Kaito was just about to enjoy a peaceful nap on a floating donut-shaped cloud when a golden scroll materialized above him and smacked him in the face.

  > [URGENT DIVINE NEWS!]

  Your followers have officially decred war on the Church of Productivity.

  Reason: “We shall nap proudly and snack endlessly, for our god has taught us the sacred ways of Chill.”

  Kaito sat up, disoriented. “I have followers?!”

  The God of Chaos appeared next to him, holding a bag of popcorn. “You didn’t know? The ‘Lazy Light’ movement is trending across three realms.”

  “What do they even do?”

  “Mostly lie around, binge celestial snacks, and give offerings in the form of memes. They even made your holy catchphrase their motto—‘Five more minutes.’”

  Kaito was halfway between horror and amusement when another scroll appeared:

  > [Incoming Message from the Church of Productivity]

  “Cease your bsphemous encouragement of sloth or face the consequences. We will not allow divine ziness to spread unchecked!”

  — Archangel Karenius, Apostle of Eternal Work

  “…Archangel Karenius?” Kaito muttered. “Of course someone named Karenius is mad about naps.”

  Moments ter, a blinding beam shot from the heavens, burning “NO LOITERING IN ETERNITY” into the clouds.

  A portal opened, and out marched the Church of Productivity’s forces—armored angels wielding clipboards, arm clocks, and soul-sapping motivational speeches.

  Kaito’s cult—comprised of sleepy pandas, snacking fox spirits, and one guy constantly wrapped in a bnket—stood in defiant disarray.

  “Defenders of the Lazy Light!” a panda in sungsses roared, holding a golden pillow like a shield. “We shall yawn… and conquer!”

  Kaito, still in disbelief, activated his Divine Authority. “Okay, fine, guess I have to lead a war now. But we’re doing it my way.”

  He raised his hand.

  > [You have activated: Divine Command – Chill Storm]

  Effect: All enemies within range feel overwhelming drowsiness and are forced to take a nap.

  The enemy angels began wobbling mid-march.

  “No… must… file paperwork…” one mumbled before colpsing into a divine beanbag chair.

  Archangel Karenius herself fought it—until a stray pillow smacked her across the face. Her eyes fluttered. “No… meetings… please…”

  She passed out.

  Victory was swift and… soft.

  ---

  Later That Day…

  The battlefield was covered in snoring angels and content cultists.

  Kaito stood triumphant on a couch-throne, sipping iced coffee. “Let it be known across all heavens… you don’t mess with nap time.”

  The Goddess of Order facepalmed yet again. “You’re turning the divine hierarchy into a cosmic sleepover.”

  Kaito smirked. “And everyone’s happier for it.”

  A new notification chimed.

  > [New Title Acquired: Lord of the Lethargic Legion]

  [You now inspire naps across 4,000 realms. Resistance is futile.]

  ---

  Next Chapter: When the Goddess of Love Demanded a Vacation… With Me!?