When we drove up to the wall, the captain of the guard was already waiting for us.

  “You’re te!” A call came down from atop the wall.

  Mara fished around in her pocket for just a moment and pulled out a single chip. She held it up towards him, with her middle finger extended.

  Large doors built into the wall slid open, and we drove inside.

  The pce was busy and heavily armed. They’d offer protection to anyone who pays, and we could certainly pay.

  They had an exposed lift tacked onto the inside of the wall that the guy who ran the pce rode down. We’d done some work for him in the past, we knew who each other were. He was also in on our pn, or at least knew we were raising trouble and needed a pce to lie low for a cycle.

  He walked up, and Mara flicked him the chip.

  “No no, I’m not taking something this hot.” He flicked it back to us.

  Mara nodded, and I grabbed a small handful of gold jewelry from the loot bag. I passed it to him, and he spent a moment carefully inspecting it.

  “Please, rest easy.” He stepped back and waved us on.

  Even their parking garage was armored. They prided themselves on not letting anyone within their walls come to harm. A woman met us there, and led us to our room. The steel walls turned to natural rock, carved out with rough machinery.

  Our room certainly wasn’t comfortable, but it was a veritable safehouse. Hundreds of feet of rock on every side of us and the only way in or out was through dozens of heavily entrenched guards.

  It probably won’t come as a surprise when I say that I felt trapped.

  Mara tossed her bag onto one of the numerous beds lined against one of the walls. Our armor stayed on though. She rummaged through it for just a second before sitting at the table, kicking back her feet, and pcing three beers on the table.

  “So,” She stared down Silver. “You gonna share your story?”

  “Not going to ask if I’m boring as shit?” Silver sat down across from her and popped open the lid. It was at that moment that it hit me. Silver didn’t just know of us, they knew us, knew the questions we were likely to ask. They had to have talked to people we knew, picked out the truth from the stories. They’d done their homework, knew what they were getting into.

  “I’ve heard enough to know that’s not true.”

  “You’ve heard wrong then. I’m boring as shit.” Silver tipped back their drink. “Vegas would have never let me retire, so here I am. I’m going to make a couple hundred million and live like royalty for the rest of my life. That’s all you’ll get.”

  “They actually stuck to that promise, even to this day.” Vince interrupts his story to add. “I still have no idea what they did before then, at least nothing beyond stories from other people.”

  “Really?” I ask.

  “Yep. You can try to get more out of them if you want, but good luck.”

  I take up his offer and drop a message onto Silver’s desktop.

  “Vince is retelling his story, and just got to the point where you join. Do you want to tell your side of the story?”

  Silver’s reply comes instantly.

  “I’m boring as shit.”

  “They replied exactly how you think they would.” I tell Vince and the rest of the group. That pulls a ugh out of everyone, thankfully lighting up the mood a little before resuming his story.

  Surprisingly enough, Mara didn’t try to pull more out of them, or at least, not that I remember.

  With my exhaustion fought off? Sleep was hard to come by. We’d killed innocents before, but they were always colteral, the cost of doing business is how I rationalized it. If we didn’t, someone else would and all that. I’d never shot someone just living their life entirely separate from me, running to escape what we had wrought because I didn’t have time to check my targets. All because of our own greed. If we didn’t go through with that pn, nobody would have taken our pce.

  I put a dent into our booze supply and chased it down with something or other, trying to bury that coyote so deep that he’d never cross my mind again. Mara didn’t care, and I wanted so badly to be like her. That meant something had to be wrong with me, and that was my solution.

  Of course it didn’t work. All it did was change from feeling miserable when trying to sleep and in my quiet moments, to feeling miserable when I woke up with my head pounding and body aching. At least it kept my thoughts on the pain, not my guilt.

  What made it worse was the way Mara looked at me. There was no pity, no desire for me to get better, to get a grip. No. She was happy. It meant she won. It just reinforced that she was stronger than me, superior in every way. And as long as I was still useful when she needed me, and all I consumed came out of my share? What did she care what state I was in?

  The storm came, and the guards' rifles turned inwards, making sure everyone kept the peace.

  I barely left our room. Mara on the other hand? Always social, always having fun for her own sake.

  Silver actually came to me. When the sun was going down and I was beginning my routine. They stepped forward and ripped the bottle out of my hand.

  “What do you think you’re doing?” They asked.

  “Sleeping.” I answered. “And I’d like to get back to it.”

  “And tomorrow?”

  “I’ll sleep again. Now if you don’t mind.” I held out my hand.

  Silver took a step towards what they pretended was a small kitchen. A hot pte, a spout, and a drain on the ground.

  “Don’t you fucking dare.” I growled.

  They held the beer over the drain and stared me down, daring me to move.

  “And the day after tomorrow?” They asked.

  “I’ll sleep.”

  They saw my fingers twitch, and settled their hand on their pistol. That was enough to convince me to not explode too badly.

  “And when you run out?” They ask. “And when we need you in the field?”

  “The field is easy.” I pushed myself out of my chair and slowly approached. “In the field I do my job. In the field I’m focused.” I held out my hand once again. “Just let me get there. I won’t be a burden when you need me.”

  Silver tipped the beer, and I lunged. They were prepared. Thankfully they dropped the bottle instead of smming it into me, even if I probably deserved it.

  I hit them, and they hip threw me straight to the ground.

  “Look at yourself!”

  I scrambled back to my feet. Fighting was easier than thinking. I caught a knee to my gut just a moment ter.

  “Look back a decade.” They said. “Look back two. Is this what you wanted? Is this what you hoped for your life? Would you be proud of yourself?”

  I would have rather they hit me with the bottle. I reached for my gun and looked up, only to find Silver’s pistol already in my face. I looked away first.

  “How many people have you killed?” They asked.

  I didn’t respond, but I certainly knew the number.

  I pushed myself back onto my feet and shoved my pistol back into its holster. I returned to my chair and grabbed another bottle from my bag.

  “If you want things to get better, you have to do something about it.”

  “I am.” I popped open the top and took a drink.

  Silver shook their head, their disappointment almost physical.

  “Tell me when you get your head out of your ass and want to do something about it.” They turned away and left me to my misery.

  Needless to say, while their words made me feel worse, it didn’t make me do anything about it. I wanted to be miserable, just on the off chance it made things easier.

  It was a few days before the storm passed and we left once again. That helped. I stayed sober while I had a job to do. It let me focus, forget my shame. And I did my job.

  The canyon was busy. We passed group after group in silence. Mara never asked how I was feeling, what I was going through. She didn’t care. Not in the slightest. And I didn’t offer my emotions to her. That’d just give her ammo, make me look weak.

  It was a quiet drive, and it only got quieter when we made it through and got into the desert itself. People spread out, us included. We saw the occasional roof over a distant dune, and mirages of course, but that’s it. It didn’t take long to get to Albuquerque.

  That pce was always a disaster. The svers that took us were far from the only ones in those mountains. I ended up selling my services to help with security. Not for the money or anything, just to have a job to do.

  Silver didn’t try to talk to me again. Or at least, I don’t think they did. I was kind of trying to avoid them.

  Another storm passed, and we were off.

  The southern pass was always a mix between tension and excitement that’s hard to describe. We weren’t going to get captured again, not ever. But the idea of someone trying? Of being able to redo that interaction how it should have turned out the first time? I can’t say the idea wasn’t appealing.

  We made it through though. Pretty sure around that time the Rangers were trying to hold the pass. It was a safe time, all things considered.

  We made one st leg of the journey, reaching the glowing blue jewel of the desert.

  JanePtinum