Amber and grandmother Agnia left soon after. I once again organized a meeting between the blonde and my boyfriend. And I didn’t feel sad or restless about it. On the contrary, it suddenly seemed to me that I was doing something good. I even insisted that he give Amber his email address when he decided to consult me. He was at a loss, but I said that in difficult times we should support her.

  He initially objected:

  “Christina, this girl hurt you as a child!”

  “It was in childhood,” I calmly objected, “but now it’s difficult for her.”

  Peter hugged me tightly and shook his head in displeasure:

  “You’re too kind, you can’t be like that.”

  “And you take too long to be offended by people,” I turned away from his embrace and loudly pecked his cheek.

  “Come on, come here, little naughty girl.”

  He jokingly ran after me. But I dodged. We ran out onto the wn near his house. There were no signs of trouble, but then I turned around and stumbled. Peter barely managed to grab me by the waist, but he fell with me.

  “Little marquise, I caught you!”

  He turned his face to me with pointed features.

  “I love you, do you hear?” — he whispered, barely audible, “if something happens to you, what will I do? Be careful please. Now let’s go into the house. It’s cool outside.”

  With these words he stood up and extended his hand to me, and then we went home. For a second I held my gaze on his eyes.

  “Beautiful,” I thought, “the color of buckwheat honey, but John’s are a deeper color, almond and chocote. I wonder what he’s doing now?”

  ***

  Dad went to see John for a while. I think he decided to improve his retionship with his son. I can not say that they were bad, but only six months ago dad gave up traveling and began spending time at home. However, my wayward brother studied in Belfast, so he was still at a distance from dad. He was in no hurry to come home, so dad began to visit him himself. And after such visits he arrived in high spirits.

  “Dad, dad, what’s new?” I jumped near my father and cpped my hands.

  “Look who we have here! How old are we, five or maybe seven?” He ughed and stroked my head.

  Ae came out to meet him:

  “Gd to see you again.”

  She kissed him on the cheek, shaking her fiery curls. Dad hugged her and, squinting his eyes slyly, answered:

  “It’s mutual…”

  “Wow! Even in front of me you’re not embarrassed,” I said.

  Dad scratched his head and said:

  “Well, actually, we seem to be adults. And you’re not too little anymore.”

  “Come on, it’s a joke,” I was embarrassed.

  “We didn’t hear it the first time,” said Ae, winking at me conspiratorially.

  I faked a pout and trudged into the house, muttering towards my dad:

  “You have to tell me how it went.”

  “Why are you interested?!” Dad’s suspicious (or it seemed to me) voice reached me.

  “Oh, what can I say?” — I thought.

  “So I always ask, don’t I?” I decided to go on the offensive.

  “That’s true,” my dad answered, and I breathed a sigh of relief.

  After lunch, Dad decided to show me a photo of Belfast, although Ae insisted that he should rest after the trip. To this, dad told her:

  “But I have only one daughter!” And he ruffled the hair on my head.

  After that, she gave up and, shaking her head disapprovingly, left us alone.

  “This is Belfast Castle. You’d probably love living there, wouldn’t you, princess?”

  “Only on the condition that you take the throne, my dear father!” — I ughed.

  “Of course. And this...” he continued, “...is the Ulster Museum. And it has an archaeological hall. I was there for half a day.

  “Of course, you probably miss work trips. But I’m gd that you’re home now,” I hugged my dad.

  “And this is a botanical garden. I went there especially for you. Look, there are views here that you have never seen before.”

  “Thanks a lot. It wasn’t worth wasting your time on me. We also have a greenhouse.”

  “But you can see rare specimens. Can’t I please my daughter? And this...” he flipped through the photo, “...A friend of mine took a photograph of me and your brother.”

  “What other friend?” I asked, squinting suspiciously.

  “Don’t be afraid, it’s not the one you’re thinking about,” Dad smiled, “I accidentally met a cssmate, she now also lives in Belfast.”

  “You look good. Is John even studying or is he still being mischievous?” I looked at the photo, and my heart thudded against the walls.

  “I’ll think about it ter,” I said to myself and hastened to put on a carefree expression on my face. Dad didn’t seem to notice anything.

  “How to say... He studies, of course. But that girl Amber is always trying to reach him, to get to him. In general, to attract his attention. But from the outside it is clear that he does not need it at all. Otherwise, he is cheerful and a little indifferent, as always.”

  “I don’t think you need to ignore him anyway,” I said, “You think he’s doing well, but in reality he’s a little lonely, he just doesn’t show it.”

  “Where does such awareness come from, my daughter?” — Dad stood up and put his hands on his hips.

  “These are my observations,” I ughed.

  “Okay, rest for now, and I’ll go to sleep until dinner.”

  Dad kissed me on the top of the head, and jokingly waved goodbye and left. And I was left alone, with a head full of thoughts and impressions. And if everything was retively clear with my impressions, my thoughts were in complete disarray.

  “Just one photo of him and dad together. Just a photo, but my heart is already starting to beat faster. It shouldn’t be like this. Do I really like him?”

  I opened my ptop and went to check my email:

  “Hi. I’d like to talk to you. When can we see each other?”

  Then, after hesitating a little, I decided to write a second letter. My heart was beating wildly. It seemed to me that if it weren’t for the chair I was sitting on, I would have fallen from excitement. I slowly inhaled and exhaled three times.

  “Hello, brother. We haven’t talked for a long time. How are you? Dad returned today, now he’s resting. He showed me a photo, and there was one of you together. You look great together. I’ll wait for an answer.

  Your sister.”

  It turned out somehow dry for the brother and sister. But it was clearly better than not communicating at all.

  ***

  Peter came to me fast. He broke away from his work and rushed over as soon as possible. Half an hour ter we were already walking through the city park, holding hands.

  “Peter is so caring, he’s ready to do anything for me, he’s always worried about me. He is an ideal boyfriend. What a pity that I can’t love him. And John? He doesn’t even care about me. But when I think about him, something unfamiliar awakens in me.”

  “Are you all right?” Peter stopped and looked at me with concern.

  I found that my hand was squeezing his hand too tightly. He even winced a little. I rather tried to unclench my fingers.

  “No... Not really... I don’t know,” I really didn’t know how to start a conversation.

  “Let’s sit down...” he pointed his hand towards the nearest bench, “...now take a deep breath and exhale slowly... Once again. And now I’m listening to you.”

  “Can we just be friends again?!” I blurted out.

  Peter shuddered involuntarily, but quickly pulled himself together. And soon his face expressed almost nothing. He was silent for a while and then said:

  “I knew that sooner or ter this would happen and I was afraid. But when I heard this from you… Don’t worry, I will survive, it just takes a little time. We probably won’t communicate much in the coming months, but then everything will be fine. If you change your mind, I still love you.”

  I finally raised my head and our eyes met. His eyes were very sad. I felt truly sorry for him and myself. And all this happened through my fault.

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered, barely audible.

  “Everything is fine. Time is the best assistant,” he said.

  We were returning home in silence. I was sad, but I felt a little lighter. Because now Peter didn’t have to hope or expect anything from me.