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Chapter 12: Fornax

  Ashton Etrigan

  Age: 28

  Current Mass: 62 kg

  Mental Status: Amazed

  Physical Status: Depleted

  Immediately after Silas had opened his mouth, Frank started crawling towards him on all fours. He was feeling his way forward with his hands, occasionally stopping to rub his eyes. It looked to me like he’d been blinded.

  The fact that I’d been responsible for blinding a man didn’t matter to me. I knew somewhere deep that I should feel something about what I’d done, and I would, at a later time. But, at that moment, I was unable to feel anything apart from exhaustion and hunger.

  In fact, I was starving. I would have eaten absolutely anything at that moment. Luckily I didn’t need to eat just anything. There was already perfectly good food somewhere in the store. I couldn’t smell anything, and there weren’t any specific places to keep food stored, but I could sense that there was something, somewhere inside the store.

  I stepped over Frank’s struggling form, and gently pushed past Silas to exit the alcove. Silas looked unsure of what to do, but let me pass without asking further questions. Frank whimpered desperately when my footsteps landed next to him, shying away from me as best he could in the small space.

  “You’re not gonna get away with this! You are so fucked, Ash, I’m gonna go straight to the city guard! Augh, my fucking face! Silas, where are you? Help me get up, then get my phone. Your worthless life is over, Ashton, you hear me!? Finished!”

  He kept switching between painful grunts and cursing me out, but I ignored him. Instead I focused on the feeling of food pulling at me. To no one's surprise, I found myself standing in front of Frank’s desk, with a hand hovering over the handle of the big top drawer. I pulled at it. A loud snap escaped the drawers as it broke off an unseen plastwood lock and opened.

  Inside it were an assortment of various items, like key cards, phones, branded sunglasses, analog watches, and other valuable things that definitely didn’t belong in there. No food though, as far as I could see. But I could feel it, right there, beneath my fingers. I checked the next drawer. Nothing there but some cables, and a metal plate of sorts. I went back to the first drawer. It looked weird, compared to the second drawer. Smaller.

  I poked the bottom plate of the drawer, and it gave a hollow thud back. I smiled, and poked it again, harder. My finger went straight through the bottom of the drawer, and I hooked my finger around it, then pulled. The fake bottom came straight out with minimal resistance, throwing all the other objects out with it and scattering them across the floor. Beneath that plate I found exactly what my stomach was howling for.

  Several large plastic containers, labeled and organized by contents, along tons of big bags of snacks, laid lined wall to wall inside the drawer. I read words like ‘chicken soup’, ‘spaghetti and meatballs’, ‘chocolate cake’, ‘mashed potatoes with gravy’. I had little to no idea what kinds of food they were, I had only heard of some of these dishes online. It was like a fully catered Corporation dinner there, just like the one I’d seen at Lodestar’s welcome party.

  And the snack bags! Tons of branded snack bags from every store in the city, crammed on top of each other to make room for them all. No wonder there were always flakes of something on Frank’s shirt, he probably went through one of these each shift! I picked one up and tore it open. It was a green bag, called Crackles, with a picture of potatoes and dried meat next to some vegetables I didn’t recognize. The ingredients list had no mention of synthetics. The whole thing was natural!

  Not being able to really think twice, I shoved my hand into the bag and grabbed a fistful of whatever was inside. Crunchy flakes of thinly sliced something or other came back out, and I shoved it all inside my mouth and started chewing. I melted, right there on the spot.

  “Mmmmff, mmmh!” I moaned loudly. I couldn’t help myself. I was overcome by the flavor. “What was that?!” Frank was making noise again. I wanted to let him know it was fine, but I never got time to speak between the fistfuls of food flakes my hands were shoving in my mouth. “Ashton, what are you doing?” He yelled. I noticed he’d gotten to his feet, using Silas as some kind of crutch.

  I wanted to tell him his food was amazing, and that I thought he was an asshole for never sharing any. I wanted to tell Silas that he should come over and try some of it. I wanted to call Emily, and tell her of the amazing discovery I’d just made. And Tyler, she already knew about unusual food stuff, she would probably have loved to see all these different foods! She and Deimos would probably-

  Stop.

  I reached the bottom of the bag of flakes, and before I could stop, a new one was suddenly open in one hand, while the other went back for one of the plastic containers labeled ‘chocolate cake’. I’d never had cake before.

  Stop!

  “Oh, for fuck’s sake! Silas, tell me what’s going on!” Someone was getting panicked and started sounding hysterical. “Hey, Frank, move your hand, I can’t see!” This voice wasn’t as panicked, only somewhat agitated. “Ash, can you please tell me what’s happening? What did you do to Frank?” Okay, so slightly more than agitated.

  Stop talking, I thought at the voices. I need to concentrate!

  “He’s not answering me. He’s not even looking at me.”

  “Then tell me what the fuck he IS doing, you idiot!”

  “He’s standing in front of your desk, eating a lot of stuff out of one of your drawers, I think. It’s hard to see, with you clinging so hard to me, sir.”

  “HE’S DOING WHAT?!”

  Parts of cake smudged my cheek as I bit into the large, dark brown piece. My teeth sank easily into the soft, strange substance, and I almost spat it out due to the alien consistency. It was porous and dry beneath the first layer, which was a wet and sticky substance that nearly melted in my mouth. Then the taste hit me, and I completely lost touch with the world around me.

  Sensations exploded in my mouth and my mind. The natural ingredients were almost too much for me to handle after a lifetime of synthetics. Flavors I couldn’t even name flickered across my tongue, faster than I was able to eat more of the miraculous food.

  Stop it! Listen to me!

  Dried potato slices mixed with the spongy bites of cake in my mouth. I was about to fall to my knees, but my hands were still rummaging through more and more containers as my jaws kept chewing. I couldn’t control myself. For every second that passed, more and more empty containers littered the floor. Despite this, despite the enormous quantities of matter I practically inhaled, my hunger wasn’t letting go. In addition to that, something else was happening to me.

  Oh no, not this again.

  I was getting tired. Incredibly tired. It was slow, this sense of fatigue coming from the other side of my mental horizon. But it was coming.

  Rustling from behind me indicated a great deal of movement was happening. I wanted to turn around to look, but I couldn’t stop eating anymore. I was close to emptying the whole stockpile.

  “Hello?! This is Frank Neumann! I was just attacked by one of my employees! He just went crazy and assaulted me with some kind of super concentrated light! Yes, I need an ambulance, right away! The fucker blinded me!” More rustling of movements. “No, he’s still here. Silas, what’s he doing now?”

  “He’s still just uh… eating. Sir.” Footsteps behind me. Someone was coming closer.

  “It’s just me, Ash,” Silas said. “Look, I don’t know what you did, but Frank looks bad. He called the Guard, and you’re not really making it better right now.”

  I said nothing. I couldn’t say anything, even if I wanted. Not only was my mouth too full to form words, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stop. I knew I wouldn’t until there was no more food left.

  “Please, Ash, this is insane! I don’t know how to deal with this, please don’t do this to me!” He sounded desperate now. I felt for him, I really did. The drawer was almost empty.

  “I want you to arrest him immediately,” I hear Frank yell. “He’s obviously been modding somehow, and now he’s even stealing from my personal storage! He’s dangerous!” A moment passed, long enough for me to tear meat straight from some kind of bone, until my teeth broke even that.

  “Fine! Just… just hurry! Yes, he’s right there, I can hear him! Good!” There was a small beep as the connection was cut. “Silas, keep an eye on him. If that asshole empties my stash before the Guard arrives, I’m gonna fucking kill-”

  Too late, I thought, and yawned as I picked up the last two containers and cracked them open. Inside the first were little balls of meat, swimming in a red sauce with green leaves strewn around in it. I poured the whole thing down my throat, somehow able to fit all the meatballs in one bite. I closed my eyes and savored the taste, then swallowed it. I didn’t see what was in the last container, because my eyes wouldn’t open after that. I just tipped it back and repeated what I’d done with the last one.

  Something tapped me on the shoulder, then someone started whispering in my ear.

  “Ash, I’m scared. Frank looks really messed up, and I think he’s gonna get you arrested. Can you please just say something? Say you’re sorry, or, or that your powers can’t be controlled. I don’t know what’s going on with you, but this can’t be natural!”

  I stood, listening to Silas’s pleas, but there was not much I could do. I felt a wave of blackness rushing closer, making it hard to stay conscious. My legs wobbled, and I stumbled forward.

  A pair of hands caught me before I hit the floor, helping me into a sitting position leaned against the desk. “Thanks,” I managed to say. “And sorry.”

  “No, Ash, no no no, don’t- agh, shit!” The hands pulled suddenly away from me.

  “What did he do, did he attack you?!” Frank

  “No, It’s okay, I just… my hands…” Silas.

  There were more words, but I couldn’t hear anything anymore.

  I fell into darkness.

  ???

  I was in the Void again. The soothing, comfortable pocket of nothingness was almost familiar to me now. Floating there in the deep dark, I felt a deep sense of calm, as the relaxing temperature, as well as the absence of sounds, forced me to do nothing but breathe.

  I hung there, alone, for an amount of time that could either be described as short seconds or long hours. It was impossible to interpret the passage of time when the world was void of stimuli. Nothing could, or would, ever happen inside this little pocket of time and space, not this time. The first time was different. Something had happened the first time. And the second, I realized.

  It was trauma. Both of the other times when I’d been here, I’d been in pretty extreme circumstances, both mentally and physically speaking. This time I was here because… what? I had been doing something, somewhere. Somewhere real, outside the Void where nothing could happen.

  Anything outside the Void was different, because that’s where things happened. If I was there, and not in the Void, then I’d be worried about why I was in the Void. But in the Void, I was secure, relaxed, calm, and comfortable. For as long as I needed. Maybe forever. Because this time, nothing would happen, and I could just… um…

  Something happened. A violently powerful vibration inside my head went off, giving my brain a sudden jolt. It was like someone had thrown my brain into a tumble dryer, and set it to ‘instant’. It lasted for no more than five seconds, before it died off. Once over, it was like a thick, fuzzy fabric had been ripped loose from all the creases in my brain, and I could think normally. I hadn’t realized I wasn’t able to form thoughts until right then, and now that I did know, I never wanted to repeat it.

  I tried to remember anything that stood out to me while my mind had been mush, but it was hard. I found nothing but a jumbled mess of confusing impressions and instincts. Nothing of substance that could be interpreted in any helpful way, only the same sense of comfort that apparently always completely took over me when I found myself in this empty place.

  There was that vibration, though. That had been something. It felt kind of like the Hum, just without sound. It had felt… bigger, somehow, too. Maybe because it didn’t come from inside my head this time, but I couldn’t be sure. There wasn’t really anything I could be sure of in the Void, not really. That scared me. Suddenly the Void wasn’t so comfortable, or relaxing. Just dark, quiet and cold.

  I hung in that nothing, thinking, sometimes waving my arms and legs to see if that did anything, waiting for something to happen. I tried speaking, but no sound came out. I tried screaming, but there was no air in my body. I started to feel trapped then. Not knowing what was happening out in the real world, or how I could go back.

  The last time I’d been in the Void was when I almost died. At least I thought it was ‘almost’, considering I was still alive. I’d communicated with someone. Something? I wasn’t sure, but there had been some kind of conversation.

  Hello?

  Silence. Well, more silence, because this whole place… You get it.

  Hellooooooo! I tried again.

  GREETINGS, ASHTON ETRIGAN, The Void answered from nowhere and everywhere at once. If I’d still had a pulse, it would have reached atmospheric levels. I took a calming breath, trying my best to look around for anything else in the Void with me. There was nothing.

  Right, yeah, greetings to you as well, ominous… um… voice. It felt wrong to call it that, but I couldn’t come up with something better.

  …How are you? Gods, that felt stupid. I knew I wasn’t the greatest conversationalist, but good lord, that was awful.

  FORGIVE ME, BUT I HAVE NOT YET ASSIMILATED ALL OF YOUR LANGUAGE AND ITS NUANCES. I DO NOT UNDERSTAND THE MEANING OF YOUR QUESTION.

  The voice spoke without inflection. It was just flat. I didn’t like it, but at least it didn’t care about my lack of charisma. I was also a tad surprised about the language assimilation thing.

  Never mind about that, I have more important questions. If that’s okay… What a way to sound confident, go me.

  I WILL ENDEAVOR TO ANSWER TO THE BEST OF MY ABILITY, the voice said. Maybe talking to it wouldn’t be so bad after all.

  Okay, first of all, who are you?

  The voice answered with a series of unintelligible non-sounds that ended in what felt like a strange sucking effect. I was entirely unable to understand any of it, and even less able to reproduce anything like it.

  Uh… I didn’t quite catch that… Was that your name or… I trailed off, unsure how to approach a conversation like this.

  AH, IT DAWNS ON ME THAT A DENSER CREATION MIGHT FIND DIFFICULTIES WITH A CELESTIAL LANGUAGE.

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  Who was he calling a dense creation? I wasn’t stupid. However, the idea of a celestial language, now that made me excited!

  And terrified.

  I BELIEVE THE DESIGNATION YOUR KIND HAD FOR ME WAS ‘ALPHA FORNACIS’. THIS IS AN ACCEPTABLE WAY TO ADDRESS ME.

  Alpha Fornacis. The biggest of the three main stars of the Fornax constellation. It was classified as a white subgiant, with approximately thirty-three percent more mass than our own sun, but had the luminosity of a star that just recently evolved off from the main sequence. While it was seen as a single celestial object to the naked eye in any telescope, astronomers had discovered that it was actually a binary star, meaning it existed as two stars constantly orbiting one another.

  It had also been missing from the Star Chart recently.

  I see, I thought-said, eloquently as ever.

  The fact that I was able to communicate at all in that moment was incredible, if I’m being honest. At that moment I was so taken with fear that if I hadn’t been floating in the void, I would probably have pissed myself.

  I had been denying what it could be, the thing I was talking to, the thing I’d heard vibrating words into my head, all this time. I was scared of the truth. Scared of what I was becoming.

  I mean, most of it was impossible to begin with, right? Who survived eating a star? That was something that happened in fairy tales, or old-timey fantasy novels. Even Crusader, the greatest hero our planet had ever seen, might shine like a star on occasion, but even she had her limits. I was nothing like her. I was just… some guy.

  Actually, no, I don’t understand any of this. None of this makes sense! I can’t have swallowed a star, that would kill me!

  YOU ARE CORRECT. YOU DID, IN FACT, EXPIRE. THEN I BROUGHT YOU HERE.

  You did that?You can do things like that? How? Why!? I was losing it. This conversation was proving too much for me to handle, and I tried to grasp onto whatever little bit of information I could. Anything that could help me understand.

  I PULLED YOUR CONSCIOUSNESS INTO MYSELF. IT WAS A NECESSARY PRECAUTION IN THE CASE OF A SUCCESSFUL COLLAPSE.

  Collapse? What the fuck are you… You mean how stars are created? You made me… The fire… I trailed off. Flames began licking the edges of my vision, threatening to flood over if I accidentally remembered too much.

  YOU ARE CORRECT. AS I SPREAD THROUGH YOUR VEINS, MUSCLES, BONES AND ORGANS, I FOUND IT ALL LACKING. I HAD TO RECONSTITUTE YOUR PARTS, TO MAKE A BETTER FUNCTIONING WHOLE.

  Okay, that hurt my feelings.

  It was strange how such a comforting voice so accurately speared the exact parts of myself I already were self-conscious about, with such disregard for how I may react. Then again, taking into account the repeating phrases and staccato nature of the voice, projecting a comforting personality to it may not have been helpful.

  Because it was comforting, that voice. The way it vibrated, so consistently relaxing, like the warm light of a red dwarf star. It was the kind of comfort I always imagined my father could evoke. The way I heard him in my thoughts as a kid, when I was told how he addressed courtrooms and judges. The difference came in the words, however, and it was a big difference. The voice’s words were nothing like those I imagined my dad would use.

  Okay, violation of autonomy aside, I guess I understand why you did it. That still doesn’t explain exactly what you did.

  DO YOU REQUIRE AN EXPLANATION OF THE PROCESS?

  Yes.

  VERY WELL. I WILL EXPLAIN.

  The voice then started vibrating, but somehow it was different from when words could be interpreted. Instead, images began flooding into my mind, like a movie being projected onto the back of my eyes.

  I was watching my own body, lying on the burning floor of the main hall at the Lodestar Convention Center. Only my immediate surroundings were visible, but it was enough to recognize the place. Despite how bad I wanted not to.

  The image shifted, zooming into my face, where the skin seemed to be in the middle of boiling. Red, angry spots of stretched skin covered my face, and my eyes looked like half-blown glass. Smoke could be seen coming from all open orifices, and my hair was already gone, leaving only smudged ash across my scalp. If I’d been awake in my real body, I doubted I would have been able to hold on to all the food I’d just eaten.

  Is this really necessary, I asked Fornax. Alpha Fornacis was too long, and just calling it Star was too… No, Fornax was good enough.

  IT IS BEST THIS WAY. YOU WILL UNDERSTAND SOON.

  That’s not… I… ugh, fine, If you say so.

  The image began moving, turning itself into something of a movie. The boils on my skin grew and popped, squirting melted flesh in the process. Underneath the skin I could make out parts of my cheekbone, dried up and cracked. Parts of the exposed bone began flaking off in bigger and bigger portions, until eventually parts of my face began caving in. It kept going until my cranium fell in on itself, and a small cloud of white dust wooshed out from my now empty eye sockets.

  All across my body sections were collapsing in on themselves where the bone that held it up crumbled into more dust. In no time I looked like a disgusting, broken, half melted inflatable facsimile of a human being.

  The image reminded me of something a mountain animal would vomit to feed its young, and had I not been in the Void I was fairly sure I would have been doing the same.

  The view changed, moving inside my deflated husk, and zoomed in to give me an image of the microscopic parts of me that were still there.

  Sorry, but this isn’t really telling me anything. I don’t even know what I’m looking at anymore.

  YOU ARE LOOKING AT THE INSIDE OF ONE OF THE MAIN PATHWAYS OF BLOOD IN YOUR BODY. THE ONE YOU CALL THE AORTA.

  Great, that’s not concerning at all.

  That was sarcasm. I was, in fact, very concerned with what I saw in front of me. The vein was dried and flaky, and altogether empty. As I watched, the whole thing was slowly contracting as it dried up, and tears appeared along the inner walls. It was breaking down.

  The image changed again, and I was standing inside what could only be my own stomach. It was the only thing I could think of that would have a small lake of semi-clear fluid sloshing around. But more than that, there was the thing beneath the surface of the acidic sea that gave it away.

  It had the same shape and size of the marble I’d swallowed, and it glowed the same warm light I remembered, lying there, lodged inside the gastric folds. It looked to me like it had somehow fused itself to become part of the tissue. Melted pieces of flesh clung to the surface of the marble, and the more I watched, the deeper it slid into the meat around it.

  I think I’m gonna be sick.

  WORRY NOT. NO ILLNESS CAN EVER AFFECT YOU ANYMORE. OBSERVE.

  With a shudder I turned my focus back on the smooth marble, melting its way deeper into my flesh. It had begun to faintly glow there, beneath the folds of meat, and as it fell out of sight I could still make out the growing light it emanated. The flesh around it kept melting, and pools of bubbling liquid gathered around my point of view.

  THIS IS IT.

  This is what? What do you mean?

  Before my confusion even had time to settle, it happened. A wave of heat shot out of the hole left by the marble, visible in the air as it distorted where the wave passed. Then the marble pulsed with more light, and another wave shot out, only hotter than the last. It wooshed past my field of vision, and left sparks that ignited what little air was still around.

  A second passed in silence, and I watched the insides of my own body fall away to ashes, revealing the remains of scorched bones, and the skin that clung to them. There were no more organs anywhere in my stomach or chest. They had either burned to ash or melted into puddles, making my torso almost mirror the inside of the collapsing convention centre I knew it was lying in at that very moment.

  Then the marble pulsed again, and a third wave pushed its way throughout my body. I feared more terrible destruction, but was left in wonder, as this last wave moved slower than the previous ones, and with far less outward intensity. In fact, it looked more like it pulled everything it washed over in on itself.

  Ash and dust gathered up by itself, growing dense in the wake of the slow wave, floating in the air behind it. Where the dust and ash touched my skin, it embedded itself there, like an inner layer, and when the wave passed where my old bones had been, new lines of hard substance packed itself into dense formations.

  The star was coating my insides, and regrowing my bones!

  My view changed, and I saw my whole system like an x-ray. Wisps of air were continually being pulled in through my mouth and nose, and even my empty eye sockets were filled with swirling streams of dust and other particles. They coalesced inside my body, creating a network of dense, clear veins, looking almost like glass. The veins all grew thicker the closer they were to my stomach, until a point where they seemed to phase into one big chamber, with the marble at its center.

  During this process, the marble had grown somewhat dimmer, except for a mote of light in its middle. The mote was the color of Emily’s eyes, clear blue, but only for a few seconds. It changed shade into a lighter blue, then white. At the same time it continually grew smaller.

  No, not smaller. Denser! Wait, if that’s some form of energy, and it keeps getting smaller, won’t it eventually… explode?

  EITHER THAT OR COLLAPSE INTO A BLACK HOLE.

  A WHAT?!

  THE ENERGY IN THAT MOTE IS QUITE VOLATILE. YOU WILL NEED TO LEARN HOW TO USE IT SAFELY. UNTIL THEN I WILL ASSIST YOU, JUST LIKE I DID HERE.

  Before the suddenly terrifying light grew too small to see, the edges of the marble began subtly vibrating. A pressure I didn’t know had been there was released, and the light began expanding. It hit the edges of the marble, and continued through them, shooting into the glassy veins connected to the chamber in my stomach.

  A thick, golden light raced along the veins, filling them with something that almost looked like liquid. It spread through every corner of my body, just like the other waves, but instead of breaking down or building up, it seemed to restore my whole system into something alive. The glassy veins became flexible, and some kind of tissue grew around them.

  Are those… muscles?

  AN APPROXIMATION, BUT ONLY IN FUNCTION.

  The tissue around the glassy veins grew thick, like old power lines, then concentrated into itself, letting more fibers grow in another layer on top. It was colorless at first, kind of looking like the same material that brains are made of, but after several cycles of growth and concentration the tissue took on a clearer appearance. In seconds the fiber tissue around the glass veins were perfectly see-through, and I could keep following the process of the veins themselves as they stretched through the body.

  Approximation? How? What makes these muscles different to my old ones?

  ALL WILL BE EXPLAINED IN TIME. NOW WATCH. IT IS ALMOST FINISHED.

  I wanted to protest, but let it go and turned my focus back to the demonstration.

  The strands spread further into my limbs, and split into sections upon reaching my hands and feet. More of them reached into my head, and split into a bunch of super thin threads. Some burrowed into my brain, while others stretched out into my face, forming two larger orbs. I had eyes again. They were clear at first, but then slowly I saw them take on the appearance of normal eyes. First the whites faded in, populated by lots of tiny red lines. Then the iris formed, as if surfacing from a white ocean, followed by the island in the middle that was my pupil.

  A color in the iris appeared, initially dark, almost as black as the pupil. Gradually, however, it changed into a deep brown, then a light brown, then almost gold. It kept brightening until the gold was entirely gone, leaving only the similar metallic sheen in my now silver eyes.

  Eyelids covered them at last, and as the last parts of my body was rebuilt, I saw my body slowly expand and contract, starting at the chamber in my otherwise empty torso, and ending with my mouth exhaling air. I was breathing again.

  ???

  Was the pain really necessary? I mean, I understand the process now, I guess, but did I really have to… feel it?

  The projection of the events during my transformation had ended, and I was returned to the lightless place I called the Void. The images I’d been shown still fluttered in my mind, but I was calm. Calmer than I had been for a long time, I realized. Seeing what had happened to my body in excruciating detail had given me some much needed clarity, despite the disturbing truths it revealed.

  I AM UNABLE TO ACCURATELY ANSWER THAT QUESTION. THE EXACT COMPOSITION OF YOUR CORPOREAL FORM WAS UNKNOWN TO ME AT THAT TIME.

  Fornax’s voice rumbled soundlessly throughout the Void. The way it reverberated against nothing itched somewhere deep in my brain.

  So, what? You’re saying there could have been a way to avoid it if you had a stronger grasp of human anatomy?

  PRECISELY.

  Fuck you.

  I AM UNABLE TO ACCOMMODATE THIS PARTICULAR WISH.

  Fucking… ugh, never mind, just tell me what you could have done to avoid the pain.

  IF I HAD INITIATED THE PROCESS AT YOUR CENTRAL NERVOUS SYSTEM, YOU WOULD HAVE POTENTIALLY BEEN SPARED THE SENSATION THAT EACH OF YOUR NERVE ENDINGS REPORTED.

  I felt a flash of anger at the star’s flat tone, but I managed to control myself. It wasn’t like the star had spoken in any other tone before. I couldn’t really call the vibrations of its voice a “tone” at all.

  BOILING AWAY YOUR DIGESTIVE SYSTEM SEEMED LIKE THE BETTER CHOICE AT THE TIME. THE ACIDIC CONTENTS OF YOUR-

  Shut up, okay, I get it! No need to dive back into the gross details. Besides, what’s done is done. No way to change it now, right? I chuckled listlessly to myself. It didn’t make any sound.

  CORRECT.

  Y-yeah… okay.

  It was weird talking to someth- someone who hadn’t “fully assimilated” my language and all its nuances. I didn’t expect an answer to my rhetorical question, but how would Fornax even know what a rhetorical question was. I needed to keep stuff like that in mind going forward.

  Anywayyyy…

  I may have forgotten the fact that I myself was pretty bad at the varied nuances of good communication. Super smooth, Ashton. Before I could attempt a course-correct however, Fornax spoke.

  I UNDERSTAND YOU STILL HAVE QUESTIONS, LITTLE LIGHT. ASK THEM NOW.

  Well, at least one of us knew how to get to the point.

  Okay, so… are you really a star? I mean, how is that even possible?

  YES, LITTLE LIGHT. IN YOUR CULTURE, THAT IS THE DESIGNATION GIVEN TO ME. HOWEVER, THE NEUROPLASTICITY REQUIRED TO EXPLAIN THE POSSIBILITIES OF MY CURRENT EXISTENCE IS FAR GREATER THAN WHAT YOUR SPECIES CURRENTLY CAN ATTAIN.

  I let that sink in for a bit. In just two sentences Fornax had not only avoided directly answering my question, but also let slip a few hints that created a whole buttload more. I swear, the way he spoke was almost as if he was trying to challenge my-

  Hey! I may not have a complete grasp of our situation, but I know when I’m being called dumb! So take your “required neuroplasticity”, and…

  The word “nuanced” flashed in my mind again, and I sighed in impotent irritation.

  … and just tell me what exactly is going to happen to me. And before you say anything, the visual thing you did was helpful, yes, but I need context.

  I gestured at myself. More out of instinct than anything else, seeing as I was physically alone in the dark Void.

  So you transformed my body somehow, into something different. You say it was necessary for me to survive your integration, and that too I can grasp, despite how impossible it sounds. But what does that integration do exactly?

  It was difficult, taking a mental step past the fact that I was possibly no longer human. I wanted reassurances, complete explanations about every single detail. I wanted someone to tell me it was going to be okay. But that wasn’t going to happen. Not right now. So I had to put it behind me. Refuse to dwell on it, like Dad, in the stories Em used to tell.

  Fornax began to answer, and as the vibrations formed words a small twinge of fear made itself known at the possibilities of what I would learn.

  THE INTEGRATION IS A PROCESS THAT TURNS TWO SEPARATE ENTITIES INTO A SINGULAR BEING.

  I hesitated. The little twinge of fear still wriggled in the back of my mind, but the calm way that Fornax said it made me feel like there wasn’t really much to be scared of. I thought for a second, then asked another question.

  Are you going to take over my body?

  Ever since I accepted that the orb I’d essentially eaten was somehow an intelligent being, the fear of being turned into some sort of parasitic vessel had slowly spread its roots in me. It was born from a healthy consumption of science-fiction entertainment, and I could finally say with confidence that it wasn’t as baseless as Em would have me believe!

  NO, Fornax vibrated through the Void around me like usual, but this time I felt like there was a sort of hesitancy to the rumbling.

  IN FACT, YOU ARE THE ONE WHO WILL REMAIN A SINGULARITY AT THE END OF INTEGRATION.

  Again, the star’s words came to me just as clear as always, but something in the tone was different. I just didn’t know what.

  So, if I am going to remain, what exactly does that mean for you?

  IT MEANS I WILL CEASE TO EXIST.

  Cease to… that’s not okay! You can’t disappear, I need your help!

  That didn’t really come out right.

  DO NOT WORRY. I WILL PROVIDE THE PATH TO ENLIGHTENMENT BEFORE THAT TIME.

  Fornax’s reassuring rumblings only made me more ashamed of my selfish outburst.

  Are you sure it’s okay? Aren’t you scared of… dying, I guess?

  A different kind of vibration passed through the Void, and this time I realized what it was. Fornax was sighing. There was an actual personality in there after all.

  I AM OLD, ASHTON ETRIGAN. I HAVE SEEN CLUSTERS FORM AND FALTER, I HAVE WATCHED NEBULAE GROW OLD AND DARK. BY YOUR OWN TERMS I AM IN MY GOLDEN YEARS. DYING IS NO LONGER OF ANY CONCERN TO ME.

  Fornax took a breath. Or, he paused long enough for what could have been interpreted as taking one. My head was spinning either way.

  BESIDES, MY DEATH WILL NOT TRULY ERASE WHO AND WHAT I AM. FOR AS LONG AS YOU LIVE, PART OF ME WILL LIVE ON WITHIN YOU, HUMMING QUIETLY THE WAVELENGTH OF LIGHT.

  He finished his little speech, and a moment of quiet stretched throughout the Void. I floated there, feeling the slight pressure of gravity from all sides and the cool comfortable temperature. It felt good. Safe. I wished I could feel like that forever, no matter where.

  Reality was different, however, I understood that much. What had started as an exciting visit to a wonderful world of technology turned into a nightmare of blood and fire, ending in my death and consequent resurrection. There was no more comfortable normal life after that. I knew it, and I accepted it. Despite still not knowing what to do with it.

  I UNDERSTAND I HAVE UPSET YOU. I APOLOGISE, I MEANT ONLY TO COMFORT YOU.

  No, that’s not… Well, okay, yes, I am upset, but there is more to it than that. I don’t know, it’s just all so much. A few weeks ago I was just a normal guy, trying to figure out my place in the world, with shitty colleagues at a shitty job, and normal human issues.

  I chuckled at how far away those things felt at that moment.

  I guess that must seem insignificant to you, the woes of a single bug in a world of billions and billions of other bugs. But they were very real to me. And now they’re blown away by the power of an actual sun. I’ll be honest, no matter how many times you tell me I’ll be okay, I’m terrified.

  Fornax stayed quiet, letting me continue my ranting.

  For example, right now I feel like I’m in control, but look at what happened to Frank. I don’t know what came over me, but I hurt him. And it felt good. In that moment I felt justified at what happened to him, what I DID to him. That terrifies me.

  I don’t even really know how I did it, or what triggered it, but what if it happens again. What if I hurt someone else. If I lost control like that around Em, I-

  I cut myself off. Finishing that sentence was out of the question.

  My point is, even if I’m going to be okay, like you keep repeating, not everyone around might be. I don’t want to become a monster in someone else’s story.

  I thought about Silas, and how he had looked at me right before I had permanently turned Frank into a blind and burnt mess on the floor. Guess I had already failed at the monster thing.

  So yeah, I am upset. But you can help me change that. You seem to know how this works, and you’re gonna help me get it all under control, right?

  THAT IS CORRECT. HOWEVER-

  Good, then let’s start with the basics. What is that constant humming sound in my ears, and why am I so fucking hungry all the time?

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