There wasn’t a single car in the driveway when I arrived at Mercy’s house.

  The driveway was far too narrow to fit my truck along with her and Joanna’s little cars, so I kept myself parked out on the street instead. The day had been unexpectedly gray and cool for July, so I pulled up my jacket off of the floor to put it on. At the sight of the little box that had Mercy’s neckce in it, I blinked - in the wake of everything that’d happened, I’d totally forgotten about it.

  Now was definitely not the time to give it to Mercy, but as I gazed down at it, a chilling question entered my mind: if not now, then when? For all I knew, my organs were a feast for the wasps, and when they’d had their fill, they’d leave my body little more than a hollowed-out husk. I had no way of knowing. No one did.

  Reaching down to the floor, I tucked the box in my pocket, just in case the right time revealed itself during our talk. Then, with a deep breath, I hauled myself out of the truck.

  From the backyard, I heard Mercy’s mother, Lupe, ughing with another woman whose voice sounded familiar. I didn’t want to draw any attention to myself, so I simply sat down on the steps of the front porch, waiting pathetically for Mercy to come home like a lonesome dog.

  Soon after, a beat-up, ancient Tacoma swerved violently to the sidewalk, stalling for a few moments as it jostled from the commotion within. Then, out of the back of it came Cleo as she waved goodbye to her friends, who must’ve been the oldest looking thirteen-year-olds I’d ever seen; the driver, with his blue hair and a nose ring, made me especially suspicious. When she turned from them to face the house, she froze in complete shock at the sight of me.

  “Tío!” She cried.

  Immediately, Cleo raced over and threw her arms around my neck. The momentum nearly knocked me back into the porch, but I held steady, wrapping her up into a bear hug.

  “Ah, Tío—!” She squeezed me so hard, I actually gasped. “Does this mean you and Mamá aren’t fighting anymore?”

  “Mm— actually, that’s— Cleo, I can’t breathe, let me go—” I choked out. Then, she eased up. “I’m here to, uh, try and make amends. If she’ll let me, I mean.”

  A remorseful frown made its way onto her face. “I’m so sorry. This is all my fault.”

  “No, it’s mine,” I replied softly, pushing her hair out of her face. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

  “Don’t lie to me, I know I’ve ruined everything,” she insisted. “Everyone’s upset all the time now ‘cause of me… Tía’s always picking on me, Mamá’s fighting with you when she’s not fighting with Luke— the only person who isn’t miserable right now is Abue, but that’s ‘cause she’s on new meds…”

  “Wait, what?” Clearly, I was further out of the loop than I thought. “Why’s Jo picking on you? What’s this about Luke? One thing at a time, please.”

  Fttening her mouth, she swallowed anxiously. “I— I don’t think I should say anything. Just look at what happened the st time I did…”

  Cleo’s words stung sharply, but her trust was such a fragile little thing, I didn’t want to break it by pushing her too far. With her hands in mine, I squeezed them, taken aback by just how delicate they’d become since the st time I held them.

  Cleo gnced down to our hands, then back to my face, her eyes overflowing with guilt. Silently, she wrapped her arms around me again, this time hard enough for it to hurt, but I didn’t care. I was thankful that she still thought I was good enough to hold her at all.

  “Hey, hey. Listen. You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to, but just know that no matter what happens, I love you, okay?” I smiled reassuringly. “Everything will be just fine.”

  Cleo’s eyes shimmered with tears. “That’s what you said st time.”

  “I know, but— this time I mean it. I’ll fix it,” I said. “You know there’s nothing I can’t fix, right?”

  In reply, she just stared at me, weeping. The sweetness in her face reminded me of a cherub, though her little cheeks had lost their roundness and instead were pale and hollow. The longer I looked at her, the more noticeable her thinness had become, apparent in the way her colrbones jutted out from her tank-top and how her shiny bracelets only made her wrists look bonier.

  As I opened my mouth to speak again, Mercy arrived in the driveway, and I motioned with my head for Cleo to go. “Wish me luck, pecosita,” I whispered, pinching her cheek. “Maybe if I’m a good boy, she’ll let me stay for dinner.”

  She sniffed once more; then, with one final hug, Cleo slipped from my arms and headed into the house.

  The second she saw me through the window, Mercy’s posture stiffened like she’d seen the eye of a storm. For what felt like forever, she stayed in there - the point where I was starting to believe she might not get out after all. When she did, I was actually surprised.

  I rose from the porch steps to meet her, and out of instinct, I reached for her; Mercy, as if trying to rewrite a natural impulse, recoiled. Her eyes bore right through me.

  “Manny.” Each sylble of my name was sharp, venomous. “I see you got my text.”

  “I did, and— fuck, Mercy, I’m sorry,” I said quickly. “I know what you’re about to say, and I’m sorry.”

  “Really now?” She wrinkled her nose skeptically. “For which part: nearly breaking my boyfriend’s jaw, or for humiliating me in front of just about everyone I know?”

  I hung my head in shame. “For everything.”

  In the easing daylight, the anger in Mercy’s features ebbed into exhaustion. She ran a hand through her hair, careful to keep her rings from catching in her curls, and let out a sigh bigger than she was.

  “I know I fucked up,” I continued. “And… I don’t know if I can expin it in a way that makes sense—”

  “Don’t bother,” she interrupted firmly. She looked equally frustrated and resigned. “I already know.”

  Nervously, I swallowed. “You do?”

  “Yeah— you let yourself get caught up in all this drama between Joey and Cleo just ‘cause Cleo’s got you wrapped around her finger,” Mercy said. “Apparently Joey has this whole… this whole theory that Cleo wanted you to scare off Luke first so he wouldn’t drive you away, but whenever I try to talk to Cleo about it, she turns it into a fight! Saying I’m always taking Joey’s side and how I treat her like a criminal and just… God, Manny, it’s all a mess.”

  I slowly turned my head until my gaze nded on the street that led up to Mercy’s house. I felt a mix of things: fury, injustice, anxiety. Everything I said from that point on was to be recorded on an imaginary scorecard; I had to tread carefully, though the buzzing in my temples remained ever-constant.

  “What do you think?” I asked carefully.

  “I don’t know…” She rubbed her temples. “I’m not going to pretend Joey’s never lied to me before, but if she’s lying now, I’m not really in a position to do anything about it— I can’t afford to kick her out, not with all the medical bills Mamá’s racking up. As for Cleo, it’s gotten to the point where she won’t even come down for dinner most nights. I only ever see her when I pick her up, drop her off or when I help Mamá to bed. If she won’t talk to me, there’s nothing I can do except threaten to send her off to my cousins in Corpus Christi.”

  As she spoke, all I could do was listen, biting my tongue until it hurt. No wonder Cleo was so sickly looking - what were the odds that she was avoiding Joanna? Suddenly, my stomach twisted inside as I remembered those friends of hers and how they definitely didn’t look thirteen.

  “That’s all pretty fucked up,” I said as evenly as possible. “Uh, what about Luke? What’s going on with him?”

  Apparently, I’d struck a nerve. Right away, Mercy hung her head. Though I couldn’t see most of her face, I could tell she was frowning. “Actually, if you must know,” she said quietly, “Just the other day, he gave me an ultimatum.”

  Preparing myself, I closed my eyes. “I think I can take a guess where this is going.”

  “Yep.” Another sigh. “Told me either you go, or he does.”

  The disappointment in Mercy’s voice was painful. Inside, I bore a crushing guilt - I knew I’d made a mess of things, but this was a lot messier than I thought.

  “Is that why you haven’t been returning my calls?” I looked at her, praying for an answer I had no right to want. “Because…?”

  “No, that’s because I’m still mad at you for flipping out at my party,” Mercy replied stiffly. “Now when it comes to the ultimatum? I have no idea what to do, to be honest with you. I don’t like that he thinks he can make me pick, but I see where he’s coming from, you know?”

  I tried not to wince, simply watching her as she ran her fingers through her hair, settling them at the base of her neck where her hairline began. As I stared, I saw just how close her fingertips were to the csp of her chain, and then I remembered the neckce in my pocket.

  “You, uh… you seem to really like Luke a lot,” I said, reaching inside my jacket. “I didn’t think you were this serious about him.”

  “I dunno about ‘serious’ but I mean, he’s nice, he’s smart, he’s…” She trailed off like she couldn’t think of anything else to add. “He’s really out of my league.”

  I ughed. “Christ, Benz, you can’t be saying that with a straight face.”

  “I just wanted this to work out for me for once. He’s the first guy I’ve been with since Feliz who didn’t have several secret baby mamas or a criminal record that he hid from me!” She groaned. “I just want to be happy, but every time I try to focus on myself, it ruins things for everyone else. I’m tired of it.”

  I shrugged. “Well, you might like him a lot, but I know he’s no good. He doesn’t respect you.”

  “I’m starting to get the impression that you think you’re the only one who does,” Mercy replied, her eyebrows ft across her forehead.

  “That’s not true.” I smirked, trying to lighten the mood. “I don’t respect you, either.”

  At long st, a smile from Mercy, though she smacked me upside the head right after. “You’re such an idiot.”

  “Hey, I might be an idiot, but… at least I care, you know?” Though it was hard to say, I pushed forward, despite how weakly my voice came out. “I… I care a lot.”

  Her smile broadened, then slipped right off her face, like she was guilty to have smiled at all. After that, we said nothing, our silence split apart only by the sound of cicadas.

  Then, breaking me free from my train of thought, Mercy spoke up. “Have you been going to therapy tely?”

  It was possibly the st thing I wanted to hear. I cringed and made no effort to hide it. “What are you getting at?”

  “You haven’t been going, have you?” She crossed her arms again. “When was the st time you actually went?”

  “I don’t fucking remember.” I frowned deeply. “Benz, whatever therapy’s supposed to do for me, it hasn’t been doing it. At all. It’s a waste of my time, it’s a waste of her time—”

  “Well, I want you to go back,” she said, her stare resolute. “And I want you to stick with it this time.”

  “Fucking seriously?” I scoffed.

  “Yes!” She insisted. “I mean, honestly, I can’t have you around Cleo and Mamá if you’re not going to try and learn to control yourself. It’s not safe for them.”

  Such words were like a knife in my chest. More than I was mad, I was hurt. How long had I worked to make up for Feliz’ absence? How many hours did I put in making sure their home was safe, that there was food on their table, that there were always arms to be held in and a shoulder to lean on? I couldn’t help the way my lip curled downward, which made me look just as pathetic as I felt.

  “Didn’t realize I was such a bad guy,” I said. “I’m sorry.”

  “You’re not bad, you’re just… troubled.” Her expression softening, Mercy moved to close the gap between us. “Look, you know I’m only saying this because I…”

  She paused, hand hovering above mine. Every second that passed was like torture. Then, she retracted it. “I care about you, too,” she finished.

  I nodded, but said nothing, wishing that she’d said something else.

  The air around us had become hot and sticky as the day bled into the evening. Mercy’s eyes roamed around the yard and the porch before settling back on to me. “Will you try again?” She asked quietly. “Therapy, I mean.”

  I frowned, turning away. When my hesitance became too much for her to bear, Mercy sighed and moved to get past me, like she was already over excuses I hadn’t even listed.

  “Wait!” Without thinking, I grabbed Mercy’s arm to stop her, holding it as gently as I could. “Wait— Mercy, please.”

  Under my grip, Mercy didn’t resist. She didn’t yell at me, or gre at me, or even rip her arm away. Instead, she had a look on her face as if she had a hundred different thoughts running through her mind, but no way to transte them.

  Immediately, I dug the box out of my pocket and presented it to her without comment. Mercy’s eyes darted from my face to the box and then back to my face.

  “What’s this?” She took the box from me delicately.

  I said nothing, urging her to open the box by holding her hands in mine. For a few seconds, I was worried that she’d try to push it back on to me, she was staring at it with such concentration.

  “It’s, um… it’s your birthday present.” I couldn’t look directly at her, I felt so stupid. “I— I got it ages ago. I’ve been meaning to give it to you, but then… you know.”

  Mercy pinched the tail of the box’s ribbon and tugged it until it gave way, falling to the ground. When she wiggled the box open, she let out a soft gasp.

  “I— I swear I’m not trying to buy your forgiveness,” I stammered. “If you ask Cleo, she’ll tell you, she was there when I got it—”

  It was like she wasn’t even listening. As she dangled the neckce in front of herself, Mercy’s smile practically twinkled with awe. “Manny… it’s beautiful.”

  I wanted to look away, suddenly embarrassed by the sentimentality of it all, but I couldn’t take my eyes off her. “Well, it was this or a Keurig, so…”

  In the palm of her hands, Mercy gazed at the shining pendant. Then, as if conflicted, her features hardened. “You know, stuff like this is why Luke gave me an ultimatum,” she said sternly.

  “Yeah?” I gnced at it. “Does he think silver’s more your color?”

  “He’s not comfortable with our retionship,” she corrected. “He said you get ‘scarily territorial’ about me. It’s inappropriate, and I can’t exactly bme him for that conclusion.”

  “Okay, but he’s only saying that because I punched him— which, in my defense, he’s the only boyfriend of yours I’ve ever fought,” I replied. “And I still stand by doing so.”

  “That’s not the point!” She groaned. “He doesn’t like that you’re such a big part of my life. It makes him feel… I don’t know, threatened.”

  “Pinche pendejo,” I muttered. “I’ve known you for— what, like twenty years? Shit, I don’t even remember what life’s like without you anymore.”

  Mercy let out a breath she’d been holding, and I hadn’t realized I’d been holding one until I let one out, too. Gently, I raised my hands to cup them around hers, and together, we both looked down at the neckce.

  “When we weren’t talking, I got to see what life would be like without you, and…” I paused, gncing back up at her. “I don’t want to live like that. Not if I can help it.”

  Her dark eyes quivered, conflicted. “You’ve got to look at it from his perspective.”

  Though I hated to, I let my hands drop away, colder in the absence of hers. “I’m not going to tell you what to do. I know it’s not up to me, and I respect that,” I said. “I don’t want to get between you and Luke.”

  Her mouth and her eyebrows fttened skeptically. “’I’m not sure I believe that anymore.”

  At my sides, my hands clenched, and I was filled with a bitter self-loathing rivaled only by the hatred I felt towards Luke and Joanna. It wasn’t fair - none of this was - but instead of arguing, I held my tongue.

  As if disappointed by my silence, Mercy let out a sigh, closing the box and handing it back to me. When she turned away to ascend the porch, I was struck by desperation. Maybe Luke was right, and I was too clingy, but that was our business - not his. Just as she reached her doormat, I couldn’t bear to wait one more second.

  “I’ll go back to therapy!” I blurted out.

  Mercy whipped her head around. “What?”

  “I’ll go back to therapy,” I repeated, this time more serious. I followed Mercy up the steps until we both stood outside the front door, her face illuminated by the spotlight of the porch. “And take my pills and— do whatever dumb shit the doctor says. If that’s what you want— if that’s what you need me to do, I’ll do it.”

  As we stood there, I gazed at her as if she held the key to my salvation. Tensely, I exhaled.

  “But I— I need to know something,” I said. “What if it doesn’t work?”

  Immediately, my mind flooded with thoughts of the itch.

  The pain.

  The rage.

  “What if there’s no fixing me?”

  The hive in my head, buzzing,

  buzzing,

  buzzing—

  “What if this is just who I am?”

  You’ve turned out

  just

  like

  him.

  “Will you stay?”

  My voice quivered pathetically as it left my mouth, yet Mercy’s gaze remained steady. When she raised a hand to hold my cheek, without thinking, I leaned into it. Her thumb brushed softly along my cheek, the pstic of her nail barely present against my skin.

  “Of course,” she whispered back.

  Under the warmth of her touch, I became still. Time and time again, we found ourselves in a position like this, where only the veil of Feliz’ memory kept us separated; all that ever held me back from lifting it was guilt, ashamed of myself for wanting what should’ve been his.

  Though it seemed to pain her to do so, Mercy retracted her hand, settling it on the doorknob. The tenderness in her eyes evaporated, and in its pce was a chilling seriousness.

  “But no matter what happens between me and Luke, you really need to clean up your act,” she said, her tone sharp. “Whatever issue you have with him— or any guy I date, for that matter— keep it to yourself. I don’t care what kind of crap Cleo feeds you, okay? I never want to see you act like that again. Ever. It was embarrassing, it was scary, and it was just— it wasn’t you, Manny. I don’t know who it was, but it wasn’t you.”

  Not quite the verdict I was hoping for, but my hands were tied. My best bet was simply nodding along like I didn’t know the full story, even if suppressing the truth was like swallowing needles.

  Determined to make it up to her, I took the box I’d been holding and pced it back in her hands, staring at her with all the sincerity I could muster. Catching a glimpse of the pendant once more, Mercy softened, and this time, her fingers curled around it like she couldn’t bear to let it go.

  “I know, and I’m sorry,” I replied. “I— I’ll do better. I mean it.”

  Tentatively, Mercy licked her lips before they fttened into a hesitant - if hopeful - little smile. Then, with her other hand, she pushed open the door to welcome me in.

  “Let’s just put this behind us for now,” she said, switching gears. “Anyway, Joey’s out with her friends, so it’ll just be me, Cleo, Yonda and Mamá tonight. Do you want to stick around for dinner? It’s a clean-out-the-fridge kind of night, so I don’t know what I’m making— I doubt you’ve eaten yet, have you?”

  It was such a normal thing to say, so ordinary, and it made me both relieved and uneasy. To dispel my apprehension, I nodded briskly. “Yeah, sure, sounds good to me.”

  As she took a step across the threshold, Mercy shot me a look from the corner of her eye.

  “Um, while I’m getting dinner ready…” She pursed her lips to form a little pink pout. “The tub upstairs hasn’t been draining very well. Maybe you could take a look at it? If you don’t mind?”

  “Anything for you, Benz.” I swung my arm against the door to hold it open for her. “You know there’s nothing I can’t fix.”