Hello. Welcome back to the show, or book…whichever applies best. In case you forgot, a bunch of dipshits doing a dream-adventure in Izzy's brain, just entered Duffy's brain to buy more time... Because that's how dream science works. You don’t know any differently. Prove me wrong.

  Lawg blinked as a plate sat down in front of him with a large fillet mignon and fixings. Izzy was sitting there with him, holding a martini she didn’t order.

  “Why do we always start in a bar? Is this D and D game or something?” Izzy asked with an annoyed look. Lawg smiled, sipping his own beverage.

  “I’m not complaining, a bar is the same as a restaurant for me. I can practically survive on margaritas alone.” Lawg said with a shrug. "I do enjoy food though."

  “Where’s the rest of us?” she asked.

  “Good question, a question for after dessert.”

  “Lawg, we got work to do.” Izzy scolded.

  "But I just got my food.” He whined as classical music played softly from the live orchestra band and the cloche was removed from their main dishes. Greg shook his head, trying to orient himself.

  “Wait…did I miss something?” Marley asked.

  “I think we got here different times.” Greg agreed, as Lawg cut into his steak.

  “What took you guys so long?” Izzy asked.

  “Like we have any control over this?” Greg scoffed. “This is your dream!”

  “I thought this was Duffy’s dream?” Lawg asked, admiring his Mignon. Lil hunk of meat, kinda pink in the middle.

  “We’re in Duffy’s dream, within Izzy’s dream.” Greg reminded.

  “Well that doesn’t make sense.” Marley pointed out. “I get a dream within a dream concept, deeper and deeper into the subconscious and stuff for extracting information…”

  “or planting ideas..” reminded Izzy.

  “You can’t plant ideas, it’s impossible. Cant be done.” Lawg muttered.

  “Anyway…” Marley growled. “How can someone else dream within Izzy’s dream? Isn’t this all her dream regardless? The dream machine in here isn’t real, it’s just a representation of one, so how can we be in Duffy’s dream if we’re already in Izzy’s dream? You could do multiple layers of the same person but this Duffy should be a projection of Izzy, so how can a dream person have a dream we can experience?”

  "Science.” Lawg shrugged.

  “No, it makes no sense.” Marley objected further. It’s not Wifi, it’s a dream state. Sharing a dream is already borderline iffy, but Duffy thinks she’s dreaming within Izzy’s dream, why are we here too? Shouldn’t we just be projections of Duffy’s imagination?”

  “Maybe we are.” Lawg squinted, lifting his fork.

  “Lawg, stop eating digital steak and pay attention.” Izzy scolded.

  “My steak will get cold. You know how long it’s been since I had a steak?” he sighed. “All I eat is protein and sugar goop with alcohol, it's everything the body needs when piloting a rundown shitty lil flying vehicle and a crew of rag-tag survivors, but it has no flavor or substance. It’s just ration slop. I haven’t had a real steak in a year.”

  "You still haven’t, it’s not a real steak.” Marley reminded. “We’re in an alien’s computer matrix brain, that steak is just ones and zeros…or whatever they use in their matrix. Could be Q’s and batman symbols, I dunno.”

  “You know?” Lawg said staring lovingly at the piece of meat “I know this steak doesn’t exist. I know that when I put it in my mouth, Izzy’s computer matrix is telling my brain that it is juicy, and delicious. After 9 days with you people, you know what I realize?” he asked taking the bite.

  “Ignorance is bliss?” asked Marley?

  “Nope.” Lawg said looking sad. “That Osirian tastebuds are completely different, and this is a lot less cooked than I wanted.” He said spitting out the lukewarm blue-rare nugget of "beef" into a fancy napkin. “And where is Duffy?” asked Lawg. Marley lightly nudged him for attention, pointing up in disbelief as his jaw dropped and Lawg noticed, his own eyes bugging out.

  The lights dimmed and a spotlight hit the stage in a very classic 20’s to 50’s manner, as he light sparkled off Duffy’s slinky and entirely sequin-covered red dress. An old Earth classic, vaguely reminiscent to Sinatra but still different enough to void copyright, began playing.

  “Didn’t know Duffy was a stage performer and singer.” Marley noted.

  “It’s her subconscious, so she probably just imagined being a singer.” Greg shrugged. "She must have repressed fantasies about a romanticized history."

  “Damn, she’s actually really good.” Izzy noted.

  “No she’s not." Marley yawned "Duffy can’t hold a tune in a bucket. Her subconscious is just projecting what she hears in her mind. Kinda like how she’s being carried around by shirtless men that would never be interested in real life.”

  “Wait…so anything in our subconscious sexuality, will just be right out in the open when we go into someone’s mind if they are currently thinking about sex when we go into their mind?” asked Lawg.

  “Very possible, this isn't exact science." Greg noted.

  “We gotta go into Marley’s mind if this doesn’t work and we need more time.” Lawg blurted awkwardly.

  “You don’t want us knowing your deepest darkest secrets, do you?” smirked Marley.

  “I just think it’s probably better in your mind. That’s all.” He argued shoveling down his side dishes. “Gaugh, everything tastes like burnt salt and apricots.”

  “Izzy’s mind is still fueling the basic foundation, thing’s like perception of taste are apparently still under Osirian comprehension. So what’s so horrible in your mind that we can't see?” asked Greg. "You got a hint of the gays or something?"

  “Nothing. Just the usual expected wave after wave of floozies and beach parties on then coolest party planets, hot tubs full of quadruple-sec and tequila. Just what you’d expect. Nothing else. I just don’t think my mind would be very helpful and obviously Greg’s subconscious would probably just be actual-Hell, blood and death and torture dungeons full of rusty gears and despair. Marley is smart and he knows computers, it’s just more logical.” Lawg desperately explained.

  “Except I’m not entirely here, I’m just a projection because I’m watching the monitors while everyone sleeps. That’s why I can do stuff like this.” He said suddenly puffing up to a 6 foot muscular version of himself.

  “Great, everyone here get’s to be all hot except me.” He said trying to get sexy and just staying the same twiggy Lawg.

  “That’s odd.” Greg said “You can’t buff up?”

  “No, I just stay skinny. I did abruptly start smelling like engine oil.” He noted.

  “Awe, that’s adorable.” Snickered Izzy. “He’s stuck the way he is because this is Duffy’s subconscious and in her mind…he’s already the sexy version.”

  “Oh that’s precious.” Greg teased “She likes her men hard workin, covered in engine grease and apparently also scrawny and stupid.”

  “Gross guys, it’s just a glitch or something. Izzy probably hasn’t updated her browser or something.” He defended. "How many tabs do you run at once?"

  “It’s not that far fetched, Lawg and Duffy were plowin a while back, weren’t you?” asked Marley

  “N…No!” he bluffed. Izzy pinched his cheek annoyingly.

  “Oh but we’ll know when we enter the Lawg-ride and all the floosies in the pools are just Duffys. Now we know why he doesn’t want us poking around in there.” Izzy joked.

  “You guys really suck!” he whined. “Captain’s orders, for totally not that reason, we cant go into my subconscious."

  “Can’t avoid that" smiled Marley "I’m not really here. That leaves you and Greg. Hey! If I’m not really here, then I wont get to remember embarrassing Lawg.” He sighed.

  “I’ll send you the video feed.” Winked Izzy.

  “Thanks creepy lady, you’re by far my favorite Osirian.” He smiled. Lawg sighed.

  “If you’re a projection, and we can control the environment to some degree, than cant we just ask you any embarrassing question and you’d be forced to answer the way Marley would answer?" Lawg asked.

  “Sounds right.” He nodded.

  “How do you really feel about us?” asked Lawg.

  “You’re an idiot but I admire your sense of fearless adventure and as a beta-male I have no leadership qualities or confidence in myself. Despite failing constantly, you always seem super confident and happy. I admire that as well.”

  “Do Izzy.” He said, clapping like a kid

  “I think she’s terrifying and unstable but I also think she reminds me of my mom so I have an impulse to trust her without question.”

  “Do Greg, tell him how he’s a dickweed and nobody likes him.” Lawg chuckled.

  “I Envy Greg.” Marley shrugged. Lawg looked shocked.

  “Why? He’s a big blue ragemonster.”

  “He’s the Alpha male I never could be, super big and buff, so as a runt crippled with constant insecurity, I wish I was him. He’s also free of problems regarding asthma and confidence and complete lack of insecurity. He’s probably cooler than you, except I haven’t decided which of you to be friends with, because I’m waiting to see which of you is less likely get me killed. Then I’ll go with that one.”

  “What about Duffy?” asked Greg

  “Duffy’s cool but she fakes most of her confidence and she see’s me as more of a pet so I find it mildly degrading. I do however find her intellectually more similar than Lawg and we both tinker on stuff so we kinda get along as the intelligent subordinates that do the bitchwork around the ship.” He shrugged. “Plus Uka got turned into a panda and abandoned us so I don’t have many friend options anymore.

  “Wow,” sighed Lawg. "You feel a lot for a bunny."

  “I also feel like we’re wasting a lot of time not doing anything regarding the mission plot, purely so we run out of time and have to keep delving into people’s minds and learning more about each other. Anyone else get that vibe?” Marley asked.

  “Nope.” Lawg shrugged as Greg tapped his shoulder and pointed to Duffy, dancing and moving through the crowd.

  “Remember how we’re keeping your attention on Duffy in that tight dress so you’ll be thinking of it subconsciously when we go into your mind?” Greg reminded. “Not cool, man.” He said sadly.

  “So how exactly does being in Duffy’s mind help Izzy unlock her own subconscious?” Marley asked.

  “Because as part of my own dream…I don’t know exactly, but there is something like a safe of vault and I’ve hidden something in it. None of this is very exact, it’s all educated guessing and some of it’s just made up as I go. Fan out and look for a safe. This is an old speak-easy nightclub so there is probably a safe either upstairs or in the basement. I’ll check the basement.” She instructed. Greg nodded.

  “I’ll check under Duffy’s dress, Lawg can help me navigate, you’ve been under there before, right?” Greg smirked. Lawg flipped him the bird. “But seriously I’ll take the 3rd floor.” He said switching to serious. “I can break walls up there without taking down the entire building.” He nodded. Izzy nodded in agreement.

  “I’ll go with Izzy, because Greg is a big blue meanie.” Lawg nodded.

  Greg approached the stairs with Marley, as a bouncer in black stood firmly, holding a 45 and wearing a tie but no shirt. He clearly waxed. This is Duffy's world.

  “Mr. Big doesn’t want any visitors.” He said mechanically.

  “Not even…Andrew Jackson?” Greg said holding up a huge wad of money. The bouncer looked distracted.

  “BALLS!” yelled Marley, sucker punching the bouncer in the jewels. He dropped to his knees and Greg finished him with a neck-snap.

  “Sorry.” Marley shrugged. “I panicked. Went for the opportunity.”

  “It’s fine. I was trying for a more discreet entrance but this works too.” He said hauling off and landing a punch to the door. It didn’t budge. He looked confused.

  “Strong door.” Marley nodded.

  “Yea that never happens. Guess I’ll throw discretion to the wind and just go full Greg on this shit.” He yawned, rearing back and lighting his eyes up as he threw a haymaker into the door and resonated the halls. The walls cracked. Not a scratch on the door.

  “I can think of about 3 materials in existence that could handle that.” Greg pondered.

  “It’s not about brute force, Greg. This is Duffy’s mind. The doors are a strong as she wants them to be. Try thinking your way through.”

  “If I think the way I normally do, I’ll be here for hours trying to hack the mechanism, or I’ll get pissed and nuke the building.”

  “Or, we can take a minute to really imagine what Duffy would do.”

  “You know Duffy more than I do.” He shrugged.

  “Right, my bad. Okay so let’s think. Think Duffy…She knows ships and materials, so this is probably Metalite. They use it in high end shielding for war crafts and the big world conquering ships.”

  “World class Warcrafts?” Greg asked.

  “Yea basically. They sold out to the Panda planet a while back. Anyway It’s pretty much immune to heat and lasers and the force you’d need to just punch through would take down the building. We aren’t getting through that.”

  “Air vents. If Mr. Big is in there, I assume he needs air, and air needs vents.” Greg suggested.

  “And I’m conveniently just the right size to fit, aren’t I?” he asked. Greg smirked.

  “Every damn time.” He complained.

  “You just stole that idea from Greg.” Izzy sighed at Lawg.

  “No I didn’t. If this is Duffy’s dream, she’s probably shacked up with the guy in charge and if I can seduce her, we could get her to tell her secrets.” He suggested.

  “Stop thinking with your stem, Lawg.”

  “Greg was allowed to try that plan!” he pouted.

  “Ah, HA!” she caught.

  “Okay fine I stole Greg’s plan, I’m not a plan-guy, I just wanted to be useful.”

  “And play a game of Stuff the Duff.” She added with a stuffy British accent.

  “Gross, it’s called taking one for the team, Izzy.” He scoffed.

  “No, we do my plan. It’s actually smart.” She suggested, She drew an old luger and took Lawg hostage.

  “Nobody move or I shoot this innocent bystander.” She yelled.

  “I like you way less now.” He muttered. She pistol cracked him in the head to shut him up. Duffy looked intrigued as the others ran and the guards gathered around.

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  “This plan sucks, we just drew all the security on us.” Lawg muttered.

  “And away from Greg and Marley, who are more likely to find and break the safe. “Oh right, that thing we discussed. HELP, my scrawny handsome body is about to be murdered by this crazy chick.” Lawg acted.

  “Go ahead.” Duffy shrugged puffing on a classy cigarette stem in matching glossy red.

  “Shit…I thought she found you attractive.” Izzy said looking at Lawg.

  “She does but she also kinda hates me. Would you stop someone who was about to shoot Greg?” he asked.

  "Relatable. Wow, this plan does suck.” She realized.

  “Distraction, HA! He said grabbing a drink and pitching it in Izzy’s face, grabbing the gun and turning the tables.

  “What the hell?” she asked in total confusion

  “Now the tables have turned, robber person. I am not only sexy, but also tough and resourceful and good with my hands and sexy, HAZAA!” he said spinning the gun and nearly dropping it.

  “Are you seriously going with the impress Duffy plan?” Izzy asked.

  “The other thing just went to shit and I’m way too dumb for multiple plans at once.” He whispered discreetly.

  “A man of action.” Duffy said, strutting over in her high heels, wobbling slightly.

  “A man of action and smartness, and also sex appeal and danger." he said suavely "Now that we’ve caught this…thief or whatever she was doing…we should put her in the vault for safe keeping and then go to the office of whoever is in charge, and have sweet fornication in their office…for the danger and excitement.” He said with the acting skills of a turnip, or that brunette from those tella-novellas. You know the one.

  “You think I’m that dense?” Duffy asked. Lawg pondered the question.

  “I prefer the word full-figured but I’m afraid to say anything that would offend a big gal like you.”

  “Dense…never mind. You’re with her, and whatever you are planning in the vault isn’t going to work. It’s only accessible from the inside, and Mr. Big’s office is 2 floors below the vault, that’s 2 floors of concrete and Metalite sheets.” grinned evil Duffy.

  “So we’re caught. Can I at least have that sex part?” he asked.

  “Sure.” She sighed, lowering her gun.

  “What just happened?” asked Izzy.

  “I got a plan, just roll with it. Roll with the Lawg, Izzy.” He whispered.

  Izzy looked mad, pulling on her handcuffs again as she stared at the door to Mr. Big’s office from the outside. The pipes were apparently stupid-strong metal as well, so she wasn’t going anywhere.

  “You are a strange man” Duffy said circling him strategically. Lawg heard a thumping sound in the vent.

  “Yes, and strange mystery can be very…mysterious.” He said raising an eyebrow.

  “Stop talking, you’re making yourself far less attractive every time you talk.” She said approaching him. “Why do you keep looking at the vent?” she asked.

  “Because I’m so hot for you, I need air conditioning?” he said half unsure.

  “If you got a man in that vent, he’s as good as dead. Those vents are as cold and airless as space. It would take a Delmarian to survive long enough to go anywhere, and Delmarians are too big to fi-” she said as the vent fell and Marley landed on her, knocking her out cold as he gasped for air. Lawg shrieked and grabbed her gun, not recognizing Marley in his black spy gear. He forgot his voice modulator was still on.

  “Lawg…drop the gun!” he said menacingly. Lawg shrieked and fired, hitting him in the face and dropping him. Izzy banged on the door. Lawg rushed to it and opened it. She ran in, still cuffed and grabbed a gun as well, noticing Marley with a hole in his mask.

  “You shot Marley?” she asked.

  "No." he answered.

  "Let me rephrase that without the question mark. YOU SHOT MARLEY!"

  “That’s Marley? Oh shit, I killed him!” he shrieked.

  “Stop freaking out, this is a dream. If he dies, he either just wakes up or reboots.”

  “Hey guy’s what’s happening?” Marley said walking into the room in his casual attire. “Is that a dead me?” he asked.

  “Duffy shot you, she couldn’t help it, don’t blame her.” Lawg barked. Marley squinted skeptically

  “Dude…you shot me!” he said looking disappointed

  “No…Duffy.” He said blaming the unconscious chick and waving a loaded gun.

  “Hey careful dumbass, if you kill her, we get pulled out of-” Izzy started as everything got bright. It went dark again and they all sat up from the snow, the whole team. Duffy looked annoyed.

  “Okay, who killed me?” she asked.

  “Marley did it. Dropped a vent on your head.” Lawg pointed.

  “Yea, but you shot me in the face!” Mine wasn’t my fault, I just got stuck in a flimsy vent. You freaked out and shot me!” Marley yelled. "Maybe you shot Duffy!"

  “Someone scrapped the mission. I was this close to getting through that door.” Greg nagged.

  “Everyone shut up…listen.” Izzy said dramatically as the big butt song rumbled through the woods.

  “We’re screwed. We got less than a minute. Even if we go into Log’s brain, that’s like 10 minutes max before we wake up."

  "We’ve dicked away almost 17 pages trying to find whatever we’re looking for." Greg sighed.

  "We’re screwed.” Marley shrugged.

  “Not if we go 2 more layers deep.” Greg suggested. Lawg eyes got very large.

  “NoooooOOO0000!” squealed Lawg.

  “We have to. That buys us maybe 100 minutes.” Greg suggested.

  “But it’s gonna be bad in there.” Lawg whined.

  “Not for very long, we just go into my mind as fast as possible, immediately jump into Lawg’s mind and you’ll only experience like…30 seconds of my mind.” said Greg.

  "Won’t we be totally vulnerable in your mind for the ten minutes we’re asleep? Can we possibly survive for 10 minutes in that nightmare?” asked Duffy.

  “…Sure. Why not?” Greg shrugged with a look of no confidence.

  “We can't, it wont work!” protested Lawg.

  “Why not?” asked Marley.

  “Because it’s too scary!” Lawg said almost crying. Marley slapped him.

  “Put your big girl panties on, you big, soppy man-bitch. This is for the Empire, and it’s not even real. If we die, we either just get pooted back out here or it reboots us.”

  “I don’t wanna get repooted, it sounds painful.” Lawg whined.

  “IT IS! ESPECIALLY WHEN SOMEONE SHOOTS YOU IN THE FACE!” Marley yelled, jumping on hiss back and jamming the USB in his neck. Everyone began logging in, as the song neared it’s last booty reference.

  “Greg…how bad is this gonna be?” asked Izzy, as they were the last 2.

  “Probably not that bad. Not all of my subconscious is a nightmare.” He said plugging in.

  Greg sat up and looked around.

  “Well, fuck me in the beard. I stand corrected, this is gonna get real bad.” He corrected.

  “Why? Where are we?” asked Duffy.

  “Nowhere important, everyone plug in and pay no attention to the blood on the walls.” Izzy said with a terrified look of false confidence. Greg quickly flipped the switch.

  “Everyone woke up again, on a beach. Marley, Duffy and Izzy.

  “That was alarming…Where’s Greg?” Marley asked.

  "I think he stayed behind to protect us.” Izzy said looking around.

  “From what?” asked Duffy. “I didn’t have time to really see anything except a dark room and bloody walls.

  “That’s probably a good thing. Anyway this is Lawg’s dream, so who knows Lawg best and where would he hide his secrets?”

  “Password is gonna be password, bet you a dollar.” Marley muttered.

  “He’s probably correct about that.” Duffy agreed.

  “Hopefully the location is just as obvious.” Izzy sighed.

  “Look for a big piece of ship paneling, like a roof section with a safe welded into it.” Marley suggested. “I’m not even kidding. This man has no creativity and his brain can’t even load the whole dream. Look, the render distance is smaller than a freaking mineblock server. He can’t even load the rest of it, we don’t have much to sift through.

  “WHO DARES ENTER MY KINGDOM!?” bellowed a voice from everywhere.

  “Does Lawg have any grand narcissistic tendencies?” asked Izzy.

  “Kinda seems that way.” Said Marley as a beam of light shined down and a solid gold man in a purple cape descended with a superhero floaty stance. A very generic and cheesy soundtrack resembling cheap 70 porno music began playing over an angelic choir.

  “If you weren’t invited…you must pay the price.” Boomed God-Lawg as a set of stone pillars rose from the sand.

  “How dark can Lawg’s mind get?” Izzy whispered.

  “Not sure.’ Marley shrugged. Lawg's face turned to a smile.

  “Luckily, it’s ladies drink free night!” Lawg shouted as the hovering disco ball lit up and the pillars materialized obscenely large mixed drinks. The music turned to salsa dance and confetti rained down as the floozies danced into the mix.

  “What’s the price for me?” asked Marley.

  “Are you with the hotties, small furry child?” GodLawg asked.

  “Lawg, I'm your best friend, aside from maybe Jack or Hose`.”

  “Close enough!” he boomed, materializing a smaller drink. “But only the first is free, everything else is cash-bar for dudes." he added.

  “Awe man, it’s gonna be like a theme park where the food and drinks are like 20 bucks a pop.” Sighed Marley.

  “Bring forth thine Staff of limbo!” he roared triumphantly as a blonde rose from the sand and held out a glowing gold stick.

  "This is like the 70's had a baby with Hawaii." Izzy whispered.

  “Begin the celebrations!” Lawg roared, as his long blonde hair sprouted forth and waved in the wind of his own glorious glutinosity. He began doing a floating air-disco as his gold body sprouted a crushed velvet suit and heels. Music played, and the bar descended to the correct limbo height. Hot tubs and sand-women began sprouting from the beach as smaller Lawgs began appearing behind the Jacuzi's built-in minibars, dancing on their marble platforms and spinning pineapples and booze bottles.

  “I’ll be honest…I expected this exact thing. Sure it’s embarrassing, but we already knew this. I thought there was gonna be something REALLY embarrassing as well.” Marley shouted over the music. "I bet Greg's subconscious isn't as bas as we expected either." he smiled. "It's nice how everyone's darkest reality is slightly less intimidating than we feared. Says a lot about our friendships." he smiled.

  Greg let out a roar of rage, drawing a pair of bone-swords from his back and decapitating a zombie version of himself, spraying blue blood over the others, laying in a circle with their USB ports plugged in.

  “Just ten minutes, this is fine.” He growled as the walls began crawling with bugs, each of them just a bloody skull with spindly legs made of sharpened metal and rusty nails. The giant stone wall glowed and split open, melting an opening as another Greg stepped inside the room. It has no skin and its eye sockets were filled with miniature Greg-skulls. Black ink ran from its needle-like teeth as the undead eyes opened a set of their own teeth. They spoke in unison.

  “Sleep forever, where the darkness of the soul drowns in gold." it moaned.

  "... that is just horrifying.” Greg smiled, readying his swords. "Hurry up, dipshits."

  The scene abruptly changed to the tropical beach.

  "We should play along, gainGodLawg's trust." Izzy said, donning her sunglasses."

  "He is easy to manipulate." Yawned Marley, munching on snacks as a furry bimbo massaged his shoulders. "I give it 2 minutes and he'll just give us the damn vault."

  “Not gonna lie, this place is kinda great. I wonder how Greg is doing...” Izzy yawned, slipping further into her personal hot tub.

  “DIE IN HELL!”” snarled Greg, slowly ripping off the upper skull of his undead self, as a spray of molten iron and more spiders shot out with a demonic scream.

  “I AM IN CONTROL OF MY OWN DREAMS!!” he roared maniacally, his eyes glowing white as he began laughing and engulfing in flames. The walls began splitting and writhing as shiny black talons rose up around the room to devour it. The floor began crawling like snake scales, as a black sunrise illuminated the floating chunk of world with a darkened light. The surrounding foundation drifted away into the black-hole sun as billions of corpses orbited it like a disc of doom.

  "I AM NOT A MONSTER!!!" he roared as flames poured from his nostrils.

  “I bet he’s fine. That guy does good with-” Marley started saying, then suddenly booping out of existence.

  “What just happened?” Duffy asked.

  "I think he either woke up or died in another layer. Maybe Greg isn't doing so good, we should hurry." Izzy nodded. "Waiting game isn't working."

  “Shit, shit, shit…” Greg said ducking under a giant grim reaper scythe as he tried to pat out Marley, who was on fire from the dragon's breath.

  “Marley sat up, feeling oddly warm for being in the snow. He looked around at the rest of the group, who was still plugged in and lying in the snow of Izzy's subconcious, lifelessly. Other Izzy stood confused in the near distance.

  “You guys have a very different definition of a party.” She said as Samson scratched his chin.

  “They alright?” he asked. Marley staggered up and unplugged his USB as the big butt song neared the ending bass thump.

  “Crap, someone killed me again. I was chillin in the hot tub, what the eff happened…Greg you dingus.” He said kicking Greg in the leg and the tree branch near him sloughed off a small amount of snow, hitting unconscious Greg's face.

  “Greg let out a cry of rage, clawing his way out of the ribcage of a giant alien centipede beast, as he noticed it was snowing.

  “What the hell?” he asked aloud, looking back to see if Izzy and Duffy were still alive.

  Caribbean steel drums played as Izzy and Duffy ran across the beach dramatically to the anticlimactic music.

  “There is the ship roof.” Yelled Duffy, adjusting her bikini top as she slid in for the safe. She quickly typed in “password” and it went green.

  “It worked!” she yelled as the environment went white. Her and Izzy stood in nothingness, as a wall of TV screens faded into existence.

  “This is odd.” Duffy muttered. The big fancy chrome chair in the middle swiveled around and Lawg, sat patiently drumming his fingers on the back of a white cat.

  “Who are you?” asked Duffy.

  “I am William…the architect of this world, and possibly some kind of awesome classic spy villain.”

  “Like some kind of creator?” asked Izzy.

  “Sure, or some other ominous villain knockoff. What matters now is a choice. One of you must make the choice, a sacrifice." he chuckled.

  “I knew he was secretly a maniacal villain.” Duffy sighed.

  “A choice to know one secret and not know another.” He grinned.

  “Oh, that’s not as bad.” Duffy corrected.

  “To the left is a door, to the right…another door. Both of them open.”

  “We’ve seen doors Lawg, this is kinda time sensitive.” Duffy snipped.

  "Behind the door to your left is the answer to a question, to the right is the answer to a question as well…different questions.” He said looking self-confused.

  “Wow, he’s even stupid as a god.” Izzy whispered.

  “Damnit ladies.” He sighed. “I literally exist for this one moment in time and all I get to do is present the doors, just let me be cool and ominous.” He begged, stroking the kitty and putting on some white sunglasses.

  “Okay, okay.” Said Izzy with an eye roll.

  “To the right is the information Izzy seeks. It may be the key to everything but it may not be what you want. Good or bad, the answer is correct and concrete, and malleable, and also photosynthesis.” He said dramatically.

  "Stop using words you don’t understand to sound smart.” Duffy scolded.

  “Indubitably. You go right, and Izzy get’s her mission data back, you go left and you learn Lawg’s most embarrassing personal secret that nobody would ever guess.”

  “That’s a tough one.” Duffy nodded.

  “No it’s not, this it the mission, right here. Literally to the right of here. Do we have to answer or just go through it?” asked Izzy.

  “Yea but, there has been a lot leading up to this big reveal. I kinda wanna know what Lawg’s big weirdness is. Is it kinky and gross and we can make fun of him for it? Is it horrible and dark and something we wish we didn’t ever find out about?” she asked as the architect slammed his fist for attention.

  “No hints or freebies, just pick. And if you can't decide…you can fight for it…in this kiddy pool full of lime Jello.” He grinned.

  “Right door.” They both sighed.

  “Wh…seriously? I can’t have this one thing?” God-Lawg pouted.

  “If we Jello wrestle can we have both answers, or does it just give the winner the choice?” asked Duffy. Izzy looked at her with a slow annoyed turn. Duffy looked kinda indifferent. “What? We can have both things, don’t tell me you never got a little lesbo after a hot tub party and a bunch of dream cocktails.” She finished. Lawg face-palmed and let the cat go. It ran away and turned into pixels.

  “I can’t just let you have both, I’m not allowed to. My existence is purely to make you choose something.” He sighed dramatically.

  “Crap, oh well. Right door I guess.” shrugged Duffy.

  “Fine. Go get your stupid answers. Careful not to trip and fall into the awesome party wrestling pool of surprisingly liquidy gelatin. That would be horrible.” Lawg said casually pitching his sunglasses in annoyance. “Just leave me here all bored and alone and shit. I get it. Pretty embarrassing secret to the left, I’m just saying. Tempting.”

  "Sorry manifestation of Lawg's need to be a discount diety, but we have no time for games." Duffy said

  "Time compression…you got hours, potentially days to kill." he shrugged as the big booty song began rumbling through the walls. "Okay, so more like 2 minutes and something." he said angrily waving them on. They rushed through the door and everything went white…then everything went very dark red. They sat up, covered in viscera and bone fragments.

  "What the literal hell is that!?" Duffy yelled as Greg hacked off a finger from a massive creature resembling Greg but also everything bad in the universe. Spider legs, webbed together like wings and horrifically distorted limbs made of barbed wire and raw muscle, coursing with electricity and molten metal. Greg turned with a smile.

  "Oh good your back, time to go." He said rushing at them with the sword.

  "So how do we get-" Duffy said suddenly sitting up in the cold-ass snow and grabbing her neck. Lawg looked very horrified and frozen as Izzy wheezed and rubbed her neck as well. Greg sat up abruptly, coughing and fumbling frantically for booze.

  "Everyone okay?" he wheezed, shakily chugging mystery-bottle liquid.

  "Did you just murder us?" snipped Izzy. Greg looked guilty.

  "Firstly…I WOKE you both from a really terrible nightmare you really didn’t wanna stay in any longer. Then I WOKE myself."

  "By cutting our heads off with a sword?" Izzy asked.

  "You just always have to focus on the negative side, how about "Thanks Greg, for the quick and easy exit from a nightmare where we would likely have been turned into hamburger while still alive." He said dramatically.

  "What kind of horrible fantasy was that?" Lawg asked.

  "It's not a fantasy, I don’t sculpt it to my liking, it's subconscious. That was just a combination of memories, experiences and repressed feelings from thousands of years of war and genetic experimenting and regenerating from the brink of death and torture…plus probably some creative elements. I made that big sword. That was a sick sword. Tell me that wasn’t the baddest sword ever?"

  "That WAS a sick sword." agreed Lawg.

  "Let's just get out of there." Izzy said standing up and noticing other Izzy and Samson watching and eating popcorn.

  "Any super easy ways of suicide you guys can think of?" she asked.

  "I got a death button." Marley said producing a random remote with a single red button. It just said "dead" on it. He booped it and they all woke up back in the ship.

  "Did we win?" asked Lawg. Izzy looked both worried and determined.

  "I remember the mission data files." she said dramatically with a sudden fade to black. The black remained for a good lengthy single run-on sentence with numerous places for punctuation that always seemed to find more ways of stringing out the sentence, thus adding to the dramatic blackness that followed Izzy's statement. And then it stopped. Or did it? It has to end eventually. Maybe not. It's entirely up to me. I haven't decided.

  Okay fine. I'm done.