Intern’s Log: Getting to Know the ‘Nice Girl’ on My Vacation (Because, Of Course, Bandit Brought Her Along)
Date: [Somewhere Between Accepting My Fate and Contemplating the Ocean]
Intern ID: Reynolds, J. (I am being set up, and I am too tired to fight it.)
So.
I tried to escape.
I tried to take a vacation.
Somewhere remote. Isolated.
Somewhere without extradition.
Somewhere where no one could find me.
And yet…
Here I am.
On a beach.
In Madagascar.
With Bandit.
With Vicky.
With Goldie, who is observing humans like we’re part of a nature documentary.
And.
With.
Her.
The nice girl.
Because of course Bandit brought her.
Because of course I am now on a forced vacation with a woman my mother picked out for me.
And you know what?
I am too exhausted to argue.
Phase One: The Moment I Realized She Was Here
It started normally.
(Well, normally for my life, which means only mild existential dread.)
I was finally relaxing.
I had a beer.
I was watching the sunset, trying to forget that I had:
? Created sentient bears.
? Given a raccoon dictator a queen.
? Gotten abducted and probed by an alien.
? Accidentally attracted the attention of cosmic horrors.
And then—
Someone cleared their throat behind me.
I turned.
And there she was.
The ‘nice girl.’
Sitting very comfortably on the lounge chair next to mine.
Smirking.
"Took you long enough to notice."
Phase Two: The Conversation I Wasn’t Ready For
I just stared.
Then, slowly, I looked at Bandit.
Who was watching from the bar.
Grinning.
Holding up his drink in silent victory.
I sighed.
Turned back to her.
"So. He dragged you here too?"
"Dragged?" she laughed. "Oh, no. I volunteered."
That was when I knew I was in trouble.
Phase Three: Who Is She?
Okay.
Let’s get one thing straight.
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She’s not just some random girl my mother picked.
She knows things.
? She works in biotech.
? She knew about classified research I shouldn’t have been able to talk about.
? She wasn’t freaked out when Goldie walked by, casually carrying a coconut in her bear-sized hands.
? She was completely unbothered by Bandit’s existence.
Which means…
She’s involved.
Somehow.
Phase Four: The Part Where I Have to Accept She’s Interesting
I tried not to get pulled in.
Tried not to care.
But she was smart.
She was funny.
She understood everything I was saying without me having to explain the insanity of my life.
And the worst part?
I actually liked talking to her.
This is very bad.
Because that means my mother was right.
And I am not emotionally equipped to handle that.
Phase Five: The Moment She Proved She Belonged Here
At one point, we were walking along the beach.
Bandit and Vicky were arguing about something stupid.
Goldie was watching the waves like she was contemplating the meaning of life.
And the ‘nice girl’?
She turned to me and said:
"So… when do you think the first interspecies war will start?"
I choked on my drink.
"Excuse me?"
She shrugged.
"You’ve helped create two new civilizations. Bandit clearly has plans for long-term survival. The bears are stabilizing. The Good Boys are still out there. And the aliens are watching. It’s only a matter of time before someone fires the first shot."
I stared.
"And you’re just… okay with this?"
She smirked.
"I study evolution, Reynolds. And you? You’re making history."
Oh.
Oh no.
She’s one of them.
She wants to see what happens next.
I am doomed.
Phase Six: The Realization That I’m Not Running Anymore
We spent the rest of the night drinking.
Talking.
Laughing.
And at some point—I don’t know when—
I realized…
I’m not running anymore.
Because where the hell would I even go?
I am too deep in this.
And maybe…
Just maybe…
I don’t want to run anymore.
Final Thoughts (I Am Never Living This Down)
? Bandit set me up.
? Vicky definitely helped.
? The ‘nice girl’ is way smarter than I expected.
? My mother is going to be insufferable when she finds out.
? I might actually like her.
I don’t know where this is going.
But I do know this—
I think I just stopped being the intern.
End Log.
