By the time I’d arrived at the party, there were already far too many people there.

  I could handle a lot of people if they were spaced out evenly enough, but Mercy’s cramped little house made a dozen people seem like a thousand. Most of them were friends and family, but a few of them were from her job, and I saw a neighbor or two there as well. My conversation with Dahlia had left me feeling like a live wire, and the crowd filtering through Mercy’s house was not helping.

  The pn was simple: go in, give Mercy her present, get out. The more I thought of her gift, the more embarrassing it felt. I should’ve just gotten her that fucking Keurig, I thought, as I wove through the party-goers to find her.

  The whole pce was alive with activity: Lupe was out in the front yard dancing with their red-headed neighbor Yonda; on the porch, Cleo was failing to impress a boy covered in acne; even Joanna seemed to be in a good mood, cackling noisily with a woman covered in skull tattoos as they smoked cigarettes together. It was hard not to stare daggers at her as I passed by, but she didn’t even notice that I was there.

  Where was Mercy? I squeezed past people through the front door to find her, but I didn’t bother asking anybody to point me in her direction. The less conversations I could get roped into, the better. Every time I bumped into someone, I felt like I was going to burst.

  Eventually, I found my way into the backyard, where it was much less custrophobic. Now that the afternoon was bleeding into the evening, the sun was taking its time to set, bathing everything in vibrant, honeyed colors. The air was sticky and smoky from people grilling further down the block, and when I focused hard enough, I could tell that they were grilling something beefy. It actually made me a little hungry.

  That was when I finally found Mercy, chatting animatedly with a woman I didn’t recognize. As I drew closer, her eyes glowed at the sight of me, and she broke into a grin when I was within arm’s reach.

  “Manny!” She tightened her arms around me. “Oh, I’m so gd you could make it!”

  “Manny? Ooh, so you must be that firefighter then, right?” said the woman beside her as she gave me a once-over. “Have you ever gotten to pose in one of those firefighter calendars?”

  “Rosey!” Mercy gawked, then let out a giggle as she pyfully spped Rosey’s arm. “My God, it’s been five seconds! Behave!”

  Rosey let out a sharp, chipper ugh that reminded me of a dolphin. I prayed that a meteor would nd on this exact zipcode in the next thirty seconds, but unfortunately the ck of meteors served as more evidence that God truly had abandoned me.

  “Ah— okay, okay. Proper introduction time.” Mercy cleared her throat, gesturing from me to Rosey. “Rosey, this is Manny. He’s the number one guy in my life! Um, I mean, after Luke, of course. Manny, Rosey’s one of the girls from the office.”

  “We’re kind of work wives,” Rosey added. “This gal is the only reason I haven’t given up on the insurance crap and just gone back to stripping!”

  Mercy ughed once more. I tried to force a smile onto my face, but it was like wrestling an alligator, so I gave up and simply nodded stiffly. “It’s nice to meet you, Rosey. Um, not to interrupt you girls, but Benz? Can I talk to you? In private?”

  As if a chill had passed through the air, Mercy’s face tightened. “Is it…?”

  “No, no, nothing serious,” I shook my head immediately, then quieted my voice. “I just— well… I’ve got your present, but… there’s kind of a lot of people around…”

  “A private present? Naughty boy!” Rosey raised her eyebrows suggestively. “You’re not trying to make Luke jealous, are you?”

  “Girl, if you don’t shut up!” Mercy rolled her eyes in amusement before looking back to me. “Manu, if I take it now, are you just going to run off right after?”

  I gnced down to the ground, then back to Mercy. “Is there a problem with that?”

  “Aw, come on!” Rosey huffed like her opinion counted. “The party’s just started, and you’re already bailing? Lame.”

  Rosey’s influence on Mercy was obvious: rather than simply let me go as she might on any other day, she fixed her gaze on me, unwilling to compromise. “I’m not opening any presents until ter. You can give it to me then, okay?”

  I shut my eyes, wincing. “Benz…”

  “Please?” She stared at me with painful sincerity. “ I just want one day with all my favorite people in one pce for a little while. Just a little while! Is that really so much to ask?”

  It was, but I was used to her asking a lot of me, so dI gave in. “Fine…”

  “Yes!” She beamed in a way that reminded me strongly of Cleo. “Here, you know what you need? A drink. Come on, let’s get you a beer.”

  With me and Rosey in tow, Mercy led us over to a fold-out table covered in drinks and Styrofoam containers. Right as she plucked out a can of Modelo and handed it off to me, a girl’s voice called out Mercy’s name like a song, and her head whipped around.

  “Oh!” She gasped. Then, a giggle. “Stay right here. I’ll be right back!”

  There wasn’t even time to object before she disappeared. Now that we were alone, Rosey was clearly not content to just let me drink by myself in peace. The second that she opened her mouth, I braced for impact. “Manny, right?”

  “Yeah,” I replied coolly.

  “Sorry about earlier. I’m just teasy like that,” she said, waving her hand to clear the air. “Let’s start over. I’m Rosey. I work with Mercy over at…”

  As she chatted, I turned my attention to the people around us. I saw couples ughing out loud, old people holding babies, kids bolting after each other like little lightning strikes across the grass. Sometimes it was strange to watch life unfold around me when I felt trapped in a freeze-frame.

  “… never met … before…”

  Maybe that’s why I hated parties: it was painfully clear that I was always the odd one out. Ever since I’d come back from Afghanistan, it was like I came back wrong, something twisted upon resurrection. Whoever I was when I returned, I was someone more erratic and dangerous, someone that couldn’t trust or be trusted.

  “… always wanted to ask…”

  Would it still be like this if Feliz was still here? He was a brother I’d never had, a port in my childhood of constant storms, and without him, I was lost. Even after ten years, I was still lost, and instead of learning to swim, all I did was sink. Perhaps I’d become just like my father after all.

  “Hey! Are you still listening?”

  I snapped my head back towards Rosey, who stared at me like I was an idiot.

  “What?” I asked. “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch a word you said.”

  “It’s no big, I was just asking you: what was the craziest call you ever had?” Rosey repeated.

  I stared bnkly at her. “… Really?”

  “Yeah?” She cocked her head to the side. “You’ve had to have seen some really crazy stuff, right? I wanna hear everything!”

  No, actually, she didn’t. Rosey was giving me a line far too many people had given me before, not realizing that sometimes you could go a whole week where every call you answered, you were too te to do anything but watch people die.

  I had half a mind to unch into a speech about children burning to death or entire families being killed in collisions with semi-trucks, but it seemed too cruel to me - not to Rosey, but to the people who died. They deserved a little more respect than being used as fodder to prove a point. Sipping my beer, I rubbed the back of my neck before gesturing somewhere off in the distance.

  “Actually, I just remembered I, uh, needed to ask Mercy about something,” I stammered. “Sorry. It was nice meeting you.”

  “Oh. Sure. Yeah, alright…” Rosey blinked at me, then smiled awkwardly. “Well, you have a good one.”

  As I left Rosey behind, I decided that I wasn’t going to wait around for Mercy after all. I was just going to find her, give her the stupid neckce and get the hell out of dodge. My tolerance for small talk had reached an all time low, and the smell of meat throughout the air was making me strangely itchy.

  In search of her, I squeezed past conversations and ducked away from greetings only to find myself bumping into Luke once I’d reached the living room. When I realized it was him, my jaw clenched so harshly, my teeth nearly cracked.

  “Manny! Woah, I can’t believe you came!” Luke smiled broadly. “You know, Mercy was totally afraid you weren’t gonna show up.”

  Just looking at him made me see red. I barely withheld a snarl. “Where’s Mercy? Have you seen her?”

  “Hm?” He raised his eyebrows. “Uh, no— I just got here. Why?”

  “I just…” I waved my hand in a vague gesture. “I wanted to give her my present and head out before more people showed up. I’m not really big on parties.”

  “Ah… right, yeah, I get that.” Luke nodded. “Oh, hey, what’d you get her, by the way? I can keep a secret!”

  I gnced away. “It’s personal. I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “… Right.” Suddenly, the friendliness on Luke’ face ebbed away as he narrowed his eyes. “It’s nothing I should be worried about, is it?”

  I raised an eyebrow. “Is ‘it’s personal’ not a complete sentence to you?”

  “No, no, no, I’m not trying to pry. I guess I just think it’s kind of… weird?” He shrugged, looking down at his bottle and sloshing the beer around inside of it. “Like, between this and how you’re always over here all the time… always taking her kid pces… she, um, said you help pay the bills once in a while…”

  I didn’t even realize I was frowning until it deepened further into a scowl. “Get to the point, Luke.”

  “Okay, before I say anything, don’t get offended, alright?” Luke warned. “But you act like a married couple sometimes, and it’s kinda uncomfortable to watch. I’m not trying to be a dick or anything, but… dude, she’s my girlfriend. Not yours.”

  “You’re right. She’s also the widow of my best friend, and I promised him that if anything happened to him, I would always take care of her, no matter what,” I said coldly. “Is there an issue with that?”

  “No, but hasn’t this guy been dead for like, years?” The longer he spoke, the more his smile stiffened uncomfortably. “I’m just saying you could stand to back off and give her a little space. It’s weird and awkward that every time I ask her about her pns, she has to see what you’re doing first. You get what I mean?”

  The rage rising within me felt like an inevitable tide, each sylble out of his mouth another wave to wash me away. By now, I was starting to lose sight of why I was even pretending not to hate him. Why py nice anymore? What did I owe him?

  Nothing, nothing, nothing.

  “Tell you what, Luke.” I let my mouth stretch into a cold, ft smile. “I’ll take your advice on retionships when you pull your dick out of her fucking sister.”

  Luke was so stunned, he couldn’t even speak. Then, his face twisted into itself in anger. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

  “I ain’t in the mood to py games with you, so I’m gonna cut to the chase.” I leaned forward, gritting my teeth. “I know you been fucking Joanna.”

  The closer I leaned in, the nastier my frown, as I got close enough to smell him. No wonder I found Joanna’s ‘perfume’ so offensive tely - it was clear what she was trying to cover up. Just the thought of them together made me sick.

  “You actually fucking nuts!” Luke barked. “Who told you that?”

  “I can smell her on you, you piece of shit,” I growled.

  “You can smell her?” His cheeks grew red and sweaty. “You realize how batshit insane you sound right now, right?”

  “Say whatever you want. But if Mercy were to go through your phone right now, whose side do you think she’d end up taking?” I dared. “Mine, or yours?”

  Suddenly, Luke stood still. When he saw that no one around was going to come to his rescue, he took a deep breath, eyes wide as he put a hand between us to give himself more space.

  “Look, dude, take it easy, okay?” His voice dropped to a whisper. “I don’t know what you heard, but all we did was fool around a couple of times. That’s it. I swear, that’s all. We aren’t even doing it anymore, it’s over.”

  With how quickly the words tumbled out of his mouth and the way he kept looking over his shoulder, Luke was pretty obviously lying. I stared at him skeptically. “I just want to know why you did it. I mean, seriously, with her own sister?”

  “Okay, first off, she came on to me, so don’t act like I’m some giant sleazeball.” He emphasized by gesturing at himself. “She was giving me a ride home one time, ‘cause my car was having trouble, and then she asked to see my apartment. And then when we’re in there, she’s putting all these moves on me, and one thing lead to another, and… anyway, it doesn’t matter anymore, ‘cause it’s over. So don’t lose your shit about it, alright? It’s not a big deal.”

  “Since it’s over, that means you’ll come clean with Mercy, right?” I asked, drawing even closer. “You need trust to build a retionship, after all.”

  Rather than fold as I expected, Luke straightened his back. “You’re making a mountain out of a molehill. It was a stupid mistake, and it’s in the past now. Let it go. You’re acting like I killed someone.”

  “Oh, sure, like you ain’t gonna fuck her as soon as this party’s over? I can’t fuckin’ stand lying-ass motherfuckers like you.” The more I raised my voice, the more attention we drew from other party goers. “Listen, you got two options: either you tell her, or I do. She deserves to know that you're a nasty little rat.”

  “For fuck’s sake— you stupid army guys think you can boss everyone around!” He spat. “You know what? Why don’t you take that big fucking nose of yours and stick it in someone else’s business for once?”

  “If it’s about Mercy, then it is my business!” I shouted.

  “Fuck you!” With both hands, Luke shoved me back, his beer sloshing forward onto my shirt. “She's not your Goddamn property, so just fuck off already!”

  The second Luke put his hands on me, a blinding, white-hot fury swelled within my chest, rumbling against my ribs like a riot in the streets. The other party goers had gone quiet, watching our argument unfold, and for the first time, their eyes upon me didn’t fill me with dread.

  No, now I was ready to give the crowd exactly what they were looking for: a show.

  With my hand curled tightly into a fist, I sent a right hook straight into Luke’ jaw.

  Upon impact, he dropped his bottle, and it shattered loudly across the floor. From behind us, a girl screamed, and some of the drunken men nearby started egging us on in Spanish, pointing and ughing sloppily.

  Though Luke tried to escape me, he slipped on the beer and fell to the floor, where I climbed on top of him to keep beating him. My arms tingled so strongly, I could hardly feel them as I struck his face again and again. I didn’t even register the punch Luke sent sailing right into my nose.

  The guests surrounding us screamed, ughed, cried and gasped, but their reactions were muddied by the sound of the wasps within. Though they didn’t speak, I knew from the frenzied buzzing what they wanted, because I wanted it, too. None of us would be happy until all we saw was red.

  Then, through all of the buzzing, Mercy's words broke through loud and clear.

  “Everybody stop!”

  The entire party froze, though I nded one more punch to Luke’ cheek before one of Mercy’s cousins pulled me off. Even after we were separated, I was downright sick with rage, air escaping my lungs in hot, ragged breaths. In the silence that had fallen, I scanned all of the faces that had collected around us to watch.

  From behind an old man, Cleo peeked her face out, while Joanna, with her arms crossed, took a stand right next to Mercy. Even Yonda had come back in with Lupe to see what was going on, though judging by their expressions, they were completely lost.

  “What the hell is going on here?” The fury in Mercy’s voice was chilling. “Expin! Right now!”

  “He’s fucking crazy!” Luke scrambled to his feet with the help of one of Mercy’s cousins. “You stay the fuck away from me!”

  “?Hijo de puta!” I shouted, stopped from punching him by having my arms held back by another cousin. “Come back and fight me like a fucking man!”

  “Manny, that’s enough!” Mercy moved between me and Luke. “I don’t know what’s gotten into you tely—”

  “He’s a fucking piece of shit, Mercy!” I interrupted. “He’s so full of shit, he—”

  “Enough!” She screamed over me. “That is fucking it! Stop making a scene and just get out of here! Right now!”

  As her cousin loosened his grip, I stared at Mercy, pleading at her with my eyes. “Why won’t you listen to me?”

  “Because I am not dealing with you and your issues tonight!” Mercy gestured to the door, nostrils fred in anger, though her eyes were wet with tears. “If I knew you were going to go fucking crazy at people, I never would’ve invited you!”

  Even with the anger coursing through my veins, my lip trembled. Then, I looked back at Luke, who had found his way into being tended to by Joanna. Sweat shined on his forehead, and his jaw was a hot, purple-pink shade of red. When my gaze met Joanna’s, she seemed amused at how things had unfolded.

  There was no hope of turning this around. My shoulders slumped forward in defeat; since it was clear I wasn’t going to throw any more punches, Mercy’s cousin let me go. The room stayed quieter than a tomb as I forced myself to meet Mercy’s judgmental stare.

  “Fine,” I said quietly, turning to Mercy. “Happy fucking birthday.”

  Without waiting for a reply, I stomped my way out of the house, nearly ripping the door off its hinges with how hard I threw it open. I didn’t even know why I bothered coming at this point - if she wanted to share Luke’ dick with Joanna, then she was free to do so. See if I care, I thought spitefully.

  As I got into my truck, I felt the jewelry box poke out uncomfortably from my back pocket. For a moment, I opened it, and stared down at the little honeysuckle as it dangled against the bck felt of the box. Unable to look at it for more than a second, I tossed the box against the floor of my truck so hard, the neckce jostled out of it.

  With every street light I passed on the way home, it glinted just enough to catch my eye.

  I threw my jacket over it.