He himself remained lying on the blanket for a while, wanting to enjoy the peace and quiet a little longer before starting his night patrol in two hours. With his eyes closed, he enjoyed the setting sun, while the others also moved away from the water. It was getting a little windy, but Cale covered himself lightly with a towel and enjoyed the fresh breeze blowing across his face.
In between, he had asked about Fengari once, but she had already showered and eaten when he asked if he should come home. She was studying for the last few hours before she too would go to bed to be well-rested for tomorrow's exam. To Cale's surprise, she had declined his offer to help her with the exam. She had set herself the goal of passing it on her own, which Cale found fascinating and admirable. He wouldn't have cared much whether he had to cheat or not, as long as he achieved his goal.
With a good night greeting to the dragon, he now reported to the Eldest, who had not been heard from in the last few days.
<"Good evening, Damian.">
<"Hello, Caleb, haven't heard from you in a while.">
<"Same here. How are you? Has things slowly gotten back on track with Aaron?">
<"It's still weird between us, but since I came back from Frignez, we've talked quite a bit about our past and I feel like things are slowly getting back to normal. At one point the others even thought that we had had a fight">, explained the Eldest, causing Cale to chuckle quietly.
<"Glad to hear you're doing well. I was a little worried for a moment. Did he ask where we were for the last two days?">
<"He did, but I kindly asked him not to pry. Surprisingly, he just accepted it without really complaining.">
<"I'm pretty sure he suspects something, even if he doesn't want to say anything.">
<"That may well be, Aaron is too smart for things like that. If Fringez contacts us, he'll quickly realize what we've done.">
<"Does he know about me?">
<"Ah, yes. I mentioned your presence.">
<"I see, I just wanted to know. How else is the Magistrat doing?">
<"It's alive and thriving. They're all slowly starting to take the problem with the creatures more serious, and I feel like everyone is helping out actively. That reminds me, I sent a message to the royal house some time ago, requesting a private meeting with them.">
<"Haven't received a reply yet?">
<"Not yet, but it's normal for it to take a while sometimes. I'll know more next week, and then I'll let you know.">
<"Thank you, Damian">, Cale replied calmly and sat up. He threw the towel over his shoulders and looked at the water at his feet. He spotted another boat in the distance, sailing alone, but otherwise the lake was completely calm.
<"You're welcome. Do you want to participate again?">
<"I'm not so sure whether it's a good idea to show up at this event as an advisor to the Magistrat. It might look a little... wrong to the outside world, if you know what I mean.">
<"You may be right">, the Eldest replied sympathetically.
<"Is Grischa making progress with his crystals?">
<"Somewhat. The last time I heard him talking about it, he was cursing because he hasn't had any real success. I briefly considered giving him your book, but I didn't want to intervene so actively.">
<"I understand, as long as he doesn't just give up, that's fine. Right now, I can't really gauge how Grischa would react if he remained unsuccessful for several months. In my old life, he was already used to it, but now he's basically still a child.">
<"Says the 5-year-old among us">, replied the Eldest, causing Cale to clear his throat amusedly.
<"That's true.">
<"So you want me to intervene before he gets that far?">
<"Please do so. It's quite possible that the book won't be enough to work with such an abstract topic.">
<"Should I send him... to you?">
Cale fell silent for a moment. He hadn't really thought about what would happen if Grischa couldn't create the communication crystal with his current knowledge. After all, he was over 20 years too early, but he didn't really have an alternative. Even if he had to reveal some of his knowledge, he would rather accept that than not have a crystal at all.
<"Yes, do that. You can say that I mentioned something like that during one of our encounters.">
<"Then I'll do that">, the Eldest confirmed. "I have to go, Aaron just arrived.">
<"All right, I won't bother you any longer. Have a nice evening.">
<"You too.">
A moment later, the Eldest's mana disappeared and Cale fell backward. As he had been enjoying himself with Jarle and Cedrik today, he couldn't help thinking about William, Ben, Aletta, and Philippa. Even though he had had a lot of fun today, the thought still pained him.
"I miss my old life."
"Your old life?"
Cale was surprised to hear a male voice behind him.
He quickly turned around and saw Julius Venlan approaching his seat with a grim look on his face. He had completely suppressed his mana and had been so quiet that Cale hadn't heard him coming. Goosebumps ran down his spine as he forced a smile.
"Sir Venlan, what a surprise. I wasn't expecting you."
"I didn't think anyone else would be on the beach at this time of day. I was hoping to be alone."
"If you wish, I'll gladly leave the beach to you."
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"Oh, nonsense. I'm probably not the only one who needs some time to think", Julius said in a calm voice.
Cale, on the other hand, slid over a bit and motioned for the teacher to sit down next to him. The man did so in his full uniform and sighed before unholstering his weapon and leaning back, as if he didn't care that Cale was watching him.
"I would ask if everything is okay, but I can see that it isn't. Has something happened?"
"You could say that."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"Not really", Julius replied and closed his eyes.
Cale glanced down at Julius with a brief, concerned look before reaching for his shirt and pulling it on. He carefully lay back down on the cloth and folded his hands behind his head. His eyes fixed on the sky, and he spotted a few bright stars that reminded him a little of Fengari's silver eyes.
"Do you miss your home?"
"To be precise, the people I would call my family", Cale replied, without really thinking about who he was saying this to. But at the same time, he didn't really mind that Julius Venlan heard him say it. After all, he hadn't brought up anything particularly dangerous.
"You can always go back to Altona if you want."
"Unfortunately, it’s not that simple."
"Were you banished from Altona?"
"No, by the gods", Cale replied amusedly. "I doubt the Magistrat would actually banish anyone, but they often use it as a threat against disobedient students. Or so I’ve been told."
"It's one way to get kids to listen to you. But why can't you go back?"
"You've misunderstood. It's not that I can't go back. I can go back if I want to. It's just that the people I mean are no longer alive."
"I'm sorry, I didn't know that..."
"It's okay, forget it. You're definitely not the first person to put your foot in your mouth."
"Do you miss them a lot?", Julius Venlan asked in a calm voice, and out of the corner of his eye, Cale watched as the man opened his eyes and looked up at the sky.
"A lot, yes. Hardly a day goes by that I don't think about them. It's a pretty shitty situation for me, but I'm used to it as well."
"Must be hard."
"It's okay. You have good days and you have bad days. I think that's pretty normal."
"You're probably right about that", Sir Venlan replied, sighing audibly.
Neither of them said anything for several minutes, so Cale's thoughts drifted to Grischa. He didn't really have any idea what his friend had been through in his younger years, apart from his deceased brother and the fact that he had fallen out with his friends. Since he never wanted to bring up unpleasant memories for Grischa, Cale hadn't probed too deeply, but in hindsight, he should have. He would be interested to know what was currently on the young mage's mind, and who exactly the man - who had punched him in the face in Persiven - was.
"Can I ask you something?"
"Of course", Cale replied immediately when he heard the voice.
"What would you think if I became the king's second advisor?"
"Aren't you already?", Cale interjected with an irritated voice, opening his eyes and turning to Julius, who also looked at him in surprise.
"No, I'm not. I'm a teacher and I'm only involved in the education of the three princes."
"Don't you assist Sir Freigoud in his duties, or have I misunderstood something?"
"Yes... I do", Sir Venlan replied, stuttering slightly.
"Ah, good. I thought so... but then why are you asking me this when you've long since taken on the duties of an advisor? Did you know that people have given you the nickname the king's left hand?"
"What kind of nickname is that?"
"Don't ask me, it wasn't my idea. But people know that it refers to you."
"This is only getting worse... ", Julius sighed and turned his head away from Cale.
"Why? Does it bother you that people call you that?"
"Yes."
"How come? Isn't it something to be proud of? Julius Venlan, private tutor to the princes and left hand of the King of Sylve. That's quite impressive, don't you think?"
"I never wanted... I don't want to be an advisor."
"You don't want to?" Cale repeated incredulously. The man who had been at the head of the Sylve government for the past six lifetimes didn't want to be an advisor? How had he gotten into the position back then, and why had he decided to take a different path in this life?
More unwillingly than willingly, Cale stared down at the brown-haired man as he sorted through his thoughts and spoke again.
"May I ask why not?"
"I'm just not cut out for it."
At this statement, Cale's calm facade broke and he began to laugh unexpectedly loudly. He covered his mouth with both hands and forced himself to stop immediately, while Sir Venlan sighed in annoyance and sat up straight.
"I shouldn't have talked to you about this. I'm such an idiot."
"You really are. How can you think you're not cut out for it? You're pretty much the only person this position was made for. I can't imagine anyone else at King Leonhardt and Duke Freigoud's side. Not cut out for it, he says", Cale forced himself to say, taking a deep breath, straightening up, and trying to calm down. He had noticed that Julius cared about the topic, so he didn't want to appear even more disrespectful. "Has anyone said otherwise, or what happened?"
"No."
"Then why do you think that?"
"I just don't think it's right for me. When I think about the responsibility I would have..."
"Are you afraid?", Cale blurted out, and Julius Venlan turned to him in surprise, but said nothing. Cale couldn't help but think of Grischa and the conversation he had had with him back then. A gentle smile appeared on his lips as he pulled his legs up and rested his arm on them. "How silly. You don't have to be afraid of it. It's not like you're completely alone and have to shoulder all the responsibility by yourself."
"But I'm just a commoner."
"So what? I'm a commoner too, and yet I became the owner of Karekama. Our family status has nothing to do with our knowledge. You also managed to become the teacher of the three princes on your own through your skills. Do you also think that the position shouldn't belong to you?"
"That's different..."
"It isn't, Julius", Cale replied, calling him directly by his first name for the first time. "It's one and the same. So tell me, why shouldn't you be allowed to become an advisor too?"
"People would just judge me."
"Who?", Cale pressed further, but Julius did not answer the question. "Tell me who, and I'll gladly beat some sense into them."
"How brutal."
"Maybe", Cale replied mockingly, even though he probably would have done it, with a different appearance, of course. "Don't run away without even trying."
"I...", Julius began defensively, but fell silent shortly thereafter. " I don't want to disappoint anyone."
"If you don't even try... you are rather disappointing the people who trust you. Isn't it their opinions who should matter than some random strangers - who have no idea what they're talking about?"
"That's true, but I... I can't. I... I just can't deal with that kind of thing."
"With criticism from others?"
"With the judgment of other people, yes. Even now, as silly as it may sound, I can hear them telling me how idiotic this idea is", Julius Venlan explained, leaving Cale completely stunned. The future advisor to the king hears voices in his head constantly telling him that he's not worthy? How did that happen?
"That's not healthy, I hope you realize that."
"I know."
"Whose voice do you hear, if I may ask?"
"My mother's", he confessed after a few moments.
Cale wasn't sure why, but he suddenly had the feeling that he had stumbled into something much bigger. At that moment, he remembered their practice fight and how Sir Venlan had mentioned that he was scarred by his past and therefore panicked when someone grabbed his throat. With this information, Cale now had a rough idea of what might have happened and couldn't help but think of Grischa's family.
"Forgive me for asking, but did your mother... did your mother ever strangle you?"
"Yes", Julius replied after a brief hesitation, avoiding Cale's gaze, almost as if he were ashamed of it. "I know it's not my fault, but it's not like I can just forget the past."
"So... if I understand correctly, you think you're not cut out to be a advisor because your dead mother, the mother who tortured you, tells you that you're... worthless?"
"Why in the name of the gods was I ever tempted to tell you this?", the swordmaster replied, now with obvious regret and charm on his face. Just as he was about to stand up, Cale stopped him.
"You remind me too much of myself, you know that?", Cale said with a nostalgic smile on his face, causing Sir Venlan to pause and glance down at Cale. "When I was a disciple, I was blessed with good fortune that I never wanted to accept. There were so many years that I spent hating myself, angry, and sad, without seeing the big picture. I was always afraid of what people might really think of me and hid myself so as not to stand out. At times, it was so bad that I wanted to end my life, if it hadn't been for the people who unknowingly pushed me to keep fighting."
Cale paused for a moment and sat cross-legged on the cloth, while Julius Venlan stood in front of him with his sword in his hand, unable to say a word.
"What I'm trying to tell you is that there's a reason for everything in the world, and you shouldn't just turn away because you're worried about what might happen. If I've learned one thing, it's that talking to people about it and revealing some of what you're trying to hide is a good start."