Samania had her first Gavin free days in weeks. She'd barely seen him around the house while he was in seclusion crafting her new sword, now she watched him departing with the group of other hopefuls, wondering what trouble he was going to cause.

  She'd been hyper focused on training so long that the disruption to her routine had tanked her motivation. She'd been whipped up in getting her new friend and ward up to speed, operating at his pace while not giving herself her own time to process her own direction.

  The deaths of her old team members niggled at the back of her mind like spectres. She hardly allowed herself to think their names, though the smell of her own vomit clinging to her armour and the sight of all that blood often wormed its hot foetid fingers into her dreams. She'd become much better about denying those thoughts, pushing through for the greater good but the cancer was eating away at her from the inside.

  The quiet moments she'd had left her terrified of her own mind. He'd called himself her friend right from their first meeting, and she'd been using his intense nonchalance as a crutch to avoid dealing with her own mental anguish. She'd felt herself becoming unhealthily attached to his presence, he was a genuine friend and she was only pretending to be his friend because she couldn't deal with not having her crutch there to support her. She didn't deserve his friendship, she was broken inside. It would be easier if she could just sail into the quiet nothing so the charade could end.

  “Snap the fuck out of it. Weak. You're weak. Get strong. Survive. You have a duty to protect, not to cower like a child.” she scolded herself, halting that train of thought again.

  She needed to think about her future. She'd irrevocably thrown herself from the mountain her parents had built for her to climb, to forge her own path that led to the unknown. What powers did she want? What role should she take? And was she deciding her fate not because it was what she wanted, but because they'd cover up the weakness down inside. If she could just save her team from her own mistakes would it make the dreams go away?

  Gavin had picked open the scabs of her repressed emotions and left her to deal with them by herself. He’d been furious at what her parents and the god of life had done to her, something she had never questioned before. She had only ever seen it as her duty to repay the debt she owed to them for creating her and giving her everything she would ever need.

  The more she thought about it the more she wanted to lock those feelings away in a box, she hadn't told Gavin all of what they'd done. The cost to bring a life into this world was high and her parents had made her pay it, and up until a few days ago she had just accepted it as a way of life. Now it was eating at her inside.

  She wanted to work out her frustrations with violence, but trekking across the countryside alone with her thoughts, on the way to destroy a sentient knot of magic leaking into the world wouldn't make it better.

  Samania turned the sword Gavin had made over in her hands. It read SAMANIA on one side, and know yourself on the other in his foreign language. It was all well and good to just say know yourself, it was another thing entirely to figure out who she was underneath the veneer of stoic competence.

  Her pacing took her on a meandering path through the city, vendors selling street food were out in force, blanketing the area with delicious smells. She ignored them, thoughts of Gail and Allan, the latest of her list of dead companions turning the thought of breakfast to ash in her stomach. They hadn’t been especially close, their relationship being akin to coworkers rather than friends, she felt guilty about not mourning their deaths. Guilty that her pain that she’d felt because of her failure hurt more than their deaths had.

  She had been their leader, responsible for them, and they had died under her care, it was an irrevocable stain on her soul and she had the hairline scar over her heart to prove it. That was the main issue she had with herself, she felt like a monster being more concerned with her own selfish feelings rather than for anyone else. She wasn't the hero her parents had built her to be, she simply cared more about her own image more than she cared about other people and that was why she hated herself.

  “Samania Starbourne?”

  She was broken out of her spiralling thoughts by someone calling her name. A man. One of the people in her testing group who had failed not from a lack of talent but from his attitude. His name swam just out of reach for a moment before it came to her.

  “Joffery Greysky?”

  “The one and the same” he laughed. Joffrey was of one of the noble houses, a talented scion from the Greysky house, they were an ancient and respected family, though their influence wasn’t as far reaching as some of the greater houses, like the Stewardsons or Heathsteads. Joffrey was a whip of a man, tall and lean, his short cropped hair and goatee fit his grinning face well.

  “It’s been a while, what have you been doing since-” Sam said, trailing off, not wanting to drag the uncomfortable past up.

  “Washing out of the warden exam? I've been out and about getting my hands dirty”

  “Fighting monsters?”

  “Sometimes, though it’s mainly people in the arena. I've earned quite a bit of coin betting on myself, through an intermediary you understand, don't tell anyone though, it’s all very illegal” he said, whispering behind a hand loud enough for anyone who cared to listen to hear.

  “I'll be sure not to mention it.” Samania said.

  “Good. What about you? Off to take some contracts? You’re headed in the wrong direction for that.”

  “Not today. I’ve just dropped off my new ward off for his test.”

  “Ahh yes, the new arrival, I hear hes headed for the same fate those types always end up. He’s been quite the talk among some of the great houses, caused a bit of bother when you two flicked the nose of the De Vore family”

  “Mother has kept me well away from that talk.”

  “Yes, she came in like a bludgeon to dissuade the gossip from spreading, you can imagine how that went.”

  Samania grimaced. Her mother had one tactic, and diplomacy was not that. It served her well as the head of the wardens guild, but she did not have a head for dealing with her fathers side of politics.

  “Say.” Joeffry mused as if the thought had just occurred to him. “If you’re not busy I wouldn't oppose having a partner to fight with in the arena later tonight? Doubles and team matches attract more viewers and the betting can be more competitive. We’d win a lot more than the single events individually, and I recall we paired quite well with each other during the guild test.”

  “I cant my-” she said hesitating.

  She was about to say her parents wouldn't allow it, but she was beyond that, she’d decided to make her own decisions, would fighting in the arena be what she wanted to do?

  “How long do I have to think about it?” She asked.

  “Just turn up at Maranelli’s before sundown, I'll be there. If you come we can register as a duo, otherwise I'll go in solo”

  “I'll think about it.”

  They departed, Sam gaining at least some measure of a direction to understanding who she was and what she wanted to be. She figured confronting herself with different scenarios was a good way to peel back who she was underneath the layers so long as she could be honest with herself.

  She had little knowledge of the underground arena, aside from its existence and its dubious legality. She knew someone who could give her more insight, her mentor Gloria Vale, semi retired priest of Paragon. She would know what path to take. Samania marched herself back to her family's estate full of purpose.

  The training hall was occupied as it usually was by guards and soldiers sparring. The familiar sour smell of sweat, coppery blood and warm leather infused the room. Morning sun cut stark beams through the high windows, enchanted glow globes casting a more diffuse light to train by.

  Gloria sat relaxed on a wooden bench observing the training. Noticing samania she cocked her head to indicate the seat beside her was open.

  “You have questions for me today.”

  “You know why I'm here? Did Paragon tell you?”

  “No, not exactly” Gloria chuckled “he does not converse with his priests unless it's of surpassing importance and almost exclusively right before or during open battle. He might give me a feeling once in a while, the absolute lightest touch I think a god can give, he just let me know he is aware of what is about to happen and trusts my judgement.”

  Samania sat in silence, gathering her thoughts. Gloria watched and waited, no stranger to waiting for someone else to make the first move.

  “I think I want your council, can you give me advice without changing your opinion of me?”

  “Samania, I have been your trainer and mentor for over a decade. I should hope that we have built some trust over that time.”

  “I'm considering fighting in the arena.” She said.

  “Why?”

  “I met Jeoffry Greysky in town earlier, he asked me to join him.”

  “Why are you considering it and not making a decision one way or the other?”

  “I don't know.” Sam said, not expecting Gloria to take that line of questioning.

  “Yes you do. Come on young miss, you know how to act decisively, I spent ten years beating that into you.”

  “It is better to act than to do nothing even if it's the wrong move. You're telling me to do it?”

  “I never said that, you could act by finding something else to do to work through your demons.”

  “Did you ever fight in the arena?”

  Gloria stared at Sam, a deadpan look on her scarred face “Samania Starbourne. I am a priest of Paragon, there is a place in the city where I can fight people in earnest without holding back in fair, open combat. I was there last night and I'll be there again tonight.”

  “You're going tonight?” Sam exclaimed, dumbfounded.

  “Yes. Now you need to think about whether or not you will too and why.”

  “I'm going.” Samania said, setting her jaw.

  “I'll be disappointed in you if the only reason you go is because some boy asked you to or that I also happen to be going. You don't have to do what I want when you're outside this building.”

  “I have this urge to fight, to stand up to someone and hit each other until someone can't take any more hitting. I have this feeling deep down that I deserve to feel pain and another part that wants to break something. I just don't think indulging in those desires is healthy for me.”

  “Why haven't you just gone out and killed monsters? That's a necessity and doesn't come with the moral quandary of hurting a living creature.”

  “It's not real though. Killing monsters is like doing laundry, its just work.”

  Gloria gave a wide smile “you have the temperament of a priest of Paragon.”

  Samanias face scrunched slightly “I don't want to be a priest, I want to find my own destiny, not live in service to someone or something else.”

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  “Then you'd better get used to making hard choices yourself. Really, it sounds like you've made your choice, you just want someone to tell you that choice is okay. You're going to have to find a way to tell yourself that you've made the right choice and screw anyone else that disagrees.”

  “Thanks Master Vale.” Sam said standing, her shoulders set “I guess I'm going to do something impulsive then.”

  “Good for you.”

  Sam left the training hall for her bedroom, on the way stopping by Gavin’s empty room. In the short time he'd been here he'd made it his own. She envied him for his ability to know his own path and his courage to follow it.

  He'd left a lot of his gear there, crafting materials, notes, half finished contraptions and odd looking machines. There was a device on a shelf that looked like a waggon wheel with curved spokes rotated slowly, balls in the gaps between the spokes rolled from the centre to drop to the outside edge as each spoke completed a revolution.

  His desk was covered in piles of hand written pages and drawings, books lay scattered about haphazardly. One was open, its spine broken, stained with ink and scrawled writing around the margins.

  Frowning she extracted the book, careful as not to disturb too much of Gavin’s work. It was a book on every known magical power and their effects, the relic Solice had hand crafted for him

  Curious, she took the sacred book in hand, then retreated to her room, locking the thick wooden door behind her.

  Her bedroom was distinctly different from Gavin's, for one it was considerably larger. His was little more than a place to put a bed and desk while hers was an opulent living space, even if it was decorated a little spartanly. There was a modest shelf of books, filled with fighting treatises, biographies of legendary fighters and historical battles. A comfortable reading nook with two plain leather couches sat in one corner opposite a large four poster bed, beside which were doors to a walk-in wardrobe and an ensuite. Three suits of armour, two she'd previously worn until she grew out of them and one she would wear when she was strong enough stood proudly on mannequins in the empty spaces between furniture. On her walls hung weapons of several varieties, some she'd been given over the years as gifts, others her parents had bought. One notable weapon, a huge two handed sword, sat propped up in a corner comfortably in its scabbard, its belt wrapped tightly around it. That was a sword so heavily enchanted that holding it threatened to tear her apart with its power, she would have to be as strong as her parents before she could use it.

  It was all so much junk now. She'd been prepared her whole life, a machine built to be the perfect soldier and now she was set on a different course, into the great unknown.

  Flopping down onto her bed Sam opened the book to the first page, astonished to find Gavin had scrawled notes across nearly every page in the margins, crossed out abilities, circled some, and colour coded others.

  “Is nothing sacred to you Gavin?” Sam admonished, disgusted that he would desecrate a book as valuable as this.

  Flipping through the book she began deciphering his notations. It was a haphazard mess, but was full of his unfiltered thoughts which were often as insightful as they were abstruse. Sam had access to both of her parents and Gloria, all three were experts in analysing powers and Gavin appeared to be nearly on par with what they'd taught her over the years.

  He placed particular value on abilities that

  Her parents would never consider, they were too unfocused and would lead to a watered down build. For someone that appeared to be easy going he seemed very fastidious in his studies, there was more to this than simple research. He had thrown himself at this thoroughly, completely immersing himself in the inner workings of her world.

  When she was about a third the way through the book she found something new. A yellow circle marking the blur ability, one of her own powers. Flicking through to ethereal blood she found that circled in yellow as did escalating enhancement and her other unlocked abilities.

  Samania wondered why he'd highlighted her abilities, though dismissed that thought immediately. He was going to be on her team, or more accurately she would be on his, knowing each other's powers would be important. Flipping through the book to a page at random it opened to a page with a folded sheet of paper jammed hard in to the spine, “Samania potential build?” it read in slanted letters across the top.

  Opening the paper she uncovered a spider web like list of powers he'd picked out. He seemed to have a solid grasp on the concept she’d been studying for years, what was different to everything she'd ever learned were the types of abilities he was trying to select for. Instead of focusing on being a hyper efficient fighter built for killing demons there were several utility powers in there, as well as ones that would give her a more generalist role with different ways to fight other than just close up.

  Was this what Gavin really wanted for her? Was he planning on manipulating her to be his own pet project instead of her parents? No. She trusted him enough not to think that was true, more likely when she turned down his offer to help he went ahead and did it anyway as a thought experiment.

  One particular ability at the top of his list that spidered lines from her existing abilities then off to other abilities in his list below was aura of rejuvenation, an ability that gave allies within range of her a small passive boost to their mana, stamina and health recovery, at later levels gaining increased and varying effects. It was a reasonably powerful though was only valued highly by people wanting to become healers, not something her parents would ever consider for her as a frontline fighter.

  “Why has he given this ability such a top priority?” She wondered aloud. Flipping to the page in the book that detailed the ability he found a yellow ‘x’ instead of a dot. Gavin's brief note scribbled in the margin read “top tier paladin ability.”

  “What's a paladin?” She wondered, from context it appeared to be an archetype, but his list of ideal abilities seemed to be at odds with each other a lot of the time. Like her. Two halves pulling in different directions, one part the trained and dedicated fighter, while the other needed to protect her team at all costs.

  Snapping the book closed, she collected her bag of holding and a few other items from her room, returned Solieces book and marched herself into town clutching the note in a sweaty hand.

  Two hours later Samania's future was well and truly hers. She'd sold the trinkets her parents had painstakingly acquired for her and purchased an armful of monster and demon souls.

  She found her meditation spot in the grove of trees in her estate, laying the array of multicoloured crystals out in a line, Gavin's note unfolded in front of her. She didn't strictly need to absorb them all here, but it felt right. She’d unlocked her two traitorous powers here with Gavin, and now she was here to finish the job.

  Taking her first crystal she held it up to the afternoon sun “here goes nothing” she said, resolving herself.

  [Aura of rejuvenation]

  [Description: suffuse the area around you with your life force.]

  (Level 1): Nearby allies gain a small increase to their mana, stamina and health recovery proportional to your [spirit] attribute.

  Next she took up the brilliant gold crystal, all but shoving it into her soul.

  [Compelled Duel]

  [Initiate a duel with a worthy opponent]

  (Level 1): compels a single enemy to stay within range of the user. Mana cost and distance are proportional to your [Strength] attribute and enemy [Spirit] attribute. While under the effects of this ability the affected enemy may not leave the area by any means.]

  Next was the angry red and purple crystal. Most people wanting to become adventurers went nowhere near this one. It was considered morally foul by most, not because the power that resulted from it was necessarily evil, it was mainly because it had been used famously by multiple despots and warlords in her country's past. Gavin seemed to value it highly however, and she trusted his unfiltered opinion over generations of cultural propaganda.

  [Bond of Reprisal]

  [Description: enemies that attack you or an ally mark themselves for your retribution]

  (Level 1): Target one enemy. When targeted enemy deals damage, they gain an instance of [Vulnerable]. [Vulnerable] curse: take additional damage from your attacks and abilities until effect is dispelled, additional instances stack.

  Sam was set on this path now. Taking one then the next and the next crystal into her soul, barely pausing to think between each one.

  [Power from Pain]

  [Description: Gain strength from hardship]

  (Level 1): When taking damage, gain an instance of [Empowered]. [Empowered] buff, gain a small increase to [Strength], [Agility] and [Endurance] attributes.

  Her abilities were definitely skewing in a whole new direction now, no longer a classical fighter by any stretch of the imagination. The next crystal was clear blue like a cloudless summers day.

  [Assault of the Valkyrie]

  [Description: become the master of the skies]

  (Level 1): Sprout ethereal wings for the duration of this attack that grant the [Flying] effect and increase users [Agility] attribute. Make a melee attack against the target. May be used in combination with other special attacks and abilities.

  Last in her bunch was a glowing yellow-orange gemstone that almost felt warm in her hand. Gavin's notes said this was a necessity and she had to agree, it's capstone ability was beyond powerful even if the cooldown was as long as any she’d ever seen.

  [Radiance of the dawn]

  [No enemy is safe from your divine radiance]

  (Level 1): User emits bright light for a short duration up to a distance determined by your [willpower] attribute. Enemies within range take radiant damage proportional user's [Spirit] attribute

  A very useful area attack. Radiant damage was notoriously hard to resist and was extremely useful against all types of monsters and especially destructive to most demons. Weapons like her sword were highly prized for dealing even a small amount of additional radiant damage, this one only affecting enemies made it valuable as both a last resort and an offensive tool in the opening moments of a fight.

  Sam was out of soul crystals and out of money to buy the last of the ones on thr list. She would be the avenging valkyrie, bringing the fight to her enemies while bolstering her allies, the defining player of any battle, someone that everyone could rally around.

  Sam collected Gavin’s note, now a cherished possession as it laid the blueprint of who she was and stashed it in her extradimensional bag. After a brief meal and some time to relax and settle her mind she was ready to fight in the underground arena.