Intern’s Log: Can I Get a Vacation in a Non-Extradition Country?

  Date: [ASAP]

  Intern ID: Reynolds, J. (I am in too deep. I need to disappear.)

  I have endured the following in the past few months:

  ? Accidentally helped create an independent bear nation.

  ? Gave a power-hungry raccoon a genetically enhanced queen.

  ? Was abducted and probed by an alien who hates my life choices.

  ? Got roped into a “family visit” where my mother met her “grandkids.”

  ? Survived Vicky meeting the “nice girl” my mother is trying to set me up with.

  And now?

  Now I just want to disappear.

  I need a break.

  I need a reset.

  I need to be in a country that does not recognize international law.

  So I casually mentioned this to Bandit.

  And now I regret everything.

  Phase One: Bandit Thinks This Is a Great Idea

  I was just venting.

  "I need a vacation."

  "Mm-hmm." Bandit barely looked up from whatever scheming he was doing.

  "No, like, a real vacation."

  "And?"

  "In a non-extradition country."

  He perked up immediately.

  "Oh! Well, why didn’t you say so?"

  I should have kept my mouth shut.

  Phase Two: Bandit Has Options

  He rolled out a literal map and started listing safe zones.

  ? Argentina – Too many eyes.

  ? Belarus – Questionable.

  ? Uzbekistan – Probably fine, but do you really want to disappear there?

  ? Mongolia – Actually, wait, didn't he invade that place for barbecue?

  Then he grinned.

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  "How do you feel about Madagascar?"

  I blinked.

  "…Why Madagascar?"

  "Because," Bandit said knowingly, "it is perfect."

  I do not trust him.

  Phase Three: The “Plan” (That I Am Definitely Not Going Along With)

  According to Bandit, Madagascar is:

  ? Strategically isolated.

  ? Not controlled by any major powers.

  ? Has excellent beaches.

  ? Has enough instability that “one extra person” wouldn’t raise questions.

  ? And, most importantly, it is a prime location for future expansion."

  I paused.

  "Expansion of what?"

  He smirked.

  "Don’t worry about it."

  I worry about it.

  Phase Four: Vicky and Goldie Find Out

  At some point, Vicky and Goldie caught wind of my plan.

  Goldie, being practical, asked:

  "Why do you wish to leave?"

  I took a deep breath.

  "Because I need a break."

  Vicky raised an eyebrow.

  "Oh? And is this ‘break’ meant to be temporary, or are you running?"

  I did not answer.

  Which was an answer.

  Vicky smirked knowingly.

  "Oh, Reynolds. You know we’ll find you."

  I hate her.

  Phase Five: The Problem With Trying to Escape

  ? The bears will track me.

  ? The raccoons will follow the money.

  ? The alien has already abducted me once and can do it again.

  ? *Bandit wants to come with me, which means I’m never truly free.

  ? My mother would somehow still find a way to guilt-trip me into coming home.

  There is no escape.

  There is no safe place.

  I am trapped.

  And this is my life now.

  Final Thoughts (I Am Doomed)

  ? I tried to disappear.

  ? Bandit wants to come with me.

  ? Vicky and Goldie will track me.

  ? My alien captor will probably retrieve me anyway.

  ? I will never be free of my mother’s matchmaking attempts.

  I don’t know what happens next.

  But I do know this—

  There is no leaving the chaos.

  I am in it for life.

  End Log.