Rachel didn’t snore. She must be sleeping in fits and starts. Luca assured me that the pain in her shoulder wouldn’t be too great, but I was starting to think that maybe that was bullshit. He’d probably never had to take care of such a dramatic surgery.

  I debated oing her some meds, but didn’t want to wake her to admihem. If she was sleeping, then I should let her sleep.

  Sitting uhe window, the moonlight off the snow painted a regle of light on the floor in front of me. I pulled out my ste.

  The first message I clicked on was from Caleb’s ‘Saviors of the Worlds I Guess.’

  Caleb: We made it to the pabsp; I will not be updating the main chat anymore, for obvious reasons.

  Caleb: Sofia? Go fuck yourself.

  The message was a direct chat from Sofia.

  Inara: I don’t want you to think that just because you got caught between me and Caleb, that any duress you may have suffered was iional on my part. If you were hurt at all because of the mess we’ve made, I am sorry.

  I strangled an involuntary growl of frustration. That pissed me the hell off.

  I’d never really been mad at a woman like this before. Sure my college girlfriend broke my heart, but in hindsight we weren’t a good matyway, and I came around to that fact pretty quibsp; And sure, I’d been mad at my mom before, but this was on another level.

  Maybe it was the idea that in some way, I’d idolized her that made it hurt worse. Maybe the fact that I’d been one of the few people that thought she could be redeemed, made what she did sting.

  I certainly didn’t think her apology was very good. I texted her back.

  Breznik: If I was hurt? I’m fine. Your p dog cut my friend's arm off. Sive me if I’m not in a great pce to accept your apologies.

  I got a response immediately.

  Inara: Who?

  Breznik: Rachel

  Inara: Ah. For what it is worth, I truly am sorry. I liked Rachel. Is she okay?

  Breznik: She’s fine. I spent 2 days putting her arm ba right, but she’s fine.

  Inara: Good. I’m gd. I tell that I’ve upset you, and for that, again, I am sorry. But you must know

  Inara: If you had just joined me, none of this would have happened.

  I wao throw my ste against the wall. I didn’t. I kept down the scream that wao explode from me. It trickled out of my ched teeth in a low growl. Rachel stirred in her sleep.

  I typed ayped my response several times, unsure if I should say anything at all. Eventually I went with this.

  Breznik: Youre obsession with me is weird. The apology is insincere. Get fucked.

  Inara: your*

  Inara: I tell you’re upset right now. But I don’t think I deserve to be talked to like this. Perhaps ter when you’re in the mood to be more civil.

  Inara: Good night.

  “What a bitch,” I said to myself, maybe just a little too loud.

  I was too wound up to sleep, so I decided to take a shower.

  I’d only showered once upoing here, so it was a long time ing. I grabbed a towel, some fresh cotton undershorts, and a long sleeved shirt from the chest at the foot of the bed.

  Oh, the showers! This pce had something very simir to modern showers. They were unal, essentially gym showers, little stalls with a curtain, but after months of lukewarm wooden tubs, a hot shower was revetory.

  And at this time of night I had them all to myself.

  Now that I was , damp, and a little cold because of it, I ran across the hall to jump under my covers. I almost didn’t see her.

  Perched on the wall he ceiling like some kind of nerdy, theater kid spider, was Bere.

  “Hi,” I said.

  “Um, hey,” she responded.

  “You want to e down, or are you up there for the night?”

  She ughed, and walked down the wall to stand near me.

  “I’m kinda cold,” I said. “So let me tip toe in, a some clothes.”

  “Tip toe?” she asked, suddenly suspicious.

  “Yeah. Rachel’s sleeping, and I don’t want to wake her.”

  “Oh,” she said, rexing. “How is she?”

  “Could be better. All the magical healing she got means that she isn’t bedridden, but recovery isn’t just physical, yeah?”

  “Right,” Bernie replied. She looked at me with apprehension. “You got my letter?”

  “Yeeep.”

  “Okay. So. I wao take it back but when I got into your room I saw that you put it in the book, which means you read it so—”

  “You snuto my room?”

  “Yeah. I wao take it back.”

  “What do you mean?” I ed my arms around my chest to keep some heat in. The halls were a little drafty.

  Bernie raongue behind her lips, and shuffled in pce a bit.

  “I’m not sure I meant all that. I just wrote it in a hurry, and—”

  I stepped closer. Maybe just to feel a little warmer, or something, I don’t know why.

  “We don’t have to do this in the hall,” I said, whispering.

  “Do what?” she whispered back.

  “Why were you stalking outside my room?”

  “I wasn't ‘stalking,’ I erg.”

  “Perg then, why?”

  I was suddenly tired of this dance we’ve been doing, this thing where I’d move forward, and she’d move away. If she wao break up with me, maybe she should. Then I looked at her eyes. Those didn’t look like ‘break up’ eyes. What was happening? I let out a breath I didn’t know I’d been holding.

  “I shouldn’t have e here,” she said, and then turo walk away.

  I grabbed her shoulder, and she let me whirl her back around.

  “Just tell me what you’re thinking,” I said.

  “I’m scared!”

  I waited for her to say more. I khat there was something to wait for, but I didn’t know what.

  “I love you too,” she said.

  “Oh.”

  “But I’ve never felt like this before,” she tinued. “I’ve never dohis, and it’s scary.”

  “You love me?” I said incredulously. “Since when?”

  “I don’t know! Since yht me back to life. Fuck, maybe sinn Berryhop. Since cold nights in that stupid tent. Since, forever.”

  “Why am I just learning this now?”

  “Maybe you weren’t paying attention.”

  I hadn’t fully learhis lesso, but here I thought that maybe since I was winning, I shouldn’t actually say anything. So, I swallowed any eback I had.

  Instead, I kissed her.

  I could feel her warm body through her cotton shirt, and her cold hands pressed against our chests, and I squeezed my arm arouighter, and she melted into me. It assionate, and hard, and I wao keep her pressed against me forever. I finally knew she wanted me, and I wanted her to be mioo, and I didn’t have time for joy because the certainty of our want for each other had welded us together into this single diamond-like shape.

  I stopped kissing her, and held her away from me.

  “I’m gd you told me,” I said.

  “What did I say?” she asked facetiously. “Was I saying something?”

  “You were saying how you’ve always loved me.”

  “Yeah, well, you love me too.”

  “It’s the only thing I think about. Or at least it’s what I think about more than anything. Just how much I love you, and how much I want you to be happy. And also not dying.”

  “Of course,” she agreed. Then said, “you know what would make me happy?”

  “What?”

  Bere bopped her head along as if she were going through some kind of spee her head.

  “I think you o e up to my room,” she said finally.

  “Really?” I asked. “Should I go grab my clothes, first?”

  “Nope.”

  “Got it,” I said.

  She took my hand, and led me down the hall.

  On our the steps I asked, “shouldn’t we get some supplies?”

  “I got hooch, and some cider to mix with it.”

  I stopped. She turned oeps to look at me.

  “No, I mean,” I said, miming putting a on over my finger.

  “Oh!” she said, then thought for a sed. “No. Just pull out, I guess.”

  “I do that,” I said.

  “If you don’t, it’ll be the st time. So, no mistakes.”

  “Wouldn’t dream of it,” I said.

  We made it to the hall outside her room and I put my arm around her as we walked. She leaned her head against me.

  Then we were at her door.

  “No roommate?” I asked.

  “Not yet,” she said, opening the door aing me walk in first.

  I did. Her room was unonly messy for someohat had only been here less than three days. But I didn’t have much time to take it in before she smmed the door shut, a on me.

  Okay. So, look. Some things, some details, they’re just for me. Or for Bere. Truthfully, what happened and how, wasn’t that iing anyway.

  Even if it was, I get this part just for me.

  But I’ll sum up some of it because you all have read this far, and I want to satisfy your curiosity.

  I took her to the bed. We made love uhe covers at first, but the raging libido of the young, and the fact that we’d had months of anticipation, and yearning behind it, meant that it didn’t stop there. Wasn’t sure if we had neighbors or not, but they’d better have been heavy sleepers. Either way, I didn’t give it much thought.

  After months, I finally had her. She was mine. And, well, she had quite a bit of me too. Woman was kind of insatiable.

  After, she wore my shirt, and nothing else. I y on top of the covers trying to catch my breath. The ess of the stone building was f on my sweaty bare skin.

  “How much do you want?” she asked, p some hooto a cup then moving to the mason jar of cider.

  “Oh, uh, I just have a little of yours?” I asked.

  “Yeah, sure,” she said, sitting at the edge of the bed. I’d already drank with Rachel today, plus I wao sear every moment of tonight into my memory. She took a sip and offered some to me.

  I sat up and took the cup. The alcohol and sweet cider was thiy tongue and the drink burned in my chest. The moonlight lit the edge of her fad her damp hair, and the curve of her neck, and I could feel the moment being special and important as I was living it. I khe memory would be one I came back to again, and again in my heart and in my dreams.

  I hahe mug back.

  “Do we o have a ‘setting expectations’ versation?” she asked.

  “Do you want to?”

  “I’m not sure we o. We’re exclusive. Anything more should probably wait til we get home.”

  “Should we tell people?” I asked.

  “I don’t think we could keep the secret if we wanted.”

  “Fair,” I said. “Do I introduce you as my girlfriend?”

  She screwed her face up a little.

  “My lover?” I offered.

  “Ew, no.”

  “What do we call each other?”

  She thought for a moment, then said, “I guess I’m okay with ‘partner.’”

  “Ooh,” I hissed facetiously, “that’s a pretty strong term.”

  I was being pyful, but it also was true that it was a very strong term. In hindsight, it was surprising that it didn’t bother me more. Maybe that just meant she had truly captured my heart.

  “Oh, is it?” she responded.

  “Yeah, almost like we love each other or something.”

  “Shut up,” she said with a smile.

  “I like ‘partner,’ I know you’re bi, and I think it honors that. But we also fight together, travel together. It’s nice.”

  “I thought so too,” she said.

  “Oh! And how often are we doing, you know, this.”

  “Sex?”

  “Yeah.”

  “As often as we like, I guess. Certainly when rivacy.”

  “So are we going to start using s?”

  “The sheepskin sorta weirds me out.”

  “Then what are we—”

  “Oh!” she interrupted, “I have an IUD. At least I should. I haven’t been having my periods.”

  It just occurred to me that she hadn’t been pining about it. And I hadn’t seen her use the tea that Rachel uses. I should have been able to put two and two together, but that just goes to show how incredibly observant I was.

  “What? What do you mean you should? Don’t they stay active for years?”

  “They do,” she said. “But I did fall through a magic portal in time and space, Zachary. I havely been to my gynecologist to get it checked. But I know it’s there at least.”

  “That makes sense. Wait, why did you make me pull out then?”

  “I o know I trust you. If you ’t do that much…”

  “Ah. Well, I hope I’ve proven that I take dire.”

  “Yes, you certainly .”

  She took another sip of her booze then slid across the bed to lean against the erpendicur to me. She put her bare legs over mine. We stayed like that for a while, just basking in each other’s silent pany. I broke the silence.

  “Sofia tried to apologize,” I admitted.

  “Yeah?” Her eyebrow shot up. “What did she say?”

  “Mostly just that she’s ‘sorry if I got hurt’ and that ‘it’s really my fault because I didn’t join her.’”

  “Oh, what a bitbsp; What did you say back?”

  “I told her to ‘get fucked’ in those exact words.”

  “Nice,” she said, taking another sip. “What a mess. Any ce of us all getting back together is ruined.”

  “Looks that way,” I said. “What do you think about the fact that there are others here?”

  “I don’t think it matters mubsp; Not sure how this pce works exactly, but there’ll probably always be people that end up here. Not really our business.”

  “Sure, but shouldn’t we try to get them on our side?”

  “You’re so sweet,” she said, zily trailing her fiip over the muscles of my calf. “Could we trust them?”

  “Doesn’t the fact that we’re stuck here together give us a on cause?”

  “Maybe. But a on cause didn’t make us suddenly all join hands, and sing kumbaya back where we’re from. Why would it make a difference here?”

  “Stakes are higher? Bad guys bae want to screw us out of a livelihood. Bad guys here want us dead.”

  “Fair point,” she said, handing me her mug. I took it and drank. “Maybe we keep that in mind wheerrogate her.”

  I hummed my assent, and handed her the mug back.

  “What do we know so far?” I asked.

  “Not much,” she said. “Me and Mark tried to get her to talk but she’s beey quiet. Only asked that we help her out of her armor. Didn’t try to escape. So, there’s that. Her ste is open, but the message app is password locked.”

  “You do that?”

  “Apparently.”

  She handed me the cup, I drank some, and we gazed at each other the way that people do when they were absolutely out of their mind in love with the other. I thought back to the moment I saw her singing in the mess. I was reminded of all the times we had been at a tavern, and people would just start up a song. People here didn’t need a bard, though they appreciated them, and they didn’t care about how good they were, though many were well practiced. People sang as they worked. People sang just because.

  It wasn’t just a thing you did at school, the nguish, or something you did to make money, or something you did alone in your car. People sang here for the joy of it. They sang together.

  “People sing more here,” I said, handihe cup back.

  “Nice segue there, bud,” she respoaking the drink.

  “I was just thinking that here ain’t all bad. The monsters suck, and the kingdoms are oppressive, and everyone wants to kill us, but there’s music.”

  “Hmm, you’re right. Nobody seems afraid to sing. I had a boyfriend ohat said I had an awful voice.”

  “Oh, fuck that guy.”

  “I think he was insecure. But people don’t seem insecure about it here.”

  “For what it’s worth,” I said, “I like your voice.”

  “Of course you do,” she replied.

  “No, really.”

  Bere drank a big gulp of her drink, set it on the floor, and said, “okay, enough talk, lover boy. e here.”

  She crawled across the bed toward me.

  There is something so sensual about the simple movement of a woman toward you with i: the moonlight, the shape of muscles under skin, the tuck of a knowing smile. Another moment to sear into memory. There was just one problem.

  “Hey, ah,” I said, “I don’t know what you got in mind, but twi an hour is a lot and—”

  “Oh, I think I get you there,” she said.