The dark dungeon was just as I remembered it. Dark, foul, and full of bugs. The foulness might've been in part due to my attitude. That was somewhat lifted when all the damn crawlers froze upon touching my domain. It didn't matter how many times I wiped the fiends out, the cold fires of my burning justice would not be dispelled.

  We chose to linger in the dark cavern just past the entrance. It was the only dungeon section we hadn't searched as thoroughly as the rest. To be fair, it was dark and filled with creepy crawlers. Their frozen nature did little to nothing for their hospitality? That wasn't the word… likeliness? Coolness?

  I dropped the thought and focused on scouring the dark. My domain and aura were pushed out as far as they could reach; my domain stretched about twenty-five yards, and my aura was around a hundred. Cal scouted ahead, trying to find the end of the darkness.

  Besides the infernal residents, the problem with the dark room was that it never seemed to end. The darkness sprawled for eternity as we traveled south. There were odd workings at work. My guess was either the dungeon was up to some tricks, or Tom had created a spatial rune of running us amok.

  We traveled in the darkness for what seemed like days. I even enlisted the help of two of my splits to watch my aura. They checked for any signs of the grounder's existence, tracks, displaced rocks… anything that would point to some life other than the critters.

  Our expedition in the dark felt more pointless than our wandering in the forest, which made my wasted efforts feel much less wasted. Had we not searched the outside as thoroughly as we did, we'd given up on the darkness long ago.

  "Hey, Tom," I finally called out. The darkness had no end. We were getting nowhere fast. "You there? I'm a… friend."

  "By that, he means stop hiding so we can fight, or we are going to burn down the forest and drain all its waters." Cal remained high in the air, away from any earth.

  "Tom?" I called again.

  "We have a message from the trees," Cal said, further prodding. I disagreed with his antagonizing efforts, but there was a good chance we were just yelling into the dark. It couldn't help. "They said your son is a real moss licker and has a bastard tongue.

  "Cal." I didn't know what that meant and had a feeling, nor did the flayen. But even if we were just yelling into the void, that felt like he was pushing too hard. The whole point was to not stir up trouble. We certainly hadn't 'cultivated' enough of an apology that if the grounder took offense to the words, we could absolve ourselves from the accusations.

  "It was mostly true."

  "Cal, you never met the lad."

  "No, but I meant his namesake. He's a tart licker too and the reason Tom Jr. is a sappy bastard." That seemed to upset the earth, which rumbled with indignation. It was a subtle sensation that Cal adeptly ignored via flight. "The trees have been talking…" The rumble turned to a low growl, the kind a predator gave warning a fellow predator that it was stepping on dangerous ground.

  "Cal," I called my companion. Ice armor covered my body, and my domain hardened as I searched for the grounder. My two split joined in the task, giving me extra focus. There were no signs of the grounder except for the ground warning me we were stepping on dangerous grounds. I kept my hands to my side as I grabbed two rune bombs from Lana's spatial ring.

  "They think you're a real birch… and a terrible guardian." The earth roared as it sent rolling waves to knock me over. Which felt like an overreaction.

  "That was a stretch," I said to Cal, trying to maintain my balance with a foundation of ice.

  "Well, there's only so many tree insults. Actually, probably only that one. Ash loved it. She was a real tree. Not like all those imposters out there that are full of themselves. For all of their grandstanding, they sure don't offer much resistance. A tiny spark and the whole forest burns. I've seen deserts with more impressive flora. These withered willows can't even hold their own—"

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  Cal didn't get to finish whatever he was going to say. The earth raised up into a massive hand that swatted at the bird. I dropped a rune at my feet and threw the other at the swinging earth hand. The falcon exploded in a shower of ice just as my rune hit the hand. Darkness seeped out from the runes, mixing with the ambient soft energy and silencing the earth.

  "Sog's breath," a low voice said behind me. "He was supposed to dodge."

  "It's dark," I said. I waved my hand in the dark cavern for emphasis.

  "He's a bird," the voice said.

  "Made of ice."

  "He spoke like a real fowl."

  …I could only nod in agreement. I didn't talk to many birds, but they tended to squawk. "Sorry for the rudeness," I said.

  "Eh," said the grounder, waving off my apology. "Who're you, and what's with the ice?"

  "I'm Kip, and the ice block is my frozen body." I had no reason to dance upon the truth. "We've met before. You told me to come find you in the ground."

  The grounder laughed for a good moment. "I told you to find me in the ground, and that led you here?"

  "No, not initially." A wisp of cyan mana fluttered as I summoned Cal. The act kept Tom on edge until he realized what I was doing. It was expected of summoners to revive their companions when they could. He was put back at ease when he saw Cal's tentacle face. "We walked around the forest for a day or so. After meandering for enough time, we decided to take our chances with the dungeon."

  "How'd ya find the dungeon." Tom held his skepticism.

  "It is not like you keep it well hidden," Cal said, in flayen form. The mind cultivator looked torn between getting closer and keeping a safe distance. His curiosity got the better, and he took a couple steps closer. He didn't seem to care that we were surrounded in darkness with an extra layer of darkness from the runes I popped. "You covered it with leaves. Anyone looking for a spring in the woods would stumble upon it.

  "Not anyone," the grounder said, taking a step back.

  "Kip here is a , or was a tourist guide."

  "More of a cartographer that went on paid tours," I said, somewhat annoyed that I felt it was necessary to correct the small details. Especially since I used the term to describe my services. Maybe the emphasis the flayen put on the words made them seem off.

  "You've mapped these woods?" Tom asked, looking impressed.

  "Yeah."

  "That is a stretch."

  "Cal, you working with me or against you."

  "Yes."

  "I know where the springs are and have been to this dungeon before."

  Tom gave me a questioning look, and his hands fidgeted at his side.

  "I followed a pack of wolfbears here. They were drawn out because of some fighting that happened outside. When they got their fill, they hurried home. Which led me to the dungeon."

  "The Pond—" Tom's questioning look turned to panic in a flash.

  "Is fine. The fighting was between separate groups and happened far from your town. I'm surprised you didn't notice it."

  "I've been…" Tom paused, looking for his following words carefully. "Busy."

  "Hiding in the dark?" Cal poked with his question. "Seems… strange."

  "There's been lots on my mind." Tom hunched over and placed his thick tan hand on the ground, letting it rest there. 'I sought the cavern for some peace and allowed myself to push through the next realm. Unless the forest complains, I don't hear much here." Tom straightened and dusted his hand on the side of his pants. "So what brings you here."

  "You," I said with a friendly pointing gesture at Tom. "A Jester is following me, and I need help."

  "Aon's bleeding pits," Tom said, taking my measure with a heavier look. "Why would they be after you? No offense."

  "None taken," Cal said.

  We stood in the dark for the next several minutes while I explained the problem of the exiled princess being my girlfriend and the Jesters hunting me to get to her. I also took the time to explain that I met Tom before and was impressed with his skills. Since I was trapped in the forest with assassins hunting me when I left, I needed to get stronger while I was here. However, I'd hit the limit of growth in the forest, hence trying to leave to find further training.

  Tom took my explanations in stride. It helped that he seemed to have a deep-rooted hatred for the Court of Jesters. Showing him the princess' ring also helped. The stocky grounder scratched at his head.

  "Hmm. I think I believe you, but I want to think about this. In the meantime, I want you to clear the first floor of this dungeon."

  "Easy," Cal said, practically flying away even though he was still in flayen form."

  "Using only physical weapons," Tom added. "If I'm gonna train ya, I need to get your measure first."

  "Can't we just fight? And what do you mean by the first floor?"

  "After you run the dungeon, we can fight and talk some more." The grounder touched the ground again and gave a satisfied smile. He grabbed a handful of dirt and scattered it in my direction with a flick of his wrist. The fangless highlander laughed as a band of stone formed around my wrist. "No cheating," he said and vanished into the ground.

  "Soggy Bollocks," Cal said, kicking the dirt.

  Even though we entered the dungeon, we weren't anticipating a dungeon run. The fact that we were bound to only our weapons made it much worse. I was great with a bow and decent with a sword. However, in the last few loops, my mana skills outpaced my physical skills.

  What would've been a quick run through the dungeon was now going to take time and effort.

  Soggy bolls, indeed.