July 21 (Mizami) 2 years after Miza's Rising

  Miza's birthday was nothing more than a painful memory at this point. Last year, Donte, Valon, and Justin celebrated it in hopes of making the day brighter and replacing the bitter memories. This year was the same, but the memory of her shattered family was not something that would disappear.

  It was hard remembering that her last big celebration had set off the series of events that tore families apart. It wasn't a distant nightmare. It was the reality they were living in, even when they tried to pretend otherwise. Reminders of her birth seem to be shrouded in others' pain.

  It was still early morning. The sun was just beginning to peak over the horizon. They were all nested in a pile of bodies tangled with each other as they generally slept. She shifted, turning into Tyler's chest, breathing in his scent. The entire situation with his family devastated her. His family had been so kind this last school year. They loved him. To see their relationship deteriorating because of her made her hurt. Made her angry.

  There were many times she questioned why the Goddess had picked her as her reincarnation, but never had she been angry at Leana about any of this. To make things worse, the Goddess wasn't even offering a helpful solution. Liero helped Valon; why wasn't Leana helping her?

  She needed to get up. She needed to focus before she spiraled into darkness.

  Gently wiggling out of Valon and Tyler's holds on her, she slowly navigated her way out of the Nest's large bed. She pulled her dressing gown on over her nightdress and quietly left the room. Walking into their kitchen, she poured herself a glass of water. It was quiet. Not even Carrie, the butler they recruited as life had gotten busier, had risen for the day. Miza looked out the window as she drank, watching the birds that were starting to stir in the garden.

  "If I had just accepted my duty, none of this would have happened." It was a painful thought as she reflected on her selfishness.

  "I've ruined so many lives over a foolish risk."

  "I should have refused the throne. Why did I think I could pull off this unveiling?"

  "So many people are hurt." The racing thoughts caused her body to react to her anxiety.

  "Are we going to end up in hiding again if we can't get Tyler's family to accept us?"

  "I ruined Tyler's family. I knew I should have left him alone." The thought felt like a dagger to her heart.

  "Leana chose wrong."

  The tears pricked her eyes as her thoughts spiraled out of her control.

  "Miza?" She heard the gentle but firm voice as Donte took the glass she held onto so desperately and placed it on the island behind her. He gathered her into his arms as she cried, rubbing soothing circles into her back. She felt herself be lifted as he carried her. He then lowered them into one of the couches, sat down, and held her close. He held her as she quietly sobbed until her soft cries became silent sniffles. Then he spoke.

  "Can you explain to me why you are in such despair, or will I have to pull it out of you?" He said, concerned rubbing gentle circles into her back.

  She sighed. She didn't want this to turn into a huddle and end up being interrogated by all five of them. She took a calming breath before baring her soul.

  "Everything is a mess, Donnie. When it all comes down to it, it's all related to me. To the fact that I exist. All of these lives are getting fucked up just because I was born. Ever since I was born."

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  Donte let out a heavy breath of anxiety and surprise. They all knew she was depressed, but this was definitely darker than he had hoped. This wouldn't do at all.

  "Sweetheart, none of this is specifically on you. The circumstances of your birth are not something you can control." He said as he continued to rub her back lightly.

  "We are here to help you. You didn't force this on us. You didn't force any person to take any action. You most certainly did not ask to become the Goddess Incarnate. You didn't Make your Elder start this war rather than accept what occurs when the Goddess reincarnates. You didn't ask to be born into a culture that would take your childhood away just because you were born to a specific bloodline. You didn't make the Royals the way they are." Donte continued. He paused, sitting her up in his lap as he took her face in his hands to force her to look at him. "The circumstances of our births set us on paths to find each other, but you didn't force us to do anything. Yes, we were brought together because you are the Goddess Incarnate, but we each chose you of our own volition-"

  "Because we love you, Baby," Justin cut in, startling Miza as she turned her tear-streaked face to see her Nest gathering around her.

  "You've been there for each of us over the years and through our struggles. Lady, it is also our joy and responsibility to be here for you in all the same ways," Akierda said softly.

  "You didn't choose this, Miza, but everyone by your side chose you. Because we believe in you and we will do what is necessary for you. We made the choice." Tyler said.

  They all gathered tightly, wrapping themselves together to pull her into a large group hug that left her feeling loved and protected. As hosts they didn't choose to be drawn together, but they could choose to love and support each other.

  ~

  That evening, as planned, there was a small celebration for her birthday. The Specters sent representatives from their base city with gifts for their Mistress. They joined the prospects who were at Silver Crest for training and The Nest in honoring the young girl.

  Headmistress Whitehouse received an invitation and brought her partner to meet the girl who had inspired her to return to her old research in her free time. Tyler's parents were invited with a warning to behave, but they decided not to attend.

  Miza tried to enjoy herself, but even with her mates' kind words, she still felt lost. As much as she hated all the expectations of being a princess, she missed festivals and the heady scents of the forest she wandered in. She missed running off to the lake. She missed her simple life before she was Goddess Incarnate when she was just a girl trying to please her father. Before the blood. Before the pain. When her problem was simply that she was too idealistic for the Council's taste

  Now, she had such a heavy weight on her shoulders. The title was crushing her. Who she needed to be was eroding at her very soul. But was it Leana's soul that was the reason for her being, or the essence of the young girl she should have been buried beneath the celestial consciousness? Was this melancholy her's, or was it the pinnacle of the deep sadness of the many lives and deaths of the Blessed Mother and her failures?

  She felt the suffocating shifts of who she needed to be for everyone. For Lestania and the human realm. She cursed herself for her weakness. For not being strong enough to fight her brother and protect them all from Venuemaos. Miza was aware that as the Goddess reborn, she was physically stronger because the seal of her connection between her and Leana had been fractured since she was a child without harming her. She, however, was so weak as a person that in such a short time of being alive, she had made a mess of her divine covenant.

  "I shouldn't have ever been born."

  That simple truth entered her thoughts again as she attempted to mingle and be the person they needed her to be.

  "You are weak." The dark thoughts cut through the party's cheer.

  "Leana chose wrong."

  What was the use of being who she was if she was weak enough to be defeated by her brother and chased into hiding? Her brother was clearly the taint she was meant to guard against, and she couldn't fight him.

  "Stop this." the shadow of a gentle voice barely above a whisper. She gasped pausing, realizing that no one else heard the voice as she did.

  "So, now you regret it?" Leana's voice whispered then, cold and distant.

  "Now you appear," Miza retorted angrily through the channel. The presence that had briefly existed disappeared. Leana was always there but never helpful—the Great Mother, indeed.

  For the rest of the night, she continued to mix and mingle. Smiling and laughing with their guests. They sang her praises as she cursed her failures.

  It didn't matter. Even if Leana chose wrong, she had to fight her elder. Her gaze traveled around the room. She couldn't let him continue hurting others. There was only so long until he made his presence in the human world more pronounced.

  Rewrites for OGI will begin in March.

  kitty