But on one of these evenings, something changed. The Eldest had returned from Sylve and asked Aaron to come in for a talk. Aaron had expected it to be about political matters - but as soon as he entered the room, he sensed that something was wrong. In complete silence, he finally sat down in an armchair, holding the cool iced tea the Eldest had handed him. The Eldest avoided his gaze, almost as if he were afraid to look Aaron directly in the eye.
"What did you want to talk to me about?", Aaron finally asked, taking a sip before noticing how nervously the Eldest was playing with his hands. At first, he didn't react, but from one moment to the next, he stopped playing with his fingers and took a deep breath.
Whatever it was, Aaron knew immediately that it was serious.
"It's about Neonar."
"Neonar?", Aaron replied, somewhat surprised. He had expected it to be about the creature plain, their current plans, or possibly even Zod Adenia, but why bring up this topic? "What made you think of Neonar?"
"I've been keeping something from you about him, and to be completely honest, I'm still a little nervous about talking to you about it."
Aaron felt a lump form in his throat when he heard these words. He slowly put the cup back on the table and sat up straight, then looked at the Eldest calmly and attentively.
"All right, you have my full attention", Aaron finally said.
The Eldest didn't move for a few seconds, as if weighing one last time whether he should really share the secret with him or not. But finally, he seemed to compose himself and began to speak.
"Neonar of Fiet...", he began slowly, staring Aaron straight in the eyes. "...was my son. My real name is Damian of Fiet."
A shiver ran through Aaron as he processed the statement, scenes from his past suddenly appearing before his mind's eye. He felt his body tense unconsciously, but at that moment he didn't care about his outward appearance. His mind was preoccupied with the many moments that had burned themselves into his memory. Moments he had experienced with the Eldest and the many, many times he had loudly cursed Neonar.
"Wh...", was all he could say before his voice disappeared. With his mouth slightly open, he stared at the Eldest, who suddenly seemed incredibly nervous.
"Raphael Maron is just a cover name I made up when all that happened back then. Do you remember how we talked about our visions a while ago? There's an important part missing from your vision."
Aaron couldn't utter a sound.
"The night I fled the burning estate, I killed Neonar. The house in your vision was my own."
At first, Aaron didn't know what to say. His vision was still clear in his mind, but now that he knew the true background to these events, they appeared in a completely new light. However, what weighed most heavily on him was not that he had misinterpreted the vision because the Eldest had concealed his identity from him. What weighed much more heavily on him were all the things Aaron had done afterward - in the firm belief that he was doing the right thing.
For years.
"You... killed your own son?"
"I had received my very first vision through the Igrikum that evening. It was a warning to myself, because Neonar had broken into my house and wanted to kill me. Not a particularly pleasant experience, I must admit."
"By the beard of...", Aaron began, and suddenly felt a twinge in his heart when he saw the sad look on the Eldest's face. He had only recently been allowed to see that face, several days ago, when the Eldest had called him a good man. His throat went dry and he could feel tears welling up in his eyes. "Eldest... I... I don't know..."
He couldn't hold himself together. His hands began to shake and he felt a cold breath on his neck, as if the souls of the people he had killed were standing behind him. Suddenly he felt sick, overwhelmed by the guilt that was catching up with him.
"I can't... I'm sorry", Aaron interjected. Suddenly, he leaned forward and bowed to the Eldest, touching his chest with one hand as if to calm his heartbeat. Stunned, he looked down at his shoes as he continued speaking. "Please... forgive me. I can't put into words how much I regret my words and actions. My hatred shaped me so much that I ended up hurting you. I can't... no... I don't even want to imagine what that must have been like for you. Working with the murderer of your... entire family."
A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.
"I have to admit, at the time... I was really afraid for my life."
"I'm so sorry", Aaron said in a tortured voice, and the first tear fell onto his shoe.
"It's... okay, Aaron. I always understood why you acted the way you did back then. Allowing Neonar to come to power was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. I should have prevented the war - and yet I couldn't. Because as much as I regret it... Neonar is still my son."
"Eldest, I can..."
"I was never angry with you, nor did I judge you for it, Aaron. If anything, I should be the one apologizing to you. My indecisiveness cost your sister her life", Aaron could hear the Eldest's weak voice and dared to glance up, only to see the Eldest hiding part of his face with his hand. "I am a coward, an egomaniac, and a liar. Even after all this time, I never dared to bring up the subject and left you in the dark, even though you were always there for me and honest with me."
"You couldn't have known."
"I had suspected it even back then, and I allowed it to continue long after I knew what kind of person Neonar had become. But just like back in the day, my fear paralyzes me and I can't bring myself to talk about the things that really matter."
At that moment, Aaron remembered something Zod had said to him. He didn't know why, but at that moment, it was precisely those words that ran through his mind.
All these years, Aaron had thought he had suffered the worst fate imaginable. Neonar of Fiet had taken the only person he truly loved from him, leaving him so distraught that he could no longer think clearly. He had killed hundreds, probably even thousands, of people in the decades that followed, simply because they were related in some way to the Fiet family. And after that? Ultimately, he couldn't fill his emptiness, and he never found the actual person who was the target of all his hatred. How could he, when that person hadn't been alive for ages?
But time and again he heard stories similar to his own. Stories of people who wished nothing but death upon others and had lost all self-control. Only then did he begin to realize that the world was an unfair place that only gave the powerful the right to freedom. One of the reasons why the diocese system had collapsed back then.
Now, however, he learned that he was responsible for the suffering of the person who was currently most important to him. The person who was his closest friend and colleague, with whom he had survived the centuries and gotten his life back on track.
"I am truly an idiot. I never realized what a... torment my presence is for you. Even when...", Aaron finally said, but fell silent when he saw the Eldest bowing before him.
"I'm sorry too, Aaron. I wish I could undo all this, but I can't. Our entire friendship was built on a lie."
Aaron sat motionless in his chair when he heard the word friend. It was the first time the Eldest had referred to him as such. Otherwise, he had always been a colleague, a companion who had survived the long life together. He couldn't believe that the Eldest called him a friend after all the things he had done to him. In doing so, he completely disregarded who the Eldest actually was.
To him, he was the man closest to him.
"You learn and grow from your mistakes, probably one of the most important things you learn from life", he quoted Zod.
He didn't know why, but the conversation he had had with the blond-haired man was a kind of refresher of the memories he had tried to repress. At the time, he hadn't taken the statement to heart, but right now it fit very well. Perhaps that was also the reason Aaron kept a clear head despite the things that were said, even though the guilt was suffocating him.
He watched as the Eldest also sat up after this statement and wiped the tears from his face with one hand. Suddenly, Aaron felt as if an invisible barrier between them had fallen and he could finally see the man as he really was. A human being just as desperate as himself, fighting against his past.
"What do you mean, can we start over?"
His heart leapt back into place when he saw the sad but relieved expression on the Eldest's face. His blond hair was slightly disheveled and his hand was still trembling slightly as he held it out to Aaron. Aaron paused for a moment, wondering if it was really okay for the Eldest to forgive him. All the bad things he had done screamed like voices in his head, and a shiver ran through him as he remembered the punishment. But the Eldest's gentle smile was like a light that freed him from this nightmare. Instinctively, he reached for the hand that was offered to him.
"I am Aaron Thopas, 3rd Seat of the Magistrat. It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance."
"The pleasure is all mine, High Mage Thopas. My name is Damian of Fiet."
They took each other's hands and shook them as if in a trance, as if their whole lives were passing before them. Aaron couldn't completely shake off his feelings of guilt as he looked at the Eldest, but a small voice in his head screamed at him that it was okay to demand something from life again.
"Admitted, I'm still completely overwhelmed by the situation. May I call you... Damian?", Aaron confessed honestly, letting go of his hand.
"Of course", replied the Eldest, sinking into his armchair before looking at his trembling hand and clasping it. "Although I would ask you not to disclose that to the public."
"It would be strange if the name Fiet became associated with Aaron the Seeker, wouldn't it?"
"Indeed, that could be a problem."
Without taking his eyes off the mage, Aaron reached for his cup and clasped it with both hands as he took a sip. He already knew he wouldn't sleep all night. He would probably keep remembering unpleasant things that would force him to stay awake. At the same time, he wanted to talk to the Eldest now that the secrets had been revealed.
"I'm really a coward, never speaking up and never using mana. How can I actually assert myself as a mage?" murmured the Eldest thoughtfully, lowering his hand and returning Aaron's gaze. "Can I ask you something?"
"Go ahead", Aaron replied immediately.
"When... I mean... you... did you... find peace, I mean..."
"When did I stop feeling that hatred?", Aaron completed the Eldest's sporadic question, who then nodded. "I don't know, there wasn't a single day when the feelings just disappeared. Even now, I would still say that I resent Neonar. It just got weaker over time, and at some point other things became more important, so I didn't feel that anger anymore. At some point, I guess I just accepted it."