Chapter 13: Darkness follows shadows

  “I hope to all hells you didn’t kid.” Leigh’s words had sent a chill down my spine.

  Those words played over and over as I tossed and turned in my bed. I couldn’t shake the image of those glowing red eyes from my dreams either, and they haunted me everywhere.

  What kind of creatures lurked in those dark, lightless areas? The thought both terrified and intrigued me.

  In the old world, curiosity was encouraged. Now it could kill you. Yet that pull to understand, to know what we were facing rather than merely hiding from it, hadn’t diminished with the fall of civilization. If anything, it had grown stronger. Knowledge was power in this new reality - knowledge of territories, of threats, of the system itself.

  The weather wasn’t as cold out now, and when I walked across for breakfast each morning, it was getting lighter, too. Instead of wearing my coat, I left it behind and seemed senseless, carrying it daily.

  Today, crossing the courtyard, I looked up at the furnace pumping out twice as much smoke as usual. That meant there was a drain on electricity. I didn’t know why.

  I shivered on seeing the rooftop. I’d not dared to venture up there again, though Leigh had tried.

  Movement caught my attention to the mess hall.

  James.

  He stood on the other side of the yard, staring at me as I walked.

  I tried not to look in his direction, but the closer I got, the more I could see of him, his eyes roaming my body. I felt nauseous thinking of him and wanted to run in the other direction.

  His gaze made my skin crawl in a way that even the monsters never had. Predators came in many forms in this world, and I’d learned to identify most of them. The hunger in James’s eyes was unmistakable - not for food or territory, but for power, for dominance. I’d seen similar looks before, in the eyes of raiders we’d avoided on the road.

  “Cerys!”

  I spun around, seeing Leigh waving me to her frantically. “Need an extra hand in the furnace. Come on.”

  I rushed to her. “What is it?”

  “Come on,” she didn’t answer my question, just rushing me down into the depths below.

  The warning lights were flashing as soon as I got to my station, the young girl there almost falling over picking up her shovel. “I got this,” I said and gently took it off her.

  Together, Leigh and I shoveled and shoveled. Hour after hour, they brought us food. Which we ate while someone gave us a short break, but that was it.

  My back was aching, my fingers bleeding.

  Finally, the draw on the heat stopped, and we were back in the green. “Thank the gods for that,” Leigh said.

  “What was that?” I risked asking her again, hoping for a real answer.

  Leigh sighed. “That was an attack on the outer defense wall. It’s covered in electric cabling. Keeps us protected from the really big monsters out there.”

  I swallowed. “That was hours of attack.”

  “Yes, when they come, they really come.”

  I tried to imagine what kind of creatures could sustain an assault of that duration and intensity. The monsters we’d encountered on the road had been dangerous but mostly solitary predators - opportunistic hunters rather than organized attackers. This sounded different. More purposeful. More intelligent, perhaps.

  Our shift change came, and we let them take over. Leigh ushered me to the showers.

  My arms and legs were like lead. I really didn’t want to scrub, but I did. I needed it, the water splashing up my back, like gentle fingers massaging my knots.

  “See you in the mess hall,” Leigh called.

  A while later, I heard the door open again. It wasn’t unusual for someone else to join me on one of the other blocks.

  “Listen carefully and just keep scrubbing,” the voice said.

  I froze, my heart pounding in my chest. That sounded like a guy, but the voice was someone I knew, I just couldn’t place it. Plus there should be no guys in here! I put the soap back and finished washing my hair off, just in case he tried anything.

  My mind cycled through options rapidly. Weapon? None available. Escape route? Only the door, and he was blocking it. Alert others? Possible, but would they reach me in time? I tensed, ready to defend myself if necessary. Three years on the road had taught me that hesitation could be fatal.

  “What do you want?” I asked, though I tried not to let it, my voice shook as much as the water pumping through the pipes.

  “Your brother’s going to be in the arena in the next week.”

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  What? I wanted to ask, but I did as the voice said. I kept scrubbing. My time would be up soon, anyway. Showers and water didn’t last forever. Once per day was all we got. I was lucky today I’d extra time due to the workload.

  “I can get you in so that you can watch, but this is a big but. You can’t do anything to draw attention to yourself. You must keep quiet. If they find out you got in, they will trace it back to me.”

  “Why would you help me?” I asked.

  “Your brother has skill. There are people here who will abuse that. Some of us don’t want to live by Maggie’s rules.”

  An underground resistance? The concept was both surprising and logical. No system of control was ever perfect. There were always cracks, always those who chafed under authority. The question was whether I could trust them, or if this was another form of manipulation.

  The clunking noise, telling me my shower was out, made me shiver. Cold water would follow. I turned my tap off.

  “Go,” the voice said. “I’ll be here, this time next week, to pass you the details. Be ready.”

  I left the shower without another word and prayed this next week would go quickly.

  ***

  It wasn’t going quickly.

  Not at all.

  A day passed. Another.

  So, fucking slow.

  Everything I did, frustrated me.

  Time frustrated me even more.

  The waiting was excruciating. For years, my life had been defined by constant movement, constant vigilance, constant decision-making. Now I was trapped in this holding pattern, powerless to accelerate events, forced to trust strangers with my brother’s fate. The inaction itself was a form of torture.

  I was back working with Kat, and though she worked hard and all, her not talking at all was bugging me. I wanted to talk; I wanted more information.

  Mostly though I actually missed Asled. “Can you ask him if I can see him later tonight? Usual place?”

  Kat looked at me, then simply said. “You really don’t get it do you?”

  “Get what?” I asked, then shied away.

  “That we can’t win, that they always get what they want.”

  I swallowed. “James moved Asled, didn’t he?”

  Kat nodded. “I’m sorry,” she said. “Out to one of the farms. Outside the gates.”

  “Why me?”

  “Why any new woman,” Kat said. “We’ve all been James’ target.”

  “He targeted you too?”

  Kat looked away, and physically shivered. “I’m glad it’s not me anymore, but Cerys. He’s dangerous. Keep clear of him if you can.”

  The implication was clear, and it matched my own instincts about James. He was a predator who systematically isolated vulnerable women. The revelation that this was a pattern rather than a personal fixation was both reassuring and horrifying. It wasn’t about me specifically, but it suggested an established behavior that the leadership either condoned or ignored.

  “Is that why you won’t talk to me?”

  “I feel guilty,” she admitted.

  “What James does is not your fault.”

  “Do you like Asled?”

  “Like him? As—”

  “More than a friend?”

  I sighed. “I don’t know,” I replied. “I’ve never met people before, or those I could like, call friends. My last friends were before the fall.”

  “Bit like all of us,” she said.

  “You like him?”

  “Yes,” she said. “A lot.”

  “Does he not know?”

  She was shaking her head. “Everyone James touches is ruined.” I didn’t know what to say to her. “I’ll pass your message on,” she said. Then she left me.

  I showered and ate dinner alone, hoping that he might show up that night, I went out and sat by the herb gardens and waited.

  And waited.

  Waiting sucked, when it was past 8.30, I pushed myself up and was about to leave, almost bumping straight into him.

  “Oh,” I said, hand to mouth, Asled steadied me, hands on my shoulder.

  “I thought you’d have gone,” he said, gazing down at me.

  “I was going,” I replied.

  “Stay, just a little while.”

  I took a step back and he let me go. “Okay,” I replied.

  “You asked to see me,” he said, his voice low.

  “I’ve missed you.”

  “Really?” His eyes lit up and when he reached for my hand, I let him.

  “I don’t want you to get into trouble though.”

  “I snuck out, lets walk.”

  “What about James?”

  “He’s outside the wall, on patrol. We have some time.”

  Relief washed through me at the news that James was far away. It was revealing how much mental space he occupied even when not physically present - a constant shadow over interactions, a threat to be calculated and navigated. This was what power looked like in this new world - not just control over resources, but control over emotions, relationships, safety.

  I smiled at that, and together we walked the gardens, where no one else was, just us. We sat, and we talked, and I told him about my visit to the shower. “Some guy was in your shower room?”

  “I don’t know how, but yes.”

  He was struggling with that. “I can try and find out who.”

  “As long as he gets me a pass to see my brother.”

  “Is that really a good idea?”

  I sighed and he squeezed my hand pulling me in to him a little closer. “I wish I could come in with you.”

  “I wish you could too. But… it’s probably not good for either of us.”

  “Don’t worry about me,” he said.

  “But you’re outside in the farms? Aren’t there monsters?”

  “There are, we have good patrols to protect us.”

  I hadn’t noticed how close we’d gotten but the night cold hadn’t affected me, and I liked this. Being close to him. When I looked up, he drew me in even closer, and slid the hair from out my eyes.

  “I want to kiss you,” he said.

  Heat spread through me, and I shocked myself. “I want you too.”

  The admission surprised me even as I spoke it. In our years of survival, romance had been an unimaginable luxury - as irrelevant as designer clothes or gourmet meals. Those parts of me had been locked away, dormant. Now they were awakening, reminding me that I was more than just a survivor, more than just Reece’s protector. I was also a young woman with desires and needs of my own.

  Slowly, he moved in closer, and closer. I could feel his breath on my skin, then his lips gently touched mine.

  I shivered.

  “Cold?” he asked.

  “No,” I said. “Not cold.”

  “Oh,” he smiled. “I should get you back though. I have to be over the wall before they close the gates.”

  “Which gates?” I asked, thinking of only a possible escape.

  “East,” he replied never questioning me why.

  “Stay safe,” I said about to leave him. But he didn’t let go of me. So I turned to look at him.

  “Can I see you again, soon?” He asked.

  “I’ll wait for you again in a few days” I said. “Come find me then.”

  He nodded, and pulled me in tight to him, kissing me once again.

  With his body so close to mine, I felt wonderful. But we couldn’t let him be spotted by anyone heading out, so we parted ways before the herb gardens, and I watched which way he snuck off.

  The next time I saw him I hoped I could follow him and see his exact route. That might be important.

  Walking back to my bunk, guilt flooded through me. I was still planning to escape, and just like Leigh said, that would hurt him. I would hurt him.

  The guilt was a luxury I couldn’t afford. For years, my only moral imperative had been clear: keep Reece alive. Everything else - comfort, connection, even basic decency sometimes - had been secondary to that prime directive. Now new attachments were forming, complicating the equation. But could I really abandon my brother for the possibility of romance? For comfort? For belonging?

  I didn’t like that idea, and thoughts of staying drifted through my mind instead. If I stayed, if Reece stayed, trained with them, wouldn’t it be a normal life?

  Closing my door behind me, I leaned on it. An escape plan was forming in my head, but I needed to see Reece first, to talk to him. I knew that fete might be impossible. Perhaps just getting out and getting to the library again would be enough, to read the rest of Mom’s journal. Learn more.