Chapter 90

  Huh.

  “I will usher in a growth period like no other.”

  A lot of emotions hit me after I think those words.

  Guilt, shame, and … happiness?

  But I … I don’t know why.

  I ruminate on it some and my thoughts can’t help but stray back towards the fire.

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  I stopped the fire from spreading further and causing so much damage to the forest but I think… I feel guilty because of it?

  Not that I think I should have just let the fire do its thing. It just… feels like I did it for selfish reasons.

  I remember thinking that if the ecology around me perishes I wouldn’t be able to survive. I was willing to let the fire pass over me and destroy everything else until I realized I wouldn’t survive much longer after it was gone.

  I guess… I guess it just feels like I did something good for the wrong reasons. It’s a dumb thing to feel I know but I can’t help it.

  Rationally, I know that even if I did do something for selfish reasons I still helped this forest survive to see many more days and that has to count for something but I can’t help but feel shame.

  However now that I’m on the cusp of repairing the damage I feel happy. I’m actually doing something good for my ecological community, not merely for my continued survival.

  I dwell on those emotions for awhile longer before checking in on my primitive storage bank and find I have 3 bricks of tightly interwoven mycelium.

  Looks like I don’t ever have to suffer any more long nights doing next to nothing merely waiting for day to come so I could then play with nutrients building and growing all my various projects and things.

  I’m ecstatic!