah could feel the barely restrained power in her little sister’s arms. Why a person of such obvious physical and magical prowess would want to spend her life in a hamlet like Academyway had baffled Sarah for years. She’d finally asked Crystal the summer before she’d moved out.
“It’s, safer.” her sister had explained. “I’ve been here so long now, no one thinks twice about me. Plus, who’ll look after Mama and Papi when they get old?”
Sarah hadn’t quite gotten it back then, but after working for the Royal Inquisition for a few years, she thought she finally understood.
“How long are you going to be here?” Crystal’s question brought Sarah back to the present and she gave her little sis another squeeze.
“A little over a week,” she responded. “It’ll be nice to sleep in my old room again.”
“Not really,” Crystal’s mouth quivered up into a mischievous smile. “I helped Mama move the porta-shower in there about a month ago and we sold your old bed. It’s the couch for you I’m afraid.
“That hardly seems fair!”
Crystal put her hands on her hips. “You’ve been gone for four years! Besides, didn’t you always complain that your feet stuck out the end?”
“That’s not the point.” Sarah sulked.
“Life moves on sis.” Crystal said with a shrug. She seemed to remember something which caused the younger woman to bounce up and down on the balls of her feet. “Oh! Did you hear; Micah and Jill are expecting?”
“No,” Sarah allowed herself to be led back behind the counter, taking up a seat on a stool next to her sister. “When is she due?”
“Not long now. You should see her, the poor woman’s huge! If she wasn’t a lamnotta I’m sure she’d have popped by now.”
“Crystal, that’s not very nice to say.”
Sarah’s younger sister waved the admonishment away. “Oh she’s not here right now, and even if she was she’d probably agree with me.”
Sarah crossed her arms over her chest and glared at her sister. Whatever venom the look was supposed to hold was lost on the younger woman. Eventually Sarah gave it up as a bad job and moved on. “Speaking of people head over heels for hairy men. How’s your big idiot?”
“He’s not an idiot!” Crystal glared at her, and it was Sarah’s turn to look completely unabashed. Crystal sighed and slouched down in her chair, pouting at her older sister. “Tex’s out on a delve right now. Him and his dad are hitting a dungeon out near Dry Creek. He’s promised to bring me back something nice.”
“Like a wedding ring?”
“Sarah!”
“Just saying, five years is a long time to be “dating”. I don’t want you ending up like Mom.” It was an old fight the two of them had been privately having. Sarah loved her Dad but as she had gotten older, she’d come to realize just how much pain his actions had left behind and she wanted better for her sister.
“Tex is nothing like your dad.” Crystal growled, and Sarah realized the barb had stung more than she’d intended it to. Crystal only ever called Minsk ‘your dad’ when she was really angry.
“Sorry, Crystal. I’m just picking on you.” Sarah tried to ruffle Crystal’s hair but her sister ducked it, swatting Sarah’s hand out of the air with practiced ease.
“Do you think that makes it better?” She grumbled, not placated in the slightest.
Sarah held up her hands in surrender. “Alright, alright, your Tex is a saint amongst men. A bit thicker than a paving brick, but he’s got a good heart. Still, rope him soon sis, he’s had enough time to wander.” She gave her sister a wink that got Crystal to blush. Before Crystal could respond Sarah pulled the rug out from under her by changing topics. “Want to come to lunch with me?”
Crystal blinked and looked around. “I have to stay here until Papi gets back.”
“Nah,” Sarah threw an arm over her sisters shoulder and began leading her around the counter. “It’s well past two, this place is dead until everyone gets off after five, you’ve got time.” Her sister struggled against Sarah’s headlock, but since Sarah could keep the younger woman in place, Sarah knew her sister wasn’t fighting too hard.
“Papi’s not going to be happy when he comes back and finds this place closed.” Crystal tried as they reached the door and Sarah shoved her through it. Crystal had just enough time to flip the little wooden plaque to “closed” before she was out into the street.
“Ah he’ll be fine. Him and mom’ll just be happy I’m back. Come on, I’ve been traveling all day and I’m starving.” Sarah took her adopted sister’s hand, lacing their fingers together like they’d done when they were children and began tugging her down the street.