I have to admit, I don’t think I’m very good at this. I must have started and stopped writing this half a dozen times by now. I’m not quite sure what I want to say. I’m not quite sure how to begin. I’m not at all sure what this is even supposed to be.

  A last will and testament? A memoir? Whatever it is, I do hope you end up enjoying it. Whoever you are.

  This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

  Elaina, if you’re reading this: don’t assume I’m dead. Don’t assume anyone is dead. Ever. That’s a mistake you can never afford to make in our line of work.

  And yes, of course you get everything I have. I love you, baby girl. I promise I’ll see you soon. Even if it has to be from the Upper Planes. If they’ll have me.

  For everyone else: my name is William Moxxey, and this is my story.