Thrash's head pounded, his body heavy and disoriented. He could feel something hovering above him, rumbling gently - a low bassy sound reverberating through his bones. He tried to open his eyes, but they felt thick and sharp, as though needles were stabbing through them. A squawk sounded faintly in the distance, adding to his confusion. When he tried to move, his muscles seized up. What had happened?

  The being above him started to sing. ‘Wakey, wakey, rise and shine, Mummy needs to know you’re alive!’

  Thrash groaned. The voice was too memorable for even him to forget. He wanted to roll over, to go back to whatever depths he’d been awoken from. Instead, water splashed heavily across his face, instantly soaking him. He felt his body reflexively jerk upright, only for his head to collide with something metal. The impact sent him crashing straight back to the ground.

  ‘For fucks sake!’ Thrash moaned in pain, hands clutching his head. His eyes cracked open, briefly blinded by a harsh white light, before everything faded into darkness again. He lay still for a moment, waiting, until Mush’s blinking eyes slowly lowered to meet his.

  ‘Mush is satisfied,’ the robot beeped at him, her tone smug. ‘The man-child is alive. You can go back to sleep, now.’

  Thrash swore at her, shoving her small body away. His eyes adjusted to the darkness, flickering candles casting shadows across the floor, his head pulsing. ‘What is wrong with you, Mush? What the hell happened?’

  Mush emitted a cheerful beep and pointed towards the pet room. ‘Mush has just managed to contain the beast. She’s so beautiful.’

  Thrash frowned, completely unable to think straight. He looked around, the hallway a complete mess. A large barrier had been erected between the shopfront and themselves. With a groan, Thrash staggered to his feet, leaning against the wall for support as he peered over the new partition. Fortunately, nothing on the shopfront side seemed to be broken. On his side, however, Thrash had to be very, very mindful as to where he stood. He rubbed his temples.

  ‘I want you to be honest with me, Mush,’ he said, his voice tired. ‘Is my hallway currently covered in goose shit?’

  Mush beeped proudly. ‘Mush has now contained the beast and mastered the art of control. Mush has become a very good mother.’

  Thrash looked around, shit and debris everywhere. Rocks and dust coated the floor beneath his feet, turning the goose droppings into a thick, grimy sludge. His eyes flickered to the glowing achievement icon in his interface, the number 1 spinning gleefully beside it.

  ‘You’re clearing this up,’ he said to her, plugging his nostrils with his fingers. His interface pinged, a new message coming in from Una.

  1 second ago: Una: WATCH YOUR HEAD! I CANNOT KEEP WARNING YOU!

  1 second ago: Una: Good work catching up with your rank. We didn’t expect that progress. Zorina is unhappy.

  Thrash swiped the notifications away with a scowl, his anger flaring at the Orbite’s intrusive timing, He was still angry about the pacifier. Instead of replying, he turned toward the pet room door, his hand on the handle. He eyed Mush suspiciously. ‘Right, Mush. How exactly did you control it?’

  Mush beeped with pride. ‘Mush descended upon its head with the perfect amount of force to render it unconscious. The goose is now happily contained within its pen.’ She paused before adding, ‘Mush is an excellent mother.’

  Thrash rubbed his eyes, his exhaustion creeping back. ‘So you said. Is it morning?’

  Mush buzzed. ‘Mr Careful left four hours ago. It is still evening.’

  ‘Bloody hell,’ Thrash groaned. There was never a moment of peace with Mush in the dungeon. He glared at the robot, finally noticing her state. Two of her rusted, orange panels were missing. ‘What happened to you?’

  Mush hesitated, the faintest hint of embarrassment in her beep. ‘Mush had to abandon her panels when her child latched on.’

  Thrash grinned despite himself, the absurdity finally breaking through his irritation. He wanted to sleep, but since he was up he might as well meet the goose and finish up what he needed to for the day.

  ‘We need to fix you up, Mush,’ Thrash said with a sigh. ‘What’s your favourite colour?’

  ‘Orange,’ Mush immediately said. ‘Orange like copper. Or rust. Or, orange like Brigwell’s -’

  ‘Stop right there, Mush. I don’t even want to know,’ Thrash said, though his brain was already trying to piece together whatever nonsense she was about to say. ‘If I can get you new panels, would you let me upgrade you?’

  Mush paused mid-hover, her small frame tilting as if in thought. ‘New? Upgrade?’

  Thrash watched her warily. ‘Yes, Mush. Upgrade. Did Brigwell never upgrade you?’

  Mush buzzed. ‘Brigwell often decided to downgrade Mush. Mush was much cleaner before she met Brigwell.’

  ‘Well, that settles it then,’ Thrash smiled at the robot. ‘Leave it with me - not that you deserve it after repeatedly knocking me out.’

  Mush glowered at him, offended. ‘Mush has only ever looked out for the man-child’s best interests.’

  Thrash shook his head, stepping back - and directly into something slimy. ‘For fuck’s sake,’ he swore, scraping his boot against the wall. ‘This better all be gone by the morning, Mush. Come on, let me meet the goose.’

  Carefully, Thrash opened up the door to the pet room, peeking through the widening gap before letting himself in - or anything else out. To his great surprise, the room was… tidy. Other than the existing damage caused by Mush before they’d left her alone for the day. The floor was shiny, the three cubicles pristine, and the hatching boxes were in immaculate condition. Thrash desperately wanted to pass along the Octopus Egg, but after seeing the hallway and Mush’s parenting style, he needed to figure out the ins and outs of the pet business first.

  He stepped fully into the room, closing the door behind him. The warmth of the space enveloped him, the air calm and pleasant. Mush hovered beside him, practically pressing against him. Thrash gestured towards the three cubicles, and Mush sped towards the first of them, the one closest to the door. A small hatch had been created in the middle of the door - clearly there for observation.

  Thrash approached, unlocking the tiny window. Peering inside, he was met with quite the unexpected sight. Where the room had once been sterile and white, it now resembled a miniature ecosystem. A raised bank covered in mud and grass sat at the far side, topped with a small wooden hut. A pond spanned the room, its murky surface carrying a distinct poultry smell. Thrash scanned the space in front of him, his nose wrinkled.

  ‘Where is it?’ he asked.

  Mush buzzed, content. ‘The goose is resting. It was an eventful day.’

  Thrash sighed. ‘Can I wake it?’

  Mush buzzed again, this time more forcefully - almost as though reliving a traumatic flashback. ‘No.’

  Thrash waved off her dramatics.’Fine. There’s plenty of time for the goose. You need to think of a name.’

  ‘Mush,’ she said instantly. ‘Mush is the best name.’

  Thrash snorted, moving to the grooming table and sitting on its edge. ‘Typical. I think a different name would work better, Mush. One of you is enough.’

  Mush zipped towards him and collided with his left shoulder. The force was enough to shove him from his seat, though he managed to stay on his feet. He tried swinging at her, as was becoming their routine, but missed, this time falling flat on his arse.

  ‘Shit!’ he groaned, rolling to his side as his tailbone throbbed. ‘That hurt.’

  Mush whizzed down to hover just above him, softly beeping. ‘We shall call the goose ‘Goose’.’

  ‘No, Mush,’ Thrash said between breaths. ‘Damn, this hurts.’

  ‘You are a man-child,’ she said. Her tone then shifted. ‘Brigwell would have never - WE WILL CALL IT BRIGWELL!’

  ‘No!’ Thrash shouted back at her, standing again despite the pain. He glared at the small robot, who was now shaking with excitement. ‘Try thinking of something appropriate, Mush. I’m going to review my achievements in the meantime.

  Mush acknowledged him with a low ding before zipping back to the cubicle. With the window unlatched, she peered in, appearing deep in thought. Thrash rolled his eyes, swiping across his interface to bring up his achievements. Ten icons hovered before him, the first shimmering slightly.

  He muttered a quick prayer beneath his breath, hoping for some much-needed dungeon experience, and then tapped the first icon. A shower of stars danced across his interface as the achievement loaded whirling.

  Commiserations! You have earned the achievement ‘Slay the Walking Dead’

  You’ve successfully defeated your first Undead Miner!

  They ain’t walkers, and they ain’t zombies. They just dead.

  Mummy would like to say that they’d stay dead this time, but much like a fan-favourite killed off in the second act, you know we’ll be seeing them before the credits roll.

  Reward 1: Brain Juice x3

  Reward 2: Golden Pickaxe

  Thrash reviewed both of the items. The Golden Pickaxe seemed to be a one-time use item, able to completely mine a single dungeon room in an instant. Thrash nodded approvingly. On the Vendor Exchange, it seemed the item was worth a small fortune. For now, he added it to his inventory, turning to the Brain Juice.

  Brain Juice x3

  Item Rarity: Uncommon

  Commiserations! You have been awarded Brain Juice.

  Mummy has created this juice specifically for you. It’s distilled from the blood of the finest, freshest, dead creatures.

  Don’t drink it, darling.

  Throw this item to attract hungry undead beings towards its potent scent. Think of it as a beacon for the brain-deprived. It’s as effective to the undead as a van full of candy is for a sugar-crazed child.

  Don’t get into the van, either, darling.

  Effect: Once thrown, Brain Juice creates an AOE, luring all nearby undead creatures within a ten-metre radius. Attraction lasts for 10 seconds, or until mobs are distracted by other forces.

  Thrash frowned at the reward, snorting in frustration. ‘We always get rewards that would’ve been super helpful for whatever we’ve just done. I don’t want to face another undead miner for at least a week.’

  Mush made a buzzing sound that was clearly her attempt at snorting back. ‘They will be useful then, you ungrateful man-child.’

  Thrash rolled his eyes, dismissing her sass as he looked at the title of the next achievement. The title caught his attention.

  ‘Love you, bro?’ he asked, selecting it.

  Commiserations! You have earned the achievement ‘Love you, Bro’

  You’ve successfully levelled up your ‘Buff Bros’ skill.

  Power will come and go. We all know that. But the most important thing in the dungeon will always be the people with you. Salut, mi familia.

  Doesn’t it send shivers down your spine, darling? Feeling close to people?

  Hmm… snuggle up.

  Reward: Friendship Bracelet x2

  Thrash faltered for a moment, staring at the description. ‘Salut mi familia? That sounds incredibly familiar. Mush, where did that reference come from?’

  ‘All references are created based on your primary home-planet,’ Mush replied. ‘This one features a reference to a film series with as many sequels as grains of sand on a beach.’

  Thrash nodded slowly. ‘Right, I’m with you. I read the description too fast, it seems.’

  ‘And I am furious with you,’ Mush beeped back.

  Thrash chuckled. The little robot was continuously growing on him. If only he could get her to shut up about Brigwell. He quickly sped through the description for the reward.

  Friendship Bracelets x2

  Item Rarity: Uncommon

  Commiserations! You have been awarded a pair of Friendship Bracelets.

  This pair of bracelets is for you and your bestie. You’ll want to give one to your homeboy. Or your work-wife. Or your first lover - or your last lover! OR YOUR MOTHER!

  When worn by two members of your party, and as long as you’re touching tips, you’ll receive a little extra strength when you need it.

  Because sometimes, the greatest weapon isn’t a sword or a spell - it’s the friends you make on the way.

  Effect: When both players are within 50 feet of each other, they each gain +15% damage boost.

  Thrash smirked at the rewards ridiculous tone, but before he could comment on it, his interface pinged. He opened his messages with a curse.

  1 second ago: Pierre: You don’t have a TV, do yer?

  Thrash blinked at the message, his confusion evident. ‘A TV?’

  Mush immediately swerved beside him, launching into an explanation. ‘A TV is a device for watching television -’

  ‘I know, Mush,’ Thrash interrupted her. ‘It’s an odd question, that's all.’ He quickly typed out a reply.

  1 second ago: Thrash: Nope. How come?

  Thrash barely had time to wait before his interface buzzed again, this time with a flurry of messages.

  'What the -’ he started, cutting himself off.

  1 second ago: Pierre: It seems that yer finally got mentioned on a big network channel. Recording it for yer.

  1 second ago: Mary: Woo! Thrash is back in the news! You really don’t look like you used to. Bummer!

  1 second ago: Una: You’re being talked about on TV. Nothing we can do to stop it. Stay safe.

  Support the author by searching for the original publication of this novel.

  Thrash’s mind whirred, his heart skipping a beat as his eyes flicked from one message to the next. He focused his attention on each of them for a moment, as though not moving would stop the words from being true. I’m on TV… The galaxy was suddenly feeling a little too small, the dungeon walls tight and close. What does this mean for me?

  He had spent the last seven months comfortably out of the limelight - long enough for even the most famous Adventurers to fade into obscurity. So far, in his dungeon, he felt he’d kept his head low. Low enough, that is, to not be included in mainstream conversation. But this was different. People didn’t get talked about on TV unless something significant had happened.

  And if they were talking about him, that meant for sure that something had happened. Someone was paying attention. Someone outside of Doren, Zorina, and Una.

  Too much attention, Thrash thought, the air thin, the oxygen in his chest tightening like a vice. His pacifier eased his fear and anxiety, his thoughts turning back to the rewards he’d been given. He couldn’t falter now. He had to focus. Worry wouldn’t help - not yet. He needed more information, more context. Until then, he couldn’t do anything.

  With a gulp, he looked at Mush, who had been uncharacteristically quiet. ‘Do you know why they’re talking about me on TV?’

  Mush buzzed. ‘No. Mush’s access was prohibited upon your arrival.’

  Thrash nodded, the tension in his chest ebbing slightly, even as his head throbbed. ‘Shit.’

  Mush’s tone turned gleeful. ‘Mummy’s boy is all grown up and on TV. Mush is so proud.’

  Thrash gave the robot a light shove, though he couldn’t deny that her teasing eased his nerves. He quickly messaged Pierre.

  1 second ago: Thrash: Am I in trouble? Do I need to prepare?

  He stared at the screen, waiting, but no reply came. Thrash cursed softly, sighing to himself. It was late, and he needed sleep. He would likely wake up in the morning and have a resolution to his problem - providing Pierre could tell him what that problem was. For now, Mush buzzed insistently.

  Mush recommends you continue to open your achievements.

  Thrash nodded in agreement, eyes focused heavily on his messages. There was nothing to be done. He needed to continue on.

  ‘Good suggestion, Mush. Let's read through this next one.’

  Commiserations! You have earned the achievement ‘Best Party Ever!’

  You’ve successfully levelled up your ‘Party all the Time’ skill.

  Your team is gonna get so much experience, dude. This is gonna be the best skill ever!

  But remember, darling - it’s not just about leveling up. It’s about the journey. It’s about sharing those unforgettable moments, both the ups and the downs. Like when you finally get the courage to send your crush a dirty photo, only to realise ‘Miranda’ is right next to ‘Mummy’ in your phone.

  As hard as a rock. As soft as a feather.

  Reward 1: Potion of Experience

  Reward 2: 100x Experience Points

  Thrash chuckled, shaking his head. The mental image was both hilarious and horrifying. ‘Gross, Mush.’

  Mush beeped happily as Thrash skimmed through the description of the Potion of Experience. In essence, it granted a whopping 250xp points upon use - a welcome boost if he found himself needing it. He added it to his inventory, filing it away for emergencies. His thoughts drifted to Romeo and Doren. If either of them came for him, additional experience might make all of the difference.

  His interface pinged again, Thrash’s focus immediately shifting.

  1 second ago: Pierre: Nah, nothing like that. Yer fine. Don’t worry. I’ll share it with yer later.

  Thrash felt his shoulders loosen slightly, though the tension in his back remained. Sitting on the grooming table was likely not helping.

  Mush broke the momentary silence. ‘The goose shall be called Brutus.’

  Thrash raised an eyebrow. ‘What?’

  Mush didn’t hesitate. ‘Lucky.’

  ‘No, Mush.’

  ‘Ducky.’

  ‘It’s a goose.’

  ‘Bucky.’

  Thrash snorted. ‘If you’re going for something that rhymes with ‘lucky’, based on the state of the hallway outside, I’m partial for Yucky.’

  ‘Mush is displeased with these choices, man-child.’

  ‘Then Mush will need to keep thinking,’ Thrash retorted, moving to the next achievement.

  Commiserations! You have earned the achievement ‘Déjà Vu’

  You’ve successfully defeated the same boss twice.

  Whoa! Mummy can feel a rivalry forming in the air! How exciting, facing off against the same villain twice. Fingers crossed there isn’t a third time…

  On second thought - Mummy will arrange a playdate.

  Reward: Red Pill

  ‘A red pill, huh?’ Thrash asked Mush, eyeing her with wide eyes. ‘Cute reference.’

  He opened the item description.

  Red Pill

  Item Rarity: Rare

  Commiserations! You have been awarded Red Pill.

  Take a deep breath, darling, and be WARNED.

  Once you swallow this, you’ll never be the same. The instant it’s ingested, everything about you will change. Stats will realign, preferences will shift, and everything that was once yours will change.

  Mostly. Mummy exaggerates in places. Just be a good boy and swallow, darling.

  Effect: Once ingested, this item will redistribute your base stats.

  NOTE: This item can be used once. Effects are PERMANENT.

  Thrash thought for a moment, his heart picking up speed. ‘Mush, what does this mean for me? If I were to use it?’

  Mush’s tone turned stern. ‘Mush recommends you do NOT use this item. The chances for lower-rolls are extremely high. Your base stats are in a good position.’

  Thrash groaned. ‘How does this help me, then? I thought it might boost my strength to a hundred and ditch something like intelligence.’

  ‘False,’ Mush replied, shaking her body in the air. ‘As much as Mush would like you to never, ever use a spell again, Mush advises you check the Vendor Exchange instead.’

  Thrash grumbled to himself as he followed Mush’s advice, the oppressive heat of the pet room causing his shirt to stick uncomfortably to his back. Then, his heart practically stopped. His irritation vanished in an instant. His jaw dropped, his heart stuttering in his chest.. ‘Holy fucking shit -’

  Mush beeped, the glow of her body almost giving the impression that she was blushing. ‘Mush believes you can do many good things with this item.’

  Without hesitation, Thrash immediately pocketed the pill, his inventory snapping it away in an instant. He patted the robot affectionately before standing and stretching. ‘You’re a good girl, Mush.’

  Mush swung one of her arms up and smacked him across the head. ‘Mush is a woman - and Mush is a mother.’

  Thrash swore at her, rubbing the back of his head yet again. If Una was so concerned about head injuries, she really needed to tweak something in Mush’s code. Still, his newfound excitement made him willing to let it slide. He moved on to the next achievement.

  Commiserations! You have earned the achievement ‘Oopsie Daisy’

  Your Ring of the Forked Tongue failed to work.

  Well, shit.

  We’ve all been there, darling. Hot, sweaty, and ready for action - only for the key ingredient to fail to make an appearance. Nobody is judging you.

  Except for Mummy. Mummy is watching like a hawk.

  Reward: Forked Tongue

  Thrash inspected the new item. It was a simple face attachment, one that could be clipped to the tongue, extending out like a frog’s to snatch or attack a target. He frowned. ‘This is seriously far off from my current setup.’

  Mush nodded in agreement. ‘Though you are still small and slimy like a snake, you should absolutely not use this rubbish.’

  Thrash raised an eyebrow. ‘Slimy like a snake? I thought we were making progress here, Mush?’

  ‘You used to be as vile as a rat in a gutter,’ Mush said matter-of-factly, smiling down at him. ‘Now, you are moderately acceptable.’

  Thrash clicked his tongue, holding a select finger up at her. ‘You’re still a pain in the arse.’

  He did, however, place the item on the Vendor Exchange, open for offers, before moving on.

  Commiserations! You have earned the achievement ‘Popeye’

  You activated Bonder of Blades for the first time.

  HOLY SHIT LOOK AT THOSE MUSCLES!

  BRIGWELL’S MEMORY IS APPEASED. MUSCLES ARE PRESENT! VEINS ARE PRESENT! A LONG, SHINY, HARD BLADE IS PRESENT.

  SPANK ME, SAILOR!

  MUMMY IS QUIVERING.

  Reward 1: Weapon Oil x3

  Reward 2: Corncob Pipe

  ‘You really went off piste with this one, didn’t you,’ Thrash said to her. ‘Popeye? Like the sailor? What a throwback.’

  Mush didn’t say anything, instead returning to the goose’s door. Thrash inspected the Corncob Pipe, finding that it was a consumable item rather than an attachable piece of gear. He held onto it, thinking of Sam the Wise and his promised tobacco. At some point, he needed to check in with Sam’s party and see what they were up to.

  ‘Are you quite finished?’ Mush asked, her tone sharp. ‘You are disturbing my child’s beauty sleep.’

  ‘Three more, Mush,’ Thrash replied. He glanced at his messages again. There was nothing new. ‘Almost there.’

  Commiserations! You have earned the achievement ‘Turbo Power’

  You and your party dealt over 100 damage points in less than five seconds.

  It’s not a lot, but it’s a start. Mummy is legally obligated to provide this achievement.

  Go, go, my power-hungry Adventurers!

  Reward: 10x Gold Pieces

  ‘Legally obligated?’ Thrash asked aloud. ‘Wait - does that mean that you have complete oversight over the achievements I actually receive? Are there any you’ve completely denied, even though I could have been awarded them?’

  Mush hovered in place, looking as though she were constructing an answer. ‘Mush believes she’s made no errors in judgement. All achievements that you actually achieve are awarded to you.’

  Thrash snorted without humour. ‘But what does that mean?’

  ‘It means that Mush has been more than accommodating. You have nothing to worry about, man-child.’

  He shook his head but silently added the question to his growing list for Una - whenever he decided he was ready to speak to her again, that is.

  ‘Well, either way, ten gold is nice,’ he said, sniffing meekly and tucking the reward away.

  Commiserations! You have earned the achievement ‘Weak at the Knees’

  You’ve completed a Weekly Challenge!

  YOU’RE A PROPER DUNGEON MASTER, NOW!

  Completing Weekly Challenges are the perfect way to level up your dungeon. It’s absolutely essential, like oxygen for an animal. Like sunlight for a plant. Like wallet-condoms for teenage virgins on drunken nights out in university towns.

  Take on those challenges and watch your dungeon progress!

  Reward: Dungeon Master Greaves

  Thrash paused, looking at the reward with closer attention. ‘Dungeon Master Greaves? Mush, is there a full Dungeon Master set?’

  Mush didn’t respond, so Thrash brought up the Vendor Exchange, his fingers flying as he scanned through the gear listings. Sure enough, the pieces were there - each more eye-wateringly more expensive than the last, with the cheapest piece listed at 200x gold pieces.

  Thrash whistled, bringing up the item description.

  Dungeon Master Greaves

  Item Rarity: Divine

  Commiserations! You have been awarded Dungeon Master Greaves.

  Way to go, kid. This is the beginning of the end.

  Wearing this gear will make you feel both like a runway model and an elite secret agent. Its sleek, obsidian-coloured design does wonders for the figure, while the unbreakable metal is perfect to keep those shins intact.

  Hmm… Mummy is pleased. Mummy is very, very pleased.

  Effect 1: This piece of gear provides an additional 10% boost on your maximum base Health and Strength.

  Effect 2: While these greaves are equipped, your movement noise is reduced, making it harder for mobs to detect you.

  Effect 3: When health drops below 30%, movement speed is temporarily increased for 5 seconds.

  NOTE: This gear is exclusive to the Dungeon Master class.

  ‘Holy shit!’ Thrash laughed, his grin splitting wide. ‘This is exactly what I need! This will up my game considerably, Mush! I need the set!’

  ‘Brigwell used to wear something similar,’ Mush chimed in at last, her tone wistful. ‘Although, Mush remembers Brigwell looking utterly delicious in his armour. You will look like a flowerpot man.’

  Thrash froze mid-celebration, brow furrowing. ‘What does that even mean?’

  Mush’s buzz suggested she was preparing an elaborate explanation, but Thrash held up a hand, stopping her in her tracks.

  ‘I’m moving on, Mush,’ he said simply. He added the greaves to his gear, his strength increasing from 23.1 to 25.2 - or 29.4 with his 20% bedrest bonus. Annoyingly, the damage increase for Sigrid was negligible.

  Commiserations! You have earned the achievement ‘Above and Beyond’

  You’ve completed a Bonus Challenge!

  You did something that you didn’t have to do - and you barely complained about it!

  Mummy is so proud.

  Now, go and preach to the selfish husbands of the world. God knows their wives need it.

  Reward: 100x Dungeon Experience Points

  ‘Well, that’s good news at least,’ Thrash muttered, skipping past yet another suggestive description from Mush. He brought up his Dungeon Management screen. ‘We’re at 935 total dungeon experience points. That’s higher than we were before our setback, I think. We should be one more award away from Rank D.’

  Mush chirped happily as Thrash pressed onward.

  Commiserations! You have earned the achievement ‘Seeker of Secrets’

  You’ve found a secret quest!

  Ooh… What’s going to happen? What will your key unlock?

  Will it open a chest? Will it unlock your deepest desires? Will it provide you with the meaning of life?

  Who knows? Who cares? I’m sure we’ll find out in time!

  Or, we won’t.

  Reward: Secret Chest

  ‘What does this have in it?’ Thrash asked Mush, who was hovering closely at his side. ‘Gold?’

  Mush let out a distracted buzz. ‘Brigwell?’

  Thrash gave her a pointed look .’You’re really losing the plot, aren’t you. I need to find you some panels, I think. Your wiring must be getting loose.’

  Mush vibrated in place for a moment, then let out a sigh that sounded suspiciously like, ‘Orange…’

  ‘Yes, Mush,’ Thrash said, deadpanned. ‘Orange panels.’

  He sighed again, putting aside his frustrations and messaging Una.

  1 second ago: Thrash: Una, can I repair Mush? Bodywork, that is. She’s falling apart.

  Placing the Secret Chest on the grooming table, Thrash clapped his hands. ‘Right, Mush, any guesses?’

  ‘Another teapot,’ Mush said simply.

  Thrash nodded thoughtfully, lips pursed. ‘Lets see…’

  Lens of Exploration

  Item Rarity: Rare

  Commiserations! You have been awarded a Lens of Exploration.

  They say that humans invented the magnifying lens to burn living creatures - before realising it could help them to see.

  This lens, however, is a key ingredient to successful explorations.

  Take it. Use it well.

  MAYBE IT'LL MAKE YOUR LITTLE BUDDY LOOK BIGGER, DARLING!

  Effect: Use this item in the right circumstances to uncover its hidden secrets.

  Thrash nodded approvingly. ‘Not bad, Mush, not bad at all.’

  Mush buzzed, clearly preparing to retort, but was interrupted as an incoming call from Pierre lit up Thrash’s interface. Without hesitation, Thrash answered, tossing a parting remark over his shoulder at Mush.

  ‘Clean up the hallway, would you?’

  Mush paused, her circuits seemingly offended. ‘Mush is not a worker bot.’

  ‘No, but Mush is a mother,’ Thrash countered dryly. ‘And Mush’s mothering led to an inch of shit covering my hallway. Do something about it.’

  Mush vibrated with indignation before thumping his shoulder with a solid nudge on her way out of the room. Thrash smirked, moving back to the grooming table as Pierre’s face filled his screen.

  Sorry about that, Thrash said, trying to appear nonchalant as his nerves twisted his stomach. What’s up?

  Pierre’s expression faltered, the amused glint in his eyes - likely from overhearing Thrash and Mush’s bickering - fading into something more somber.

  Yer in a good headspace, right? Pierer asked, his voice low and weary.

  Thrash tilted his head. That depends on what you’re about to tell me, Pierre.

  Pierre sighed heavily, running a hand through his hair. It’s better that I send yer the clip, see. I’ll leave you to watch it. Let me know yer alright after, though?

  Thrash’s unease deepened. This is all super cryptic, but sure. Send it over.

  Pierre nodded, making a few swift gestures on his interface before swiping dramatically through the air. There yer are. Remember, though - the biggest problem you actually have right now is yer goose, it seems. Clear that mess up if yer need to keep busy.

  Thrash chuckled weakly, the weight of Pierre’s tone hanging over him. Will do, Pierre. Thanks. Can’t say I’m excited, but thanks.

  Pierre gave him a faint smile. Be safe, Thrash. Speak soon.

  The call ended, leaving Thrash staring at the empty interface, half a dozen new questions crowding his mind. He rubbed his temples and sighed, his gaze drifting around the room. It felt quiet - too quiet. The loneliness was a sensation he wasn’t sure he could ever get used to. Mush clanged in the hallway, a reminder that he wasn’t truly on his own, though the sentiment wasn’t exactly comforting.

  ‘How bad could it be?’ Thrash muttered to himself.

  ‘It is terrible! It is horrible!’ Mush screeched from outside. ‘Mush has no thumbs to properly clean this!’

  ‘Get on with it, Mush!’ Thrash shouted back through the door, exasperated. The distant clang of her efforts was barely reassuring.

  Sighing heavily, Thrash slumped down onto the floor, his back against the grooming table. He wasn’t going to get much sleep tonight, that much was clear. He glanced at the clip Pierre had sent - far longer than he’d hoped.

  ‘Alright,’ he whispered, steeling himself. Taking a deep breath, he tapped play.

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  Stats:

  Inventory - Equipped Gear Only:

  Skills and Titles:

  Additional Benefits

  Dungeon Benefits

  - Enhanced Rest: Experience a 20% increase in base health, strength, and intelligence after resting in a bedroom.

  - Improved Comfort: Gain a 20% boost to charisma when hosting guests.

  Spells:

  Sigrid Skills: