Things were tense at home. I was just trying to live my life as a nine year old but my mother had other plans. She would make me do chores that were originally just Hestiana’s work. And for some reason, that didn’t free up Hestiana, that only made my mother give her chores that my mother or father had. But that didnt’ free up my mother and father at all, all it did was give my mother more time to stew. I attempt the chores with a positive outlook but my mother took that to mean her punishments weren’t working. She would give me even more chores to do, desperate to make these punishments sting.

  Dinners were the worst, my father was constantly trying to play peacekeeper and my mother was still acting like a terror. We were all at the dinner table, eating food and attempting to maintain a fragile peace despite the awkwardness. No one dared speak and we all ate our food in silence. My father finally piped up. He half-told a story about how he was at work and someone tried to smuggle a strange creature through the gates. It was an elephant head with a spider’s body. He said that it shot webbing through it’s nose and trapped one of his comrades and ate his boss. It was probably a funny story at a different time but he also meekly admitted that he was being promoted.

  I congratulated him on his boss’ death. So did Hestiana and my mother. We went back to silence.

  My mother said in a low tone and without lookin at her, “Would you past the dates Hestiana?”

  “Yes, Miss Eres.” She said. Hesti handed my mother the clay pot of dates. My mother reached for them but grabbed too early. The clay pot dropped and the dates spilled everywhere on the floor. The silence was penetrated by the shattering of the clay pot.

  “Stupid girl.” My mother shouted.

  “I’m so sorry!” Hestiana said as she picked up the dates and put them on the table. I got down on my knees and helped Hestiana out.

  “I’m sorry about her,” I whispered.

  “What are you two scheming about down there!?” My mother cried out, “Another ruse to pull on me?!”

  I attempted to stand up to defend myself by my head bonked the kitchen dining table. I crawled back out and gripped my head, injured. I stood up and said, “You have to stop being so mean to Hestiana.”

  My mother gave me a wounded look as I faced her head on with eye contact. She looked away and waved away Hestiana. Silently excusing herself.

  “Since you love her so much and think of me so little, I guess you all can finish dinner without me.”

  “Honey,” My father said as he stood up, “They don’t mean it like that.”

  “Oh, and you’re defending them! Glad I’m carrying your child. So much for being a team.”

  “We are a team.” Timu said, “All of us.”

  “No, Timu,” She told him, “We are not a team, all of us. One of them is our ward and servant and the other is our child. You and I are the team, or at least I thought we were.”

  She threw her handkerchief down and stormed into her room. Hestiana and I looked at each other and I helped her clean up the rest of the bowl shards.

  Hestiana placed the loose shards in the trash and I told her, “I’m sorry you’re in trouble on my behalf.”

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  “I’m not in trouble,” Hestiana said, “Your mother is just a little on edge since you got back.”

  “She is,” I said, “But she’s taking it out on you, and that’s not fair.”

  “Your mother cares about you,” She said, “It’s my job to help bare the load.”

  “I’ll speak with her, but Hesti,” I said approaching her, then for no reason I said, “Hesti, you’re the first person that believed I could be something more than I was.”

  She smiled at me.

  I left Hestiana alone and walked up to my father who was knocking on the door to his room and asking my mother to let him in.

  I pushed him aside and knocked on the door and said, “Ma,” I waited for a response. Pausing. There was nothing. I knocked on the door again and said, “Ma, I need to talk with you.”

  “Go away.” My mother said, “I am so tired of everybody’s insolence.”

  “Ma, I’m not going to be a paladin anymore.”

  Again, there was silence. I waited longer this time, knowing she’d have something to say.

  “Come in.”

  I opened the door and closed it behind me. My mother was laying on her side. Her belly had gotten a lot bigger in the last few months. I remember when I first felt my sibling kick. It was exciting to know that soon I would have someone I could teach. I already felt a strong fraternal instinct run through me at just the thought. This thing didn’t even have a face in my head or a name but I had fantasies of protecting them from bullies and wild animals. Of telling them stories of how I outwitted Shifu, the child-eater.

  My mother was wrapped up in a blanket and didn’t look at me. She just looked straight ahead.

  “You finally decided to listen to your mother,” She mused.

  “No.”

  “I should have known.”

  “Ma,” I grabbed her hand and held it, “I’m not going to be a paladin anymore. But if you think I’m going to stop getting into trouble you’re dead wrong.”

  She adjusted in her bed, her big belly causing some turmoil in rolling over. I couldn’t tell if the sigh was for me or for the work it took to adjust herself. “How are you going to get into trouble now, dear?”

  I took out the letter that Yajaira replied back to me and handed it to her.

  She took it and read it, her eyes scanning over it and then going wide as she did, “This can’t be.”

  “It is, Ma.” I said, “It is.”

  “But why… well, and she’s just going to give it to you?”

  “She’s willing to pay my dues for the school. The duchess that I saved. She believes in me, Ma. Agrees that my talents are better served as a wizard.”

  “This is… amazing.” She said to herself, then she turned to me, “And this way… you’ll not be a paladin. You’ll avoid the front lines. Wizards… they often are in the back casting spells. You wouldn’t have to be on a battlefield…”

  “Stop,” I said, squeezing her hand, “Stop.”

  “This can protect you.”

  I shook my head, “I’m not going to stop being in danger. The thing I want… It’s big. It’s not going to be an easy journey.”

  She looked at my silent resignation, “Why?” She asked.

  “What?”

  “Why? You’re the smartest boy I’ve ever known, and yet this childish fantasy you have…” I could see she was feeling riled up. She took a deep breath and continued, “You’re so smart. You’re so talented at such an early age. You could have more than you need. More than most, and yet, you don’t want a happy life. You want more than any of those things. Why?”

  I let out a wry laugh that devolved into a chuckle. It was a good question. I placed my hand on her pregnant belly and felt the kick of my brother or sister.

  “More… is not enough.”

  Another wounded look. She shook her head and faced away from me.

  “I’ll lose you one day.” She said, “You’ll chase the impossible right off a cliff.”

  “I’ll learn Quilldrop.”

  “That’s a bard spell.”

  “I’ll learn the wizard equivalent.”

  “Someone powerful will sentence you to execution.”

  “I’ll befriend someone even more powerful to pardon me.”

  “You’ll piss off the wrong person with your arrogance and will be exiled from this country.”

  “I’ll start all over in the neighboring country and invade this one.”

  “Live a quiet life, Egen.”

  “I’m tired of quiet lives.”

  My mother turned back to me and stared at me with pleading eyes, “Don’t you get it? There are monsters in this world, Egen. Not just the ones in the jungles and deserts. There are monsters who hate you for having pointed ears. Monsters that are bigger than giant spiders. More vicious than cyclops. That want to eat you more than Chacali.”

  “I know.” I said, “And if they stay out of my way they’ll be just fine.”